As We Go A Beveraging


I killed Dan. And then he knew and Sharon knew and then I told Matt that we were friends. But he is still going with me to the place where we all wear nice clothes. That is good. I look like a playboy bunny with my ears and my shirt falling down and trying to show everyone my mammalian ludicrosities...

Why is it that Dan violates me? I know that he liked the two men. He said that without the words. But he makes me naked with his eyes and then he laughs. But he only laughs when I have something funny printed on my


So now they know and the glitter falls down around me in tear drops sparkling in the light from the train. I got off the train with Anna and Dan but I didn't want to because it was still moving. So what will I do, now that I've gotten off the moving train? What will I do? "What will I do?!" I will see my donald and that's always a good thing because my donald is not a herring. And he is not on the train but instead in an old white car that will drive down while I walk the widow's walk and light a candle in my window.
on a dark and stormy night...
in my dream last night the yummy tried to eat me and I ran and ran but then I realized that it was the yummy so why would I want to run? but I stopped and the yummy turned into my kitten and I said roger? The kitten just meowled at me and licked my nose and then the alarm went off saying BEEP BEEP *BEEP* "BEEP" and I had to wake up. And that's how I got here... Except, where is the train???


I don't fucking violate her. So maybe I look down her pants once in a while. That dont mean nuthin. So maybe we have sex on the swing...and in the physics room...and at the lockers. So what? She ne'er said no. And if she's a talking about what I know, well she knows about me too and why would I do anything with what I know because then she'd do something with what she know.

And Siri. Well Siri's just Siri.

And she has a man in the North and he done be really big. His thigh is like the width of my chest. And one of the men on the train he is gonna be with the sister of that lesbian and that lesbian she is mad because she aint gonna be with no one but her sister is. She's gonna be with one of the men on the train. The other man on the train is gonna be with this really amusing bitch. Men on the train confuse me so. At least I dont have to deal with women on the train no more. they confused me greater. because they wont tell no one what they want. Men let people know what they want. I knew what the men on the train wanted.

"Inverse relationship" says the preppy asshole. So many preppy assholes. So little dynamite. And they didn't have capes in the seventies, Christine! But if the men on the train know what they want then


i'm in lower case cause im feeling apathetic and you really couldnt blame me you should see whats going on here id tell you but then id have to kill you and then youd be notfish and you couldnt write a chapter and then theyd be mad at me cause we have to make a cheap selfcentered version of a book that didnt suck as much as it could have but im optimstic cause i havent killed myself yet or maybe thats cause im so pessimistic that im afraid theres an afterlife thats even worse but im an atheist cause god is notfish an im confused but arent we all dont answer that this chapter really sucks but at least most of it is true unlike real life but thats fictional autobiography for you or is it autobiographical fiction i dont want to know but i must go now


Sadness reeks like notfish when we live in Bumblefuck, the place of sadness. It is foul and nasty much like the evil thoughts that i possess, nay, am i possessed by a normal, wannabe clulesss actress? Nay, I live life as Kai wondering aimlessly, knowing who she wants to be isn't who she is, but that my dears makes us all not, so we are not in Bumblefuck. Because she knows who we all want to be but truly aren't because she is Kai and that my dears is why she is here in Bumblefuck. Let us relieve ourselves of the burdens of facades and really scream who we are from the roof tops. But she won't know what to scream because she has been screaming what everyone else has been telling her to scream.

scream harder, now scream the truth. Not because it will set you free, but because it will set her free. Ignore that one she doesn't know what's she going on about. Smile, because we live in Notfish Bumble fuck, USA where the postal code doesn't exist because mail doesn't exist and we don't exist because we're all here together as one large collective fool. Laugh hard, together. we are nothing in the scheme of life except who we are.
I've decided, I must get off this crack, it's rotting my brain!!


"I refuse," she gurgled, "to be constrained by the stupidity of the style of the book we are making a farce of!" and she promply proceeded to go



They wouldn't let me go home. Those big tubs of guts. Just cause i don't have a stupid note they wont let me go home, my head feels like a balloon filled with fluid and if i could just get it to pop then everything would be better. Oh well i'll just have to sit here in the library typing on the bevel.


