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The characters and the universe belong to Paramount Sudious. I am making no profit from this story.

This story is rated NC-17 for adult language and sexual content.

Interludes And Examinations Heather Henley

§1§

Sitting near the edge of a large chasm, Helen took the time to sit back and enjoy the sunsets. The harvest was good this year, and the colony would have enough food to last throughout the winter. She continued to watch as all three suns began to set. This place was sacred to her. She always believed that if a person closed their eyes, they could hear the suns whispering their adieu's if one listened hard enough.

Leaning back on her elbows she stared up at the sky, watching as the colors melted into one another. Blue, green, gold, purple, orange, red; all twisting together in an intricate display of color and light. Now another color was beginning to claim the sky for it's own. The color of pitch. Soon it would conquer the light until it's reign ended at dawn. It was a never ending cycle, and Helen took great comfort in that arcane knowledge.

All too suddenly a streak of red hurdled it's way through the twilight. Leaving a trail of fire flowing behind it like a streamer. It crashed, sending out a shock pulse as it impacted with the hard unforgiving ground. The sound of the crash left Helen feeling unsettled. It wasn't a meteor or the fragment of an astroid. No, it was something else. The object lay on the other side of the chasm, and Helen knew it wouldn't be that far of a walk once she reached the other side.

Standing up, she headed for the rope bridge. Carefully she made her way across, being mindful of how old it was. The bridge was built by the first colonists who settled upon this planet. Eventually giving it the name New Earth. Reaching the other side she hiked across uneven, and sometimes rocky terrain. The closer she came toward the object it began to take shape. Once she was within twenty feet it became clear. It was a shuttle craft, but more than that she recognized the design. The Delta Flyer.

Hearing the hatch open she took cover behind a large rock. One person stumbled out coughing as smoke bellowed out of the opening. It was a woman wearing a black and red uniform. Her short hair obscured her face as she bent over coughing, trying to clear her lungs. After a couple of seconds she headed back inside.

"Is she crazy?" Helen thought. When the woman emerged once again from the haze of smoke, she was dragging a person. It was male, and wearing a similar uniform that was black and green. Leaning over him she pulled out a device then proceeded to wave it over the motionless form. Closing it, she put one hand on top of the other and began pumping his chest. Stopping, she pinched his nose and breathed into his mouth. He didn't respond.

Finally it came to her what the woman had been using. A tricorder. And the uniform, it too seemed familiar. Leaning her head against the rock she closed her eyes, trying to think back. It was blank for several minutes, her mind kept drifting across a sea of black. Then an image began to take shape.

It was when she was little. Yes, it was all starting to become clear now. She had sneaked into her parents room and opened the large chest they kept at the foot of the bed. Lifting the heavy lid she saw a black and yellow uniform. Picking it up she studied the garment. Feeling it with her finger tips. That was when her mother caught her and took it away. Sending her back outside to play. This woman had to be one of her kind, but what was she doing here?

Lifting her head, Helen searched for the woman. "Where did she go?" The light was fading, and she knew there was no way she could make it back to the colony before the suns completely set. Seeing movement out of the corner of her eye she turned her head. The mysterious woman with her black and red uniform stood ten feet away holding what appeared to be a weapon. It was hard to tell for sure as the last of the light slowly began melting away. In her other hand was a device, but it was not active, that much she could tell.

"Who are you?" The woman asked in a tone that left no doubt she meant business. Helen was scared to silence. Instinctively she raised her hands in the air, and continued to watch her with terror filled eyes. Janeway couldn't see the young women's face very well, but she could tell how frightened she was. Blood ran into her eye, the large gash on her forehead was bleeding again. Raising a hand the woman noticeably jumped. "It's all right. I'm not going to hurt you." She said trying to sound reassuring as she began wiping the blood from her eye. "What's your name?" Janeway asked lowering the phaser. The young woman was visibly relieved.

"Helen." She answered softly, then lowered her hands.

"I wasn't aware anyone lived on this planet."

"You should have that looked at." Helen advised indicating her head wound.

"I have a med kit in the shuttle. Would you care to join me? I have a few questions I'd like to ask you."

