DISCLAIMER: I own the wacky story, Joss owns the characters
DISTRIBUTION: Spike Girls
AUTHOR: Ashley (Peroxide Spike)
TITLE: I can't stay mad at you.
CLASSIFICATION: Buffy/Xander, and Spike/Dru (you all knew that anyway) but it's funny and Angel and Faith die, so read it and be happy.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've been on this list forever and this is the first time I have EVER answered a challenge. Maybe it's because I'm lazy or because I'm busy, but this is still my first, hope it doesn't suck.
MORE NOTES: I make fun of Xander a little, but I love him. Although it's more about making fun of men and the obsession they have with sports, and how manly they think it makes them.
FEEDBACK: Yes please. I'm not a fic challenge virgin anymore, tell if it was good for you! :)
"I can't believe you bought a Brett Farve jersey," Buffy screamed at Xander. He had just walked in sporting the jersey he had seen in the mall that she had begged him not to get. "You know how I feel about the Green Cheese Slackers!"
"Uh, Buff, that's the Green Bay Packers." Xander says as he looks embarrassed. "Besides, every guy has a jersey so I have to, to prove that I'm a man and watch football. It's the guys honor code: football watching."
"Yeah, but that jersey is ugly, it makes you not look so great, and you sound like a baboon robot programmed to sit around and watch football so you can talk about how great of a man you are." Buffy said with a disgusted look on her face.
"Look, I don't expect you to understand; just run off to Angel or something" Xander said without care.
Buffy stared him down, "Fine, maybe I will run off to Angel" and with that Buffy headed out the door.
She ran to the mansion. Angel was there with Spike and Drusilla. Spike was laughing hysterically and Drusilla was standing beside Spike with an evil look on her face, cooing madly. Angel was on his knees and someone was laying down before him. As Buffy moved closer she saw it was Faith. Angel was vamped out and was breaking her fingers, then moved to her toes, then broke her arm. That's when Buffy finally spoke out. "Angel! What are you doing?" Angel spun around at hearing Buffy's voice. His face went back to normal and he looked at her with his one tortured facial expression.
Spike laughed even harder at the sight of Buffy, but calmed himself down long enough to speak, "I love playing with his mind. You know if you talk to him long enough you can actually convince him he doesn't have a soul. Then he goes "OJ" on everyone and turns back to his normal, pathetic self and cries. It's really fun."
"Mummy wants to play with the kitten." Drusilla cooed to Spike.
"Go ahead, ducks, have your fun" He said as he kissed her softly on the cheek.
She bent down and vamped out. Drusilla tore her fingernails in Faith's arm. Faith squealed like a little school girl who was hit by a tiny rock. Drusilla smiled and licked the blood off her arm.
"Get away from me you crazy freak" Faith shouted, "I want Spike to come over and *do* me"
"That can be arranged" Spike said as he picked up Faith from the floor. Her smile quickly faded as he sunk his teeth into her neck, he drained her until she was barely alive. Spike put a hand on her jawbone and Drusilla's hand over his. Spike and Drusilla exchanged glances as they jerked their hands causing Faith's neck to break. She fell limp on the floor. Spike looked up at Drusilla and smiled lovingly. Drusilla walked over to him and placed her head next to his. She began to purr as Spike stroked her neck. They walked out of the mansion hand in hand, laughing.
Buffy looked up at Angel with the most disgusted look. Angel looked back down at her with his (how out of the ordinary!) one facial expression. she got sick to her stomach (finally) and left the mansion and that brooding heap people have the nerve to call human, or a vampire.
Buffy walked to the graveyard feeling okay, but desperately wanting to re-do her scene with Xander. Luckily for her, he was sitting on a gravestone waiting for her. But he was still wearing that stupid jersey. She stared at him with hate in her eyes, and he got a clue. He tore the shirt off his body, and smiled as his skin glowed in the moonlight. Buffy laughed slightly.
"I'd rather be here with you than watching football anyday. Actually I've never watched a game in my life, but that's not really the point."
Buffy laughed and moved closer to him. He embraced her with his muscular arms (::drool:: sorry) He kissed her gently and pulled away, "I'm sorry."
"Me too," Buffy mumbled quickly and then went back to kissing him. Angel came up behind them and cleared his throat. They broke off, frustrated at Angel. Xander looked at him for a few minutes. He was so stupid that he had forgotten what he was going to say.
Xander became irritated and pulled out his bottle of holy water. He threw it at Angel, it shattered to pieces when it hit him. Angel shrilled like the idiot he was. Steam was pouring off his chest due to the contact with the holy water. He unbuttoned his shirt, as Xander and Buffy moaned because they were almost as sick of seeing him shirtless as we Spike Girls are. He pulled little pieces of glass out of his chest. Angel screamed everytime he picked glass out.
Xander couldn't help but laugh. He finally reached up Buffy's sleeve and got the stake she always kept there and rammed it in Angel's chest. He dissolved into ash after looking at Buffy for a few moments and saying her name in his repetitive annoying voice God knows how many times. Xander smiled hard as he kicked Angel's ashes.
"Why did you do that?" Buffy asked, not sounding too worried.
Xander answered her with a phrase that he had heard before, but wasn't too funny until he said it, "That guy just bugs me." Buffy shrugged her shoulders as Xander put his arm around her. They walked off basking in the glow of each other, knowing that the two dumbest, and most annoying people they knew were dead.
The next night, and many more nights to come, they went on double dates with Oz and Willow. Spike and Drusilla didn't have Angel to worry about anymore, and the slayer was occupied with Xander, so they ran a muck through Sunnyhell with no one to stop them. All the couples lived happily ever after, especially Spike and Dru because they had the longest time to live.
FIN. Now give me feedback.