Hell Asylum
  Directed by: Danny Draven
  Staring: Debra Mayer -- (Paige)
Tanya Dempsey -- (Amber)
Olimpia Fernandez -- (Marti)
Sunny Lombardo -- Rainbow
Stacey Scowley -- (Stacey)
He's named like my name
The Story
As you might guess the plot to this movie is quite complex. In fact it is so complex, that even the most intellectucal person might have a hard time understanding it. *insert sarcasim here* To simply put it, the plot is very unoriginal. Five hot chicks are invited to spend the night in a haunted house. For a chance to win, yes you guessed it One Million Bones(or money if you will).
My 2 Cents

  Ok first i need to get this off my chest before i go any further. I hate reality TV, and i hope the whole fad dies off real quick. Ok now i feel better.

  You're probably thinking: " why did he say that? How was that relevant to this review?" Well that's easy it's only because the whole premise of this movie revolves around, yep you guessed Reality TV. Now when i was this movie and found out about this plot snafu, i felt violated. In fact throughout the whole moving i was wating for Jeff Probst to jump out and give someone immunity. And i was releaved, yet some what disappointed that it never did happen. And while the whole reality tv theme is different for a horror movie, but it's the wrong kind of different. Now lets pray that everyone has cashed in on this passing fad, and everyone in america finally smarts up. And stop advocating this terrible genre.

  But atleast the whole story isn't craptastic. There are other aspects of the story which are decent. The history of the house was pretty good. Which consisted of some crazy guy who originally lived there had locked up his wives (yes plural) in the basement and torture them. Then the house also had a history of being used as a insane asylum, in which; yep you guessed it the patients were tortured. Too bad that none of played an important part in the movie, it's kinda like they created the house's rich history and told everyone to forget about it.

  And now for the killer's in the movie. This was the most ambigous part of the movie (and believe me this movie will make you scratch you coconut more then once). First of all there were two, they made that part clear. I felt as though that the killers were never properly written into the script. YOu had no clue why they were there, or why they were killing these people. I guess these guys don't like busty bimbos trapsing around they're joint. The next question i had is why two!?!? Anothere question is were they human or not? Hard to say. Because no one ever fucking explained what there deal was. Lame for sure.   But one thing i knew for sure was that they were not imtimidating. The director tried to make them out as badasses. But in reality they were just cloak wearing cakeboys, who needed better makeup. If i ever saw these dudes (for lack of not knowing what the hell they were) i definetly would not be afraid of them. And i'd probably just laugh at them, then kick them in the nuts just for the hell of it.

  Actually i enjoyed the characters in this movie, they each had a totally different personality. Although some might find them a bit cliche, but i liked the variety of each of their personalities. Outside of them the rest of the cast was noexistant and unimportant in my eyes.

  One might think that the acting in a very low bduget horror film would only be slighty better then those of porno actors. But i think that the 5 women did a bang up job. They definetly did that best they could with the material that they were giving. And i said before the rest of the cast played little to no role in the movie. Although Max (the tv producer) was good at playing an desperate asshole.
Blood and Gore
  Despite the Low budget the Special Fx crew was definetly not out to lunch during filming. No indeed, there was lots of blood and gore in this movie. The crew's exspecially fond of disembowlings because there were enough of these in this movie, that i was forced to use both hands just so i could keep track of them. But the intestines kinded reminded me of some sort of pasta. Thus notso much mortifying,but rather making me hungry mmmmmmn intestines....i mean spaghetti . Also there was not a shortage of blood, which is always good in a horror movie.