The Why Not? Universe Crypt: 2005

Obviously, from the title you can tell that I'm not doing this on my own computer. Oh, no. No, you see, my computer...my "compy", affectionately nicknamed thus just like Strong Bad and his beloved computer...has given up the ghost. After giving me a missing file error, it has opted now to give me a disc read error. I am "thisclose" to calling someone to come out and fix it, but naturally I fear the cost. Yet, I fear losing all my shit and having to buy a new computer even more. I think something may be wrong with the actual hardware, but I don't know enough about computer hardware to say for sure. Actually, my software knowledge is largely out of date, as well, but clearly I'm able to get by.

So, anyway, expect posts to get even MORE infrequent, if such a thing is possible. This has, of course, derailed a Christmas-related post and will probably derail my New Year's update (which was to include moving all this 2005 crap over to a new, improved, categorized archive) as I will be using computers only when they are someone else's. If and when I get my own computer fixed, well, there'll be a big triumphant return post.

Hopefully including a gif of some fireworks.

Good luck wishes are welcome, even if I will be reading them infrequently. Try the message board.

Donations even more welcome. Yeah, right, like that's ever worked before. Eh, let's stick to good luck wishes.

Drunk Man's Poetry
posted December 11 2005, 3:40 am

Through a metaphor she swings
Dancing now, unfortunate
Foreseen locations
Gone this tribal morning
The unforeseen sound
Hearing a mourning bell
Silent thoughts still vigilant
She mourns a heartbreak night
Mourns and turns
And dances
Home

(Written after getting drunk--I don't know what it means and it doesn't have a title but it is what it is.)

The Christmas Playlist
posted December 8 2005, 9:08 pm

I'm having a hell of a time getting into the Christmas spirit this year, and I haven't really been sure why.

Now, I'm basically an atheist. I try not to think about it much--it's like overthinking not being a stamp collector, after all. But you do, of course, you think about these things and you look around when you're surrounded by religious symbols you're not all that attached to and it's kind of hard not to.

But we're not here to discuss atheism. That's best left for people with the time and inclination to do so.

Despite that atheism, my cultural background is undeniably Christian, and American, and therefore a traditional American Christmas always makes me feel good. There were times as a small kid when I could barely contain myself because HOLY FUCK PRESEEEEENTSSS! Now, I tend to sleep in. I also drink coffee and attempt to work in a smoke before the present exchanging commences. But, beyond that, I still like Christmas. I feel it doesn't have to be religious; for one thing, half of it's all a pagan winter holiday anyway and who can't groove on some peace, love, and understanding? So I still like Christmas. I even like the story about the little kid in the desert being born. It's not a bad story. Farfetched, but it's nice.

Anyway, I love Christmas music. It could be beat-you-over-the-head religious and I could like it, like "O Holy Night". The only Christmas song I've never really grooved on is "Away in a Manger". Never liked it. I also do without "Angels We Have Heard on High" pretty well. I think my favorite is "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". It really captures the story in music nicely.

Anyway, it's been a tradition of mine for a lot of years now to assemble a Christmas mix, going back to sitting on the floor in my basement in headphones copying LP tracks to cassette tape. I was always a little behind the names; I probably could've done tape-to-tape when I first started, but all the best Christmas music my father had was on vinyl. You have to love vinyl. A crackle and the occasional hiss really makes a song feel organic.

Anyway, I'm all up to the times and I've burnt one on to CD with iTunes selections I've bought both this year and last, and maybe a few from my previous collection. And here, as if you could possibly care, is this year's Christmas mix:

1) Christmas Island - Leon Redbone
2) Winter Wonderland - Ringo Starr
3) I'll Be Home for Christmas - Diana Krall
4) Carol of the Bells - moe.
5) O Little Town of Bethlehem - Willie Nelson
6) Pretty Paper - Chris Isaak
7) God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - David Grisman
8) Run Rudolph Run - The Grateful Dead
9) Little Drummer Boy/Silent Night/Auld Lang Syne - Jimi Hendrix
10) Silver Bells - John Prine
11) Do They Know It's Christmas? - Barenaked Ladies
12) Silent Night/Joy of Man's Desiring - moe.
13) Hark the Herald Angels Sing - Wynton Marsalis
14) The Christmas Song - Stevie Wonder
15) Jingle Bell Rock - The Platters
16) A Christmas Medley - Bing Crosby
17) We Three Kings - The Beach Boys
18) Baby It's Cold Outside - Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone
19) Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Death Cab for Cutie
20) O Holy Night - Avril Lavigne and Chantal Kreviazuk
21) What Child is This? - Pete Seeger

A few oddball choices on there, I know. I like oddball Christmas tunes. All that Leon Redbone comes from the soundtrack to Elf. I wouldn't normally put "Baby It's Cold Outside" on one of these mixes, but if you saw the movie and heard Zooey Deschanel sing, you know she's really very good. There's a warm and charming quality about her voice that works nicely for a Christmas song.

I don't know why I have a Willie Nelson song on here but chose to have Chris Isaak do "Pretty Paper"--it just seemed right, somehow.

I couldn't find the original Band-Aid recording of "Do They Know It's Christmas", so I got the BNL one, which nicely apes Bono's "thank god it's them instead of you" line, at least. It's quirky.

Seguing from those Canadian chaps, I also show my weakness for our neighbors to the north with an interesting and heartfelt rendition of "O Holy Night" by two Canadian women.

My Deadhead-ness continues here, because you knew it had to. I culled a performance of "Run Rudolph Run" from a Grateful Dead gig in Ann Arbor, Michigan on December 15, 1971.

I specifically chose to end the CD with the Pete Seeger rendition of "What Child Is This?" because of the minimalist quality--his haunted voice almost eerily accompanied by the starkest of acoustic guitar strumming--ends the CD on an odd note, which I always like. Even though, these days at the age of 86 Mr. Seeger is still going strong, this recording from his younger days still somehow sounds like a voice from the grave. It's beautiful in the way that makes the word "beautiful" mean something; you can never put your finger on it.

Anyway, I think I'm finally in the Christmas spirit. Now I have to get into the shopping spirit. It's not the same.

My Fiction: "Color"
posted November 27 2005, 2:38 am

Sometimes he wonders what it could feel like to die in Vancouver.

Sometimes he wonders what Mark Twain meant when he said "Be good and you will be lonesome."

Sometimes he thinks that maybe, just maybe, if Nelson Rockefeller had been President, things would be okay. It doesn't matter that old Nelson's been dead for 26 years. Things might have been different, that's all. And so what if getting it on with that girl named Megan had killed old Nelson. So what. He still could've come up with something. He was a guy who wasn't afraid to flip the bird, after all. Can you see him in bed with Megan giving Kim Il Sung the bird? He can.

And he thinks that maybe if John Lennon hadn't died he'd have put out a really good record around 1983 or so. He can't imagine the songs on the record, just that they'd have been pretty damn good, because that was John's job and John was the best there was at what he did, after all.

He thinks of a hippopotamus, and how if there was a god there wouldn't be a nasty, filthy creature like a hippopotamus, spraying its shit around with its tail and eating people who dare to take a piss in the river. Fucking hippopotamus. Fucking bastards, they are.

He thinks of Pepsi Cola and how it's been around forever but nobody ever stops and thinks about the significance of something that's been around that long, because Coca Cola gets all the glory, doesn't it?

He thinks of John Candy, and how justice can't possibly exist. If it did, there would still be such a thing as John Candy.

He thinks of those airplanes and it just reinforces his ideas about justice.

And he thinks of her, but he cannot remember the color of his eys. He can remember the girl named Megan who gave Nelson Rockefeller a heart attack, he can remember where he was standing the first time he drank a cold Pepsi on a summer's day, he can remember going to see "Uncle Buck" eight days after it first premiered, but for the life of him he cannot remember the color of her eyes.

He wonders why on earth he's thinking of that goddamn hippopotamus.

He's wondering why it should matter to him what Rameses II did during his reign. But he remembers it from school, anyway. Just like he remembers all those words Mark Twain wrote. He remembers them quite well.

That, and that fucking hippopotamus.

He can remember the December day when somebody told him that John Lennon had died. He even remembers who told him, and he remembers thinking that there was no reason for something like that to happen. He remembers that he couldn't eat his dinner of egg foo yung. He remembers listening to "Because" and crying.

He remembers all these things that never mattered to begin with. He curses them as he remembers them.

But he cannot remember the color of her eyes.

And most days that's all that really matters to him.

(Sometimes my brain churns out odd fiction. This is the latest bit. I wrote this, it belongs to me, so sayeth the webmaster, November 27 2005.)