She was the one with the weapon after all. What could she say? No thanks, but I appreciate the offer? "All right." Turning, she headed toward the shuttle where the women's fallen comrade lay dead, as far as she knew. Upon reaching the shuttle, Helen noticed that the woman had reholstered her weapon before disappearing inside.

It was completely dark, and even though she couldn't see her, there was enough noise emanating from the fallen craft that there was no mistaking where she was. It seemed like an eternity had passed before Helen saw a beam of light pierce the darkness.

The narrow beam bobbed around the confines of the shuttle as Janeway searched for the med kit. Finally she spotted it between two cargo containers that were lined against the wall. "Would you mind giving me a hand?" Cautiously she approached. "The med kit has fallen in between these two containers. I need you to help me pull one of them out enough so I can reach it." Helen nodded.

Taking a good grip, both women began to slide the container back. Letting go, Janeway squatted and reached around it. Finding the handle she pulled it free. "Thank you." Helen didn't know what to make of her. Was she friend or foe? In time she would find out soon enough.

Opening the med kit, Janeway reached inside and pulled out several large pads of gauze which she placed to her forehead. Wincing in pain, she removed the offending object before gently placing it back over the wound. "May I?" Helen offered.

Handing her the gauze, she noticed for the first time that this woman looked human. "What species are you?"

"Human." Helen answered as she focused her attention on the gash.

Janeway's face went white. "Human? Could the same race that abducted the 37's also be responsible for this as well?" She thought, then asked. "How did you arrive here?"

"Our ship crash landed on this planet almost thirty years ago." She replied, continuing to treat her wound.

"Forgive me, but you don't look old enough to have lived on the ship when it crashed here."

"You're right. I was born after the accident. My parents were the one's who crash landed here." Handing her the blood stained gauze she continued. "It's stopped bleeding for the moment, but you should have one of our doctor's take a look at it."

"Perhaps later." At the moment she was far more interested in the ship. "What was the name of the ship?"

"Voyager." She answered simply.

Kathryn was stunned. "This has to be some sort of parallel reality, or I've jumped into the future somehow." She thought.

The woman stared at her with a blank expression. Making Helen wonder what was wrong. "Are you all right?"

Pulled from thought she replied. "I'm fine. Just a little tired. It's been a long day."

"Perhaps it would be best if you came back with me to the colony. It's not safe out here after dark."

"Why?"

"That's when the Valur awake from sleep and begin to hunt."

"The Valur?"

"They're a primitive species, nocturnal by nature. If they find us here, separated from the colony, they will kill us. I suggest you come back with me."

Kathryn nodded. "I want to take a few things with me."

"Of course, but please make it quick."

Picking up a back pack, she began filling it with survival supplies. Picking up another wrist beacon she handed it to her. "Do you know how this works?" Helen nodded. Stepping out of the shuttle, she turned to close the hatch.

"Wait a minute."

"What is it?"

"Before you seal the door, perhaps we should put your friend inside." Now it was Kathryn's turn to nod. Deactivating the stasis field, both woman carried the mans lifeless body into the safety of the shuttle before sealing the hatch. After that was done, Helen turned to face the stranger. "Stay close to me."

"I will."

"There is a rope bridge fifty feet from here. We'll have to use it to get across the chasm." Then as an after-thought she said. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Kathryn." She offered.

While Janeway had trouble navigating through the rough terrain, Helen moved across it without incident. Less than an hour later, Kathryn could see the lights of the colony. In another thirty feet she would be inside it's borders. The streets were oddly empty as Helen lead her toward a large wood building with two giant doors. They were open. Strange buzzing and wining sounds emanated from the opening. As they entered the sound grew louder, but not so loud that she would need to cover her ears.

Ahead of her, they walked toward a gray pick-up truck. Once there, she stopped and Kathryn did the same. Bending down, Helen touched the leg of a person who was laying on a wood board with casters. Rolling out from under the truck Helen shouted. "Is any of the council still working in here, or are they all at the refinery?!"

"No!" The man shouted back. "Vanessa is still here! She's working on the flatbed out back!"

"Thanks!" She shouted and stood up. Motioning for her to follow, they headed for the rear entrance. The sounds slowly began to decrease in volume the closer they got to the back of the building. Reaching another huge set of doors they went outside. The sound of clinking could be heard. A long flatbed truck stood before them. "Vanessa?" Helen called out.

