Alex settled into a hotel room in Los Angeles, reading faxed notes and textbooks to keep up with his classes. It wasn't difficult-he'd learned most of it before, so he just read while Sam was sleeping. That was what he was doing when something he should have expected but hadn't occurred without any warning. He looked up from trying to decipher Natasha's handwriting straight into the deep blue eyes of Lucinda Guthrie.

Her identity was obvious. The wave of her hair at the front, the eyes, the set of the chin, all were the same. Alex looked at her for a moment, notes forgotten. "Hello."

Lucinda nodded gravely. "Alex."

It wasn't a question, but he nodded anyway as he glanced over at Sam. They were speaking softly, Sam slept on undisturbed.

"Um..." Alex felt a horrible need to fill in the silence, but he had no idea what to say. He knew how Sam felt about his family, but it was occurring to him that he didn't actually know much about the people themselves. Families were things you tended to avoid as much as possible if you were a Summers. But Guthries were different, they revelled in being related. So from that he could probably assume that Lucinda knew exactly how things stood between him and Sam, although he had no real idea how she felt about it. "He's been asleep for a few hours now, he should wake up soon."

Lucinda nodded and sat down in the chair on the other side of the bed, eyes patiently on her son's face.

What to say, what to say... he had to say something, didn't he? Something other than 'how do you live with knowing that this could happen again'. "It scares me a bit, how much time he spends sleeping. They say that it's normal and he needs the rest, but that doesn't really make much difference."

"Never does." Lucinda reached out and patted Sam's hand with gentle affection.

Alex felt the silence return. Its lack of sound seemed smug. Was he supposed to take this refusal of conversation as a comment on him personally or just that she didn't feel like talking?

The silence went on and on, Alex was starting to feel paranoid when Lucinda finally spoke again. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Alex blinked, surprised, as she looked at him frankly. "Uh, yeah. A lot."

Nodding again, Lucinda went back to looking at Sam. "Ah'm glad you're here, though. Ah was getting worried about him."

"Why?" It was a sincere question. Sam was a subject of continual curiousity.

"He tends to shut himself off from things, from people, and he's been doing that since he broke up with Kitty a year ago. X-Force is like family, but a body needs more than family and a mission in life. You need things that are yours."

The silence returned without its previous oppressive nature as Alex pondered that. Not that Sam belonged to him, but that what existed between them did. Other people could see it, but what it was was theirs. A fragile, precious thing that was an ever-changing one of a kind. Which was why he had the problems that he did.

But when he looked, what he saw was the unhealthy pallor of Sam's skin and the drip and the quick breathing of someone sleeping through pain. And he knew that whatever happened, it wouldn't happen until Sam was better. It wouldn't be an issue until then anyway.

Alex turned back to his notes feeling faintly guilty. Didn't Sam have a right to know that he was having second and third and fourth thoughts? But Sam didn't look to be in any shape to deal with anything other than his own physical difficulties, it wouldn't be fair to add more to that burden. And, Alex had to admit, he was selfish. Because he knew it was going to hurt Sam, and the very thought of that was painful.

But he was going to have to give all those ugly, hurtful words voice at some point. And it wasn't going to be easy.

"Dom?" Sam's vision was returning, but the room was still aggravatingly blurred.

"Yeah?"

"Neither Alex or my mom are here, right?"

"Just me, kiddo."

"Good." Sam leaned back against the pillows and took a deep breath before swearing loudly and continuously for over a minute. "Ah HATE this! GodDAMMIT, why can't the stupid External crap kick in for something less than total death?!"

"Because life sucks." Domino squeezed his hand but didn't offer any more comfort than that. There was more than enough sympathy and concern around, he didn't need any extra from her.

"It does." Sam sighed and rubbed angrily at his eyes. "Ah feel so stupid for being angry, though, people keep telling me that Ah should consider mahself lucky..."

"Feel very lucky?"

"No."

"Neither do I, and in my case it's probably true." Domino sighed and squeezed again. "That doesn't mean it bites any less. You're doing pretty well in my book by not being absolutely mad already."

"Ah knew the risks when Ah signed up." He grimaced. "Doesn't make it any less easier, though."

"You'll get better. It'll take a while, but I think you could probably arrange to do most of your recuperating with Alex. Silver lining?" And maybe that will drive out that persistent bee Mr. Summers has up his arse and convince him that Sam's really okay.