A Portrait of the Artist as Some Dude
posted November 17 2005, 9:16 pm

RatDog is awesome. You should all be listening to RatDog. You can buy their ridiculously good and generously sized concerts in download format from the CD section of their website. I am listening to the show from right here in Baltimore a mere fortnight ago. I'm only 20 minutes into it and it is spectacular. Why are you still here? You should be listening to RatDog.

Oh, wait, don't leave. Open a new window to buy some RatDog, but stay here, because I've got more stuff to say.

This week alone I have cracked both the 50 and 60 page mark of Draft Hell-If-I-Know of my horror story. Best estimate, that means there's about 390 to 440 pages left to go, although that's not set in stone. Doesn't really matter how long it ends up being, but I've always seen it never going over 500 pages, and never really dipping under 400, to do everything I want to do with the story.

I'm very happy with the characters right now. They feel a bit more real. The plot's way less, uh, contrived than the last draft. The "twist" is a little bit harder to detect (but it's not supposed to be impossible anyway, so who cares?) and that could add to the tension in the book.

I try not to write with this stuff in mind, but I think it could make for a fun movie. Or perhaps even a TV program, like an extended miniseries, which you don't see anymore, really. Nothing like "V" or "Roots. Whatever happened to that? They should do more. I like the 13-episode season format that pay cable has adopted these past few years. I think they should do more one-and-done stories this way, though. Just one season as a single big, epic saga, and that's the end of it.

I was given a bass guitar. I should probably use it and learn the instrument. I could become a bass warrior. I am told that a master of the instrument can be given the title of "Funkenstein". Somehow I feel this will not apply to me.

Pot Fumes
posted November 13 2005, 11:26 pm

They found shard of a pot in Israel and now they are saying it validates the fable of the largely fictional King David and highly fictional Goliath, because it has words on it that "likely" spell the word Goliath. It is in absolutely no context, simply what may be the word "Goliath".

But the archaeologist who found it says this is the first evidence that the fairy tale of the wee king-to-be defeating a giant "actually took place".

Gah.

There's so much wrong with this I can't even begin to list them all here.

Except that I hope somebody revokes this guy's doctorate for being stupid enough to say something like this out loud. In front of people. People who work for the Associated Press.

Read it here if you really hate logic and the scientific method.

A Spooky Little Thought
posted October 30 2005, 1:56 am

To everyone who fears Halloween, who wants to cancel Halloween, who wants to put Halloween in a little box and hide it away in a dark corner:

Lighten up.

We have one day a year to trivialize the evils of the world, to brush them aside with a laugh and a warm toast, to pretend that the worst thing in the world would be to bump into Michael Meyers or the Frankenstein Monster instead of all that's really wrong with the world. A day to pretend that the most twisted man we can think of is Ygor, and the only person who wants to hurt other people is Count Dracula.

We only have this day to believe in fairy tales and ghost stories before we go back and see what true horror is.

So lighten up and enjoy it while you can. It's later than you think.

And remember: "That grinning, glowing, globular invader of your living room is an inhabitant of the pumpkin patch, and if your doorbell rings and nobody's there...that was no Martian, it's Halloween."

Long Periods of Silence
posted October 16 2005, 7:25 pm

Whew.

Just kinda weighing in here, a little bit. First of all, I added some links in the little column over there on the left side of your screen. Just four sites, but they're sites I like. First of all, the official site for the good ol' Grateful Dead, of course. Then, the official site for Warren Ellis, a fantastically offbeat writer but the site is great to browse even if you don't read his stuff (largely comics work, but he's got a novel coming out soon). Then, of course, Homestar Runner, the best show on the net. And, to top it all off, a little free folk music by a master of the form, Roger McGuinn of the Byrds. Amazing stuff. Lots of fun.

The weather is fantastic right now. It's probably the only thing keeping me in a good mood most days. Cold and crisp and clear. Fortunately, it did decide to stop raining here, which is considerate of nature to do.

And, it seems I'm doing well in my football this year, although I'm afraid I'm not really making a lot of time to actually watch football. Guess I'm just in one of those moods, or something. But, then again, for the purposes of the pool, maybe it's better to be unbiased by the actual events around the league. I wonder. I've watched 2 games thus far this year, besides the odd highlight reel here and there, and of course I check the scores Monday morning. So, I don't know, we'll see.

If you want to read some comics, I'll go ahead and suggest Showcase Presents Metamorpho, 550 or so pages of the most joyously fun-filled comics you're liable to come across all year.

For books without pictures, I'm going to do a reread of Casino Royale and see if I can picture Daniel Craig doing it. I wish him luck.

The Horror Story is back in progress, with continual reworkings. It's starting to feel right this time.

And...you know, that's all I've got right now. So I guess I'll just check back in later. Give the other sites a look-see. You probably don't want to go to Warren Ellis' site if you're at work. You never know what he's going to have up there. I'm just saying.

Everything New Is Old Again
posted September 19 2005, 7:04 pm

So I acquired an interesting little "artifact" today, something I've sorta-kinda wanted for night on to 15 years now. It's, admittedly, comics-related, but with a difference, so bear with me here.

The book is Batman: Digital Justice by Pepe Moreno. The book was published by DC Comics in 1990, but the twist is that it was rendered entirely on a Macintosh computer over the course of a year. So we're talking a 1989 Mac, using primitive architectural software and even, according to the afterword, PhotoShop, in what I can only assume was a form akin to cave drawings.

Given a remove of 15 years from this being "state of the art", I have to say that I'm impressed with how much of it holds up. The backgrounds are iffy, at best, but some of the characters--the Batman himself, specifically, in certain scenes--feel only a couple of years behind the graphics rendering technology of today, rather than the decade and a half behind the times they are.

The foreword, written of course in 1990, says that Pepe Moreno predicted that in 10 years time it would be commonplace for people to use computer technology as a creative outlet. And, sure, enough, he was right.

A Google search didn't really uncover anything (in English, anyway) of what Pepe Moreno's up to these days, but I could glean that he's worked on a steady succession of video games and other digital art. That's to be expected, since a special thanks for software is extended in the book to Electronic Arts, who from their relative infacy in those days have become very much a powerhouse.

Oh, and there's a reference to e-mail, which, to be honest, was not a word in my 10-year-old boy's vocabulary when the book was initially published.

In a way, I'm kind of sorry I was never able to get the book back then. Being a kid, of course, I was dependent upon my parents to buy me shit, and there was no way in hell they were spending $25 on this Batman book. Of course, I was happy to have the one dollar they were giving me each month (twice a month in the summers!) to buy Detective Comics anyway, and 15 years slipped away. But, still, it's interesting to think what kind of ideas this book would've slipped into my impressionable mind about the true potential computers. Even still, I kick myself for not keeping up on my programming, because as it is my programming knowledge is hopelessly antiquated. But, still.

Getting the book in the here and now, however, also gives me an even more interesting look: A look back at looking ahead.

And So...
posted September 16 2005, 11:50 pm

Well, it sure has been a long time, hasn't it?

I've had a really, really dull month since last I posted. I wish I could say otherwise, but there's really nothing to say at all. A few times...only one of them inebriated, incidentally...it has occurred to me to post anything at all just for the sake of update, and that's basically what this post is.

So.

I'd like to get all relevant and weigh in on the goings-on surrounding the hurricane and its aftereffects, but, frankly, no. I have nothing of any import to say regarding it. It's really not my place to. I gave 5 bucks to the effort. It's not much, but we do what we can, whenever we can.

I often wonder why I don't watch David Letterman more. I watched it the other night. There was some really funny stuff, including repeated usage of the phrase "big beef dinner".

I also often wonder if anybody reads this, and if anybody gives a fuck. SO...

IF you read this, post on the message board. IF you gave a fuck, mention it. IF you didn't, post that, too. Also post to wonder why I kept capitalizing 2-letter words.

And I swear I'll try to come up with a worthwhile post. At least if anybody is reading this bullshit.

Still
posted August 18 2005, 8:37 p.m.

Okay, so, yeah, not actually going to write anything more about my trip. Unfortunately, I did indeed sit down in front of the computer for the majority of the past twelve days with the intention of writing it; however, it was a fruitless effort I've abandoned.

I will say this, though. I am glad to have gone, and I am readjusted to being back (a process that took longer than the actual vacation!), although I'm sure you're all more than well aware that I'd rather not have come back. But, you know, these things are out of our hands, sometimes, and you go the way the wind does, and you make the best of it.

Eight pages into Draft Number Fuck-If-I-Know-Anymore of the Horror Book. Doesn't sound like a lot, I know, that's because it isn't. But, you know, I'm still trying new angles on the idea, still trying to make it feel right. It's unbelievable how radically different the story is from when I first started, 14 years ago--it occurs to me this is more than half of my life--but to me it's still the same book. They're still the same characters, although admittedly some have fallen by the wayside, been cut out, renamed, or forgotten. But I love them like my own blood, and I want you all to meet them someday soon.

