The United States Treasury Department Presents--The Disclaimer: This story features Superman and the cast of the Tenchi Muyo! OAV series, which are trademarks of DC Comics and AIC/Pioneer LDC, Inc. You can figure out which bits were whose, I suspect. Anyway, this is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don't archive it without my permission. Don't be shy.

The Carrot Council! Proud Sponsors of the Continuity Note (We've got Vitamin A, too, and we taste better than spinach!): I went over the sticky points in Part One, so I'll just give you the basics--This story takes place between ACTION COMICS #773 and SUPERMAN v.2 #164, and sometime after Episode #13 of the Tenchi Muyo! OAV. Don't freak out if you see Nagi or Steve Lombard or something. Not that they're in this chapter, but still...


Original Tenchi Muyo! concept by Masaki Kajishima and Hiroki Hayashi
Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster


The Inhuman Condition: 2
THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN VS. WASHUU

by Mike Smith


He'd walked down these stone steps a million times. They led to his house, so that only made sense. What was weird was watching him do it.

"What? Is something wrong?"

Tenchi shook his head quickly. "Ah, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare, but it's just that I don't think I've ever seen you walk before."

"I do it all the time, actually," he replied. "It just never makes the news. No cameraman or photographer ever made a name for himself getting a shot of Superman taking a leisurely stroll."

"Heh! Yeah, I guess so," Tenchi said.

"To be honest, I might even go so far as to say I prefer it. When I first started learning to fly, I had to follow highways to keep from getting lost. I'm sure it gets tedious climbing these stairs on a regular basis, but they do make a great landmark."

The story so far was that Superman had just shown up, complaining to Tenchi that Washuu had kidnapped him and was causing trouble in Metropolis as they spoke. And he had identified Tenchi as a known associate of Washuu's, so he demanded that he tell him everything he could about who she was and what she was doing on Earth.

And that was a whale of a tale in and of itself. The short version was that Washuu was an alien, one of five living in Tenchi's home in rural Japan, but Superman seemed well aware of this so far. So he started telling him about how they all met, and at the same time, trying to get him to come clean about just what Washuu had been doing in Metropolis, U.S.A. Hell, Tenchi didn't even know she'd left.

So exactly how did you find out Washuu was in your city, Superman?" Tenchi asked.

He stopped on the stairs and rolled his eyes to consider that question. "Well, I can't say exactly when she came to town, but for all intents and purposes it all began when some reporters found out about a strange character who had checked into the Regency Hotel in New Uptown. I don't know the exact details, but Washuu chose then to reveal herself to the world. At least that was how she felt about it..."


"So why are we here again?"

James Olsen, ace photographer for a great metropolitan newspaper, turned to look back at his entourage. "I thought you wanted to tag along, Gary. Geez, you said you were interested in my line of work, right?" He held up the camera dangling from his neck.

"I'm pretty sure that wasn't me," Gary replied. "I was the one who was interested in how you can go out in public wearing that Spin Doctors shirt. This just in: 1993 is over."

Jimmy looked down at his shirt through the camera strap on his neck. "What, I thought you liked retro."

"It was my idea to watch you in action, Jim," Tony offered. "Gar's just trying to draw attention away from the fact that he looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo."

"I still don't get why we're in a hotel hallway," Gary asserted.

Jimmy sighed. "I suppose you think I should take pictures from my office window? Anyway, I happen to know a cleaning lady who works in this hotel, and she gave me a tip about an unusual tenant who's been holed up in room 1338." He crept stealthily down the hall and stepped behind a potted plant. "I knock on the door, ask to take a few pictures, maybe an interview, and my work is done. Cinch, no?"

"So why are you tippy-toeing like this is some secret agent mission?" Tony asked. "Who is this photo op?"

"Unusual as in exotic foreign model?" Gary asked. "Or are we talking guy who married his horse? Because if there's a horse in there, I'm gone."

"Way I hear it," Jimmy explained, "it's some weird little kid. Checked in herself, paid in advance with cash. After that, it's up to the ol' shutterbug."

