I HAD SEX WITH MARA
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Note: Due to numerous threats of legal action, the following disclaimer has been added.
Disclaimer: if you think this website is meant to target you, or anyone, you are wrong.  It is a joke.  As far as anyone can tell, Mara is a fictional character, and the gay boyfriend and fat best friend are simply made up, including conversations.  Voicemails?  Could be anyone talking.  If this seems to be targeted at you for any reason what so ever, you are wrong, and stupid.  However, if you know something this disclaimer does not, feel free to go on believing it.

Attention! Note the following:

PartyBoyEB1: dam is that y she [mara] was so tight
PartyBoyEB1: fuck im sorry
PartyBoyEB1: it felt like u used ur finger to fuck her

It is official, the 19 year old Eric admits to having sex with a 14 year old, illegal in Maryland.  Everyone who cares can thank PartyBoyEB1 for this little bit of information, read the full conversation here.

Also!  Note the following as well:

As far as I am concerned, I have succeeded in making the population of Cecil County; Rising Sun, Maryland; and the state of Maryland look stupid as hell, and incriminating Eric (it wasn't a goal to do this, but he seemed intent on doing it to himself.)  For all the middle school girl and boys out there who want to try and defend their 14 year old friends right to have sex with a pedophile, so be it; but I'm done replying to you.  On a final note, I would like to thank you for the various props I received while demeaning your existences, such as Matt Bowz's classic:

big matt bowz: u now for a fag from del. ur pretty funny

Yes, he spelled know wrong, made a reference to homosexuality, and had to shorten your to "ur," but a compliment is a compliment.  You have all also been very polite, often times saying "bye" or "good bye," and on occasion - after an angry voicemail - saying "call me back."  Perhaps, I will.

You may say I ran out of jokes, but at least I had some to begin with.  As a parting gift, here is a freestyle from a pathetic middle school girl.

I HAD SEX WITH MARA: Mission Statement

I had sex with Mara who lives in Maryland because her and her moron friends think a person who lives out of state can spread a rumor about that person in their own damn high school (obvious sarcasm for you dim-witted Maryland "folk" who can't seem to figure out the reason this site exists is to make idiots out of "yall.") They also won't stop sending me things like this:

LilShOrTyMeS089: im not done with you
LilShOrTyMeS089: you aint gettin off that easy
LilShOrTyMeS089: you still gettin ur ass beat
LilShOrTyMeS089: and youll still have to live with the fact that u cant have me and never will u were a big joke to me and nothin more

For gods sake, stop bothering me, I dont care about you, and I never did, and the only thing keeping me from forgetting the whole embarassing ordeal where I was seen with a 14 year old is your pesky little friends who seem to think I have nothing better to do than to dwell on an idiot girl out of state I stopped talking to during the summer becuase I was cheating on her with my real girlfriend. PISS OFF!

This web page does not exist out of some jealous spite.  If I gave a shit about this 14 year old smut I would not sit at home dwelling for half a year and then make a website (you fucking idiots)!  For those of you who still don't get why this page exists: I got tired of telling little middle school girls for the past month and a half that it is physically and obviously impossible for me to spread a rumor in their own damn high school which is in a completely different state than the one I live in.  Maybe next time a nasty rumor starts you can blame someone living in California and see where that gets you stupid bitches.  Mara has Megan and Amy to thank for adding the final straws which broke the camels back on this one.  If it wasn't for you two, this page wouldn't exist : )

If you want to listen to the voicemails, make sure you turn your speakers up to hear clearly.

Angry Inbred Maryland Replies (via AIM)

The Gay (Literally) Boyfriend's Voice Messages

The similarly, but not quite as flamboyantly, gay Matt Bowlez Voice Message - Received 3/16/05 after AIM conversation.