It's ending, but it's starting. I don't know which, maybe both maybe neither. And we were writing letters, and I thought that if we wrote the letter, I couldn't help it. And so we wrote letters, and I saw her writing the letter and when I asked what she was doing she said "I'm writing the letter" and so the letter was written and I couldn't help it. Not that I mind it. I talk to people as we get off the train, the train that took us from there to here. And the train moved fast and ran away after we got off.

And it ran away and now I dont know what to do because I can't hide on the train. I can only stand outside in the bright yellow-blue sunlight and let people stare at my bright tub of guts. But this tub of guts labeled another tub of guts and that tub of guts holds this tub of guts in the palm of her hand.

My mother is a fitch, or a butch. Or any of the two put together and mixed and melded and mashed. And Sharon isn't Sharon she's sharon and shann wants to kill sharon but which sharon Sharon does she want to kill?
I kill trees, kill trees. Kill trees until we're dead and done writing and killing and laughing and teasing and saying. So we kill trees.
And pay. But who wants to pay to kill trees?


I'd rather pay to...well, never mind.


there is nothing in a plot because if a plot is existing then nothing can be analyzed but we dont want to analyze nothing so we better not have a plot, yes?
this is in my head
shannon's interpretation of head is is is is is is
no, shannon not THAT head!!
something is wrong with me!!! i dont understand
oh this is scary. i do not want to scare dan..but then again...
i do not write like fucking faulkner!
i have a spiritual link with...oh, shit thats scary.
estrogen fruitcake
goddamn apostraphes its easier to write quickly without upcasing and apostraphes and all that sentimental crap.
page long chapter on prose? is he psycho??? perhaps that is a stupid question. ya think?
i am not sleeping with as i lay dying under my pillow...or with it, period. no, shannon, i have NOT been sleeping with faulkner.

he's ugly.

brad thinks its more of an overnight thing??? ooh, thats interesting.
what have i been sleping with under my pillow, or with at all?
well the first question: i think a piglet stuffed aminal, ill have to check.
to the second: none of your damn business...for the time being.
yours yours yours. it's always you you you. fuck you these are MY thoughts!!!

oh, who cares about the plot?
this is not about a plot. this is our analytical thingamagiggy things. ate more of what?
read this upside down and you it may makes more sense.
kinda scary, huh?
staring at whose ass?
yoddle yoddle yoddle fun fun fun
one of each what?
hey a molecule!!! a molecule a shanannaneaniri
get thee to a nunnery
get me to the nunnery
the nunnery get me to
whore house whore house with dykes
god i love hamlet
what beast? oh the antichrist is old. i love how youngens worship this old strict dumb ass fucking bastard to try to piss off old strict assholes from the forties. kinda funny huh?
whatdya mean, no?
well i didn't like your fucking ideas either you shithead!!!
i am adopted!!
woo hoo
i am a ward
psychaitric is my name

well see ya next time

bye bye!


QUACK!!! Not only is my mother a fish, but my father is a porpose with a green tail. In addition, my brother is a ocelot -- an ocelot with a fetish for orange highlighters and dandy thimbels. QUACK!!! cOKE iS gOOD. sPAM. iTS pINK aND iTS oVAL, sPAM. iTS mADE iN cHENOBEL, sPAM. i bUY iT aT tHE mOBLE, sPAM. QUACK!!! th pty rk. abrev r gd. tat strag. gt ov, dn. QUACK!!! dave is playing guitar. up and down his hand goods, gracing the strings. up and down. up and down. sweet music. look, he1s getting up and coming this way. and his hat sits firmly on the top of his head. QUACK!!! DEAN AND MEREDITH WERE GETTING GIG. WITH IT. QUACK!!! Hang on, I have to go check to see if Tori Amos is breathing. OH MY GOD, SHE1S NOT BREATHING!!! Wait, false alarm. she was just holding her breath. bak to screwing off. QUACK!!! If it weren't for the cracking sound, hamsters could made really good toys. QUACK!!! Can I see the head waitress?
Only the sound of the


I'm inside! there's a ups truck. It's upstruckting my view. that's bad. bad. i'm bad. you're bad!! WE'RE ALL BAD!!!! (the banister's bad)

staple the accordian. that sounds like a clown name. oh! the men on the train. I completely forgot about the men on the train! THERE'S A NEW MAN ON THE TRAIN!!!! One of the the old men on the train is stupid and yah. the other one is shallow and wears a lot of stuff. i have dimples. END NOW!!!


