One of Alice's Knock-Knock Jokes
Gerry: Knock knock
Alice: Who's there?
Alice: OJ who?
Gerry: Ok you can be on the jury!
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park it in, man!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed!
What do you call a budgie that's been run over?
Gerry: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Alice: I don't know. What?
Alice: Oh, dear, I'd better be careful, then.
A nun is taking a bath when someone knocks at the door. She asks who it is, and the person says, "The blind man." So she lets him come into the bathroom. The man enters the room and says, "Nice tits. Where do you want me to put the blinds?"
Two nuns are taking a bath. One asks, "Where's the soap?" The other one says, "It does, doesn't it?"
Two nuns are driving along on a stormy night when they are pulled over by a vampire. One nun says to the other "show him your cross" The other yells out the window " get out of our $%^%ing way you git!",
Three nuns die and end up at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter says that before they can enter, they must first each answer a question. To the first he asks " who were the first humans?" She says "Adam and Eve" and he lets her in. To the second he asks "where did they live?" She says "In the garden of Eden" and she too is admitted. Then he asks the third, "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She replies "My goodness that's a hard one" and he opens the gate once again.
A vicar and his friend are playing golf. His friend misses a three foot putt and says "damn! missed the bugger!" The vicar is shocked by his language and tells him that God will strike him down if he keeps on cursing. The friend laughs and says the same thing when he misses the next shot. Suddenly, there is a bolt from the sky and the vicar is struck dead! Then a voice out of the heavens calls "Damn! Missed the bugger!"