"I'm over here." A woman called back.

Moving around the truck, Janeway could see the figure of a woman bent over an internal combustion engine. She had long raven black hair and alabaster skin. From where she stood the woman was quite beautiful.

"I've found someone who crashed in a shuttle like the one's our parents used."

The woman looked up. As the artificial light touched her features, Janeway couldn't help but notice the skin on the right side of her face had been scared from a severe burn. Including her right arm and hand. Peering into the darkness she looked at the woman. "I can't see you. Step forward into the light."

When Janeway stepped forward the expression on Vanessa's face changed to disbelief. "This isn't possible." She whispered.

Helen looked confused. "What are you talking about? Do you recognize her?"

Rage consumed the disbelief. Raising the wrench in her hand she attempted to hit Janeway. Without thinking, Helen raised her arm to block the strike. The wrench went flying out of her hand as Janeway put some distance between them. Vanessa attempted to lunge at her, but Helen held her back. "I need some help here!" She screamed frightened. Her grip wouldn't last long. "Somebody help me!"

The sound of running feet approached. Vanessa felt another pair of hands grip her arm and spin her around. "What the hell is going on?!"

That voice, it sounded familiar.

"Look behind me!" Vanessa screamed.

Looking over her shoulder the color in her face drained rapidly. "Captain?" She asked, not quite sure if she could trust what her eyes were seeing.

Now she knew who it was. "B'Elanna?"

"Yes it's me." Looking to Helen she continued. "Take her home."

"I can take care of myself!" Vanessa protested.

Gripping her arms B'Elanna shook her gently. "I'm in no mood to put up with your attitude. Now go home or I'll drag you there."

Janeway couldn't see the expression on Vanessa's face, only B'Elanna's. Her focus was intense, the eyes showing that she meant business. The young woman lifted her arms quickly and released B'Elanna's grip. "Fine." She growled in a voice so low Janeway couldn't hear it, then walked angrily inside the building. Helen followed.

Once they had left B'Elanna stepped forward and smiled. "I don't believe it."

For the first time she noticed how old she looked. "This can't be right. I'm not supposed to be here."

"I know, but it's good to see you again. How did you get here?"

"I'm not sure. The last thing I remember is being on the delta flyer. Lieutenant Kaplan informed me of an atmospheric disturbance. I moved the flyer closer in order to get a better reading. We shouldn't have been in any danger. There was an explosion, and I lost control of the shuttle. I was able to make a controlled landing, but I don't know how bad off the flyer is."

"Where's Kaplan?"

"He's dead. The panel next to him exploded. I tried to save him but his injuries were too severe."

B'Elanna could hear the sorrow in her voice. "Tomorrow I'll go back with you to the shuttle. It's been awhile since I've repaired any modern technology, but I think I still remember how." She smiled.

"Helen should be able to take us there. I don't think I can find it on my own."

She nodded. "I was heading home until I heard Helen screaming. I'll take you with me. We can eat dinner and talk for awhile. I've got an extra bed you can use."

"All right."

§2§

Sitting in a chair in front of the fire place, Kathryn held the steaming cup of tea in both hands. B'Elanna sat in the chair next to her. "Dinner was delicious."

"Thank you."

"I wasn't aware you knew how to cook from scratch."

"When you've lived here for as long as I have you learn a few things." She replied staring into the fire.

"B'Elanna?"

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering . . ."

"Yes?" She asked looking up at her.

"How did Voyager crash?"

B'Elanna leaned back in the chair. "We had been attacked for weeks by a race known as the Gonathr, and the worst part was never knowning when or where they would strike next. Anyway, we had reached this region of space when three of their dreadnought class destroyers decloaked. Fire was exchanged for several seconds, just as we were about to jump to warp the Gonathr hit our engines causing a core breech. I ejected the core, but Tom had already lost control of the ship. It was then that we crashed into this planet.

"Tom blamed himself for a long time afterward. Thinking that he should have been able to do something to prevent it." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "We lost a lot of good people that day. Tuvok, Megan Delany, Jason Corwin . . . too many people." Her eyes brimmed with tears. "At least Tuvok died upon impact, so he didn't have to suffer. We didn't have the Doctor, so all the injuries were treated to the best of Tom's ability.

