YOU KNOW YOUR WATCHING TOO MUCH WRESTLING IF....
When you search & search the bible for the book of Austin.
If you can actually remember Sting's last public words.
If on a job application, you state your residence as "parts unknown."
When you're getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that with a little crowd support, you can turn this thing around.
When you won't leave the bathroom until they play your theme music.
If you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your manager is distracting him.
When you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast.
When a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle.
When you rack your neighbor’s dog.
When you attend a graduation, and yell "Ooooooh yeah!" when 'Pomp and Circumstance' plays.
When you are involved in a bar fight with a guy twice your size and you think your best line of attack is putting the Tongan death grip on him.
When you put up your wife or girlfriend up in a card game for 30 days if you lose.
When you go to a dance and start dancing like Alex Wright.
You watch car racing in order to see Bob "sparkplug" Holly.
When you try to put your kids to bed with a sleeper hold.
When you wear your Macho Man foam hat out in public.
When you win an award and immediately spray paint "nWo" on it.
When you rate women on a scale of Chyna to Sunny.
When you begin to shake someone's hand in public but then hesitate to look for the crowd's response.
When you get into a real fight and you blade yourself.
When you do heel turns on your best friends for no reason.
If whenever you walk into a party you tell them to "cut the music."
When anytime anybody asks you a question, you "grab the mike" and yell, "MEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAN GEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEE."
When you die you moustache blond while leaving your beard black.
If you keep waiting for run-ins during boxing matches.
After an argument with a friend, you shake hands, hug each other and then after you raise both yours and your friend's arms in the air, as he looks to the side, you clothesline him.
If you think John the Baptist Bladed.
If you wonder why Bob Backlund's campaign for the presidency never got any press.
If you carry a foreign object in your underwear.
When you go into work you insult everyone you see just to draw heat.
If you wore spiked shoulder pads during a football game.
If you loose a job, you change your look and name before starting a new one.
When you are working for that other company, your old boss is constantly badmouthing you to customers.
If you find out that you have been fired by calling up the company's hotline.
If you purposely blade yourself while shaving.
If you suspect your best friend is just setting you up for a heel turn.
When before a fight, you give away a pair of sunglasses to a kid.
When you put your kids to bed, you tell them to "Rest In Peace."
When you go to a funeral and assume that the deceased just lost a Casket Match.
When your king-size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it.
If you walk into church and slap people's hands in the pews while walking down the aisle.
If you paint your face and don't speak to your co-workers.
If you get into an argument with a friend at work and challenge him to a loser must retire match.
When you see a fight in the streets and call the moves.
If at a ceremony at your work to give out awards to the employee of the year, you "turn" and slam a chair across the recipient of the award's head... then you immediately grab the mic and start talking about how YOU deserved the award.
If you refer to all the women in your work area your valets.
If you insist that your professor grades you on your marketability, the ppv buyrate and the pop you get when you walk into lecture.
When you keep flour in your underpants (just in case).
If you refer to The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal as rag sheets.
If you wondered why Vince didn't borrow money from Ted DiBiase to prevent WCW from "buying" it's wrestlers.
You go to a Japanese restaurant and chant "USA, USA"
When you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn't "play with the big boys", and that she will never get past mid-card status.
If you quit your job in order to find your "smile"
You want have your honeymoon at The Smackdown Hotel
If you inpersonate the Honkey Tonk Man instead of Elvis
If you really think it's cool to wear a wrestling T-shirt out in public
You go to your daughter's softball game and chant "we want blood"
You refer to everyone you talk to as "brother"
Your cats are named "Crippler", "Hitman", and "Hollywood"
You hold a wrestling tournament for a alumninum foil belt
You get kicked off the school wrestling team for chokeslamming your opponent
You write to the admissions office of SCU
You really believe the TBS stands for "The Brain Station"
You create a web page entirely devoted to wrestling containing a list like this oneEvery time you watch the movie 2001, you wonder why Rick Flair never sued them for using his music
You wonder if the wrecks in NASCAR are works
During a political debate you call Al Gore a heel, Bob Dole a face, and Bill Clinton a tweener
In a resume, you put that you are "the best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be"
You have a turkey vulture as a pet
When you make the High School football team, instead of ordering a letter jacket, you order a Ric Flair robe with your school's initials on it.