"Wait. We came here to get photos of some kid?" Gary asked. "I bet she's gone to bed this late."

Jimmy shushed them and pointed at the door. A cacophony of voices and music came seeping through the walls. "Somehow I doubt she's asleep. I'm thinking she's some kind of royalty from another country, so she's behind by a half dozen time zones or so."

"And we're impressed because...?" Gary demanded. "Maybe she has lira for lunch money instead of quarters? Let's blow this action, Jim. I know a great little place on the corner of Simonson Avenue and Kesel. They make the best--"

The door suddenly sprang open and the three young men jumped back in shock. Now the loud noises could be heard in full effect. It wasn't just one television or stereo. It sounded like dozens of them playing at once.

"Are you coming in or not?" the resident demanded. "I haven't got all night, you know?"

Jimmy looked down at the diminutive figure staring up at him. She was just shy of five feet tall, not counting the shocks of rose colored hair that streamed from her head like the dragon's tail at a Chinese parade he saw once. Although the design didn't resemble any he'd ever seen, her robe looked official in some way, like a professor's at a college graduation. "Y-you were expecting me?" he asked dumbly.

She blinked twice in dismay, showcasing a pair of oblong green pupils that looked more reptilian than human. "You ARE the press, aren't you? The fourth estate, the 60's liberal media, all the news that's fit to print, and some kid throws it at the driveway at five a.m., right?"

"Dude!" Gary said from behind him. "She talks just like you, man!"

"Shut up!" Jimmy whispered discretely. He faced the girl once again. "Ah, yeah, that'd be me. Jim Olsen, Daily Planet. These... are my associates. We're very interested in your visit to Metropolis, Miss...?"

"Washuu, young man. Please, do come in!" she invited. Cautiously, Jimmy stepped over the threshold and entered the dimly lit room. Gary and Tony remained behind.

"Hey, in for a penny, guys," Jimmy said. "I think this is big stuff. You in or not?"

The two other men shrugged and followed him inside, shutting the door behind them. Jimmy raised his camera and began snapping pictures of the room. Strung all across it were television sets, surveillance equipment, one of those lightning balls sold in mall novelty stores, and what appeared to be a miniature laboratory bench. Each set was blaring with a different piece of useless information.

"Your Kung-Fu is strong, Pond Skipper, but the Tekken Fighters are stronger!"

"President Luthor had this to say about the rash of meteor impacts across Japan..."

"This is Stone Cold Steve Austin, and if you're not listenin' to Howard Stern, I'll rip your balls off and punch your dog!"

"Yo-de-lay-hee, yo-de-lay-hee, yo-del-lay-hee-yoooo..."

"Do you, Ming the Merciless, Ruler of the Universe, take this Earthling, Dale Arden, to be your empress of the hour? Of the hour... yes."

"Wait... until... morning... Birdman be.... fine then...."

"New at Big Belly, it's the Bigger Belly Size Meal! Now you can get one of our famous Big Belly Burgers with toppings of your choice, along with a Bigger Belly Soder and a Bigger Belly Fries!"

"Did they take all the money from the bank? Naw, they took all the carrots from our Vict'ry gardens!"

"The Man of Steel MARRIED? Well, not quite, as a JLA press conference revealed that what appeared to be a wedding band in recent press photos was in fact a prototype communications device, but if he WERE married, who could the lucky lady be? We'll speculate on this and more on Access Tonight!"

"I made a few changes to the decor," Washuu admitted. But still, this is the finest hotel in the city, by my assessment. She held up a package of complimentary cookies from the pillow. "Choco?"

"No thanks..." Jimmy trailed off, trying to take in the bizarre ambiance. "So what exactly is all this for, ma'am?"

"Questions!" Washuu cheered. "Ah, it's been so long since I've had a chance to deliver a press conference, even if this won't be seen by the larger galactic community." She raised a remote control and somehow used it to lower the volume on everything simultaneously. "All right, to begin, I am Washuu, the premier scientific mind of the known universe!"

