You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.
Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.
You have baby gates permanently installed at
strategic places around the house, but no babies.
The trash basket is more or less permanently
installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.
You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.
Your dog sleeps with you.
Poop has become a source of conversation for you
and your spouse.
You can't see out the passenger side of the
windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
You have 32 different names for your dog. Most
make no sense, but she understands.
Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her
kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).
You like people who like your dog. You despise
people who don't.
You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at
all times.
You talk about your dog the way other people talk
about their kid.
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas
cards from your dog.
You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog
can be comfortable.
You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and
cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie.
You go to the pet supply store every Saturday
because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
You open your purse, and that big bunch of
baggies you use for pick-ups pops out.
You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage
just so you can use it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.
You and the dog come down with something like flu
on the same day.
Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an
over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.
Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go
buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.
Your license plate or license plate frame
mentions your dog.
You don't think it's the least bit strange to
stand in the back yard chirping "Meg, pee!" over and over again, while Meg tends to play and forget what she's out there for (but what your neighbors think of your behavior is yet another story).
You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your
dog.
You have your dog's picture on your office desk
(but no one else's).
You lecture people on responsible dog ownership
every chance you get.
You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in
the morning before work.
You are the only idiot walking in the pouring
rain because your dog needs her walk.
You don't go to happy hours with co-workers any
more because you need to go home and see your dog.
Your friend's dog acts as Best Dog at your
wedding.
Your weekend activities are planned around taking
your dog for a hike (both days).
You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor
bedroom, in case your dog gets thirsty at night (after all, her other dish is way down on the first floor...).
Your freezer contains more dog bones than
anything else.
You never completely finish a piece of steak or
chicken (so your dog gets a taste, too).
You shovel a zigzag path in the back yard snow so
your dog can reach all her favorite spots.
You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible
because your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in
your pasta.
You make popcorn just to play catch with your
dog.
You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet
instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.
Your dog is the star of your World Wide Web site!
Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog.
You hang around the dog section of your local
bookstore.
Your jewelry box contains no jewels... just those
fasteners from vari-kennels.
Every time you read the name Bob, you think the
guy's first name is Best of Breed.
Your house isn't carpeted--the fuzzy furballs
under your feet are soft enough...
Your hungry hubby comes home from work, lifts the
cover of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or dog food?"
Your hungry hubby once ate the dog food and asked
for seconds.
You don't give a second thought to using the
brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run through on your own hair.
At your dinner parties, you always double check
the butter before putting it on the table.
You put important papers in your latest issue of
your breed magazine you know you will find them there.
You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped gifts.
You have dog toys and treats in your briefcase.
You have several albums filled with the 8 by 10
pictures of your dogs but you can't locate any pictures of your kids to send to grandma.
You show up at the car dealers with a ruler, to
measure and see if your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual purchase you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crates and dog into the shinny, new vehicle to make sure it works!
You can't get the groceries in the car because
its
A) already full of dog food
B) you have that big old crate in there.
You visit relatives only if there is a dog show
nearby.
You remove all the seats from the van except the
two in the front so you have room for crates...
The passenger seat is full of dog stuff.
You cringe at the price of food in the grocery
store but think nothing of the cost of dog food or treats.
You have six squeaky hedgehogs... but only 1 with
a squeaky that works.
You put popcorn in the clean dog dish for movie
night.
You pull out your credit card and little bits of
liver are stuck to it...
When you get your latest roll of film and there
isn't a single picture of a two-legged person in it...
People at work have stopped offering you their
lint brushes; they realize it is a hopeless case.
