The real Class A people in the Philippines are the truly wealthy. Typically they have a driver, chauffeuring them around a million+ peso vehicle (with sun roof, CD player, cup holders that work). They live in the most exclusive villages and have attended the best schools money can buy. They frequent hotel restaurants, Spanish and Japanese Restaurants, CPK, and places with a weird French accent in the name. Their last name sounds like a dashing soap opera star that would headline in either Mexico or Taiwan.

While there are some good people in Class A, the "Coņos" are the stereotypical arrogant rich guy who will speak English at all times except when to curse.

Coņos will be found yachting, shopping for designer clothes and shoes, people watching at trendy places, hanging out at Starbucks and actually eating, and doing numerous designer drugs.

One last thing about this Class - majority of these people are Spanish or Chinese looking. There is no in-between. It's like the paler you are the better. If you're dark and rich, you're no real Coņo, you're just a dark, rich guy.

Ok, now we're talking about the educated crowd with some money to throw around the necessities in life and then some. We'd like to think that anyone who is surfing this website is at least this caliber so, we'll be addressing you personally during this class description.

If you're in this B-Class, you probably drive a Honda something with all the perks. You've gone to a good college that most people have heard of, or is known for it's hot babes. B Class people live mostly in sub-divisions and will have a driver along with numerous maids.

Since you're educated you'll enjoy cable TV, all different kinds of music to suit your moods (U2, Mike Francis, Chubbawubba, and Barry White), and the biggest blockbusters that Hollywood has to offer.

Your last name is your average Spanish, Chinese, or Malaysian (…er maybe not Malaysian) last name.

Favorite Expressions such normal outbursts like, "Hey pare, what's up?" "What's your gimmick tonight?" and "Pu-tang-ina!"

You'll enjoy a good café, a solid dinner at Italian and American/Continental Restaurants, and the newest date places.

Yes, you my class B fried are the ideal example of what a Filipino should be - smart, fun, optimistic, and a frequent visitor of www.planetgimmick.com - The Philippines Gimmick Authority. Rock on.

This huge Class is what advertisers in the country are targeting. Sure the Class A people set the trends but Class C people are the biggest influence in a company's overall success. Look at the text/ cell phone explosion. Look at the good-value grills and restaurants that are still going. Without the C class malls would go out of business.

So as important as this group is to the economy of the Philippines, people in this group will strive to be above their station. They work hard in their 8 to 6 jobs, party it up as fierce as anyone, but will always distance themselves from Jologs. When the B class do it, it's normally in jest as it's really absurd to think that well we could be Jologs. But the C class is THAT close to being Jologs, so to call them such would really hurt them.

Anyway, Class C, the educated Masa, is also the working class, so have practical tastes in food (Filipino, Chinese, BBQ, fast food), will watch everything on TV, and speak in Tagalog most of the time. Their English comprehension is 100% but their English speaking is mixed ranging from the fluent to the fresh-off-the-boat, please don't talk anymore level. And finally their last name could pass for a Malaysian surname, having at least 4 tribal-sounding syllables.

Ok now we finally get to what sparked the genesis of this article in the first place: them Jologs. As I stated earlier Jologs are people with low breeding. Their education is rudimentary, their manners crass, and their behavior found wanting.

Now before I sound like an elitist (too late though), Jologs are the not-so-educated masa. They are easy to please and don't have much in aspirations, except maybe to know all the dance moves from the Sex Bomb Dancers or to know the lyrics to all the songs of Michael Learns To Rock.

Ok, but as our reader asked, "What makes a person Jologs?"

To my understanding Jologs are a sub-culture of the Masa. They eschew work for pleasure, live a carefree life, are as loud as possible, and wear cheap slippers exclusively. In addition, Jologs are always short and dark, and a majority of them will have blond streaks or red highlights that are obvious do-it-yourself jobs. They often have tattoos, pierced ears, and the baggiest shorts and jeans possible. Their mangling of the Queen's English is a felony but somehow it becomes adequate when they sing along to the most vile Back Street Boys.

What really sets them apart from all is their own vocabulary.

I was recently sent this list of Jologs definitions. Such funny stuff, that I had to read this with a toilet nearby. It probably was lifted off the net somewhere, but hey whoever originated this list - I must say - salamat po from the bottom of my Upper Class B heart.