"Oh, man..." Tony groaned. Jimmy simply pulled out a pad and pen and began furiously taking notes.

"You people of Earth may have noticed fragments of alien materials landing on your planet in recent months," She held up a twisted piece of scorched metal. "Like this one, for instance. It's a piece of an 'outer space ship'--as you might call it--one that I invented. The Souja. Unfortunately, it was commandeered from me by my jerk of an assistant, Kagato. And he brought it here to this world."

"Jim, let's get out of here..." Gary muttered.

"I was trapped on board in suspended animation, for about five thousand years give or take, but luckily I was recently emancipated by a group of swell guys, led by a man from your own planet! The Souja was destroyed in orbit, I'm afraid, but I've since made this world my base of operations, moving into the basement of my benefactor's home. UNTIL--!"

"Go on," Jimmy offered after a long pause.

"Just letting you get caught up," she said. "UNTIL a few hours ago, when I turned on the TV to check out the latest episode of my favorite Earth-style television program. 'Science for Eggheads' (which ROCKS by the way), was doing a focus on your star and they'd just gotten to the musical number, WHEN--!"

"Hey, I've seen that show," Gary chuckled. Bought some bootleg tapes off eBay. It's the Japanese version of Bill Nye. VERY camp, and the spliced in American filmstrips just make it CLASSIC." He then broke into song, "Yo ho, it's hot, The sun is not a place where we could live..."

"But here on earth there'd be no life without the light it gives," Washuu finished. "Yeah, it was about that line where the show cut out on me. Ironically I traced the cause to solar flare interference with the satellite feed I invented."

Gary kept on blathering, "You know, Frank, scientists have found that the sun is a huge atom-smashing machine. The heat and light from the sun are caused by the nuclear reaction between hydrogen and you, Frank O'Toole."

Washuu and Jimmy stared at him in annoyance. "Riiiiight. Anyway," she went on, "I decided that the only thing to do would be to scan the entire Earth and locate some place where the flare would cause the least disruption for my equipment! The whole process took a few minutes, me being a genius and all, but something caught my attention during my search."

"And that was?" Jimmy prompted.

"Metropolis!" she replied. "This city is a technological MARVEL by Earth standards, and it also has a unique property that absorbs solar radiation differently from any other point on the Earth. And I bet you know what that is, don't you?"

"Well, Superman gets his powers from the sun, and--"

"Exactly!" Washuu cried out. "This 'Super Man' of yours proves an old theory I came up with a while back. I must speak with him, and I figure once you print this story, it'll get his attention."

"Hey, that works out OK," Tony broke in. "Jim here knows Superman better than almost anybody in town. Right, Jim?"

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I can just call him up on command. I mean, I used to have this watch I built that emitted a hi-pitch noise only he could hear, and he'd use it to pinpoint where I was, but it was more trouble than it was worth." Jimmy said. "But yeah, I suppose I can let him know about you the next time I see him--"

"Nope! Can't wait that long," Washuu said, hopping onto her bed and pulling a gold wire in the shape of a star from the ceiling. "Fortunately, I can use a similar method to track down Superman. After all, his genetic structure would be unique, and therefore it would stick out like a sore thumb once I scan the city..."

A hole opened up in midair above her hand. She reached into it and pulled out a small machine that beeped every few seconds. She pointed it at Jimmy and looked intently at the display. "Say, did anyone ever tell you that you have simply fascinating chromosomes?"

"Holy crap..." Gary gasped. "She just pulled that out of nowhere, man."

"You know, Jim," Tony said slowly, "I think maybe we ought to step out. Read about this in the next morning's paper."

Jimmy nodded and waved them out. Then looked back to Washuu. "Well actually, yeah, as a matter of fact. But I think maybe we ought to check in with a couple of my colleagues first. They're good friends of Superman, too, and they're always happy to help me when I get in over my head... like now, you know?"


