[Pepper Annie, Sy, Jim, Sammie and Sally Joan are
all standing outside an old shack. The shack is spray painted many different colors and has very odd symbols
painted on it. There is a bead curtain covering the entrance and smoke is coming out.]
Sy- Well, this be the place.
Sally Joan- It always looks so creepy at night.
Jim- Hold me.
[Sammie hits him.]
Pepper Annie- So do we just walk in?
Sy- First you must shout to the shack your purpose.
Pepper Annie- O entrance to Hell, o beautiful,
loverly thang of beauty. I be Pepper Annie and I have come to ask your advice on a very important topic.
Rosie- Oh really and how would you know what is
important and what isn't?
Pepper Annie- Well, it is important to me.
Ni Ni- Ah, but it is always important to the
individual, but I ask, do you matter? Does any of this really matter?
Jim- Aaaahhhh! We are all going to die!
Nisi- Is that a male with you?
Sy- Well, not really a male...
Nisi- ALL MEN SHOULD DIE!
Sammie- Yeah!
[Jim runs away.]
Rosie- So, what did you wish to ask us?
Pepper Annie- I wish to know when I should kill my best friend's husband.
[The curtains open.]
Nisi- You and only you may enter. But first I must ask thee these questions three. What is your name?
Pepper Annie- Pepper Annie.
Sammie- Of Cam...
Rosie- What is your quest?
Sy- To search for the holy...
Pepper Annie- To kill Billy Bro Rev. Joe.
Ni Ni- What...
Sy- Is your favorite color?
Sally Joan- The velocity of an unladen swallow?
Sammie- The capitol of....
Ni Ni- is the meaning of life?
Sally Joan- Consult the turtle!
Pepper Annie- TO KILL ALL MEN!
Nisi- Enter, o wise one.
[Pepper Annie enters and the others stand by.
They hear the crackling of sticks behind them. They look frightened, but it is just Jim.]
Sammie- Damn boy, don't you got anything better
to do then sneak up on us?
Jim- No.
[They hear the crackling again. Jim hugs Charlie/Chicken/Jeff in fear, and then, out of the bushes comes Farmer Cubbins, wielding a large gun.]
Farmer Cubbins- Billy Bro Rev. Joe! I thought I
told you to stay away from my chickens, boy!
Sy- NO! We ain't Billy Bro Rev. Joe.
Farmer Cubbins- Oh you be him in disguise, what,
you don't think I know things? Listen, I be the punk rock boy round here, and you know you'd best be
respectin' me!
Sammie- No, I am Sammie, this is my lover Sally
Joan; don't you dare touch her!
Sally Joan- Or the magical blue turtle! Somebody please think of the turtle!
Farmer Cubbins- Magical Blue Turtles! That would be a good name for my band!
Sally Joan- No! No band is gonna be named after
my sweet ol' turtle, please. What you be thinkin'?!
Farmer Cubbins- Listen dude, man...
Sammie- Why are you saying 'dude'? You are like, eighty!
Farmer Cubbins- Eighty-two, please. And just because I be old do NOT mean that I cain't ROCK!
Sammie- Yeh it do.
Jim- AAAHH! He has spikes on his jacket! Maybe, if I stand perfectly still next to Charlie/Chicken/Jeff, he will think I am a tree.
Sy- Oh, hesh up, sissy! [shoots him with peashooter.]
Sally Joan- So you really gonna start a band?
Farmer Cubbins- I have already got one. I jest
need a name.
Sy- Wow! Can I be in it? I could shoot my
peashooter at a gong. Or a trash can lid.
Farmer Cubbins- You's a girl! I need manly
men. Hey you, wussy boy hiding behind the dog.
Jim- AAAH! I am dead!
Farmer Cubbins- How would you like to be in my band?
Jim- Will you spare me?
Farmer Cubbins- Only if you join my band!
Jim- [kissing at Farmer Cubbins' feet] I am yours to command, o punk master.
Sammie- But that ain't fair! We girls can rock
harder then he ever could!
Sy- Yeah!
Farmer Cubbins- Well sorry, missy, but you jest
ain't up for it, I mean look at ya, you ain't got the look. [poses in a "punk rock" position, but ends up just looking rather odd.]
Sammie- And HE has the look?
[Farmer Cubbins looks around nervously as Jim is
still kissing the ground.]
Farmer Cubbins- We'll work on Jim.
Sally Joan- So we can't be in your band?
Farmer Cubbins- NO!
Sammie- Then we will start our own band.
Sy- YEAH! And we are gonna kick your bootie!
Sally Joan- While making ours look sexier!
Farmer Cubbins- Oh, pullleeez, you girls could *never* have a good band.
Sy- Could too!
Sammie- Girls can do anything better then guys.
Jim- Yeah, well I would like to see you screw up a relationship better then we can.
Sammie- I don't know about screwing up relationships, but I sure know that I could screw you up!
Jim- MOMMY!
[Jim runs away.]
Farmer Cubbins- Yeah, well we are gonna be the
best band around!
Sally Joan- But you ain't got the magical blue
turtle do ya?
[Farmer Cubbins leaves.]
Sy- Wow! We are gonna have our own band now!
Sammie- We will *SO* kick his farmer butt.
Sally Joan- Does anyone know how to play?
[Pepper Annie comes back.]
Sy- Pepper Annie! We gotta start our own band!
Pepper Annie- NO TIME! We must get back to the
creek. [starts running]