When you pose in a photo with friends, you flash the Four Horsemen sign
You do the Flair strut into a meeting at work
When you talk to your boss, every other phrase is "Whoo"
You boss calls to talk about cutbacks and you insist on talking about your workrate
Someone falls on a chair and you chant "your'e extreme, your'e extreme"
During someone's retirement ceremony, you are asked to speak...you get up and talk about the person's average size, average speed, average carpentry skills... and then talk about how he parlayed it into a great career.... you then talk about how he can't even open a beer anymore with his left hand... and then proceed to tell a story about a fat broad slapping him on. the back in a bar after work...etc.. etc.."
You scream at the top of your lungs and don't know why
You start off every conversation with "OOOOOHHHHH WHAT A RUSH"
You die your mustache blond, but leave your beard black
When you beat someone up, you spraypaint thier back
You constantly deny that Brian Christopher is your son
Your job is your "gimmick"
Someone you work with leaves his job for another one with more money and you accuse him of not being loyal to the fed that made him a star.
A promotion at work is seen as getting a push
You claim that your favorite sports teams were jobbed
You call every kind of fan a mark
You flex infront of every mirror
You and your friends develop a secret hand signal
You feel the need to do a Flair impression before going on Space Mountian
You tell your cat "Meow one more time, and you can forget the 'Fancy Feast' man, 'cause I'll open up a can of 'Whoop Ass' and see how you like the taste of that!"
You see an American flag, and immediately cross your eyes, stick your tongue out, give a big thumbs up and yell, "HOOOOOO!!! Tough guy!"
You dream about splashing your boss from the top of your cubical walls
You buy your daughter a Ric Flair doll instead of a Ken doll
Every time you sit down at a table you wonder if it would be easy to break if you moonsault through it
You buy a HBK doll to go with Ken
You T-Bone suplex your kids to bed
You greet your inlaws by jumping around and pointing to your crotch
You shatter your kneecap Tombstoning your friend on concrete
You are not embarrassed to rent a wrestling video
You walk into a party and tell them to cut the music
You walk into a group of Mexicans talking a shout "ARRIBA LA RAZA"
You get into a public place and, for some sort of things you hear some people booing at something and you think they're booing at you and you start yelling at the people to shut up.
You elbow smash your dog, then turn him over for the three count
You borrow $50,000 from the bank & start a carpentry business, & make all your chairs out of balsa & your tables weak in the middle in hopes that the PE will hear & subcontract out to you.
You give the AA thumb across the throat to your boss when going into job reviews
You wear Macho Man sunglasses during job interviews
For Christmas, you buy your mom a pair of ring boots
You actually believe in your hear that the flair flip will one day work
You think that John the Baptist bladed
You try to convience friends that wrestling is real and all other sports are works
When a limo goes by, you shout "WHOO" hoping for a response
You are late to work every Tuesday because you need to watch the tapes from the previous night one more time
You climb fences and do Superfly Splashes off them -- in your sleep
Your first instict was that Holyfield bled the hard way versus Tyson
You keep waiting for run-in's during boxing matches
You buy Dusty Rhodes pok-a-dot shorts for your fat mother-in-law
A trip to the barber with friends turns into a hair vs. hair match
Your loved one hits the switch at night and you attack thinking it is a "lights out Texas Death match"
You wear a robe and tights at your job at Wendy's
You throw a coke at the ring.....at it hits the TV screen
You think that a fashion statement is a black trench coat
You come up with a move called the atomic elbow drop witch is done of the 3-meter diving board
Your wife asks to try out a move on you after just seeing done on TV
Your wife makes you sit on the end of the bed/swimming pool to practice her flying cross body move since you don't have a real ring.
When a sales person mentions leather interior, you think of Hogan without any skin
When you see the clown at McDonalds, you think of Doink and Dink
Your wife calls you the living legend