"She didn't hurt the guy, did she?" Tenchi asked nervously. "I know from experience that Little Washuu isn't terribly shy about obtaining genetic samples for research..."

"Nothing that Jimmy hasn't dealt with before," Superman replied. "Of course, he's been through a lot of wild experiences since I met him. So many of my adventures seem to start with him, now that I think about it. 'Little' Washuu? I know she appears to be a child, but my impression was that she was far older than she looks."

"It's a... personal quirk, I guess," Tenchi shrugged. "She can actually make herself look as young or as old as she wants. The trick is that she wants everyone else to play along with her child act. She's more agreeable if you call her Little Washuu, see?"

"Maybe that was where I went wrong," Superman muttered. "Peter Pan complex. It makes sense, really. The whole time I've been Captain Hook and didn't realize it."

"So what happened when she finally found you?" Tenchi asked.

He seemed to get apprehensive about this question. "Well, ah, the thing is that I made a lot of friends at the Daily Planet in Metropolis," he explained. "So I thought that it would be best to have a contact or two who could reach me in case someone needed my help. A married couple, both star reporters, good friends of mine from way back."

"Yeah, go on," Tenchi said after a pause. "Is something wrong?"

Superman let out a relaxed chuckle. "No... no, it's just that I'm still a little embarrassed that I wound up intruding on their personal lives so Jimmy could introduce me to Washuu. You see, he knew that the best thing to do was to reach me as soon as he could, and since it was after hours at the Planet Building, he had to drop by their apartment, where they were having company over for dinner... at least they had been until I answered their call and Washuu chose right then and there to confront me with her motives..."


"--Just don't understand why that husband of yours can't be here on time! They don't make watches in Smallburg?"

Lois Lane sighed as she lit the candles on the dinner table. "SmallVILLE, dad, and it's just that farmers operate by the sun. I realize that you have to do everything by the clock in the Army, but you may have noticed the sun doesn't always rise and set at the same time every day. Maybe you could get it to do some pushups--"

"All I know is that eight means eight. Not eight-oh-one, not eight-ten. Eight. Why even say you'll be there at a certain time if you don't care how close you are to actually being there then?"

"Airports don't always run on time either, dad," Lois replied. "You know Clark's the Planet's new foreign correspondent. I was impressed that he promised he could be back tonight at all. You know we could still postpone dinner until some other night. Give mom a chance to come along."

"Nah, your mother's all occupied with getting ready for her new grandson," Sam muttered as he eyed Lois' Pulitzer Award. "That's something you and that wimp Kent could be working on for yourselves if he was ever here."

Lois rolled her eyes. Her relationship with her parents never was the smoothest one around, but things just seemed to get bumpier since she got married to Clark. At times, it seemed like all she wanted to do was rap them over the head and announce: Clark is really SUPERMAN, so cut him some slack, but she had to wonder if even that would really solve anything.

For that matter, being in on the secret didn't always set her mind at ease either. Admittedly, it wasn't that long ago when she didn't even understand that Superman was an alien from another world. Oh, she KNEW it--he sat there and told her so himself--but it never fully meant anything to her. Once upon a time her attitude was "if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..." But in the years since she learned the truth about Clark and Superman, since they started to share a life together, it became clear just how unearthly he really was. She'd seen his Fortress of Solitude, watched him head off to the moon for JLA meetings, even practiced ancient Kryptonian mental disciplines with him. The ironic thing was that she had a crush on Superman when they first met, and she fell in love with Clark Kent later on, but when she learned they were one and the same, she wound up discovering a new person born of the fusion of the two.

And she couldn't tell anyone about that, really. Not without exposing Clark's double life. Just like she couldn't tell her father that it was entirely probable that she and Clark COULDN'T have children, due to the fact that they were different species.

Before she could ponder that any further, there was a knock at the door, followed by the jingle of a housekey being pulled out to unlock the door. "That'll be Clark," she said, running for the foyer. As she got to the door it opened, and her suspicions were confirmed.

