My Testimony (continued)

As the Lord lives in me and I in Him, my testimony of His grace has flourished. For I rejoice in that, “The Lord liveth; and blessed be my rock; and exalted be the God of the rock of my salvation” (II Samuel 22:47). O how His presence sweetly burns within me, and how I praise Him for lifting me unto Him from such a hideous fall. It is quite the task for me to choose from the many “highlights” of my walk with God and then to decide which moments to testify of, for He has been “a light that shineth in a dark place” (II Peter 1:19).

Currently I have been imprisoned for three years and two months – a time in the wilderness of trial and fire. Though beautiful is the chastening fire of God. I am so fortified by His love for “He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10). Now that “He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake” (Psalm 23:3b), I am cherishing His gracious dealings with me. Above all I deeply love this newness of life I am experiencing in Christ Jesus. How foolish and blind I was ignorantly being deceived that this fleeing world could give me true happiness and contentment. Yet even in Christ’s footsteps there are heavy nights of sorrow and periods of harsh bewilderment, but lo, “…in His favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).

Due to my security level being lowered from medium to minimum, I was transferred from the Western Maryland prison to a prison in the city of Baltimore, where I have been for nearly a year. Thinking the lesser security would ease the stain of prison life, my shock was jolting when I discovered how wrong my assumption was. Though as the flame of testing heightened, I found God leading me closer to Him. The times He has sustained me from frustration, fear and fury have been manifold expressions of His divine love and compassion. It is an awesome thing falling into the hands of the living God!

After the discomfiting occurrence of September 11, 2001, I found my eyes widened to the wondrous treasures of life’s simple yet priceless things. I thanked God all the more passionately for holding fast the unbrokeness of my marriage and family. I thanked Him for saving my life from destruction, and the great hope of being restored a new man to my wife and children. Above all I thanked Him for bringing me into the fold of His precious children…and my praises abound.

November 7, 2001 – after what seemed a lifetime, my modification of sentence hearing finally arrived. Finding myself in peace amidst the uncertainty of the day, I determined to entrust the hours ahead in the infallible hands of my Lord. In the holding cell of the courthouse I naturally wondered what would be the outcome of the day. Growing a bit anxious I closed my eyes and sought the Lord in prayer, then my lawyer came to alert me of some good news. He said, “Something good seems to be happening, Ms. Thomison wants to meet with you.” I quivered at his words, a thousand notions raced through my mind as to what this could mean and come of it. I quickly agreed and he went off to inform her. The correctional officer escorted me from the holding cell to a small office with a table and two chairs. Sitting there, hands cuffed behind my back, I became quite uneasy, for here I was about to be face to face with the woman who’s husband lost his life due to my rebellious ways. Then she walked into the room, my heart sunk into my stomach, she was holding a letter in her hand that I had written her several months prior and sitting down slowly in her chair she looked into my eyes. She began to cry and tell me she had waited for so long for the letter she was holding. I told her nervously that I would have written long ago, but was advised not to by my lawyer. She told me about some of the hardships which sprung from April 6, 1998. She told me about Richard, how he was a good husband and father. Needless to say, tears where steadily trickling from both our eyes. She looked at me and said, “I forgive you, Jeff, I can tell your not a bad person, I want to put all this behind me”. Continuing she said, “If the tables were reversed and I was gone and Richard was alive, he would have done the same thing…I forgive you”. Several times over I told her , “I am so sorry, I am so sorry”. Then, after it seemed on hour frozen in time, we oddly departed, I lowered my head before her and she grabbed my arm, cried for a brief moment upon my shoulder and slowly turned to leave. I fell back into the chair, still handcuffed, and wept remorsefully for her pain and the wondrous touch of God upon her heart. It will be 15 minutes I will never, ever forget.

The officer allowed me a few minutes to gather myself together and them I was escorted above to the courtroom. Oxygen seemed to elude me as I entered the courtroom, I took a quick glance at the people present, my family and relatives, Ms. Thomison, and others. Before long my lawyer was informing the court of my petty achievements while incarcerated, and of my spotless record while being so. Then I was offered an opportunity to speak on my own behalf, to recall exactly what I said is a blur to me except for three words I remember, “Life if precious”. Then, as she requested, Ms. Thomison took the stand and spoke to my benefit. Openly forgiving me she said, “I am ready to put all this behind me, I forgive Jeff and now it is time he goes home to his children who need him.” Her bravery and softness of heart is beyond me, it was indeed a miracle of the Lord. The states attorney then stood and seemed at a loss for words, spoke briefly and acknowledged his desire to respect the wishes of Ms. Thomison. Then the judge informed my lawyer that he would contact them at a later date. Leaving the courtroom I again lowered my head towards Ms. Thomison in silent thankfulness for her mercy towards me. My lawyer commented outside the courtroom, “These kind of things rarely happen”. And I praised God, tightly embracing Him in my heart.

Talking to my parents the following day, I was told the judge called my lawyer already and requested the restitution papers. Caught by surprise we were not prepared for such swift action on the judge’s part, and did not have the documents ready. If we had, my lawyer felt he would have released me. Though now as the timely process of the restitution’s terms and conditions are determined, I know that Lord is continuing to teach me to look to Him and not to mortal man. “For vain is the help of man. Through God we shall do valiantly” (Psalm 60:11b & 12a). And I do believe deliverance is coming sure enough, as I fix my gaze upon my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I trustfully pray that God will continue to heal the many wounds I’ve inflicted in the lives of so many and bring triumph from such tragedy. I trust my wife and I will have a beautiful life in the Lord while leading our children in His ways. I trust that He will restore the years. And knowing “Him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or thing” (Ephesians 3:20a), I am moved to deeper waters of faith, wherein I will be confident in the Rock, the God of my salvation. For it is written, “He will not suffer thy foot to be moved; He that keepeth thee will not slumber” (Psalm 121:3).

As the emperor moth slowly and painfully must merge from it’s cocoon, that by the extreme pressure and struggle, it’s wings are strengthed and prepares it for flight – I too am being fashioned by the hands of my Maker preparing me for a life to be lived upon the breath of His Spirit. And I rejoice having this great hope He gives, for my Redeemer lives and thus I can face tomorrow!

There is a great peculiarity and splendor unspeakable when you live the true Christian life God has called us to, forsaking the world and it’s hollow offers and my faith stepping forth into the great unknown embracing the hand of the one, true and living God, the “Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come” (Rev. 4:8b). I shall always follow hard after Him, for I have been called “out of darkness into His marvelous light” (I Peter 2:9b). And O how I “sing unto the Lord a new song; for He hath done marvelous things” (Psalm 98:1a). Of a truth and a promise secure it is written, “…If any man [or woman] be in Christ, he [or she] is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (II Corinthians 5:17). Come, experience Christ Jesus, where those who trust Him as Lord, bond or free, are free indeed – absolutely free!

Recorded unto the glory of God,

Jeffrey B. Quante IV

March 4, 2002