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More Ramblings on Life

These are some topics which are very close to my heart at the moment. My friends are the closest thing I have to family at times. I would die for most of them. In all honest, I never thought I would say that about any human being... No, I'm not selfish, it's just until recently, I had not cared about anyone as much as I do about my friends now.
One of these years, I may actually have my own family I would do anything for, but til then, my friends will have to do =)
Love, friendship and flirtation are my big things =) I flirt with my friends, most of whom understand. I love my friends. They all go hand in hand for me. If I have a male friend, I will most likely flirt with him. I do try to give fair warning, but it isn't always possible *g*

Love

Love, as they say, is a many splendoured thing... I do believe in love at first sight, it just hasn't happened to me =) Soul mates, I'm not so sure of... I guess my problem is this: how do you actually know *this* is the person you were meant to spend your whole life with? They may be there to teach you something in preparation for your "true" soul mate.. then again, with as many as are living in this world how are we to know we have, or even will, meet this fabled person in this lifetime?
Maybe I'm a cynic, I've been called much worse...
Me, I'd like to meet someone who will make me happy, someone with a great sense of humor, nice eyes, someone who will love me for who I am and what I dream of... One of these years, it will hopefully happen... In the meantime, I'll just dream about him *g*
I wish everyone who has felt those tingling happy love induced feelings much joy and luck for the future. Moya & Les, WWW & DW, Oak & Amber, and all those others I'm forgetting (including mom & dad)I'm really happy for you, just let me cry in my coffee sometimes =)
I just would like someone like that for me... I think this time I would like to start out with a really good friend before I commit to anything else... I do have many friends, each has their own value to me (see below) =)
I don't hold (many) hard feelings toward my exes, it just didn't work out the way we had hoped... Shawn & Chris, I hope you two find what you are looking for, since I couldn't supply it. *hugs* and I still love both of you, more than I can say...

Friendship

This is always a tough topic for me... My friends are my life, or at least are very close to being my family...
I love my friends. Each has their own contribution to my life. I say I love them, because I do. I value them above my life in some instances. I try to explain and people misunderstand me... not unusual, but it does get kind of annoying, so I'll try again =)
Certain friends I value for their intelligence and what they can teach me about life, from their experience. I live to learn and love to learn from those willing to teach me.
Others, I love for their compassion and the ability they have to put me in my place whenever I decide to shoot off my big mouth, lol.
Then there are those who have the ability to make me feel wanted even when I'm having the most horrid day possible.
The ones who have the ability to make me blush (very rare), the ones who know when to talk & when not to, the ones who listen to me ramble even when I have nothing to say...
I love all my friends in different ways, but I don't mean til death do you part forever & ever type love.... I'm talking about friendship & the feelings you have for people you care deeply about. I don't know how else to explain it *sigh*
I guess the only way to explain it is that to me, at least, they are totally different things... It's like the difference between love and lust... I love my friends for what they mean to me, but I don't want anything more from them =) I love them for being there for me, no matter what it is I may need, I know who to turn to for what ever is bothering me... Be it a spiritual question, feeling down, a question about love, lust or anything else...
Like I keep saying & I know I'm rambling, but I love all of you for the pieces you have donated to my life... I'm not sure what I would have done, or will do with out what each and everyone of you has and hopefully will continue to teach me about life and myself =)

Flirtation

Most of my friends know me well enough o realize that I am a huge flirt =) I enjoy the interaction whether irl or on line of like minds treading the thin line between friendship and sex... The wink, the innuendo, the knowing look, it's fun =) I don't know how to explain it, it's my way of feeling better about myself...
My male friends accept this with good grace, but some of their wives don't always get it, lol... Oh well =) I try not to piss them off *g*
Flirting is also a good way for me to blow off steam, with out exploding and blasting everyone within hearing distance... The harder I flirt, the more stressed I am... I almost sound desperate at times *sigh*. It seems to be a reflex for me...
I love men *g* What else can I say? I love men's sense of humor and need the balance in my life... flirting with my friends is harmless and shows how much I care about them. Special *smooches* to Dan (aka Danimal aka super LA), Wish, Magus & Baal... thanks for letting me be myself & letting me vent a little... you guys may not be my soul mates, but I love ya anyway =)
However, there are times when flirtation can be taken as something more.... If I have ever given that impression, I am heartily sorry. I can not accept having a marriage broken up with me being used as an excuse. I love my friends for exactly that... Their *friendship*. I am not ready willing or able to have anything more than friendship with anyone at this time.
That leads me to another topic which I will touch on a few pages later... the subject of trust and betrayal.


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