"Ma'am, I'm from the Metropolis Flower Delivery Company," Clark announced, presenting a bouquet of roses to Lois. "I was told to give these to the prettiest lady in the apartment building. Well, this is the last room, and I think we have a winner."

Her smile broke into a laugh. "You're a hopeless romantic, you know that, Smallville?"

He took her in his arms and gave her a kiss on the lips. "Well, when I saw I'd be getting in at 8:13, I figured it'd be best to make a dramatic apology for Dad's sake. How is everything, Sam?"

"Hmmph," Sam grumbled as Clark walked in the door.

"That means he's fine," Lois said. "Except that he resents that I'm doing all the cooking tonight."

"Well, thanks to Superman I can pick up the slack on the dishes anyway," Clark said. "I was covering that rash of terrorist attacks in southern Mexico? Turns out that I caught him turning over the man responsible over to the local authorities. Got a quick interview and he offered to give me a lift back home."

"Huh. Pretty lucky all around, huh, Clark?" Lois teased. She put the flowers in a vase, then sat down to eat.

"Yeah, just how is it that a dope like you manages to get so chummy with a guy like Superman, anyway?" Sam demanded.

"Well, you've met him a few times, yourself, dad," Lois retorted. "Maybe you should ask yourself that question..."

"It's nothing special, really," Clark explained as he took a bite from the pot roast. "Mmm, very good, by the way, Lois. You see, Sam, the truth is that I actually AM Superman, and I cover my own adventures in the paper to pay for cable. I married Lois when she caught me changing in the broom closet in the Planet Building, and I figured I could use an extra hand cooking up alibis."

He swallowed a glass of Soder and looked up to see Lois glaring at him. "What? Oh, right. I wasn't supposed to tell him that. Sorry." He straightened his glasses and shrugged his shoulders at Sam.

"Yeah, that's a real laugh riot, Kent," Sam muttered. "Like you're even tall enough to pass for Superman. Or that he'd be such a fake that my daughter would marry him for such a cheap scam."

Lois and Clark shared a quick smirk at this, and resumed the conversation. "Really, dad," Lois said, "It's like that with a lot of people. Superman's on a first name basis with a lot of the Metropolis Police, the Fire Department, even journalists from other organizations. With Clark, he sees him even more often because he follows him out across the world a lot of times."

"And he's always good for a free tip," Clark said. "On the way over, he mentioned something about that mass of debris out in low orbit around the Earth? Apparently, the reason it's not burning up in the atmosphere like it should is because it's being suggested that it's pieces of an alien spacecraft. Maybe two."

"A lot of good that does me on the City Desk," Lois sighed. "Unless a chunk hits LexCorp Tower and declares itself ruler of the known universe."

"Aw, look at this!" Sam whined as he looked at his watch. "I just got to sit down for dinner and it's already 8:30! I have to pick up your mother in fifteen minutes!"

One might have asked Sam why he only scheduled half an hour for dinner, Lois thought, but having known her father her whole life, she already knew the answer to that one.

"You sure you can't stay a little longer, Sam?" Clark offered. "I mean, I'm sure she'll understand. I could even call Lucy and Ron and let them know that you're running a little late."

"Don't do me any favors, Kent," Sam harumphed. He raced from the table to the coatrack to wrestle his jacket back onto his arms. "I don't RUN late. I'll give you a call sometime, sweetheart. Let's do this again sometime."

"Yeah, that'd be great," Lois said, but he was already out the door by the time she finished. "Well, at least you're back. Even if you are a rat!"

"Me?" Clark said innocently. "What did I do? Well, let me clarify that: What did I say or do to your father that would offend him more than my existence usually does?"

"Not him. Me!" Lois said, tossing a rolled up napkin at his head. "That whole 'I really AM Superman' bit. Acting all sarcastic about it. You used that same line on me eight years ago! And you were probably laughing up a storm when my back was turned then, too!"

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself," Clark answered. "Look, I have to keep up the secret, don't I? And you're just about the smartest person I know..."

