DEVON
Devster
NOTE FROM CO-WEBMASTER SLIQUE: Devon's profile revolves around the usage of bold letters, yet Angelfire is stupid and the unbolding thing occasionally malfunctions. So use your imagination
Name: Monica Lewinsky. Wait a minute, that's not right. That's not right at all...
Personal Ad Line: I once saw a personal ad in North Carolina with the title: "I WANT TO BE YOUR LAST BOYFRIEND." Very scary. I think I wet myself when I read it.
Age: Sweet, sweet sixteen.
Height: I used to be tall. But everyone else started growing. And I still had to sleep in that jar.
Sexual Orientation: Oh yeah! I went to one of those. It was the day before the first time I had sex. I took a big yellow bus to the brothel and we went around the place and they told us what we'd be doing during the next year.
No, You Idiot, Like Gay Or Straight: Ohhhhhh! Sorry. Straight.
You've Never Even Had Sex Have You: Actually, no, I don't like sex, it's too impersonal. Who are you anyway?!
I'm The Guy Who Writes In Bold Capitalized Words And Ends Everything With A Colon: Oh... hello!
Shut Up Plain Text Boy: All right, I'm trying to be nice here. Just ask some questions, okay?
Fine: ... Well?
Well What: Aren't you going to ask any questions?
Yeah Yeah, Gimme A Sec: ... You okay in there? Here, just ask the questions from all the other Topper pages.
All Right: Thanks.
Weight: SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP!
Touch-y: I was kidding! 185.
Fatso: Shut up, you weigh like 400 pounds.
Oh Yeah: All right. Just ask some more Topper-ish questions already.
Religion:
Location:
Fun Fact:
Hobbies:
Favorite Quotes:
Uh, Hello?: Yeah, I'm here.
You Didn't Answer Any Of The Questions, Dude: Yeah... well... I'm just not feelin it.
Huh?: Well I can't do this if you're not into it. I need some enthusiasm, man. I'm sorry.
All Right, Whatever You Say: Thanks buddy. Go ahead.
RELIGION!!!: That's the spirit! I'm a religious Jew. And proud of it.
LOCATION!!!: I have no locker. I wander from place to place. Like a trew Jew. Or is it a true Jue?
Oy Vey: Yeah, you're right. That was stupid. Next question please?
Fun Fact: Ahem?
Oh, Sorry... FUN FACT!!!: Yeah, um, better make that facts. There's more than one. Sorry.
*Grumble* FUN FACTS!!!:
- I'm naming my firstborn daughter "Fuckleberry."
- Ritalin is yellow. My friend from MTC snorted it once. Bad idea.
- Ben Kingsland is really cool. He sits next to me in Concert Choir! We like singing the photocopied music and the supermarket song from the sight-reading book.
- Many of my best friends have names that begin with "J." Coincidence???
- Typing "FUCK" into your graphing calculator repeatedly is a safe, effective release of anger. Just don't let anyone see.
- Cow tipping is NOT FUN FOR THE COWS.
- Kathy Belendiuk thought I was dating Jay Ayres for two months.
- Jay still thinks it.
Um, Can I Interrupt?:
*sigh* Fine, but get out of the center.
Okay: So?
Well...: ... ?
YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!: Is that all? I was in the middle of something! Gimme another "Fun Facts" prompt.
Fine... Fun Facts: Ahem?
Fun Facts: Fine, be that way.
- Everyone disses Alanis Morissette because her song "Ironic" isn't ironic. But folks, she's one step ahead of us. It IS ironic that a song called "Ironic" is not ironic. That's right. So call Alanis and take back those death threats... oh wait a minute... the song still sucks. Never mind!
- By that token, ever wonder what that "Soy Bomb" crap was? Well everyone missed it, including the media, but our man Kevin Conroy knows all and sees all. The guy speaks Spanish, dude! "Soy Bomb" is "I am the bomb." Don't thank me, thank Conroy.
- I told Jay I finished the first set of journals. But I didn't. I just didn't want him to be disappointed in me. He's such a nice guy... :(
- I never have any classes with Jim or Josh anymore!!! Or Sean!!! I love Jim and Josh and Sean. Like brothers. Dammit. DAMMIT.
- There is a severe lack of homosexuals in Junior Topper.
- But there are plenty of atheists.
- Elvis Presley died before Charlie Chaplin.
- All three presidential candidates in 1992 were left-handed. Lefties usually get really smug about this, until they realize that those three people were Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ross Perot.
These Facts Are Becoming Less And Less Fun:
You're right. Let's move on.
What's Next?: You tell me.
Um... Hobbies: Ooh! Another long one.
Oh Goody!: Shut up. Just prompt me, Colon Boy.
I Told You Not To Call Me That! I Can't Help It!: Sorry, okay? I'm sorry.
What If You Had To Type A Fucking Colon After Everything You Said?: I didn't realize you felt that way about it. I'm really sorry. Here, I'll type a colon to make you feel better. :
*Sob* It's Not The Same!: I know, I know. I... I'm sorry. But... you shouldn't be ashamed! I actually find the colons... quite attractive!
*Sniff* Really? You... You Do?: Yes, definately! Especially with the bold capitalized letters... it makes you look very interesting, very... suave! It keeps people wanting more. And you know, the colon was voted the sexiest punctuation mark of the year in Glamour magazine!
It... It Was? Yes... Yes... You're Right! I AM Suave! I AM Interesting! I AM Sexy! And Dammit, I'm Gonna Be The Best Darned Bold Capital Colon Typer I Can Be! I Am Colon, Hear Me Roar!!!: That was beautiful, man.
I Love You Man: I love you too, man. :) Now, don't forget we have a webpage to write?
