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The DC Universe Woke Up Gay
by 'rith and Carmen, with additions by Falstaff


Richard "Dick" Grayson woke up gay, and didn't bother to ask why.

Donna Troy woke up gay and wondered if this was the continuity where she was an Amazon, because she couldn't keep track anymore.

Roy Harper woke up gay, and burst out laughing hysterically at the idea.

Garth of Shayeris woke up gay, thought briefly of his wife Dolphin, and shrugged, because there wasn't any more justification for a relationship with pairing-of-the-week than there had been for his marriage to her.

Jesse Chambers woke up gay, thought about it for a minute, and decided if it would make her safe from winding up with Wally it was okay with her.

Toni Monetti woke up gay, and realized she must be being written by TBoarder.

Koriand'r woke up gay, and pouted at having her options limited.

Victor Stone woke up gay and shrugged philosophically; it was better than being a planet.

Garfield Logan woke up gay, and was horrified to discover everyone had suspected it all along.

Raven woke up gay, and decided it was time to renew her acquaintance with Kory.

Grant Emerson woke up gay, and hoped that everyone didn't think it was because he was abused as a child. *Writers wince*

Leonid Kovar woke up gay and breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn't in love with Pantha.

Pantha woke up gay, thought about it, and grinned a big toothy grin.

Tara Markov (version 2) woke up gay and muttered, "It's about *time*..!"

Joseph Wilson woke up gay (or he would have, if he wasn't dead) and nobody was the least bit surprised.

Slade Wilson woke up gay, and wondered if this would make any change in his lovers' tendency to try to kill him.

Clark Kent woke up gay, sighed in resignation, and settled down to wait until the Writers got it out of their system so he could get back to Lois.

Bruce Wayne woke up gay, but no one noticed because he hadn't gotten any in canon for ages *anyway.*

J'onn J'onzz woke up-- No, we're sorry. He didn't. *the Writers bow respectfully and withdraw*

Patrick "Eel" O'Brian woke up gay, but no one took him seriously.

King Orin II woke up gay, growled, and stalked off to settle accounts with the Writer responsible.

Princess Diana woke up gay and shrugged; she'd been expecting that somebody would get around to it eventually.

Wally West woke up gay and ran like hell, but there wasn't any escaping.

Kyle Rayner woke up gay and realized, so *that's* what Connor meant in the diner!

Connor Hawke woke up gay, just like in canon, and wished someone would write him a nice boyfriend who *wasn't* straight in the comics.

Oliver Queen woke up gay and howled in protest.

Dinah Lance woke up gay, blinked in surprise, then swung out of bed and hurried over to the Clocktower.

Ted Grant woke up gay, and figured he might as well try everything in the course of his nine lives.

Jay Garrick woke up gay, and stared very sternly at the Writers until they changed him back. With apologies.

Alan Scott woke up gay and did likewise, though not before he realized how HOT he was for an old dude.

Jack Knight woke up gay, and both Mikaal and the Shade eyed him thoughtfully.

Cassie Sandsmark woke up gay, and invited Cissie over for a sleepover.

Cissie King-Jones woke up gay and wondered if it ran in the family,* then began gleefully contemplating her mother's reaction.

Bart Allen woke up gay and didn't notice.

Suzie woke up gay, but it didn't matter much because she's a ghost.

Kon-El woke up gay and it was sort of a relief, because his track record with the babes was pretty awful... plus Robin *was* kinda cute.

Tim Drake woke up gay, thought regretfully of Steph, and grew pale at the thought of dealing with an amorous Kon-El.

Stephanie Brown woke up gay and cursed, because she'd finally been on the verge of getting somewhere with the Boy Wonder.

Alfred Pennyworth woke up gay, and was just pleased to have been given any kind of sexuality.

Cassandra Cain woke up gay but couldn't tell anyone.

Jean-Paul Valley woke up gay and had a crisis of faith.

Helena Bertinelli woke up gay and went out to beat up some criminals, just like any other day.

Barbara Gordon woke up gay, blinked in surprise, then swung out of bed and called Dinah--who was already on her way over.

Jason Todd woke up gay and realized two things: he was in a Draco story, and somebody was *seriously* deluded.

Selina Kyle woke up gay and decided to go pester the Huntress for a change.