"You're doing fine so far..." Lois smirked.

"So my thinking is that if it kept you from figuring it out, it's sure to work on your father! Or anyone else, for that matter. I still have to keep an eye on Jimmy once and a while to make sure he doesn't get too close."

"Well, since you put it that way, you've earned a stay of execution. This time, anyway, buster." Lois said pointing a menacing butterknife at him.

"Trust me," Clark said. "I'd never laugh TOO hard behind your back. The thought of being a single man again sends chills up my spine..."

Their playful banter was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Huh? Dad must have forgotten something," Lois mused as she got up to answer the door.

Before she could even train her eye into the peephole to see who it was, Clark had already seen for himself who was on the other side. "That'd be Jimmy," he called. "And he's brought someone with him."

Lois sighed as the freckled face waiting patiently from the other side of the hole confirmed his story. X-ray vision was supposed to be a subtle power, she thought, but somehow he still found new ways to flaunt it. He was like a little kid that way. "Where would I ever be without you, Smallville?" she asked rhetorically, opening the door.

"Hey, Lois," Jimmy said as if there was any doubt as to who it would be. He was visibly nervous. "Listen, I got a real scoop here I think, but I thought I should get some help on this. Pictures are covered, but well..."

"You need somebody who can type one hundred eighty words a minute," Lois surmised. "Say no more, Lois Lane to the rescue." She looked down to see his companion, and the little girl stared back inquisitively. "So who's your little friend, Jim?" Lois asked. "Distant cousin of yours come to visit?"

"Yeah, that's what your dad thought when I passed him on the way over here," Jimmy retorted. "And trust me, she's more than she appears to be."

Clark entered the room and leaned his head forward to look at the girl over his glasses. For most people, that was just one of Clark's strange little habits, like the kind most people had. For anyone who knew the Big Secret, this was the international symbol that Clark Kent smelled something rotten in Denmark. He eyed her carefully, probably using his microscopic vision to examine the cut of her clothing or the structure of her cellular makeup. If the look on his face was any indication, though, his closer look seemed to uncover more questions than answers. "I think he may be right on that one, Lois," he finally said.

"You got that right, Clark," Jimmy sighed. "Maybe I just better let her tell it."

"That's a very courteous thoughtful suggestion to make, Mr. Olsen," she said, inching around him to get inside the apartment. She never took her eyes of Clark. "My name is Washuu, the greatest scientific genius in the entire universe!"

"Um, hello. I'm Clark..." he said.

She chuckled. "Oh, I know who YOU are, Kal-El. You're the reason I've come to your city. You see, I spent a few years observing Krypton from space. The Eradicator device prevented anyone from landing on the planet, or interacting with the people, but that just meant no one would bother a small research station up in orbit around the planet."

"Hold the phone here," Jimmy interrupted. "Kal-El? Krypton? Are you trying to say that Clark here is Superman?"

"And Krypton exploded decades ago," Lois added. "That's quite an imagination you have there, kid."

"Is it now?" Washuu smiled. She reached into her robe and withdrew a device that buzzed and beeped when she pointed it at Clark. "As I explained to Jimmy, just as Superman would be able to receive certain high-frequency sounds that no one else could pick up, so his unique DNA would provide a detection signature that my instruments would mistake for no one else. I discovered that and other properties of Kryptonian DNA when I did my research... two thousand, four hundred decades before it exploded."

"No way!" Jimmy scoffed. "I mean, I can buy you're older than the hills--it makes some sense given all the other stuff you've been able to do so far--but no WAY is Mr. K Superman. I've taken pictures of them together. That gizmo has to be broken or something."

"Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I just spent some time with Superman," Clark offered. "He flew me back to Metropolis just a little while ago..."

"I don't know what you're trying to pull, Kal," Washuu smirked, "but Mr. Olsen needs a time-out. Maybe some time as a watersprite will teach him not to think with his eyeballs all the time."