Of Course!: Love that colon [accent the second syllable] you're wearing by the way.
Thanks! It's Calvin Klein: Lovely. Now, Hobbies?
Right! Hobbies!: Thanks. All right, hobbies... Being with friends (#1 baby!), Drama, Music, Houston Rockets, Houston Astros, Giving Jim a new nickname every school day since October 14, 1996, Trying to do homework on Ritalin and failing, Visiting the Topper page, Being an obsessive-compulsive perfectionist, Making webpages, Shelving books, Eating lots of food, Being online just to talk to people, Complaining to Glickman about how I hate sex, Calling Jay a liar, Getting chased by Sean and walking him to the metro, KTP's at Josh's crib, Watching the four best T. V. shows (Fresh Prince, The Simpsons, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, and Life Goes On), Trying not to cry watching Life Goes On (because I'm so manly), Worrying that people don't care for each other enough, Looking into people's eyes, Getting really tired and saying "fuck" a lot, Chastising others for using the word "fuck," Trying too hard to make connections with people and acting like an idiot, Finding something to repeat constantly (like a friend's name), Being annoyed with matchmakers but setting people up inadvertantly, Making random outbursts, Mr. Ott, Playing the best computer game ever made (Quest for Glory 4), Thinking I'll get into Harvard with a 1.5 GPA, Being disturbed easily, Crushing soda cans on my head, Putting the "hip" in "hypocrisy," Making faces, Sad and funny movies, Reading those Chicken Soup books to feel better about society, Collecting quotes for my Topper profile, Listing WAY too many hobbies, Saying "I love you man" (to guys and girls alike) and meaning it.
DAMN!: Yeah that was quite a mouthful.
I'll Say. Okay, Favorite Quotes: You got it!
"Work like you don't need the money / Love like you've never been hurt / Dance like nobody's watching." - From an e-mail from Cindy
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less," "The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist," "People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT?!" - Marion Barry, former D. C. mayor
"Devon gets all the fly honeys! [in response to bees flying around me]," "I have allergies... AND a retainer!" "Cutting Edge: the NRA with knives!" - Kevin Conroy
"Bros before hos," "Fuck you, you fat fuck!" - Nate Zygmont
"I think you both have nice asses," "Some days I thank G-d that you're wearing underwear," "Never kiss Devon." - Sean Puglisi
"Everyone, if I have mono, I'm sorry," "Your mom! [in response to Mr. Doebler asking 'Who are you gonna talk to now?' after Prager left for a meet. Hell, in response to everything] - Peck Scherloum
"Devon are you hungry? FOOD! WE CAN EAT! YOU CAN'T! [on Yom Kippur]," "Looks like I'm winning the BSB - N'Sync fight now," "STRESS STINKS - ARRID WORKS," "I have Anse in my pants." - Jay Ayres
"Jay got oriented... sexually..." "Talent shmalent," "I spent all yesterday painting myself," "I wouldn't be so lucky as to get a good looking female stalker... if she was a stalker she'd be ugly and a guy." Jim Ball III
"Hi, um, can you shit on a pizza and deliver it?" "Zebra cakes are not cheap whores!" "You're such a jerk!" "CATT FUCKERR," "I love you man." - Josh Glickman
"Oh, I wasn't drunk." - Cindy Madden
"Yeah, my name's Forenne," "No I'm gonna feel worse. How do you like that?" - Katie Policy
"Nice shirt!" "Me bum's growin ears." - Amy Sherman
"Kenneth Merber has five chins," "Did you soak those stickers in acid?" - Jason Rusten
"You're right! I do talk to you like you're a mental patient!" - Anna Weinstein
"Would you like me to rip out your larynx?" "Death 2 Monkeys!" "Blood: It's not just for vampires anymore!" - Simon Yu (who's actually a really nice guy)
"This isn't shutting up!" "Oh we've done things a lot gayer than this [in response to someone saying 'This is so gay!' at a concert]." - Dan Fishback
"Sawa." - Marc Korman
"I have no sense of humor." - Matt Shapiro
"And you call yourself a bass." - Mike Morris
"Don't call me that! It's so gay!" - Pumpkin Kid, to Josh Glickman
"I think you're dreamy." - Kristin Lala
"You lose weight. No more gain weight." - My Tailor (after letting my pants out as far as they'd go)
"Fuck you," "Dan's so hot! Tell him I'm a guy!" "I'm sick of your under the table shenanigans. It's over." - Kyra Taurman
"You're ugly!" - Quinn Taurman
"Devon, not doing your work was not very good. No, I mean it," "Yes, I'm a man," "I wish I was English," "Fuuuck!" "I hate that lady. I wish I could run her down someday," "Are you paying off the teachers? Are you being a gigolo?" - Donna Taurman
"You son of a bitch," "Never do this." - Jack Taurman
"The last time I was carded was when I was thirty-four." Mrs. Saladyga
"Do you begrudge her it?" - Darl, to Anse
Well. You've Certainly Written A Lot: You're right, I think I've worn out my welcome.
Any Last Words?: Well... Topper kicks ass, visit the webpage a lot. There's really a lot of great people in it. Junior Topper's awesome too. And sex is evil, connect with people instead. A caring relationship is infinately better than a physical one.
Would You Shut Up About That???: Yeah... that does get pretty annoying doesn't it? But, it's just my opinion.
I Guess So... So Is That It?: I guess it has to be. Oh yeah, I'm at this address if you care to go there.
That's It Then: Yep.
Well, It's Been Fun: Yeah, thanks for everything man.
All Right. Have A Good Day Man.: Yeah, you too. Take care.
Email: lydiabug@hotmail.com
