Chapter One
I had just received the call from Mtv's "The Cut". They said that I had been chosen to perform against three other acts to see if I would be good enough to make it to the semi-finals. The weird thing is it was only two days before the show and I wasn't even nervous. I mean I knew I could sing, but I have never had this much confidence. The day of the show I decided that I was going to wear a long black gown that had a slit up to the waist. I am a 5'6" slim, with long blonde hair and green eyes. I got dressed and drove to the studio. I arrived about a half and hour early so I went to the green room to warm up my vocals. Finally the producer came in a told me to turn the TV on and watch for my cue. I was going to be the last performer, which was a good thing because I will know what scores I have to beat.
"5,4,3,2,1" the director signaled.
"Hi, I'm Lisa 'Lefteye' Lopez and this is Mtv's The Cut. Today we have a great show and three great judges for you. Let's meet them." She introduced the first two judges who were a local DJ and a producer from Jive Records. "And now for our last judges the Backstreet Boys". When she said that my heart sank, I knew with them judging that I could never win.
The first three performers went out and scored a 15, 24, and a 27.
"Now for the last of our guests, here is KC singing 'Only You' a song she wrote herself". I slowly walked out on to the stage and the first thing I saw was the Backstreet Boys smiling as the saw me. The music started and I began singing. Right as I began singing the last verse my eyes met with Brian's and suddenly I was singing to only him. "You're the only one I could ever love, but I can't have you. You don't even know I'm alive". As I finished my song the crowd started cheering and whistling.
"Alright the score to beat is a 27 let's see if KC can do it". The first two scores were both tens. "And now from the BSB 10, wow a perfect score. Congratulations you are the winner for today, would you like to say any thing to the audience?" the host asked.
"Yeah, I would just like to thank one person, The Lord above for giving me the talent I have and allowing me to use it ". After the show I went back to the green room to relax after winning. As soon as I calmed down Kevin and Howie came in and I tensed up again.
"You were amazing" Kevin said as he smiled.
"Yeah fantastic" Howie added.
"Not as good as you guys, I have been fans of the Backstreet Boys for three years now. You all have the best voices," I said returning the compliment. They both came over and sat next to me on the couch.
"Have you ever thought of becoming a professional singer?" Howie asked. I replied by saying, No it's just a hobby; I am not good enough to sing professionally. They just looked at me bewildered as Nick and AJ came in and introduced themselves to me.
"Hey, what's up, I'm AJ".
"Hi, I'm Nick" I stood up to greet them and then Brian came in and sat at the bar across the room. "So what were you guys talking about before we came in?" he asked.
"KC was just saying that she wasn't good enough to sing professionally," Howie said. Everyone just looked at me funny and started laughing. Everyone laughed except Brian.
"What?" I said, "What's so funny"
"You thinking your not good enough is what's funny" Nick told me trying not to laugh again. Just as he said that I noticed Brian staring at me from across the room, but I didn't let him know I saw him.
"I'm not" I snapped back getting mad at everyone for laughing.
"Ok, Whatever" AJ said sarcastically. Then Brian came over and leaned on the couch behind me. I got up and walked out the door. Brian ran after me and stopped me in the hallway.
"I am sorry about those guys, they aren't always like that but they really think you can sing great. And you are definitely good enough". I wanted to turn around and walk away when he said that, but I couldn't.
"No I'm not, why can't you guys get that through your heads"
"Because we don't want to. Listen to me, I have been in the music business for five years and the are some very successful people that can't sing half as good as you can. Do you want to come back to my hotel room and have dinner with me?" he asked.
"No, I don't think so"
"Come on, why not? Please." He begged.
"I guess so, but only for a little while". So we went back to his room, but ended up talking instead of eating.
Chapter 2
"You are really beautiful, you know that" he said staring at me with his deep blue eyes.
"No actually I'm not," I said ruining the moment.
"Damn, what is you problem" he stood up aggravated.
"I don't have a problem" he calmed down and came and sat facing me.
"Then why do you have such a negative attitude toward yourself?" he asked.
"Brian there is a lot you don't know about me and my past".
"Well, I want to get to know you better. I want to know your past, your future, your fears, and dreams" he said placing his hands on mine.
"I don't know, I mean I want to get to know you too, and I want you to know me but I don't think I am ready to tell anyone. I don't think I am ready to get that close to somebody".
"That's ok, I understand" he looked disappointed and even though I knew I wasn't ready, I risked everything and told him.
"Brian, I have lived alone since I was 12. I left my parents because they were abusive. When I was 15 I got a part time job after school. I had to pay rent and for all the food I ate, which wasn't much. I am now 17, still living on my own and highly suicidal. I will be dead by the time I am 19." A tear slipped down my face as Brian took me into his arms.
"I had no idea, I am so sorry" he whispered into my ear "You won't be dead by the time you are 19, not if I can help it". I pushed him away and stood up. "What" he asked.
"I have been on my own practically my whole life, I don't need people telling me what is going to happen now". I walked out on the balcony and leaned on the railing.
"Why do you want to do it now after you have come so far?" he yelled.
"What or who do I have...nobody. I have no reason to live." I heard him come up behind me. "I will just jump now and get it over with". He came up and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. "Let me go". I screamed at him.
"Nope, I don't want to" he said. I struggled to get free but there was no use, he was stronger than I was by far. After about five minutes of squirming and him thrashing me against the wall, with me trying to get free I stopped.
"Can't you just leave me alone" I said out of breath. He pulled me back into the room and finally let me go. I quickly grabbed all of my things and ran out the door.
"KC, wait come back" Brian hollered. I continued running and in a blur of tears ran right into Howie.
"KC, what's wrong, what happened" Howie said noticing the tears. He pulled me into a warm hug and I broke down and cried on his shoulder. Brian came over to us and started to apologize.
"Get away from me Brian, I don't ever want to see you again. Not for the rest of my life." I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"Brian I think you should leave" Howie said to Brian. So Brian went back to his room and Howie invited me to his room for the night since it was already 2:30am.
The next morning we were both awakened by a loud knock on the door.
"Howie, is KC still there I really need to talk to her?" Brian whimpered through the door. Howie looked at me and I shook my head no.
"No, she went for a walk" he lied for me.
"ou let her leave! Alone! Are you crazy?" Brian yelled at Howie "Now I have to go look for her". As soon as he heard Brian run away from the door he motioned for me to come out of my hiding place.
"Thank you so much Howie you are great, I don't EVER want to see him again." I said.
"What is this all about? What did he do to you? Why don't you want to talk to him? What happened?" Howie asked. I felt bad because he was now stuck in the middle of everything and he was really confused, but I couldn't tell him about my life. I had already made the mistake of telling Brian. And I couldn't risk letting anyone else know. I simply replied by saying it was a long story and that I didn't want to get into it right then. "Ok, do you want to go to the mall or something today? It will give you some time to clear your head and get some new stuff." He asked me.
"Yeah, that sounds great. I have to stop by my apartment on the way and change my clothes." I told him.
"Do mind if AJ goes? He gets mad when we go shopping without him."
"No, I don't mind but he won't tell Brian, Will he?"
"No I won't" AJ answered walking into Howie's room. So we got in AJ's new car and drove to my apartment building so I could change.