Before anyone could react, Jimmy was awash with a white blast of energy, and when it cleared, nothing remained but a three-foot tall toadlike creature. "Ribbit?" Jimmy asked.

"Jimmy!" Lois cried out. "What have you done to him?"

"I've hopefully proven my point," Washuu explained. "But it's nothing irreversible. No need to panic, watch."

She gestured with her hand, and Jimmy was back to normal, albeit dazed from the sudden change. "Holy crap..." he mumbled.

"Jimmy, I think you'd better get better get back to the Planet and get those photos developed. And you might grab a few extra cartridges of film," Clark said. "I don't know what this is all about, but it looks like news to me."

"Whoa..." Jimmy responded, stumbling against the open door. "You guys sure you'll be OK?"

"Just go, Jimmy," Lois repeated. "And if you spot Superman on your way, by all means send him over."

Jimmy nodded, took a last look at Washuu, and then hurried out for the stairs. Clark shut the door and locked it. "All right, ma'am, I don't know what this is all about, but--"

"Agggh! Still?" Washuu asked in exasperation. "Let's try this again, then!"

Without warning, a pair of school desks popped out of nowhere underneath Lois and Clark. In front of them a film screen lowered from some sort of dimensional portal that had materialized just below the ceiling. Washuu approached the screen and extended a pointer at a picture appearing on the screen. "This," she began, "is the Planet Krypton. Or at least how it looked 24,000 years ago, when I had this picture taken for my files." A second picture materialized, this one of Kryptonians carrying out various experiments with robotics and petri dishes. "As you can see, the people of Krypton were exceedingly dedicated to the pursuits of science, yet remained totally isolated to the outside galaxy, due to their ancient invention, the Eradicator."

"We know what that is," Lois broke in. Washuu slapped her pointer down on her desk, then drew her thumb across her throat.

"Quiet, thank you. Now, as I was saying, the Eradicator's sole function was to destroy any alien life attempting to enter the biosphere of the planet. My research team and I agreed that this presented a unique sociological model (a society compelled to remain utterly self-sufficient), and an interesting biological puzzle (what makes Kryptonian biology so different that the Eradicator can distinguish it from anything else?). After years of careful study, we learned much about the nature of their DNA, including that Kryptonians were so skilled with genetic engineering that they could even encode personal information within the DNA molecule, which is how I learned your name.

"However, we ALSO projected that, due to incessant abuse of the planet's resources, that Krypton would inevitably explode within millennia--"

"You KNEW this, and you didn't do anything about it?" Clark asked.

A stone statue fell out of nowhere and landed on Clark's head, cracking into a million pieces.

"There was nothing TO do. Any attempt to evacuate the planet would kill them since all Kryptonians were genetically bound to the planet by the Eradicator. And it was all we could do to safely observe them in secret. Contacting someone was out of the question. Besides, I had a few family problems afterwards, and I got sidetracked, OK?"

"So you're interested in Superman because he's the sole survivor of Krypton's destruction, then," Lois surmised.

"The only one?" Washuu asked with genuine surprise. "Well, I suppose they were lucky to save as many as they have, hmm? Still, the fact that one got away is only of minor interest to me, merely a confirmation that Life Finds a Way and that sooner or later somebody on Krypton would wake up and look for a way out. No, my interest is twofold.

"First! I find it interesting that whatever arrangements were made for Kal-El sent him to this world, where the yellow sun could give him the necessary energy to give him superhuman power. It was something we hypothesized would happen, but we had no way to test it. And yet someone on your old world not only figured this out for himself, but he counted on it, and now here you are, a god among men.

"Second! You've begun to use that power of yours to follow in your people's footsteps, isolating this city of yours from all other human societies on this planet. The air is cleaner, the technology is far beyond anything in the rest of the world, and of course, you live here, insuring that Metropolis will always have something that the rest of the world never will. With or without realizing it, you've created a Little Krypton right here on Earth... conveeeenientlyyyy where I happen to be living right now! Isn't that nice?"