"He had two fractured ribs and a broken nose, but he never stopped until everyone was treated. I think the one person who suffered the most was Neelix. During the crash he fractured his skull. Tom wasn't a surgeon, so he could repair the damage to his brain, but to tell the truth I'm not sure Tom did him a favor by saving his life."

Janeway stared at her, unable to believe what she just said. "How could you say that?"

Fastening her gaze on her she replied. "Half the time he doesn't know who, what, or where he is. Sometimes he can remember me, but five minutes later he's demanding to know who I am. There have been times when he thinks he's still on Voyager. Cooking meals for the crew, or trying to boost everyone's morale. He's awaken in the middle of the night and barricaded himself in his house thinking the Kazon, Vidian's, or Borg were attacking."

Janeway couldn't bare to hear anymore about him. "What about Seven? You didn't mention her."

B'Elanna took a deep breath. "She lived for several months after the crash, but without her alcove the borg implants began to break down. I tried to find alternate power sources, but it wouldn't work. Eventually her internal organs ceased to function. She died in a coma."

Janeway's eyes filled with tears. She tried to blink them back. "I'm almost afraid to ask about anyone else."

"I understand. Sometimes it's hard to go on knowing what's happened. Tom lived for several years. We had two children. Owen, who we named after his father, and Kathryn who we named after you."

"I'm honored B'Elanna." She spoke softly.

B'Elanna turned to her with tears in her eyes. "You were very honored when we told you." Smiling she changed the subject. "Harry married Lara Montgomery in astrophysics and had four children. Three boys and one girl."

"That's wonderful. I had always hoped that one day he would find a good woman and settle down. I remember Lara, she always had a kindness that touched everyone she came in contact with."

"Did you know that Helen is his daughter?"

"No I didn't."

She laughed. "You should have seen her when she was a child. Her three brothers were always having to look for her. She is so adventurous. They would usually find her at the edge of the chasm less than a mile from here."

"That's where I met her, except we were on the other side."

"I see. Helen is the youngest. Samuel, David, and Sidney are her brothers. Have you met any of them?"

"No I don't think so."

"Samuel, the oldest, is on the council. David is a farmer, and Sidney practices medicine."

"He must be very proud of them."

"Yes he is. Harry and Lara live on the edge of town close to Neelix. They spend most of their time looking after him."

"I would love to see him."

"I can take you there tomorrow. Besides, I could use Harry's help in repairing your shuttle."

Janeway took a sip of her tea and remembered what had happened earlier this evening. "B'Elanna, I was wondering why the young woman, Vanessa I think her name was, tried to attack me. Who is she?"

B'Elanna's smile dissipated. "She's Chakotay's daughter."

"Where is he?"

"He died fifteen years ago trying to fight off the Valur."

"Helen mentioned them. She said they were nocturnal."

"Yes they are. When we built that rope bridge to cross the chasm twenty years ago, we had no idea what would happen as a result. The Valur came across and attacked the colony. Chakotay was trying to protect Vanessa when they broke into his home. When we found him, he had been gutted . . ." B'Elanna began to weep at the memory. "Vanessa was leaning over him, pulling at his shirt screaming. I had no idea what had happened to her until I tried to pull her away from him.

"As soon as I touched her arm she screamed in pain and pulled away from me. That scream still sends a shiver down my spine. She pushed herself into a corner, her hands shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't tell what was wrong. Then I felt this sticky substance on my hand where I touched her arm. In the lamp light I could see a layer of skin in my hand. I nearly panicked. When I moved closer to her I could see that the skin on the right side of her face and arm looked to be melting off."

Janeway looked as horrified by the story as B'Elanna did. "Tom took out a hypospray. Taking her left arm I managed to pull her out from under the table so Tom could tranquilizer her." Tears fell from her eyes. "He spent the next three days trying to graph skin onto her face and arm. The dermal regenerator couldn't repair the damage, only help with the graphing.

"The Valur's saliva is acidic. To this day Vanessa can't remember how it happened, only the death of her father. She was ten at the time. She's very withdrawn, and is embarrassed of her appearance. I can remember when she was eleven, she came home crying. She locked herself in her room for two days. It would have been longer if I hadn't removed the door from it's hinges.