There's an interesting little piece in the news today about some ecologists who want to introduce (or, in a very loose manner of speaking, reintroduce) animals such as lions, elephants, camels and wild horses to North America. I'm all for this, I think it would be a remarkably interesting effort to follow. Who can honestly say that, if the plan would work, that seeing an elephant in an open wildlife reserve--not a zoo--in New Mexico wouldn't be really damn cool? But that's just me, I can't honestly say if it would fly. Not the elephant, the plan. Okay, really bad joke, sorry.

Anyway. I think I've already run out of things to say, which is a damn shame. But with any luck I'll have something else soon.

Such a Long, Long Time To Be Gone
posted August 5 2005 11:14 p.m.

I'm collecting my thoughts on my recent trip to California to put them into some kind of coherent narrative. I'll give you a little preview. In the space of a mere 6 days I:

A) Slept on the floor of O'Hare Airport
B) Watched a man feed crackers to pigeons that sat on him
C) Finally found a bottle of J. Garcia wine
D) Did half of what I wanted to do without being able to say what the other half was
E) Almost had a catastrophic emotional breakdown
F) Read a Tom Clancy book
G) Ate at Jack in the Box...twice
H) Went to a non-smoking bar
I) Found 710 Ashbury
J) Experienced further airline delays

And none of that is in order, and I'd sure like to make it punchy and clever and funny and all of that. So, I don't know. I'll get back to it, I guess.

If not, well, you're seeing the DVD EXTRA NEVER-RELEASED LOST COLUMN NOTES!!!

I don't know. It's Friday and I'm beat.

I Guess They Can't Revoke Your Soul For Trying
posted July 26 2005 10:40 p.m.

So finally, finally, FINALLY I get to go for a return visit to California. Christ All-fucking-mighty, I've been looking forward to this!

It'll be a nice break from the routine, a chance to light out and see a little bit more of the world from a perspective other than just the front door. Recharge the batteries, get the strength to go on a little while longer.

Not much to say. I have some packing to do. Just kind of wanted to check in before I went, have something fairly new-looking up here, just for the hell of it.

And I'm sure you all knew, but the title of the post is from "Truckin'". Just so you know.

Patriot Games
posted July 22 10:34 p.m.

Say what you will about me, but I am not a fan of the Patriot Act. I do not think it is right, I do not think it is just, and I do not think that in any other era in the history of this country it would be legal.

That being said, I am--and I hope you are, as well--horrified that the House of Representatives voted to uphold it.

I believe in America.

I do not believe in the Patriot Act. I do not believe in a land of paranoia, of near-martial law, of unconstitutional search & seizure made "routine". I do not believe that we should be sending people to die to protect freedoms that, back at home, are being burnt to the ground, and the ashes being pissed on.

It is not right. And what we are now doing to ourselves is worse than what they have done to us, and we should all be ashamed at the madness we've let ourselves be driven to.

So say what you will about me, but I don't like the Patriot Act.

Mostly because I think it is very erroneously named.

But that's just my opinion, as Dennis Miller always says, and I could be wrong.

Nothing I Would Rather Do
Posted July 8 2005 11:56 p.m.

So, it's been a while. Lot to think about. Lot to talk about. None of which comes immediately to mind for a post.

Preparing with a glad heart for my trip to California. I can use the break. I'm going to fit a lot of living in to those few days. A lot of things are different there, on the other edge of the continent. For one thing, paramount above all else, I get away from the humidity. Everything else, well, everything else is just additional bliss.

Additional Bliss. That's a good band name. Somebody ought to use that. For a jam band, of course. Do some Dead covers. A nice groovy version of "Sugar Magnolia" if I may suggest a tune.

I understand that long-time Londoners aren't nearly as shaken by the bombings there yesterday as we are. The IRA used to drop grenades in trashcans, for instance. It was something they're used to. Not like us. I think that makes us in the States the lucky ones, but still. It's not to say they're not grieving the ones they lost, for they surely are; but it is not the life-altering national event it would be here. Indeed, lives are altered, but not the course of history. I don't know whether to envy them or pity them for this fact. Probably a little bit of both.

Very saddened by the passing of Ed McBain (or, if you prefer, Evan Hunter, his other famous pen name). I cannot say enough about his book Romance. It is, to me, one of those standards that a wannabe writer like myself just chases. There is a scene in that book that I have tried to emulate again and again in the things I've been working on, with little to no success. Because that is the mark of a master.

And, truly, Ed McBain was a master, and if I ever do make it as a writer, his will be one of the shadows I will proudly and humbly stand in. To use the words of Denzel Washington speaking to his hero, Sidney Poitier: "I'll always be chasing you...I'll always be following in your footsteps. There is nothing I would rather do, sir. Nothing I would rather do."

Someone Else's Thoughts
Posted June 18 2005

Ken Kesey, October 31st 1991:

"And the other thought, the second thought, the warrior thought, the hard thought, the final thought;
Which is that we ain't many.
In any given situation there's always gonna be more dumb people than smart people.
We ain't many."

Because This Post Is Better Than No Post At All
Posted June 15 2005 10:20 p.m.

So I'm listening to the Grateful Dead concert from February 11 1970 at the Fillmore East. Now, it just gets amazing in the second half, they go into "Dark Star" and a few guys sit in...you may have heard of them, like Duane and Gregg Allman, for instance. Anyway, they just start into some sick, sick playing. Later on, Gregg does the vocals for "Turn On Your Lovelight".

We're lucky to still have this tape, because it could very well be gone, but thankfully some intrepid folks have kept it alive, as they have with hundreds of the Dead shows. But this one's spottier than some, it's cut and spliced. And there's a NASTY jump in the middle of "Dark Star"--it switches from an audience recording to a soundboard recording, which is good, but it's a big cut, and not only is the sound quality change noticeable, but there's a bit of time missing, so you're just hurtled forward, very suddenly, when you've been grooving along.

And, because I've been wanting to use this phrase for a day or so now, that cut really tweaks my melon.

And I wish there was a better copy, because otherwise I love listening to this show.

But it tweaks my melon.

Still, after that, when they go into "Spanish Jam", it's just all good from there...if you like music at all, you really ought to consider downloading it, absolutely free and legal. Where?

Here: The Internet Archive. And it's legal because the Dead allow their fans to circulate freely any shows that haven't been released commercially, and this is one of those. So just download it, it only takes like 10 minutes to get, and the next time you need to sit back and chill, put it on.

That's what I'm trying to do right now.

The Jackson Verdict
Posted June 13 2005 5:20 p.m.

Proving once again that in America you can get away with just about any atrocity so long as you were famous at any point in the past.

Begun Our Empire Has
Hastily posted June 12 2005 4:38 p.m.

So it appears my good friend Boehm has also found himself an Internet voice (besides, of course, the message board, of which I am happy to say he is one of the most active participants), now linked over in the left column. It's good, another one of us is now fully connected.

Maybe my old tribe idea isn't so far off the mark. We're taking the Internet over. We're a force to be reckoned with. Perhaps, at last, a revolution.

Okay, so, everybody who's left: Get a website, blog, or similar set-up!

GO!!!

Continental Tangents
Posted June 7 2005 9:26 p.m.

Wow. What was wrong with the guy who wrote that LAST entry, huh? What a weirdo. Well, I can assure you folks, that writer has been fired. We don't play games like that here in the Why Not Universe.

All kidding aside, despite the great embrassment, it's artistically placed words, at least, in a kind of John Dos Passos/T.S. Eliot way. They don't make a damn bit of sense, but that's okay. Neither did T.S. Eliot most of the time, anyway.

So I've been scratching my head all day at something. Mister Brad Pitt said in a TV interview...bear this in mind, it comes into play right about now...that if the media (to whom, if you forgot, he was speaking) would stop focusing attention on him (one presumes he also meant all other celebrities) then we could, well let me quote directly now:

"We have the potential to end poverty (in Africa) in our time. ... Man � I mean, what is more exciting than that? The potential's there. We gotta go for it."

Okay. So, yeah, he has great ideals. We all want those people up on their feet, to be independent and free and healthy. Right now, for this second, Brad Pitt and I are totally eye to eye.

And then we diverge.

Because something tells me that, while indeed I do hear an awful lot about Brad Pitt whether I like it or not, I suspect that just a little bit of attention on "PrimeTime Live" and "Inside Edition" will do very little to change the situtation on that continent.