"What do you think?" Lois asked Clark.

"You tell me," he said. "She's interested in the city. That makes this City Desk all the way."

"I smell imp," Lois speculated. "The childlike persona, the wild accusations, changing Jimmy into that thing. This has Mxyzptlk written all over it in 36-point font."

"Not his style," Clark replied. "He'd never waste this much time setting up an alias. By now he'd have revealed himself because he'd already have our attention. Still, she might respond well to the same treatment." He stood up and pulled off his shirt, revealing the blue tights underneath with the red and yellow "S" symbol on the chest. "I can see you've done your homework, Washuu," he announced. "There's not much point in me trying to maintain this secret around you. I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself that Clark Kent and Superman are one and the same. As you saw with Jimmy, people aren't likely to believe it if you try to spread it around."

Washuu's eyes lit up with realization. "Ahh, of course! You're trying to observe your effect on the populace without interacting with them directly at all times! I should have seen it sooner. Why, many times I've had to conceal my own supreme genius to pass for a normal human being. The things I've discovered walking among them as if I were part of their flock..."

"I'm beginning to find this offensive..." Lois muttered.

"All right, Washuu," Clark demanded. "I've admitted to being the man you're looking for. Now exactly what do you plan to do here in Metropolis?"

"It's rather simple, really," Washuu explained. "Since I've been given a rare opportunity to observe a Kryptonian up close and in an environment of his own design, I'm planning to take over your little petri dish and conduct a few experiments of my own. Being the last of a race of great scientific minds, you can surely understand the need to turn over the reins to the more experienced colleague. Pay attention, and you might even learn a thing or two!"

Clark started walking towards her. "You don't seem to understand that I'm not a scientist OR a research subject. And neither is Metropolis. If you intend to harm anyone, I'll--" He grabbed her by the arm to stop her from making any sudden movements. Washuu began to struggle, then slowly calmed down.

"Oh, I won't harm anyone, Kal!" her voice called from behind him. Clark and Lois turned to see a second Washuu standing on the kitchen table. He looked back at the one in his hands and found that it was now nothing more than a life size doll. "I just want to make a few... alterations here and there. And nothing permanent! You won't even know I'm here!" And before he could get to the real Washuu, she opened a dimensional portal and leaped inside just as it sealed itself shut with an electric hum. The educational props that had once filled the living room vanished as well, leaving no trace of Washuu's presence.

"Blast!" Clark groused, his hands just now reaching the spot Washuu had just been standing. "Now she's run off to who knows where, to do who knows what! And even if my super-senses can find her again, it may be nearly impossible for me to catch her."

"On the bright side," Lois noted, "at least she seems to respect your double life."

"When did you stop being the eternal cynic?" Clark asked. He started undoing his pants to uncover the rest of his Superman costume, as well as the folds of his cape that had gotten tucked under his belt.

"I haven't," Lois replied. "That was sarcasm just now. I take it you're going to go look for her tonight?"

"No choice," Clark shrugged. He pulled off his glasses and brushed his hand through his hair, shaking loose a familiar spit-curl that the media had come to identify with Superman. "You saw what she did to Jimmy. She's convinced that I'm the center of this, and I can't sit here while there's a chance I can talk some sense into her before she does something like that again." He tugged the wedding band from his finger. "I hate to leave so soon after getting back home, but--"

Lois took his ring and set it on the mantle with Clark's glasses. "I know, I know, It's 'Up, up, and away' time. Just try not to wind up with a giant ant-head or anything when you get back, OK?"

"Deal," he agreed, kissing his wife on the cheek. "I may be back late. If I don't see you again tonight, I'll catch you in the morning." And with a whoosh of air and a blur of red and blue he was gone, leaving nothing but an open window in his wake.

"Well, easy come easy go," Lois sighed. She turned to the dishes on the table and crossed her arms. It wasn't the easiest marriage concievable, she had to admit, but it never got dull for long.


NEXT: Scientific Method

Continue To Chapter Three