- Yes = No
- No = Yes
- Maybe = No
- I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
- We need = I want
- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
- We need to talk = I need to complain
- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
- I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
- Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
- You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
- Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you're dead.)
- Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
and FINALLY... (while shopping)
- I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
- I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
- I'm tired. = I'm tired.
- Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
- Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
- Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
- May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
- Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
- You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
- What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
are you going through now?
- What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
- I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
- I love you. = Let's have sex now.
- I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.
- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that
- Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
- Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
with other guys.
- I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!