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Horse Feathers (1932)


SB: The majority of Horse Feathers involves Groucho as the head of a college, but in the end, the college has about as much relevance to the story as the painting had to Animal Crackers. The college itself figures only in a couple of scenes: the introduction of Prof. Quincy Adams Wagstaff (Groucho) as Huxley College's president, where he belittles and yanks the beards of the faculty, only to have them follow him unquestioningly with a lot of heigh-de-ho; and Groucho's wayward biology lecture, which ostensibly takes place in a college classroom but, for all of its idiocy and puns, might as well be a vaudeville stage where the Marxes used to perform "Fun in Hi Skule."

The crux of the movie involves (a) football and (b) the college widow. Let's cover the more crucial topic first. Wagstaff's primary reason for becoming the college's president is to keep an eye on his collegiate son Frank (Zeppo), who is busy making time with Connie Bailey (Thelma Todd), the college widow. (As casting goes, Zeppo playing the son of Groucho [in real life only eleven years older than him] is unmatched in outrageousness until Hitchcock's North by Northwest [1959], where Jesse Royce Landis plays the mother of Cary Grant, who was two years older than her in real life.)

I don't know much about 1930's slang, but was "college widow" a euphemism for "master's degree in slut"? And did every college have one of these widows? Groucho, Chico, and Harpo certainly don't need any introduction to the term. Groucho's only real resentment of Zeppo's dating Connie is that he didn't get to her first, and whatever slackness Groucho exercises in this task is more than taken up by Chico and Harpo. (As if it wasn't already clear enough what being a college widow entails, Groucho's every entrance into Connie's room shows him closing a very phallic umbrella he brought with him [even though it's not raining] and removing his rubbers. No further comment.)

Then there's the topic of football. Seems that Huxley hasn't had a winning football team in 44 years, and Wagstaff shows his priorities when he asks Frank where he can find some decent football players. Frank tells him to go to a local speakeasy where two great football players hang out. Strangely enough, Groucho's "speech" to the college students in the previous scene had segued into the medley "Whatever It Is, I'm Against It / I Always Get My Man." Then he goes to the speakeasy and, after about ten seconds of interviewing Chico, he determines that Chico and Harpo are the two great football players. So he doesn't get his man, and what he's against appears to be ever having a hope of winning a football game. (And check out that duo who really are the great football players. They've been in college for so long, even their football is growing whiskers.)

Some of the Marxes' most memorable scenes and one-liners occur in Horse Feathers (as well as a somewhat disconcerting sight gag showing Harpo shoveling books into a fire, one year before Adolf Hitler came to power in Germany and started doing the same thing in earnest). But even by the loose standards of Marxian farce, that football-game climax is one "Oh, brother"-inspiring scene after another. Wagstaff turns up in the football game himself--evidently, college presidents' perks include playing on the team whenever you want--and frequently goes off to the sidelines to continue making time with Connie, even while her thug-boyfriend is sitting right beside her. Oh well, it figures that a bunch of guys who never went to college would do a college movie about a bunch of guys who can't play football right.

(P.S. Two trivial notes: First, Horse Feathers has my favorite Chico piano solo. There's nothing unusual about it, but I heard the tune on a Marx Brothers compilation LP when I was a kid, and it has stuck with me ever since.)

(Second, this is the movie with Groucho's famous comment to the movie audience during Chico's piano solo: "I've got to stay here, but there's no reason you folks shouldn't go out to the lobby for a smoke until this thing blows over." It's a pity they couldn't have inserted this line as a public service announcement into the Marxes' later MGM movies.)

JB: My favorite Marx movie. No disagreements, although, even though I know the football scene is a lame way to end the movie, I still enjoy most of the sight gags and lines. By the way, the name of the song Chico plays is "Collegiate," in case you didn't recognize it. Fittingly, it is also "The Professor's" theme song in Animal Crackers, as he descends the stairs after being introduced.

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