[Blanche is leaning on the counter at the general store. She is telling Sy, who is sorting laundry, about her child, Pepto Bismol.]
Blanche- So I was like, "Pepto Bismol, git me my menthols!" And would you
believe it? That brat came back without no menthols! She said something
about them not selling it to her cause she was only ten. Well I says to myself,
that cain't be, Lucy was out getting me my menthols when she was 5. Then I
says to her, "Pepto Bismol! You march right back over to that them there
store and you git me my damn menthols!" Now, Pepto Bismol sure ain't the
brightest of my kids, actually the damn thing's got the intelligence of a
toaster. But I love all my kids equally, ya know, not at all. Anyways, I told that
girl, I said, "I don't care if you have to take a gun and shove it up that
clerk's ass, you go out and you don't come back until you bring me my
menthols!" And then to top it off, she didn't wanna use no gun. Can you
imagine? My very own living blood and flesh not wanting to fire a pistol!
So I told her, "You either use a gun or you poke that mother-fucker with a
stick!" So then she went out and started whacking that thing until they gave
her some menthols. But because she disobeyed me, you know, not using the gun
and all, so she's praying with Billy Bro Rev. Joe. And when she comes back,
well it's straight into the closet with her.
Sy- You sure is the disciplinarian Blanche. See, I told Jim, if he gits me
pregnant, he gawn be the one in the closet.
Blanche- Oh you should have seen the way that I treated Johnny. One day he
got me pissed, I chained him in the closet and threw dandelions at him. And
then he complained that I wasn't taking good care of him! So I stopped
throwing dandelions and started throwing children. [takes a drag of her cigarette.]
Blanche- Yup, it's the hard life for Blanche.
[Pepper Annie enters.]
Pepper Annie- Hi, y'all!
Sy- Hiya, Pep!
Pepper Annie- Hey, did you clean up that whole mess that Colby left?
Blanche- Hell no! That mofo's blood could be worth something. Don't
git rid of no garbage, that's my motto! See, that way it saves me a trip to
the dump.
Pepper Annie- [Reading the sign at the front of the store] "Special- Straight from the scene of the crime."
Blanche, don't you feel bad at all for making money off Colby gittin' shot?
Blanche- I make money off of people takin' a crap.
Pepper Annie- HEY! This be my gun.
Blanche- Well it's my gun now. I was threatened with it, mine, I tell you
mine! Stop tryin' to steal my gun! [pulls out bazooka] That's it, I warned
ya! [starts randomly firing. Everyone ducks and fairly trashes the whole general
store, which fills with smoke.]
Sy- AHHH! Blanche on a bitch rampage!
[They all leave and Lucy comes in. Blanche is calming herself down with some
whiskey when she looks up and sees Lucy.]
Blanche- DIE, DAMN BITCH OVER FIEND! [starts firing again]
Lucy- No, its me, Momma!
Blanche- WHAT? Back without my menthols? That's it, get your lazy ass back
home and into the closet!
Lucy- I ain't getting in no closet, I ran away once and dammit, I can run
away again!
Blanche- [squinting suspiciously] Who be you?
Lucy- It's me, Lucy.
Blanche- LUCY! What are you doing back?
Lucy- I love you Momma! I love you more then Heaven and Earth and goddangit
lots of other good stuff!
Blanche- What the fuck talking about?
Lucy- And I love money, your money…
Blanche- Oh, so you just be comin' back to git some money off me!
Lucy- Momma, I'm yo' child!
Blanche- That's it, bitch! INSUBOORDINATION! Into the closet with you!
Lucy- But Momma, I'm 17, I ain't goin' in no closet with no dead father of
mine!
Blanche- You either go in that closet, or you'll be with Johnny
rottin' in hell! Hell, I tell ya! And there will be fire, and burning and
pain!
Lucy- You'll send me to Uncle Joe's?
Blanche- That's it!
[Blanche runs out of the store, chasing Lucy. Betty walks in. Following Betty is Sunny, who is, as usual, ducking around corners
and holding a large axe.]
Betty- HELLO! Is anyone here? Hello?
[Pepper Annie sneaks in. She grabs the gun and is just on her way out when
she bumps into Betty. ]
Betty- Aaahhh! Its cowgirl!
Pepper Annie- The name's Pepper Annie! And if you think I am just holding
this gun for show then you sure ain't thinking right.
[Sunny starts to swing her axe, but Betty runs away. Sunny creeps out, still
stalking Betty, leaving Pepper Annie staring at her gun.]
Pepper Annie- Now, where would Billy Bro Rev. Joe be right now? I know! The
church! Working on his damn sermons! Well I hope he knows a
death prayer. [starts laughing maniacally. She throws her head back to laugh harder, but instead hits a
large pot, which falls on her. Then a shelf falls on her.
Through the rubble, a middle finger appears.]