Sam thought about that. "Sounds like it. Of course, Ah'll probably drive him nuts."

"He's a big boy, Sam. He was dealing with teammates with broken jaws and terminal illnesses and suicidal depression since before you could go into a bar by yourself."

"Yeah." Sam closed his eyes thoughtfully. "You'd think that'd help, wouldn't you."

Watching Sam's face shrewdly, Domino asked a question in the privacy of her own head. You don't think it does, do you?

And, to himself, Sam answered. Ah think he's still angry at me. Although he was ignoring that in the hopes that as he got better it would go away. But he loves me. He said so. And that's what counts, right?

"Back."

Alex was a vague, mobile blur on his right, but Sam turned towards him anyway, feeling better for having ranted at Domino. "Good."

There was a smile in Domino's voice as the blur that was her got higher, standing. "Let's just pretend that I made some absolutely transparent excuse to give you two some privacy, huh? Because quite frankly I have to pee anyway." She leaned down and kissed Sam firmly on the forehead. "Later, cutie."

Sam smiled, watching the blurs carefully and counting seconds until he was sure she was probably gone. "You know, Ah was never more convinced that Cable really was crazy than when he let her dump him."

"Let her?"

Sam snorted. "Woman like that? You throw y'self around her ankles and tell her that you'll do anything she asks and worship her toes for the rest of your life if she just forgives you for being a big dork."

Alex laughed. "Should I be jealous?"

"Big brothers are nice when they're not irritating the hell out of you," Alex agreed.

"Little brothers are creatures of evil, trust me."

"I take offence at that."

"You would." Sam reached out, found Alex's arm and tugged meaningfully. It felt rather childish, holding out his arms and demanding to be hugged, but in a comforting way. Because every time he did it Alex would sit on the edge of the bed and hug him very gently, taking all of Sam's weight across his shoulders and holding him up so that it didn't hurt and they could stay that way for as long as possible. Resting his aching head against Alex's neck, Sam sighed. "Love you."

"I know."

Roberto peeked around the door then headed back the way he'd come, fairly sure that neither of them had noticed him. Alex had his back to the door, and even if his eyes had been open Sam couldn't have seen him. So instead of interrupting he hunted around until he found Domino again and sat down next to her. "I'm still not used to that."

"Sam and Alex?"

"Yeah." He shook his head and smiled. "Not that it bothers me, it just seems... weird. Which is silly, because I knew Sam liked guys for years before this."

"Yeah, but you never actually saw it in action, let alone with someone you knew. He kept it to himself and out of X-Force. Hell, he didn't even tell me until about six months ago. And he didn't go out of his way, it sort of came up in conversation." She patted Roberto on the shoulder with one hand. "You're a catholic too, you know how he felt better than I do. Actually, now that I know I'm pretty impressed with how good you were with him about it. It was easy for Nate to be nice, there's no stigma on it where he comes from."

Roberto laughed softly. "I was never a very good catholic. It was Sam who dragged my arse to mass every Christmas and Easter, how could I possibly use religion as an excuse?"

"Makes you a better catholic than a lot of people then, Bobby."

"You think?" Bobby grinned. "Cool."

"Sam!" Scott bounced over the back of the couch, landing with a thump. He hadn't seen Sam in two days, having been forcibly sent back to school. "How many fingers?" He held up three fingers, ignoring Alex's glare.

Sam laughed. "Three. Ah can see just fine except for really tiny things."

"Good." Scott patted Sam on the elbow in a friendly sort of way. "Because you get really crabby when you can't see."

"Scott..." Alex said warningly.

"He's right, 'Lex. Ah do."

"Doesn't mean it's not rude." Alex glared at his son some more. "How about you clean up some of your mess instead of being a pain, hmm?"

"Do I have to?"

Sam stepped in quickly before Alex said something that Madelyne might make him regret. "Yes."

Scott sighed. "Okay, I'm going..."

Alex tightened his one-armed hold around Sam's shoulders a little and spoke softly as Scott slumped off to unenthusiastically move the piles of his things back into his bedroom. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Sam smiled softly. "Feel a lot better for being out of that hospital. Ah hate those places."

"Me too." Especially that particular hospital. "Dinner in about an hour sound good to you?"

"Fine." He stretched awkwardly. "Ah think Ah'll have a proper shower first, too. Sponge baths sound really nice until you're actually getting one."