That's the other thing. This isn't about Brad Pitt anymore, you can forget him. But, everybody just goes, "Oh, let's help AFRICA" as if it's just one big ass country. It is, in fact, 56 countries (depending on whom you ask) with, really, inestimable languages which fall into four archgroups, basically, but are still distinct from one another. And I won't even go into the idea about "Oh, let's us Americans go help those poor guys, as only Americans can!" and that attitude, because it's probably not meant that way.

I was at a well-intentioned but horribly and offensively misguided seminar at work about multilingualism in the workplace, and I was kind of taken aback because, as concerned as they were about ramming into your head that you were a bad person if you were not multilingual, and no I'm not exaggerating, then they go and list ALL African languages as, you guessed it, "African Languages". Which, if I were from an African nation, I would find pretty insulting. I'm just saying. I mean, do you suppose at such seminars in the African nations, if such things occur, do you suppose they just lump English in with German and Italian and French and Spanish as "European Languages"? Sure, I imagine there are a lot of similarities between the languages. There are in your European languages. Except for French. That doesn't make sense to anyone, the French included.

Anyway.

And, Brad Pitt: Maybe if you'd let Diane Sawyer do a piece about poverty on the African continent, some jerk in Maryland with a webpage wouldn't have just spent the last 10 minutes writing something you'll never read. So, there.

Did you guys see that? I totally just told Brad Pitt off!

So, anyway, there you go.

And now I'm left wondering if this sober post was better than the drunken one...

And a Melody That Rhymes
Posted June 3 2005 11:51 p.m.

City of lights
City of lights
Let's see how this post turns out. I'm pretty far gone and I can almost feel Fitzgerald calling me. He and Zelda, from half a century ago. More. You're a writer, man, you can handle this. I handled this, Hemingway handled this, Poe handled this. You can deal with it.

City of lights.

Let my inspiration flow, in token rhyme, suggesting rhythm...

In brighest day.

Mister Mojo Rising.

Somebody stop me.

Give Me Some Words I Can Dance To
posted June 2 2005 8:03 p.m.

So I've really, really wanted to get back to working on the book, the Horror Idea. I have a new slant on things, kind of a different way of looking at the storyline to make it stand out a little more in the pack of horror stories. But, of course, I'm having a hell of a time finding the words to get started.

I think this year, thus far, I have had more good ideas and actually accomplished less writing than in recent years past. Usually I do a lot of writing, but I'm not so satisfied with the ideas behind that writing. This year, it's the other way around, and I'm not sure how to approach it.

I think my job is sucking all ambition and creativity from me. It ends in October. I hope to find something more suitable for me prior to that. I'm just not made to be a government employee.

Maybe I'll start one of those donation pots here, the ones where people who come by can give me money for having a website. Which was a great idea, before everybody in America got a website. So now, I guess, having a website doesn't really stand out.

You may snail mail me some cash. We'll do this the 20th century way.

A Completely Different (and Completely Awful) Kind of Crazy Cat
posted May 27 2005 12:58 a.m.

One of the cats is in heat again, and the only reason I'm posting right now is because she is walking methodically around the room in some kind of circuit known only to her, making the worst noises a cat could possibly think to make.

The other cat is also a female, and neutered on top of that. Therefore, the one in heat will not find the companionship she is searching for.

Yet the circuit and the horrible noises continue.

Thank you for your attention.

This Post Has No Title, Just Words and a Tune
posted May 23 2005 11:07 p.m.

Now, if there's one thing I have virtually nobody in the world to talk to about, it's my love of old comic strips.

Not comic books, mind you, there's plenty of people to talk to about that. But sometimes I get on these kicks, I don't know why, about old comic strips. Right now, that kick is Krazy Kat by George Herriman. I have an extremely difficult time explaining Krazy Kat, and an even harder time explaining why I find it funny. But the way Krazy talks ("Texy keb!" for instance, as opposed to the standard "Taxi cab") and the fact that Ignatz Mouse actually buys a brick every day--pays money for a brick, one single brick, once a day--to throw at Krazy's head, it just cracks me up. And I don't know why. And to make matters worse, the strip ended 61 years ago. And good reprints seem to be fairly scarce to the general populace, but I had been reading them in "Comics Revue" which makes a specialty of reprinting old comics. There's also a site, Coconino County, which has a few months worth of strips up. If you can bear it, read them. It's worth it.

Now, far more elusive than this is a strip called Terry and the Pirates. I would be far more obsessed with this strip, by the great Milton Caniff (whose Steve Canyon strips are being reprinted by Checker right now) but I have never read it. Now, there are two reasons I have always, always wanted to read some vintage Terry and the Pirates. The first is, it's widely considered a classic adventure strip. Secondly, it's one of the only action/adventure comics my father has ever mentioned reading. That, and Flash Gordon. But he liked Terry more.

The last indication I have of any Terry and the Pirates reprints being produced dates back 14 years. But, at long last, I have found one. At a mere $12. It's on order for me from Barnes & Noble, found through their authorized network of used book sellers. The volume I found spans a decent portion of 1944. I'm very excited, because I'll finally have a piece of it. Just one story arc, maybe, but it's something.

Good enough for me.

Many Happy Revenges
posted May 19 2005 8:56 p.m.

The title of this entry is really awkward, but it works, and I found out that you CAN pluralize "revenge".

Anyway, at risk of being The Amazing Nerd Boy, this post is about going to see the sixth and final "Star Wars" movie. Well, they say it's final. I guess we'll see. But it's good enough for me.

Anyway, this post isn't really so much about the movie. Whether you're the biggest fan on the face of the planet or one of the movies' rare but (I find) zealous detractors, you cannot avoid hearing about the movie, and you know this. There's a million reviews and a million posts about the content of the movie and, largely, this isn't about them.

Now, I'm a big "Star Wars" fan, but I'm not the biggest. I don't have any character costumes, I rarely buy any of the collectibles outside of the books, video games, and soundtracks, and there are only 2 pieces of "Star Wars"-related apparel in my past, one of which was pretty cool (a tie) and one of which (a t-shirt) was, in retrospect, kind of regrettable in its gleeful geekiness. But, you know, I'm a child of the '80s, and like a lot of us, "Star Wars" has played a pretty big part in my pop culture-based life.

Anyway, now that it's over (assuming it is, in fact, honestly and truly over, at least in its cinematic life) there's something I'm going to miss: The camraderie. Now, there are those people who make their kids dress as Jawas and show up as Storm Troopers or X-Wing pilots or what have you, but I'm talking about the camraderie between the everyday fan. The people who love these movies just for being a small, if significant, part of their life. The way you can just kind of wait in line to go see one of the movies and chances are you'll strike up a conversation with somebody you've never met before and won't see again and you're brought together just for liking the movies. You're not dressed up as anything and if it wasn't such an event people wouldn't even know what movie you were there to see. But you do know, and so you'll chat with somebody else. I don't do that a lot, really, I'm not that open to talking to complete strangers, but, you know, it's just one of those things. It's just nice to get together and have fun and watch a movie you've waited a long, long time to see.

It's been fun. They're great movies. I had a great time with the new one, watching the nerds in the parking lot having their lightsaber duels and cracking jokes about them with the cops standing outside the theater; talking to some dude in line about "Team America"; running into a guy I went to high school with and barely remembering each other, but taking just a second to very slightly catch up over a cigarette waiting for the movie to start; talking to the guy sitting next to me in the movie who just had to call his friend on the West Coast and gloat that, in the Pacific time zone, he still had to wait three hours to see the movie; and, of course, being with some of my best friends and watching a good movie together.

Maybe I'm just feeling warm and fuzzy. Maybe it's nice to have had the day off. I don't know.

Going in Circles
posted May 10 2005 10:20 p.m.

Just a few thoughts. First of all, I've been thinking of making a slight modification to my account with the lovely folks at Angelfire. Frankly, the option I took when I became a paying member just has too much mojo for what I use, and I'm paying for scads of bandwidth and storage space that I'm not even in danger of using up. I still have to do a little spring cleaning of my account, get rid of some old files, so on, but still, this is a text-heavy page, and so I've got space to spare. And, frankly, while I love my readers with all my heart, there's just not enough of you to account for the generous amount of bandwith I have available to me.

I need to contact customer support and see if I have to pay the "setup" fee to downgrade to less bandwidth and storage space. I'm just curious. I think maybe I was looking at castles in the sky when I signed up. I think, in my mind, I planned to be selling logo t-shirts of the page for a living. Of course, I have no logo, nor do I have any t-shirts about the site. Nor has anybody expressed any interest in wearing anything with my web address on it. But oh well.

I'm pretty excited for the new Star Wars. Just saying.