"Finally she told me what happened. Harry's son Samuel called her a freak. I was so angry that I went to Harry and told him what she said. Never had I seen Harry so mad, he was angrier than I was. Lara had to stop him from going into Samuel's room before he did something he would regret.

"She's never been the same after that. Even today she's alienated herself from almost everyone. Helen is the only one she's allowed to get close to her. I don't know how she was able to do it, and neither does she, but I'm happy that Vanessa's allowed at least one person into her life. Malcolm Blackburn's son Thomas pursued her for years, he even wanted to marry her, but she wouldn't let him into her life. Finally he gave up and eventually married someone else.

"I can remember what she looked like before the attack. Long raven black hair, alabaster skin, huge blue eyes, full red lips. She looked like a porcelain doll. You know if we were on Earth she could have been a model. She was that beautiful. To me she'll always be beautiful, especially on the inside. She has a wonderful personality, and sometimes you can see it when she forgets what she looks like. No child should have had to endure what she did." B'Elanna became silent, thinking back to the child Vanessa once was. What her life might have been like if her father hadn't died. If her face hadn't been defiled.

Janeway too was silent. Letting the words B'Elanna had spoken absorb into her consciousness. Then after almost an hour of silence she said. "You never mentioned who Vanessa's mother was. I assume she died before the attack."

B'Elanna was hesitant, unsure. "Yes. Vanessa was six when she died. It was a huge blow her, to all of us, especially Chakotay. He was never quite the same after that. The light in his eyes grew dimmer each day. He loved her with such ferociousness. I've never seen him more alive then when he was with her."

"He must have loved her very much." She said softly.

She nodded. "He loved you very much."

"What?" Janeway's head snapped up.

B'Elanna smiled. "You heard me right. I've never seen him love anyone more than you. After the crash you were so depressed. You felt it was your fault that we crashed here. For months he stayed with you. Tried to convince you how wrong you were to believe that. A little over a year later he came to me one afternoon. He didn't know what to do. Instead of getting better you grew worse, and had attempted suicide on several occasions.

"He was at the end of his rope. That night he admitted to me that he loved you. I told him that I already knew. He just nodded as if he suspected as much. We spent most of the night talking. When he left, he was more content than I had seen him in the past year. Several days later he came to me and said he told you that he loved you. I asked him how you reacted. He just smiled and held up his left hand. On the third finger was a ring.

"I was so happy that I hugged him and screamed like a school girl. Tom thought I had lost my mind until I told him about the two of you. Then he smiled, picked me up, and twirled me around laughing. A month later she was pregnant with Vanessa."

She didn't know what to think. As this obviously didn't happen to her, but it did give her an insight as to how she might of reacted if it did happen. "So how did I- I mean my counterpart die?"

B'Elanna's expression changed drastically. "I don't think we should talk about it." She said angrily, which made Janeway all the more curious as to how she died. "I'm sorry I asked. I had no idea how angry it would make you."

She took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "It's not your fault. You had no idea. The circumstances surrounding her death are only known to a few of us. If we were to tell the colony what really happened it would have crushed them. They looked to her for strength. It was bad enough when she locked herself away the first year. It was hard as hell to keep everyone's spirits up. We were dammed it we were going to let it happen again."

Her eyes shown with a fierce fire that Janeway couldn't remember seeing before, and hoped that if she made it back to her own Voyager, never see again. "This is upsetting you. Perhaps we should call it a night." She said halfway risen from her seat, and what B'Elanna said next made her crash back down into that chair in disbelief.

"She took her own life. I can understand now why she did it. It took me years to stop hating her for it, especially after seeing what it did to Chakotay and Vanessa. I can remember being at her funeral and hearing people say what a brave woman she was. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that she took her own life, but I couldn't. When Chakotay left during the funeral people thought it was because he was so grief stricken he couldn't stay any longer. He was grief stricken all right, but not for the reason they thought. He eventually came to terms with it, understood it, but Vanessa still hates her to this day. She's become a bitter person because of it.

"Kathryn begged him for weeks to kill her, that she didn't want Vanessa to see her as she would become. The disease she contracted was very similar to the Ebola virus back in the late twentieth to mid twenty-first century, except that it took months instead of days for her to die. She looked like the living dead. Some days she would know who she was, and others she hadn't a clue. It hurt Vanessa the most when she didn't recognize her. Vanessa told me once that Kathryn would throw things at her, scream at her. Then the next day she would be all right again, never remembering what she had done to her.