"Damn, there goes another fantasy."

"Well, if it had be you doing it, maybe. Ah probably wouldn't have got very clean, though."

Alex blinked at him for a second before Sam grinned wickedly. "Dirty-minded individual."

The shower was as wonderful as Sam had thought it would be. He couldn't have it as hot as he might have liked and it made the few stitches he still had sting, but it was worth it to finally feel properly clean. There was a mirror though, which was more uncomfortable than he'd thought it would be.

Somehow the straight scar of surgery seemed much worse than any other cuts and gashes he'd had before, even thought it was smaller than some of those had been. He'd also lost weight and muscle tone in the weeks of inactivity and seemed... frailer. Or maybe he just thought so because he felt that way. He could see fairly well again, except that he still couldn't read much before it got too difficult, but he still slept far more than he used to and could wear himself out by walking across the room.

He hated the feeling.

Sam turned away from the mirror and started getting dressed instead. It'll get better. Okay, getting back into shape is going to hurt a bit, but at least you have an excuse to be lazy for a while. The thought was comforting. Once out of the hospital it was easier to believe.

As the night continued he relaxed further. It felt good, and familiar. Cleaning hadn't even managed to dent the edges of Scott's cheerfulness; the challenge was making him stop talking for long enough to eat.

For his part, Sam ate more than was good for him and had to very carefully lie down on the couch and groan for a while when he was done. "Why did you let me eat that much?"

"It's probably good for you." Alex sat down on the floor by Sam's head, smiling teasingly. "So I take it you're going to skip out on a brisk five-mile run and just lie there for the rest of the night?"

"Yes. As long as Ah don't have to move."

"You'll get bored."

"No he won't." Scott scrambled past, grinning to himself. "Just a minute..." He returned inside thirty seconds, waving the rather worn copy of 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' that Sam had been suckered into reading to him before.

"Scott, Ah can't read properly yet."

"I know that." Scott pushed the book into Alex's hands and stole a cushion from under Sam's legs, curling up comfortably on the carpet. "Dad's gonna read it to both of us."

"I am, am I?" Alex looked challengingly at Scott, who looked resolute.

"Yes."

"You just have to be right all the time, don't you." Alex opened the book with a sigh.

"Runs in the family," Sam muttered with a grin.

Alex read diligently for an hour and a half, then stopped firmly and refused to be cajoled into more. "No. And Scott, you're going to bed."

"Why?" Scott looked affronted. As far as he was concerned nine was a preposterous time to go to bed.

"Because I said so." Alex yawned. "And I want to, so you have to as well."

"Ah second that. Ah'm nearly asleep as it is." Sam struggled up, not waiting for Alex to offer to help.

"Hmph." After another ten minutes, Scott eventually gave in and went to bed.

"Wow, listen to that." Alex stood in the hallway for a moment, listening.

Sam listened and didn't hear anything. "What?"

"Nothing. Silence." Alex grinned. "Isn't it nice?"

"Ah don't know, Ah kinda liked listening to you read C.S. Lewis." Sam smiled and went into the bedroom, taking the click of the door behind him as a cue to strip down to t-shirt and boxers and fall into the bed.

A minute later Alex slid in beside him and Sam cuddled close, closing his eyes with a sigh. "Ah missed this."

"Me too." Alex kissed him on the temple, then seemed to think better of it and kissed him on the mouth. It was a gentle kiss, but the first kiss in a long time that Sam felt was really worthy of the word. He returned it hungrily, opening his mouth and pressing closer.

Still holding Sam as gently as he had in the hospital, Alex brushed one hand softly down Sam's ribs. Avoiding the still-tender stomach he caressed back and face instead before sliding his hand between Sam's legs.

Sam whimpered and pushed himself down against it, surprising himself with the strength of his reaction. He was tired and his head ached and he wanted it so badly he was shaking. He didn't need to say so, though. Never had. Alex just smiled against his mouth and slid downwards. The tickle of breath was nearly enough to send Sam over, it certainly didn't take much more before he was gasping, teeth clenched in an effort to be quiet.

He was curled cosily against Alex's chest again before he had enough concentration to open his eyes, so he didn't and clutched blindly instead. "'Lex..."

"Shh. Go to sleep."

Giving in, Sam buried his head against Alex's shoulder. He wanted to sleep and forget about how scared he still was, hide himself in Alex's strong warmth just not have to think. He didn't relax until the soft stroke of a hand tracing up and down his spine sent him to sleep.