fuzzy shoes are cool. the shoesaleslady is amusing but not intelligent because they dont care what looks cool. theyll sell you shit if they think its the latest fashion. fuck you.
i don't have a son that goes to yale. unfortunately. do you? huh? yeah it is. i hate forgetting all of my ideas right as i start to say them. automatic camera fuck off. hey mr tambourine man play a song for me. if you do it better be good or ill get pissed and kick your ass.
topper topper lives return of topper funny cuz topper was about ghosts, not topper, but the ghosts were not in the tv show. does not that suck?
i was walking in a department store, and i was walking past the perfume counter and there was this old lady, all of em are old ladies, and there was this foul smelling stuff, Lascivious Intuition, but it smelled like a dead skunk had been driven around all day in a trash truck and then was squashed into a turquoise liquid and poured into a glass bottle that looks like a bloated sparow carcass. it was like Essence of Shit

Dorothy Parker:

What is this shit? If I'd have know that my writing may one day inspire this sort of nonsense, I'd have been a housewife. It's all reminiscent of A.A. Milne. This story should come equipped with a pillow and a blanket. I would have much prefered to read a thesis by Mr. Wolcott on an elephant's rear. He's so fond of his own ass, you know.
Mr. Benchley, come back to us!


lala. anna singing about some guy who hurt her...ha ha. yeah friggin right. it's a song from a play. guys don1t hurt anna. anna found a not-guy. the not-girl is an octopus. suck suck suck. the big ship went down and the not-girl didn't. I know what that is.


yeah so whatever. stupid friggin' english papers. i never liked english anyway. you see, it all began way back in my childhood...

this is not about plot. it is about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, people!!!

(repressed anger) rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRR


i never liked psychology either.


Ophelia told me something I'm not supposed to tell anyone its not about me it's not about Ophelia it's not about Laertes it's not about Polonius...
To be fish or to be not fish that is the question yes yes yes yes yes
Elsinore 3mi Elsenore 3 mi
I didn't go crazy on the boat


hahaha now they gave ME the computer wheniwas aboy we didnt need no newfangled gadgets we had technicolor and we were GRATEFUL damnit and we didn1t have the internet but i hear its on COMPUTERS now hahaha you have a goose growing out of that dont point it at me if bismarck and napoleon3 were in a fight, whats the capital of North Dakota yes dinner eat food and nuts are you into nuts or no nuts whatever don't play leapfrog with a unicorn i want to be gay so all the girls will like me time for a healthy meal - cheezwiz and wonderbread dont piss on the electric fence have you ever watched stoplights? i like the way the light squeezes from one to another i like monkeys and abstract art je suis un legume mais je suis le roi des legumes si tu as un poisson dans ta poche, aides-moi avec mes devoirs de mathematiques my life is a da capo aria dc al fine dc al fine


Guitar picks are fun.

Just as long as they are never mixed in with potato salad or Ibuprofin.

Hey, lets all watch a movie about the Civil War and Gladiators.

Have YOU ever been to the YMCA?


so, monsingor, were you ever been an alter boy?
japanamation? i thought you said nonconsentual vivesection!
and then the pies cooled.
you're money, dude
snuggles! you've returned
ouch, that had to hurt
filibuster vigilantly, my name is blue canary.
harry nutzelberg
and then there was jazz music
he's at the 40, he... could... go... all... the... waaaaay
they call me mr. sparkle.
is that a male cow? so this isn't milk...
all those nights in Venice for nothing
ritalin, bankruptcy, daedalus was just a boy...
gus? is that you? in the secret sauce
where did you put the hot curling iron?!
how did you fit that in your mouth?
eww, gross. natalie merchant shouldn1t parade around in that?
ing-wa, notli kijheef de, blaque
master, blaster
don't do anyone i wouldn't do
eat me
this sex is to gentle. damn chimps

woah, how'd it get so big?


And they came, and they ate. But they didn't eat enought they are still not big tubs of guts. things have changed, they've changed for good and they can1t go back, but the things that have changed are not for the better, they can never be righted and they will never go away. I'm not spoiled but i'm tarnished. I need to find some damn silver cleaner to get this tarnish off. But all roads lead to the Golden Day.


AAAHHHHHHHH!!! nevermind. This is the end. The end. The end. This is the end. The very very end. Meet Mr. Fishback.

Did you miss the first part? Not that that's going to help you understand it any, but...

Writing Intended to be Coherent, with some kind of Content

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