If you scan waaaay down you'll see a fairly in-depth analysis of the early parts of this American Idol season. Well, frankly, I'm just kind of bored with it and I'm really annoyed by the judges now and I'm guessing this is my 2nd and final year following the show with any regularity. I don't know. We'll see. I think the thing is going to collapse under the weight of its own popularity, though, kinda like Who Wants to be a Millionaire did. I don't know. I think maybe they need to shorten it. It feels like the NBA right now, with an eternal playoff season.

I'd say the NHL, but that's kind of a dated reference now, isn't it?

I wish I could take my Comic Book Idea and make it a Movie Idea, but frankly turning it in to a movie of any kind to my satisfaction would cost in the ballpark of, I'm guessing here, $190 million. I am very, very, very far away from having the merest fraction of that amount. And I wouldn't want to give up creative control of this, this thing is my baby. In one way or another, you could say I've been working on it 17 or 18 years now. Man, I wish I'd saved all those notebooks I doodled in as a kid. I had some good shit happening back then.

Scratch that, I'm glad I don't have all those notebooks anymore, because I'd really hate to bust the illusion that I was writing quality material at 8 years old.

And I think of 8-year-olds now and how they've never really known a life without the Internet, known a life without CDs, and I wonder if kids today still draw comics on looseleaf paper. And I wonder if they come up with their own characters, or if they just use existing ones (me, I did inter-company crossovers, and had my characters meet the Human Torch and Batman in 1 story. At the age of 8 I was not afraid of litigation).

And I think I was never this tired at 10:35 when I was that age, and I wonder if this is what 25 feels like, how does 50 feel? And then I think it's probably best not to ask, because there's a lot of living to do between now and then, and that's all right with me.

Scorpions
posted May 3 2005 9:29 p.m.

So tell me, I say, tell me why the world is the way it is. And he answers, well, it is the way it is because that's just the way it is. That's even, he says, the way that it goes and I know when he says it he is mocking me and although he doesn't remember summers along the Chesapeake I do, I surely do. But there's a cockiness about him that doesn't sit well and he doesn't remember childhood at all if he ever had one, born of a jackal says Joey, damned if he wasn't.

And that's not possible I tell Joey people are born of jackals and the hell they aren't he says look at the son of a bitch jackal spawn if ever a jackal bore any goddamn thing and I start to think maybe Joey's right if only because of his conviction about the whole thing.

But Joey didn't have summers as a kid he lived in Canada which may as well be the cold part of hell although I guess it does get hot there but it's not the same and that's all right he says he spent the last three summers in Afghanistan and he'd trade each and every one of those summers for summers in the Yukon. And I say yeah because I've seen Afghanistan on TV and I'll be damned he's right the place looks exactly like a gigantic aquarium you'd keep scorpions in.

But the jackalspawn he just shrugs and says listen I'll bring you a beer if it's a beer you want but I'll tell you the answer isn't at the bottom of it and I say I could care less what any jackalspawn thinks. He doesn't know what that means but he comes back with beer and its cold and tastes good sliding down my throat and Joey just bolts back a shot of rye like he was taking aspirin.

And Joey says when he was in Japan 5 years ago he ate a squid with a guy named Kawada and the squid was still alive when he ate it and I say no thanks I'll have the salad and I pretty much mean it because any squid is good enough to put a man off his meals for life if you think about it long enough.

So Joey has the fish and I have a salad even though beer and salad don't go well together but Joey and Kawada there knocked the appetite right out of me and then we pay the jackalspawn and we live him a tip because at least he took a minute to listen. And Joey gets on his bike and rides off and I start walking home and the jackalspawn looks out the window at me to make sure I'm leaving and I don't flip him off I pretend not to notice and I just walk down the highway. And it goes on and on from there but I think I'm going to stop somewhere because there's still a lot of night to come and there's no light walking on the road and I don't think I can take too much more darkness today.

(Sometimes my brain craps bizarre or bad fiction. This is the latest bit. I wrote this, it belongs to me, so sayeth the webmaster, May 3 2005.)

The Boy Ain't Right
posted April 18 2005 7:48 p.m.

I've been thinking a lot lately about any number of things, none of which are helping me work on my story at all, but that's okay. I work on the story slowly. I have always taken to heart the fact that, in the end, the tortoise won his race.

I've been thinking about "hive minds" or "groupthink", where a group of people basically think and act as one, just to boil it into a very simple definition. It's related, I think, to gestalt. I'm not sure exactly, I got a D in psychology. Probably would've gotten a G if it had been a 9 o'clock class instead of an 8 o'clock, but hell, that was like 5 years ago. Anyway, I've been wondering just how much of the government succumbs to "groupthink" (a negative version of the concept in which lots of mistakes are made because of the insular nature of the group and the presuppositions the group makes redgarding itself). And I'm wondering if groupthink will kick in at the papal conclave. Groupthink is a pretty deplorable idea to me; so is the hivemind, in fact, but from what I can tell gestalt (the whole being greater than the sum of its parts). Hive mind, however, is basically everybody working together of one mind. Nobody disagrees, nobody thinks on their own. Whereas gestalt is more like, everybody works together for the greater good. I don't know. I have no idea where this is going. You can imagine the difficulty this presents when you're trying to come up with a plot for a story you'd like to run about 400 pages or so.

I've been thinking of a lot of stuff--dream interpretation, the lost (or deleted) gospels of the Christian bible, and how great my new 20 inch TV is. That and I am batting around new angles for my old superhero idea. But that's besides the point. Right now the only writing I'm getting done is this. Which is good, because those you who read this know how awesome you are, and good for you.

I don't know. Got some more thinking to do, I guess.

Totally Ignore This Post If You Don't Read Comics, Seriously, Because It Won't Mean a Single Goddamned Thing To You
posted April 14 2005 10:51 p.m.

Actually, this won't mean a damn thing to you unless you've read the original StormWatch:

HENRY BENDIX IS BACK!

Okay. Done being a nerd now. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Happenstance
posted April 6 2005 10:56 p.m.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I get this feeling, like we're on the cusp of something. I can't tell you what it is because I don't know yet, but I just have this feeling.

I've got an idea in my head. Something about a scene or a movement, an era. I don't think we've had a pop culture era since, what, '94 or '95. Maybe '99, I'll get to that. It's been blah, indefinite. The world is too small now. As soon as the scene comes into existence it becomes passe because it is disseminated across the world in the flash of an eye and there's no scene anymore.

But there used to be real scenes, man. Think of the '60s, with the Acid Tests and Haight-Ashbury, the Grateful Dead and Jefferson Airplane. The Human Be-In and all that stuff. That gave way, eventually, to another cultural interregnum, the '60s hangover we hear so much about. Then you had disco, and that whole scene. A big scene, all over TV. Below the surface there was punk. Two big scenes at once. Music's a common theme here, I know, but this isn't about music. It's about ideas. Concepts.

The '90s you had grunge and angst and depression and brutal honesty. In the late '90s you had a brief smattering of a revival of the '80s-era Wall Street, the yuppie made manifest in the shape of the dotcommer. That scene, so typical of this point in history, was what, a year? Less?

We, America, need a new scene. Somebody to lurk in the shadows and say, forget it, that's all bullshit, I'm doing things my own way. And somebody hears that way and likes it. And it spreads. And it won't be prepackaged, it won't be thought out, nobody will be thinking about making a buck on it. They're just doing it because it is them, their true expression of self. And hopefully that will resonate.

I have no doubt that whatever the scene turns out to be, it will, like all the rest, become part of the mundane or, not as bad, bury itself under its own antiquity. But that doesn't mean we don't need it now.

I'm looking for it. I want to be a part of it, before it changes, before it mutates itself. I want to be a part of it in that magical phase when it's pure and real and honest, when it boils down to being about freedom and truth and honesty and life. About living the moment as it comes and not thinking of what happens next. Of being in love with it. Of being in love with life.

Just something that's been on my mind these past few days.

Tomorrow's Baseball News...TODAY!
posted March 31 2005 10:19 p.m.

UNINSPIRING LOGO COSTS TEAM FIRST GAME
By Ty Venison, AP Sports Reporter
April 4 2005

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (AP) -- "This uninspiring, bland logo cost us opening day," says Washington Nationals catcher Brian Schneider.

"I don't know, man,"Schneider elaborated, "I mean, it looks like create-a-team on a bad video game. Come on. It's just, well, you know, we only had a few months, I'm hoping its temporary. You can't inspire people to win on this kind of lame logo, playing for D.C. of all places. But, you know, we love baseball. Well, like 5 or 6 of us do. The rest of us are just disillusioned by this whole situation. I mean, come on, what kind of a logo is this? [Pitcher Livan] Hernandez is just walking around the locker room shaking his head muttering, "Where my hat is at?" which is the clearest I've ever heard him speak English."