"What're you doing?" Sam padded curiously across the room. Over the last two weeks he'd almost been enjoying how long he tended to sleep as it meant that on weekdays at least Alex was up first. Then Sam could creep up on him and catch him unawares, which never stopped being fun.

"Looking at old photos." Alex shuffled over a little and Sam slid into the space next to him, looking over his shoulder.

"Who's that?" Sam pointed to one picture, but all of photographs on the page were obviously of the same baby.

"Scott. Little Scott, that is."

"Cute."

"Yeah." Alex sighed. "I wish that I could really have been there when he was that small... Maddie keeps telling me that I should probably consider myself glad that I wasn't, but I think she's just trying to make me feel better." Alex turned the page and stopped.

Feeling the tightening in the shoulder he was leaning against, Sam looked down. It was another picture of Scott, of course, but this one was of him and his mother. Scott was smiling gummily up at her while Madelyne laughed. "'Lex? What's wrong?"

Alex took a deep breath and flicked through the pages. "Here... look at that."

Sam looked. Scott was older, probably five or six, hand in hand with Magneto. He was looking up, a worried little frown on his face. "What about it?"

"That was a month after Maddie died."

"Oh."

"It was too dangerous for him to stay with the Six, Magneto kept him and Gambit's daughter in orbit so that they'd be safe. I think he also did it because Scott wasn't coping very well, and that way he could actually get undivided attention." He stayed looking at the picture, frowning slightly. "I talked to Scott a lot and he seemed fine. Then I'd talk to Erik or Rogue and they'd tell me that he hadn't actually slept through the night once and that he was losing control of his powers when he dreamed."

Sam bit his lip, semi-conscious conversation from over a month before suddenly searing its way back across his brain like a comet. "This is about me, isn't it?"

Alex closed the album and looked up, expression almost stricken. "Sam, how could I possibly justify doing that to him again?"

"Doing what? Exposing him to real life? Alex, no matter what you do, things like that will happen to him."

"I know that. It doesn't mean I have to like it." He turned away, frowning again. "Or make it worse."

"Meaning?" Sam felt himself pulling back, physically and mentally. He felt physically vulnerable enough as it was, although he hadn't admitted that to Alex. This can't possibly be happening...

"I don't know!" He closed his eyes for a moment then looked back, confused and unhappy. "Sam... I love you, but he's my son. And I know better than most people exactly how dangerous what you do is."

"Hasn't killed me yet." It was a cop-out answer, and he knew it. Perversely, that just made him angrier.

"Yes it has."

"That doesn't count."

"It does fucking count, Sam! You can die, even permanently, and you might!" Alex stood up, turning angrily. "Do you have any idea how that feels? You've been doing this since you were sixteen, do you know how it feels to just sit and wait for that to happen?"

"Yes." He glared back, hiding hurt as spite and trying not to care. "Ah spent years waiting for the time that Cable didn't come back, waiting for Apocalypse or Stryfe to finally kill him because he wouldn't let anybody help him. So don't tell me that Ah don't know what it's like!"

"And didn't you want to stop him?" Alex waited a few moments for a denial that didn't come and then continued. "Scott knew before you got hurt. Before, but not long enough before to do anything about it, and he blamed himself for that. He cried for so long because he was terrified for you and thought it was his fault... damn I could hate you for that. But I don't. I love you and I don't want to lose you." He wasn't crying. Alex hated crying in front of other people, Sam knew that. He just wasn't sure why he suddenly counted as other people.

"Doesn't look like you've left yourself many options, does it? What am Ah supposed to do to fix it all for you, Alex? Tell me that." Please...

"I don't know. I just know that I can't keep doing that to Scott, I can't make him live like that."

"Can't or won't?"

Alex swallowed hard. "Won't."

"At least you'll admit that much." Sam stood up, feet following a need to back away from the fight and think about it that his brain had never really authorised. But before he left the room he stopped and delivered one parting shot, one that was far more venomous than he'd intended. "This has nothing to do with Scott and you know it."

Alex flinched and looked away.

It was late and dark before they spoke to each other again. Alex went to bed over an hour after Sam did, but wasn't fooled by Sam's resolutely closed eyes as he slid into the bed. Staring at the ceiling, he spoke quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Not that it made any difference.