A sample of the Jologs lingo:

Alpombra - (al-pom-bra) n. multi colored sandals with a thick and tough strap made of cloth, it has shiny nuggets of metal imitation flakes glued to the cloth strap; this type of footwear was intended for women but the usual people who fancy this footwear are the men who have no sandals, they stole it from their lolas and mothers.

Apipak - (a-pee-phak) n. three to four strands of hair found on top of the big toe.

Askal - (ass-khal) n. the highway breed of dogs.

Asogue - (ass-oh-geh) n. armpit hairs.

Baklog - (bhak-log) n. a homosexual johlog; they are inclined to dressing up like girls and the are known to pay gay sex or some chupchup.

Baktol - (bhak-tol) n. third level of armpit stench; the odor is similar to a rotten guava; the nature of this smell is to stick to the clothes and mix with the sweat, this is the usual odor of the atmosphere during UP registration.

Baktong - (bhak-tohng) n. nipples darting through clothing; best seen when wet.

Banil - (bah-neel) n. dark line found at the back of the neck of obese people, this line resembles that of libag although this line is permanent.

Barnakol - (bar-na-kol) n. germs and dirt collectively found at the back of the neck and has not been washed for a long period of time.

Buffalo - (boo-fah-low) n. a pseudo-male homosexual person.

Bulastog - (boo-las-tog) n. the bigger version of Tuknene; usually the egg is hardboiled, but in some cases it is found to be the egg of Balut or the egg of Penoy; co=F1o individuals call it 'dough egg'.

Bultokatchi - (bul-to-kah-tsi) n. splash of water hitting the buttocks, created when feces falls down the toilet bowl and hits the water hard.

Buris - (boo-rees) n. watery discharge from the anus, happens when feces is stuck inside the long intestine for a long period and what is supposed to be hard crap becomes a watery crap; the anus becomes like a faucet of shit.

Burnik - (boor-nick) n. the hairs outside the ring of your anus; can also be found under the scrotum balls, it is usually where excess tidbits of feces hang from.

Butuytuy - (boo-tooi-tooi) n. small penis belonging to a child.

Champion - (chyam-pyon) n. refers to a person who has, according to buffalos, 'admirable qualities'; adj. something exotic.

Chikchak - (tshik-tshak) v. to eat; part of the gay lingo, anyone caught using this verb is assumed a gay johlog or most commonly known as baklog.

Chicklog - (tshik-lohg) n. female johlog.

Chupchup - (tshup-tshup) v. to kiss, to suck, to lick; part of the gay lingo, anyone caught using this word is definitely a baklog.

Conyolog - (kon-yoh-log) n. a rich person having qualities of a johlog, no breeding.

Haliparot - (hah-lee-pah-rot) n. gayish gay.

Iskabru - (ees-kah-bruh) n. dirt found under the female breasts; syn. kukurikabu.

Jabbar - (ja-bar-r) adj. first level of armpit stench, the body obtains excessive sweat.

Jabongga - (dja-bong-ga) v. to have sex.

Jigoy - (dji-ghoy) v. to masturbate.

Johlog - (dyho-lohg) n. v. adj. adv. v.t. bibl. eccl. colloq. derog. the past, the future, the present, similar to Fido Dido, words cannot describe its essence, champion!!! panalo!!!

Kaboodel - (ka-bu-del) n. booger.

Kachichas - (ka-chi-chas) n. the unbearable odor reeking from the feet of an individual who has bad foot hygiene.

Kahoy - (kah-hoy) n. an erect penis.

Kalamantutay - (ka-la-man-tuh-tay) n. name which gives off a very disturbing odor.

Kito - (kee-t=F4) v. to have sex.

Kukurikabu - (koo-koo-ree-ka-boo) n. germs and dirt found collectively under the female breasts; caused by excess baby powder applied to the body, most of the time it is the result of not taking baths; carriers are mostly women with big breasts.

Kuntil - (koon-tihl) n. excess skin found outside the ear, it is shaped like the spikes of a massage slipper.

Kuskusin - (khoos-khoos-een) n. stupid person; adj. stupid, syn. shabu.

Kuyog - (kuh-yhog) v. hitting the head of a person to the point of beating that individual to death; experts of this type of kung-fu belong to the fraternities of Farmers, Manuela and Jaloux.

Kuyukot - (kuh-yuh-khot) n. male penis, tumbong.

Kwek-kwek - (kwhek-kwhek) n. fried quail eggs wrapped in dough with orange food coloring.

McArthur - (mac-ar-tur) n. a nugget of feces which comes back after flushing.