Another soul-crushing loss to Philadelphia is expected Wednesday.

The Nationals are scheduled to play their first regular season home game against Arizona on the 14th, where conventional wisdom holds that they'll be so thoroughly demoralized by their uninspiring logo that, if they don't forfeit, they should lose by 10 or 12 runs.

"I'm hoping to get traded. I'll take Florida, Detroit, whatever," says first baseman Nick Johnson. "It really doesn't matter. All the logos are better than this. I mean, I used to be a Yankee, for God's sake." While this reporter was speaking to Johnson, pitcher Hernandez tripped and fell over a cooler, at which point he sat weeping. From his hand, poignantly, fluttered a piece of paper.

"Oh, no," Johnson said, picking the paper up. "I read Spanish, you know. It says 'Where my hat is at?' 47 times. It's so sad. I mean, the guy was with the Giants once. He had a punchy logo. It looked like a REAL team's logo. But now, you know, he's got nothing. Nothing at all."

Johnson shook his head. This reporter opted to end the interview at that time, to give the team, which is expected to be 0-24 come May 1st, time to recover.

"I'm calling my agent," Johnson was heard saying as he stepped over Hernandez's shaking body. "I can't take this sh*t one more day."

Deep Thoughts
March 30 10:33 p.m.

Wow. Two posts in 25 hours. Haven't done that in how long.

Want to hear something wholly unique? There's a thing called the ketjak, which is an Indonesian dance of exorcism that also happens to be music. Serious rhythm here. It's an interesting experience. It's a big file and a 20-minute piece. Check it out here but be prepared: It's absolutely alien to American ears. And one part will probably scare the piss out of you because you're not expecting the sound. But you'll have had what I can promise for at least 95% of you will be a brand new experience, and that's always a good thing.

Reading about Taoism a little bit. Very interested with the philosophical aspects of it. Don't see why it's frequently categorized as a religion, but it depends on the interpretation. To me, the beauty lies in that the Tao is nothing, and you do not worship it, yet the Tao is everything, and you live by it. I don't really have the words. Neither did Lao Tsu, but he tried. Maybe it's just a put-on from a thousand years ago, I don't know. I can tell you it's philosophy, even if people have rituals and stuff that go with it. You don't need those. It is just, like so many philosophical texts, interesting reading.

In fact, to me the most interesting thing is what I just recently learned, the legendary origin of the Tao Te Ching: Lao Tsu, a keeper of books and wisdom, decided to leave the kingdom because the political situation had gotten bad and he didn't like it anymore. On his way out of town the guard asked him to write down the things he knew, so the guard could pass it along. So Lao Tsu wrote the Tao Te Ching right there at the gate and then walked off into the hills, and like that was gone, never seen again.

Thinking deep tonight. The means time for bed, I think.

Moving With a Simple Twist of Fate
March 29 9:16 p.m.

I'm fresh out of titles. So I use song lyrics. That's fine for you it's-not-a-Blog, but it's not so good when you're trying to, you know, write books. Which is, for the latecomers to the page, what I am trying.

I'm working on that new book, the fun, lighterhearted adventure one. I'm working with a few character archetypes I haven't used before in my stories, because they haven't fit the oh-so-dark tone of my other stories.

I don't have a title for the book. I like to have a title, it's almost like a mission statement. I mean, sure, having a plot and names for almost all the characters is nice, but the title, you know, it gives it something extra.

Not that I have anything published, but I like to have a title. It's good because it gives you a goal. Saying, "I have to finish Untitled" or "It's time to get cracking on Work in Progress" is lame. But having a title, it's like having something to shoot for. And I like that.

I had a lot of fun when I was toying with the idea of doing a monthly comic book. I would've, but I can't draw and I'm awfully protective of my work so I kind of hate to collaborate. I'll probably break down and do just that eventually, but you know how it is. These things are your creations, you feel strongly about them. Anyway, in a comic book you get to have a new title for each issue, as well as a title for each story arc. So I was always playing with titles. I have long, long lists of potential titles--some of them song lyrics, some of them just fragments that sound right in that inexplicable way these things do.

And none of them fit.

William Faulkner, a difficult writer for the casual reader to say the least (I find that, to finish a Faulkner book, you have to want it, like you're running for Olympic Gold), had just the best titles for his books. As I Lay Dying; If I Forget Thee, Jerusalem (which is known also by a lesser original publication title, The Wild Palms); Light in August; The Sound and the Fury; Intruder in the Dust. Evocative titles all. I think I started reading Faulkner purely for the titles.

But I know, you're saying that if I'm trying to get into the business, I should worry about the quality more than the titles. And I do, night and day. I worry about what can be done to make it stand out, what can be done to make it memorable. Most of all, I want characters you can feel for, characters you can fall in love with, characters you'll miss when the story's over. That's what I want. I place even what those characters do through the course of the story as secondary to them. They're the life's blood.

I've created a few characters I love like children. One day I want to share them all with you.

Another Working Day
March 21 10:56 p.m.

Just kind of all over the place in the last post, huh? Yeah, well, this one won't be any better.

I don't think I've found, one month in now, the right voice for my page here. I mean, of course it is far better maintained in the new it's-not-a-blog-no-wait-it's-a-blog format, but I haven't done much in the way of random observances. Just kind of talk about the unbearable lightness of being, and intoxication, sinus infections, and the good ol' Grateful Dead.

Well, all that has to stop. And...STOP.

Okay. Well, now, see, here's the thing. There haven't been a lot of news stories that have caught my interest. I have a passing interest in the whole Terri Schiavo right-to-die thing (I think, yes, she has the right to die, but after that it gets sticky, doesn't it?), and are some amusing little notes about the line of succession in the British monarchy (something about how even though she shouldn't be and nobody wants her to be this Camilla woman will be queen if the current one dies and Charles becomes king, like Shakespeare meeting "Melrose Place", that story is). There've been a few interesting advances in the field of astrophysics, but nothing so dazzlingly spectacular that it'd be of enough interest for me to do more than read the article and say, "Hmm, that's interesting," and move on. Not even a whole lot from the space program lately. Nothing in politics worth discussing, to my mind, at the moment.

The world is dull.

And yet, it just filled a post!

That that, world! BWAH HA HA!

If I Knew the Way, I Would Take You Home
March 20 2005, 12:54 a.m.

Okay, so I've been drinking again. I had several shots of tequila, one of which was just kind of seeing the sights before it promptly exited from whence it came. So now that you are thoroughly disgusted with me--and if you're even partially as disgusted with me as I am with me, then you're a pretty special person indeed--I'm going to leave a few drunk guy thoughts.

For one thing, it is great to have friends. Having friends kind of makes the whole thing, the whole universe, worth the time you put into it. Which is an awful lot of time. For me, a quarter century and counting. So to all of you, with me in person or in thought or spirit, I say from the depths of my soul thank you, because truly, in whatever little way, you make this a finer world, and my thanks to you.

Or, as I said it before: Thank you for being.

Second of all, it's the little things that make it worthwhile, too. Like the taste of the salt before the tequlia goes down, and the lime right after. You don't drink tequila for tequila. You drink it for salt and lime. You don't get out of bed in the morning for the sake of Tuesday. You get out of bed because of what you'll do and who you'll talk to. The things that make being worth it.

It is good to be.

Don't ever lose sight of that. There have been times when I have, and that path leads nowhere worth going. Always remember that. Always remember you mean the world to somebody, somewhere, even if it is just at quiet times like this. Your being is worth it.

"If you should stand, then who's to guide you? If I knew the way, I would take you home." - Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia

Feel Like a Stranger
March 16 2005, 10:48 p.m.

Wow. Almost a week to the minute since I last posted. That's goddamn freaky.

Thing is, I haven't really had a lot to talk about, unless I want this to become a "How Much Grateful Dead Can One Man Listen To" Blog. By the way, just spent some quality time with their highly enjoyable but slightly flawed 1980 studio album, "Go To Heaven". Some hidden gems on it. But that's neither here nor there.

There haven't even been any fantastic current events. I haven't read any books lately (unless you count comics--and I would in that case recommend to you the recently-released Hellblazer: Setting Sun paperback collection, written by Warren Ellis). I haven't really seen any movies lately. A while ago I saw "The Grudge" which was creepy and atmospheric, if not necessarily superb. And I saw "Fargo" for the first time, and it was okay. I think a decade of hype kind of deflated it for me. I don't know.

I'm still watching "American Idol" and very little other TV. TV, for one thing, cuts into precious Grateful Dead listening time.

I've been playing obsessive amounts of "WWE SmackDown vs Raw" for the PlayStation 2. Post any "geek", "nerd", or "pathetic loser" comments on the message board, please. Don't clog my inbox.

