Funny Quotes and What-not

Random

• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
• When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
• Smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips.
• Rainy days and automatic weapons always bring me down.
• PURITANISM: The haunting fear that somebody, somewhere may be happy.
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
• 2+2=5...for extremely large values of 2....
• you wish you can be me cuz the creation of me was like God takin
• me and my girls are the main attraction, gettin all the satisfaction,doing all the teasin, getting all the pleasin, shakin our hips while them boys are licking their lips...
• i am a princess, i live in the clouds, if u wanna kick it with me, u better bow down, get on ur knees and call me ur highness cuz baby believe me im aberdeens finest

Fun Things to do in an Elevator (starred ones we created, others are from Jokesmail.com)

• Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, your wearing new socks.
• Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
• Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
• Meow occasionally.
• *Ask passengers if they can defuse bombs in under 10 seconds.
• When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, who said that.
• Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
• Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
• *Start singing songs, then ask if anyone has any requests.
• *Wait alone on the elevator until the doors open, then cling to the side rail and look very scared and hold on for dear life.
• Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: Do you have enough air?
• Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers
• *When ever the elevator stops, fall to the ground like you didn't expect it.
• On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.
• Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up! Shut up!"
• Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
• Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
• *Bring a pillow,lay on the ground and pretend to sleep.
• When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
• Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you, Admiral.
• Bring a clipboard, stand in the corner, watch the other passengers suspiciously, then say "Mhmm..."