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Mudge from birth to death

Well, you asked for it, and here it is, all about me, from conception to now, I'll keep it updated, and it we're lucky, you'll get to hear of my death too.

Okay I lied about telling about the conception, but, it was sometime in late september, I guess

I was born 6:12 am June 27, 1978 in Cincinati, OH. That was the only time I was ever in a hurry, I guess, becuase I was born before there was a doctor around, and I was almost born in the elevator. After that rush, I decided to take it easy.

So, there I was, the first inteligable thing that was said to me was from my sister, who looked at me, and said "Oh good, now there's someone I can be the boss of"

I was baptised in a Lutheran church at 6 months, and basically attended church from there till late teen age years. For some reason, I thought that the pastor person was actually God until I was 4 or so, so that messed me up. I've always been somewhat agnostic, I guess, I remeber questioning my kindergarten teacher on the existance of heaven (becuase you know, kindergarten teachers are completely all knowing.)

So, I went through elementary school, having teachers yelling at me about my handwriting, and my missing work and all, there were more important things in life than writing well and getting homework done.

I don't really remeber all that much through then, I think I blocked most of it. It was boring anyway. I do know though, that I was generally not liked well by others, I was definately not in the "in" crowd, but the friends I did have were very close, they would have died for me, or I for them, if necesary.

So, basically, my life sucked from the time I was 4, till the time I was 14 or so, 10 years is a long time. I didn't have a God, I felt that he had abandoned me, or else he would've done something. Finally, at age 14, I realized what was going on. I wasn't like other people, I didn't think like them I didn't act like them, the only way we were similar was in appearance. So, I spent another few years figuring this out, I was 16 when it finally hit me.

Some of you will have no difficulty with this, some will, depends on how much you know me. But, basically, I realized that I was in the wrong body. There pare people that feel that they should have been born a female, and they are male, or vice versa. I felt that I should have been born wolf, and was born human. I was quite disapointed, and spent the next 2 1/2 years trying to figure out a way to correct the problem. I tried mag(j)ic(k) (however you want to spell it), I tried self hypnosis, I tried meditation, I tried lots and lots of drugs, none of it had any effect, (though the drugs were cool). There are many like me, though none of us are exactly alike. Most call themselves were, short for werewolf, or werecat, or whatever they happen to be.

During my struggles with this, a good friend of mine, a pagan, who was very animalistic, and may have been were, was killed by a christian fundy out of "christian love", who spouted alot like Jed and Jim. The police called it a suicide, and never even bothered to look at it. But, a few phone calls around, well, that fundy is probably in another country, fearing for his life. Not exactly justice, but, maybe one day there will be.

Also during this, I became very religious. I read the bible cover to cover several times, studied it, went to bible study, and even started thinking seriously about seminary school. My Junior year in HS, I was sure that I'd eventually be a member of clergy. But, there were some nagging questions that kept coming up. Contradictions that didn't go away with explanations and further studies, but just became more pronounced, until finally, I realized that there was alot in the Bible that I didn't believe, and couldn't tell other's to believe. So, I realized, even though I was religious, I wasn't necessarily christian.

Finally, I pretty much gave up on my dream of what some call a p-shift, becuase I realized that it was basically impossible. So, instead of whining about it, like some others do, I accepted what has happened, and decided to find out why I am the way I am. From this has stemmed a whole new religion, of which there are currently few members, and they all disagree on pretty much everything anyway. My personal belief is in reincarnation, and I chose this form becuase it's the only form that can prevent mass destruction of the planet, which will affect my prefered race, and everything else too.

So, you see here why I hate fundies, why I act the way I do, and where I'm coming from. This is far from complete, but, it's all I could think of. If you have any questions, ask them, and I'll include them in an updated version.

Email: Mudge

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