Linda Danvers woke up gay and thought, hey, if it's okay with God, it's okay with me.
(Alternately: Linda woke up gay, and hoped fervently that she had better taste in women than she did in men.)
(Second Alternate: Linda woke up gay, and hoped for the sake of variety that the ensuing story involved someone besides Wonder Girl or Batgirl.)

Ray Palmer woke up gay and started theorizing why.

Ted Kord woke up gay, and realized that this explained his lack of interest in the goddess that is Babs.

Michael John Carter woke up gay and hoped fervently that Beetle had done the same, because otherwise he was never going to live it down.

Katar Hol woke up gay and swore vengeance--on everyone.

Shayera Hol woke up gay and thought it might be nice not to have to put up with Katar's temper anymore.

Ralph Dibny woke up gay, but didn't want to deal with the jokes.

Sue Dibny woke up gay, tapped Ralph on the shoulder, and told him that they were going to Sweden.

Zatanna Zatara woke up gay and wondered if that explained the fishnets.

Ronnie Raymond woke up gay and tried to transmute himself back.

Billy Batson woke up gay and cowered in the corner until it went away.

Guy Gardner woke up gay, howled, and shot himself.
(Alternate: Guy Gardner didn't wake up gay, because the Writers didn't have that much imagination.)

Karen Starr woke up gay, which made all the fanboys very unhappy.

John Henry Irons woke up gay and groaned at the thought of all the "hammer" jokes.

Hal Jordan woke up gay, but seeing as he was now an embodiment of God's vengeance, it didn't make much of a difference.

The Red Tornado woke up gay and looked quizzical, because he still didn't have any sexual organs.

Jennie Lynn Hayden-Scott woke up gay and wondered where the hell Lyta's phone number was.

The Challengers of the Unknown woke up gay, and decided that, well, there was still one place they hadn't gone together...

Cliff Steele woke up gay, said a lot of bad words, and turned himself back off.

Hartley Rathaway woke up gay and was relieved nothing had changed.

[Insert minor or forgotten character] woke up gay and was grateful, because at least it meant somebody was writing him.

Terry no-last-name-Kyle's-assistant woke up gay, was pleased to have it confirmed, and continued dreaming about his boss.

John Constantine woke up gay, started to tell the world to kiss his arse, and stopped cold.

Hank Hall woke up gay, and a peace-loving communist to boot... and was thankful that THIS change wasn't nearly as extreme as him becoming Monarch.

Scott Free woke up gay, and wondered how exactly he was going to explain this to Barda.

Orion of New Genesis woke up gay, and blamed it on his father.

The entire Legion of Super-Heroes woke up gay and the Legionnaires were all very confused, because they didn't make those kind of distinctions in the 30th century.

Midnighter and Apollo woke up gay, and started to kiss. Hey, what else did you expect?


{end, whew}

* 'cause, see, there's some speculation that she's Ollie Queen's daughter, which would make Connor her half-brother, and--oh, never mind. ;)

If you got all of these, you're a bona fide DC geek, just like us. *G* In order of appearance: Nightwing, Troia, Arsenal, Tempest, Jesse Quick, Argent, Starfire, Cyborg, Changeling, Raven, Damage, Red Star, Pantha, Terra II, Jericho, the Terminator (not a hero, but we love him anyway), Superman, Batman, Martian Manhunter, Plastic Man, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Flash III, Green Lantern III, Green Arrow II, Green Arrow I, Black Canary II, Wildcat, Flash I, Green Lantern I, Starman... uh, the current one, Wonder Girl II, Arrowette, Impulse, the Secret, Superboy, Robin III, Spoiler, Alfred Pennyworth, Batgirl II, Azrael, Huntress, Oracle, Robin II/Draco, Catwoman, Supergirl, Atom II, Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Hawkman, Hawkwoman, Elongated Man, EM's wife Sue, Zatanna, Firestorm, Captain Marvel, Warrior, Power Girl, Steel, Green Lantern II/Spectre, Red Tornado, Jade, Challengers of the Unknown, Robotman, Pied Piper, lots of miscellaneous characters (we were thinking of Argus, but NO one would have gotten that one), Terry aka Kyle's-assistant, John Constantine, Hawk, Mr. Miracle, Orion, the Legion of Super-Heroes (all incarnations), and the Midnighter and Apollo.

All characters are property of DC Comics/Vertigo/Wildstorm except the Writers, TBoarder who belongs to himself and is used with permission (see his website! http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Nebula/6003/), and the incarnation of Jason Todd known as Draco, who belongs to KayJay. :)