I'm working on a new book. I don't have a title for it, which is weird, because I usually have a title first thing. But if you can tell from the various and sundry titles on this page (mostly song lyrics and snippets of dialogue culled from various sources, such as this weeks, which is a song title from, surprise, the Grateful Dead's forgotten 1980 gem "Go To Heaven"), I have trouble with titles sometimes. But, it's kind of a high adventure, light-hearted and not the typical depressive, mean-spirited, kill-em-all horror and crime novels I tend to write. In fact, right now I can think of only one death in the whole plotline (such as it is in this early stage of development), and even that's kind of played for fun.

So there you go. The message board is kicking ass. I'm glad everybody likes it.

Time to go listen to "Terrapin Station" and then get some goddamn sleep.

Transitive Nightfall
March 9 2005, 10:50 p.m.

Every once in a while I manage to get myself relaxed and unwound and I feel okay, for just a little while. It won't even last the rest of the night, I know the day ahead will encroach on tonight as it always does for somebody like me. But every once in a while, everything is all right.

This is one of those times.

I had to share it with you.

Thanks for being.

No Wings To Fly
March 8 2005, 8:44 p.m.

Here's something annoying: Still recovering from the cranial fluid imbalances that my sinus infection has left me with, I find that my left ear is having a hard time getting unclogged. Something is in there and it doesn't want to leave, but it's starting to. And here is where it gets annoying: Because of however the fluid in there is currently settled, every single breath I take reverberates in my left ear like a gale-force wind. I sound like I am an obscene caller, to myself. It's terrible. And nothing is worse than becoming fully aware of an unconscious, automated action like breathing because immediately some kind of regulated thing, like each breath is becoming a big focus for me. It's quite horrible, and it is slowly but surely driving me mad.

And I wonder why I continue to subject myself to "American Idol". I mean, besides Bo Bice, the rockingest man to ever appear on that show, I don't really like anybody. Carrie Underwood, again, is pleasant enough to listen to and look at, but I can't say I'd ever own her album, were she to do one. I'm odd about music, you know this, but even still...right now, for instance, my ears are being brutalized by a subpar singer doing "The Boys Are Back In Town", which is kind of hard to imagine somebody actually meaning to do on "American Idol". Maybe she did it by accident. And it was just declared "one of the best performances of the night", which is saying something about the singular lack of quality on this show. I mean, I can't fathom...I just don't know anymore.

Oh well. It's not like I'm going to stop watching the show over it or anything. Got to see Bo Bice keep up the pace.

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T", incidentally, is one of the worst songs ever written. And before anybody tries to tell me about its value in female empowerment, bear in mind it was written and originally perfromed by a man. Takes a lot of that empowerment right out from under it, eh?

But, hey, next is an all-new "House", as if "House" (whiich I hear is a good show) could somehow only be partially new, or perhaps if you are pessimistic, it could be partially old.

You Tell Me
March 6 2005 9:32 p.m.

Sometimes I just have this strange compulsion to see the page updated.

Sorry about that.

Rambling Man
March 3 2005 10:04 p.m.

Well, I've almost got the thing beat. I can actually enjoy life a little bit again. I smoked a few cigarettes today. Drank a soda that tasted really good because it hardly hurt. It was nice. The sinus infection is on its way out the door. No return trips, either. When it's gone, it's staying gone.

The weekend approaches fast, and I'll actually be healthy for it. I'm looking forward to that. It's been a while.

Man, I have no strange, dark ruminations to place here. So, uh, I don't know. I'm still listening to that Grateful Dead set I bought off iTunes. It's so long, and I haven't burnt it to CD yet, so, you know, I'm listening to it only when I'm on this thing. And I'm plotting a new novel, slowly but surely. Something a little less dark and depressing, almost comical in nature. Not, you know, comic book, for once, but, like, humorous. You know.

So yeah. I guess this'll past for a post for tonight.

I'll try harder next time.

Infestation
March 2 2005 10:19 p.m.

HA HA HA. Serves you right, "American Idol" losers. Serves you right for sucking. That'll teach you to suck. Manloha is GONE! Slimy, off-putting Joseph Murena is GONE! Some fucking other guy is GONE! That one chick is GONE! HA HA HA HA! Take that, losers!

Anyway. It seems this bastard of a microbe causing me to be unable to enjoy a cigarette is some kind of sinus infection. Which would explain the random pressure around my eyes and the weird fluid drainage situations I've been having in my ears and nose. But I have seen a doctor and I have an antibiotic prescription and I am going to wipe the son of a bitch out and I am going to smoke a thousand cigarettes while I dance on its grave singing "Whiskey in the Jar" and wearing rainbow suspenders.

I am the fucking man, and don't any of you bacterial bastards forget it.

Idolatry
March 1 2005 10:35 p.m.

First of all, I'll be moving February's posts into the archive any time now. Just not tonight.

Nor will I be breaking down tonight's female "American Idol" contestants. Because I didn't really pay enough attention and I only remember, like, 3 performances. Whereas last night, according to my own personal timestamp, I did a post 3 minutes after the show ended, as you can see it is now like 95 minutes after the show ended, and I just can't remember. So, sorry. Maybe next week.

Purchased 5 hours worth of Grateful Dead on iTunes. There is something wrong with me. If you are curious it only cost me 19 dollars. Even still. There is something wrong with me.

Book recommendation: Since I don't have a "comic books" section anymore, I am going to recommend this for any comic fans out there: It is well worth your time to get The Superman Archives Volume One by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, published (of course) by DC Comics. Now available for 20 bucks, beautifully restored hardbound collection of the first 4 issues of "Superman" (the earliest of which merely reprints issues of "Action Comics", but still). The color is outstanding, and it's a side of Superman that fans of "Smallville" may not necessarily recognize--or maybe they would. This Superman, from 1938, was barely faster than a speeding bullet, just slightly more powerful than a locomotive, and most assuredly able to leap tall buildings in a single bound--but couldn't fly. This is a Superman who can't travel in time, who can't fight monsters from other realities, or any of it. This Superman was a champion of the opressed--like Boston Blackie, "Enemy to those who make him an enemy, friend to those who have no friends." Which is an even more obscure reference than a 1938 issue of "Superman", but whatever. You see what the quote means. But, if for no other reason than to get a look at an everlasting piece of 20th century American culture.

Just a few thoughts.

Idol Chatter
February 28 2005 9:03 p.m.

Do you waste your time watching "American Idol"? I know I do. And I have just watched the remaining 10 male finalists compete. And I have to say:

Bo Bice just plain rocks. There's really no contest here, but you know how fickle and random America is. Poor Bo.

Constantine Maroulis is hardcore. This guy missed his musical calling by, like, 20 years, though. "It's Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeen.....TONIGHT!"

Travis Tucker was born to get lots and lots of tail, that kid is smooth.

Scott Savol...well, at least we know he's not the BTK Killer, right?

Joseph Murena is a smarmy, unpalatable man.

Anthony Fedorov is a little dweeb and he's only doing this because maybe, just maybe, he'll get invited to frat parties after he gets kicked off.

Mario Vazquez should probably go back to hanging out with Topher Grace and Ashton Kutcher, because he's not cut out for singing.

According to his profile, Nikko Smith plans to immediately thank Jesus if he wins "American Idol" this year. On the other hand, if Nikko is voted off Wednesday, I may very well speak to Jesus myself, for the first time in years, to thank him for guiding his people out of the wilderness of lousy, boring singers.

Anwar Robinson is pleasant enough to listen to. I think he'll have staying power.

David Brown is not to be confused with Anwar Robinson.

Where's the talent show for future Idol judges? Because I'm definitely final 3 material. Definitely. That'd be sweet.

Shortest Month My Ass
February 28 2005 7:12 p.m.

I really, honestly, totally thought this month would never end. It feels like it's been February forever. The month just dragged by like some plodding, unthinking juggernaut, never yielding, crushing all those who dared get in its path.

And I still have this goddamn flu and this goddamn sore throat and I am miserable and now it is snowing again but of course it won't be enough to do anything but annoy anybody.

I think, at long last, I know what Martin Scorsese must feel like the day after the Oscars. Like, I know I shared at least one thought with the great director: "Why do I even bother?"

The answer to that, of course, is why not?

Note the lowercase. I mean "why not" in the philosophical sense of nonchalance in the face of adversity, as opposed to "why not" in the more tangible sense of, you know, this website.

Actually, no, I probably mean the website.

Steal Your Face Right Off Your Head
February 24 2005 10:21 p.m.

Okay, so, I see a decent amount of people are using the message board. That's awesome, keep it up, it's cool to have you. I'll be putting up more links and what not soon, so all you fellow site operators/bloggers will get your due on this page soon enough.