Mulmol - (mhul-mhul) n. hair strategically located on the center of a mole, it is difficult to remove even if plucking were applied, the most effective process of removal known is that of the laser.

Ngotngot - (ngot-ngot) n. the spiral cord of a telephone.

Nicotine - (ni-ko-tin) n. yellow stain marks located in front of the underwear, it is caused by dried excretions of urine and in some cases semen.

Ormot - (ur-mot) n. skid marks; dark colored streaks found under the underwear belonging to individuals who have crapping problems.

Pakaplog - (pa-kap-log) n. Filipino breakfast, pandesal - kape - itlog; v. to touch a woman's breast in a favor type manner.

Panalo - (pa-na-lo) n. a bigger and better champion.

Pasas - (pa-sas) n. nipples belonging to an old woman.

Pido - (pee-do) n. a person who "loves" children.

Pilahan - (pee-la-han) v. to gang rape.

Piso-piso - (pee-so-pee-sow) adj. describes the legs of a girl with numerous scars resembling one peso coins.

Puyukot - (puh-yuh-khot) n. small round pieces of feces similar that of a cat's.

Retaretarded - (re-ta-re-tar-ded) adj. describes a person who is one and a half stupid.

Shabu - (sha-booh) adj. describes what happens to your brain when you are having a conversation with the likes of Nbrit's sister, conversations like these cause the brain to melt and the nose to bleed because of overwhelming english; n. person who appears to have no brains.

Smakatum - (smak-ka-tuhm) n. dirt found inside or outside the ears.

Spakaldum - (spah-kal-doom) n. hairs found on the female nipple.

Sprikitik - (spree-kee-tik) n. germs and dirt found collectively on the wristwatch, caused by occasional sprays of perfume on the wrists which give the latter adhesive qualities and a magnetic reaction towards dirt.

Squaconlog - (skwa-kon-log) n. a skwater person dressing up like a rich person but the natural aura of being a johlog is obviously exemplified.

Squalog - (skwa-log) n. the worst kind of a johlog, this person has no respect at all for anything.

Tabuge - (tah-buh-ghe) n. feces which is round shaped.

Tang - (tang) n. watery feces which splashes on the cheeks of a person's buttocks.

Tangbururot - (tang-bu-ru-rot) n. tang with small chunky pieces.

Tarugo - (tah-ru-go) n. penis having a dark shaded color, oftentimes the color is dark violet or for Afro-Americans, black.

Tigidig - (tee-gee-deeg) n. pimples.

Tobol - (to-bol) n. long hard piece of feces.

Toneng - (to-neng) n. sex.

Tripoktik - (tree-pok-teek) n. final droplets of urine after taking a piss, those that do not drop are left to dry on the underwear which after a few hours turns into nicotine.

Tuknene - (thuk-ne-ne) n. fried hardboiled quail eggs wrapped with orange dough, in some areas it is called Kwek-kwek, in the provinces it is referred to as Tiokneneng(chuk-ne-neng).

Tutyang - (tut-yang) n. the hairs found in the insides of the nose, these hairs usually stick out.

Warrior - (wo-ri-yor) n. suspicious looking character, a person associated with rumbles, holdups, pick-pocketing, rugby and solvent sniffing. purse snatching, and kikil, they always come in groups.

Weneklek - (whe-nhe-klhek) n. hairs found around the nipple, usually on the areola area

So you see, Jologs are the riff-raff of civilized society. Libertines in an urban jungle, they live for primal urges, yet will ignore the squalor around them and enjoy their April Boys tapes, their Ralph Lauren knock offs, their Judy Ann Santos movies with relish. They don't give a fuck and some will even carry the normally derogatory classification with a sense of pride.

The last group of people are those who live at the poverty level. They have almost no education, numerous offspring, will usually beg for their well-being, and have really bad teeth. When someone is considered "Squatting" you're lower than low - a vagrant, a bum. They clog up and pollute all available waterways and rivers, they tap into your electricity lines, and back up your car asking for change even when there's no other car in sight.

I'm getting so depressed writing about them, that my journalistic juices have gone sour. Ah…the rabble.

Well there you have it. A general overview of the unspoken class system of the Philippines. Hope you learned something. Wherever you fall on the Class List, rise above your station. (Shit that was strenuously close to the tagline of the teeny-bopper "Jologs" movie that says, "Rise above yourself." I just puked in my mouth).

So there you go Star, a lengthy response to your question. So the next time any of you get called Jologs you now know what to do. Call them a squatter.