Author: Judy/Beatle Spike

Title: B*T*V*S

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from either show. And surprisingly, Ragna and I own ourselves.

Distribution: Ask Ragna. It's hers.

Feedback: Sure!

Note: Sequel to yesterday's badfic, "B*U*F*F*Y". Again, the BtVS characters annoy the characters from M*A*S*H, with Angela's and Ragna's help. Since she asked so nicely, she gets to be in this story.


It was a typical night at the library, and Spike and Drusilla were again spying on the Scoobies, attempting to intercept their plans to stop the world from the forces of evil.

"I'm baaack!" a voice sang.

"Oh, god!" groaned the nine people in the library as they realized who it was.

"And I've brought a friend. Guys, this is Ragna. She asked to be in this fanfic since she likes M*A*S*H, so here we are."

Spike looked over the older girl. She was verrry good-looking. Ragna was at least five or six years older than Angela. She was probably even legal...

"Watch it, buster," said Ragna warningly. "None of that. You've got your own girlfriend."

"Awww, man," Spike said, sounding less like the English vampire that he was and more like a surfer dude. He stuck his lower lip out in a pout. (If you want to see something really funny, it's a powerful demon pouting like a five-year-old.)

"Now, we're going to go back to Korea. You guys get to stay for a longer time, providing my father doesn't come home and scream at me to get off the computer. Who knows? Maybe we could kill somebody even more annoying than Burns. I'm thinking...Colonel Flagg?"

Angela and Ragna giggled. Ragna then explained, "The spell that Angela did yesterday is still in effect, so...away we go!"

With a burst of light, the eight humans and three vampires found themselves once again at the 38th parallel. Margaret Houlihan let out a yell when she spotted them.

"You!" she shouted at Drusilla. "You killed my Frank!" With a lunge she went at Dru full force.

Spike was about to step in when Drusilla easily deflected Margaret's normally lethal right hook. "Leave me alone!" Dru said forcefully. "He was horrible and unfaithful and he deserved to die. Plus he made fun of me, and I won't tolerate that." Then she snapped Margaret's neck.

"Dru? Love?" saked Spike, bewildered. "Wha...What happened?"

She shrugged. "I just got tired of having people take advantage of me. It's been going on for one hundred and forty years. I'm not really insane. I faked the whole thing. I've learned that it's gotten me a lot farther along in life than sanity would. I'm sorry I lied to you, but it had to be done."

"I love you, Drusilla. Don't worry about it." The two vamps then engaged in a passionate kiss.

Then a short young man with glasses and an odd-looking hat came running up to the group. "Colonel Blake wishes to see you. In his office. About the killing of Major Burns." He was definitely nervous. "I think he really wants to see *you*," he said, pointing at Dru.

Spike lunged at Radar. "You can't have her, you little twerp!" he cried. Spike was in one of his famously murderous rages.

Ragna intercepted the blow. "Don't, Spike. He's just following orders. It's not his fault. Besides, I think he's kind of cute."

Radar blushed and Spike fell back with a scowl.

Angela turned to Spike. "You definitely need to work on your anger control. From now on you're going to be less violent." She then proceeded to type it into the draft she was working on. Then she read it aloud. "'Spike calms down and kisses Drusilla again.'"

The vamps followed their orders.

Angela turned to Ragna. "Ya see, this is what I love about writing. I get to call all the shots."

Ragna laughed. "I know the feeling." Then she turned to Radar. "Hey, wanna grab a drink at Rosie's?"

Radar, suddenly emboldened, answered, "Okay. How does a Grape Nehi sound?"

"It sounds great." With that the two linked arms and headed in the direction of the bar.

Then Hawkeye came running and saw Margaret's corpse lying on the ground. "What happened?" he asked, incredulous.

"I killed her. She tried to kill me, so it was purely self-defense," said Drusilla.

"Oh, okay," said Hawkeye nonchalantly. "I'm glad you killed her. I loved Hot Lips, but she never loved me back. It was a total case of unrequited love. Now Frank can't have her, and neither can I. It's a heck of a lot better this way." Then he saw Buffy. "Hel-lo! Would you be interested in a picnic with me? Preferably spoken entirely in French?"

"Ooh, that sounds wonderful. I don't speak French, but you can do all the talking. It sounds sooo sexy." Then Angel got a piercing glare for all of his pains in attempting to woo her. "How come you never did that for me? Stupid brooding vamp."

Then Buffy staked him.

"Good riddance," cried the gang.

Xander said cheerfully, "I never liked old Hair Boy anyway."

"Life is good," said Spike. "Angel's dead, Drusilla's come back to her senses...wow. This is great."

And it truly was. Dontcha just *love* happy endings?