I have the flu, and I hate it. I hate it the most. I hate it 9 times. I'm a worthless, quivering wreck of a man expelling flaming hot packets of phlegm and I am barely able to swallow due to the screaming pain in my throat. To say nothing of the fact that due to this pain and discomfort I have not had a cigarette in I don't even care to think about how long. And you know what that does. If not, I'll summarize: "Mister McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

All of my great new CDs that I ordered in my previously mentioned drunken haze arrived today, just prior to the snow. Needless to say, I have been laying down listening to some epic jams and wishing, wishing, wishing that I had just enough energy to do something, anything.

But I guess this qualifies, so what the hell.

I hear the Pope is back in the hospital. He too is stricken with the flu. It's times like these it's good to know you're not alone. The only difference is, I'm pretty sure in a few days I'll be okay. Him, on the other hand, you have to think maybe they'll be watching for smoke outside the Vatican pretty soon.

All right, folks. Keep using that message board, I've tweaked my options on it a little. So until tomorrow, when I stagger back home from some stupid ridiculous mandatory training course I have to haul my ass through the snow for--flu or no flu--keep watching the skis...uh, skies.

Fever Dream
February 21 2005, 9:43 p.m.

Well, first the good news: The fruits of my drunken internet shopping spree--a collection of fine compact discs available at The Official Grateful Dead Online Store that I seem to have purchased despite the fact that, while I will listen to them, were not the highest on my list of items to purchase in a drunken haze--has shipped.

That sentence is wretched. Let's try again, in a more Hemingway-esque style:

I was loaded. I had drank like a fish. I bought a bunch of CDs. Wasn't ready to buy, but I had drank like a fish, after all. Seems they've been shipped. I can live with that.

Okay. So anyway.

I took an extra day off to make this a 4 day weekend. On Friday, the first day, I brought forth this website. On Saturday, I drank like a fish and bought Grateful Dead CDs into the earliest hours of Sunday. On Sunday I ate an awful lot of Cheerios and read some Jules Verne. Today, of course, the final day of my rest period, I wake up severely ill.

I do not know if this is a simple cold, or perhaps its more dreaded cousin, the flu (assuming the two strains are related at all). However, I am uncomfortable, and the exact reason I took 4 days off was to avoid getting ill.

But, oh well, enough complaining. Tomorrow is another working day, and maybe a post that's about more than just, you know, having a website.

Gonzo
February 21 2005, 12:14 a.m.

It has just hit all the wire services that Hunter S. Thompson is dead by his own hand. He was 67.

He was a very unique guy, a true individual, and there's not enough of those around. I'm sure a lot of you saw Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, so you know that as well as I do.

This one's for you, Doctor Thompson.

Regret
February 20 2005, 9:38 p.m. EST

Wow. So I was pretty messed up last night, huh? Well, anyway, I think the main point of what I was trying to say last night was...well...I was pretty messed up. And I have a website.

This is not a good combination.

Maybe It Was the Roses
February 20 2005, 2:37 a.m. EST

Your faithful webmaster is, sad to say, very inebriated. He is updating this page against all good advice. He had a hell of a time writing the word "advice".

One of your faithful webmaster's great heroes is Raymond Chandler. He had something of a drinking problem, not on a par with F. Scott Fitzgerald (and who could compete with him?), but still formidable. And Raymond Chandler once said, "A man ought to get drunk twice a year, just so he doesn't get snotty about it."

Well, I'm halfway there, Mr. Chandler. And I'm still chasing down the bar you set. I'm chasing that son of a bitch down, and one of these days, at least, if I don't get a piece of the pie, I'll get to walk by the bakery.

"I don't know, it must have been the roses. The roses, or the ribbons in her long, brown hair. I don't know, maybe it was the roses. All I know, I could not leave her there." - Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia

Overnight Sensation
February 19 2005, 6:14 p.m. EST

All right. Much better today. All back in order.

Well, I guess I somehow expected this thing to explode. I don't know why. But clearly it hasn't.

Although my birthday was Monday, I'm going to celebrate it tonight. So this will probably be the only post for today. Maybe the only sober one, anyway.

Wish me luck.

Capitulation
February 19 2005, 2:26 a.m. EST

Still posting. Getting away from the computer now, seriously, once and for all. Feeling woozy. View the board. Enjoy the site. Direct all inquiries and suggestions to the e-mail address in the side bar. I am getting in bed and curling up with a good book. Anyway. That's that, for tonight.

No, really.

Well, you know, I do have to have some kind of content here.

Come Together
February 19 2005, 2:07 a.m. EST

Okay, so I have established a message board. It's a very nice service, doesn't cost me a whole lot. I would really like it if we could have some conversations going. Now, the board is hosted off-site, so if you want this page up and another, I'd advise opening the link to it in a new window or tab. The link is up on the sidebar, but what the hell, I'll put it here, too:

Our Message Board

It's nice. Not maybe what I had envisioned, but it gives us a place to talk, and it lets me store up to 1,000 messages at any given time. So what the hell, right? Go for it. Let's talk.

Okay. Seriously. I ought to be finished now.

Tick Tock
February 19 2005, 1:36 a.m. EST

Well, okay, I have a counter again. And I still haven't stopped posting here for the night. Oh well. Maybe this will be it.

Maybe.

Crashing
February 19 2005, 12:52 a.m. EST

This is going to conclude the first night's work on the revamped site. Probably. Anyway, I, uh, yeah. I realized I like having a page counter, so I have to figure out how to get one of those back. So, I'll get on that.

I still haven't the first idea how to make a message board or set up an RSS feed. In time.

So cold. The whole medication thing is wearing off, kinda. Don't know. Anyway. This really wasn't supposed to be about me. I mean, the whole page, way back in 1999 when I first set it up, in it's old, old incarnation as a wrestling fan site. And now I don't even watch wrestling anymore. Still play the video games, though. Anyway. Never supposed to be a personal site. Scarily close to a blog, which I used to make fun of a lot. Still.

Okay, then. Enjoy. E-mail me your links if you have sites of your own or blogs. I will put them up. We must make this into something, or else I've been adding another delusion to my parade of them.

That will be all for now. And I bid you goodnight.

I Have No Idea What's Going On
February 18 2005, 11:40 p.m. EST

Okay, so, I don't have the first idea how to set up an RSS feed. My hands are shaking and my head is swimming and this is beyond me tonight. So it'll sit.

And yes, this was kind of just an excuse to have a new post. Your indulgence is, as ever, greatly appreciated.

Diseased
February 18 2005, 11:13 p.m. EST

Playing with my new toy. Wired. Lots of energy. Putting some content up, just so there's content to be had.

I'll let you all in on an open secret about your webmaster: He takes medication. I won't say what kind or for what, but suffice it to say it is a bad idea to miss it. Not because it is potentially fatal, oh no no. Because it is potentially fucked up.

You see, I missed said medication last night. Very slow acting, this medication is. Very slow indeed. And hence very slow to wear off. So imagine my surprise when I randomly begin to go into withdrawal with catastrophic results on my general disposition.

Wired. Can't come down. Managed to do what I thought would take three days in two hours.

But we are all diseased in our own fashion, aren't we?

I Got No Chance of Losing This Time
February 18 2005, 11:01 p.m. EST

Well, time to put on the happy face!

And hello, to all my faithful readers, and weclome to the ALL NEW, SUPER-FREAKING-GREAT, randomly retitled Why Not? Universe. Well, anyway, you can already see the new format taking shape...instead of a column, just these little postings. No themes, nothing but the usual blend of honesty and lunacy.

The newest posting will be up top. Mash the "down" button on your browser, of course, to see older postings. Kick out a jam and put your weight on it. All's well that ends well.

End of the month, this month's page goes to the Crypt.

More features to come, like I said in the previous post. Hopefully soner than later. More frequent updates, so for pity's sake just bookmark me already, would you?

And tell your friends. We're building a community here.

Well, this is headline #2. More to follow.

Birthright
February 18 2005, 10:36 p.m. EST

And this is what it has come to. A simple little page for a little nerd to talk about what boils down to a TV series he really, really liked has turned into more than he ever dreamed.

And so the little nerd--being your ever-faithful and obedient webmaster, myself, Steve--had to reteach himself programming from the goddamn ground up.

And the best he could do was this.

And he stole this from an HTML library his webhosts were kind enough to supply.

But goddamn it, there's no more advertising on this site. And that's the important thing. More features forthcoming. Hopefully an RSS feed for you technophiles, shouldn't take but a while to set up. Then, most likely, a message board, if I can acquire some simple coding.

This is the face of the revolution.