"The night she took her life. Vanessa told me what she heard. She was laying in bed asleep when a loud crash woke her up. Scared, she got up to find out what was happening. In the hallway she could hear her mother screaming. Running toward their bedroom she stopped when she heard her mother scream. "Just do it!" Then her fathers reply. "I'm not going to kill you Kathryn! I can't! Stop asking me to do something you know I won't do!"

"She began crying at that point. It wasn't until years later Helen told me the rest of it. Kathryn had told him that she never loved him. That the only reason she agreed to marry him was because she felt pity on him. She never wanted him or Vanessa. He told her he knew it wasn't true, she was only saying that in an attempt to anger him.

"Several seconds of silence passed before Chakotay told Kathryn to give him the knife. That was when she opened the door enough to peek inside. Chakotay's back was to her, and on the other side of the bed Kathryn held a knife. Then she screamed and said that if he didn't have the guts to do it she would. Before Chakotay could respond, she plunged the knife into her stomach. He screamed her name and climbed over the bed toward her. That was when Vanessa opened the door screaming for her mother. He told her to get Tom, but by the time they got there she was already dead. Chakotay sat on the floor clutching her body to him, crying hysterically."

Janeway was stunned to silence. How could she do it? How could she say those things then commit suicide right in front of him? It seemed so far fetched. She couldn't imagine ever doing that herself. There have been times in her life when she contemplated it, who hasn't at one time or another, but to actually go through with it?

"He told me a year later what she said after she stabbed herself. She told him he was right, that she didn't mean what she said. That she loved him and Vanessa very much, but she just couldn't go on and let Vanessa see her that way anymore. Then she asked for his forgiveness. He told me he did, and that was when she died in his arms content."

Tears filled her eyes as she listed to B'Elanna recount the last moments of her counterparts life. "Now I understand why Vanessa tried to attack me."

"Yes, now you do." B'Elanna wiped her eyes and said. "It's been a long day. I think it's about time I turn in." Janeway nodded in agreement and stood up. Setting down the tea cup on the table between them, she turned to her. "Goodnight B'Elanna."

"Goodnight." She answered absently.

Heading into the bedroom she changed into the nightgown B'Elanna lent her and crawled into bed. Tomorrow she wanted to see Vanessa. Perhaps she could serve as an outlet for her. Closing her eyes, she tried to push away the images in her mind. Eventually she fell asleep.

§3§

The next morning Kathryn awoke to the smell of eggs cooking. Getting up she changed back into her uniform and headed into the kitchen where B'Elanna was busy making breakfast. "Good morning." She said taking a seat at the small dining table.

"Good morning." She replied flipping the eggs. "Did you sleep well?"

"Fairly. You?"

"Fairly. Helen should be here any minute. If you want to take a shower there are some towels in the bathroom. I'll have breakfast waiting when you get out."

"All right." She replied standing up. Smiling at each other for a second, Kathryn turned and headed for the bathroom.

Taking off her uniform she laid it on the rack and stepped into the shower. The water felt so good she could have leaned against the wall for hours. Picking up the bar of soap, she lathered up. Taking the shampoo she soaped up her hair then rinsed her entire body. Shutting off the water she stepped out to notice that her uniform had been replaced with a blue short sleeve shirt and matching slacks. As well as a clean pair of panties, bra, and socks.

Drying herself, she changed into the clothes and put the towel into the hamper. Picking up the brush on the counter she brushed her wet hair then left the bathroom. Just outside the door she could hear a man's voice that sounded very familiar. Walking into the living room she could see into the kitchen. B'Elanna sat at the small table talking to someone she couldn't see.

Moving into the doorway Harry stopped talking and looked up, a stunned expression on his face. "Kathryn Janeway. I don't believe it." He said surprised. "Helen told me you were here but I just couldn't accept it until I saw you for myself."

"It's good to see you Harry." She replied smiling.

Standing up he approached, studying her carefully. Then hugged her and began to laugh. She hugged him back. Pulling away he took her hand. "Sit down." He said offering her his chair. She sat, Harry took a seat next to B'Elanna.

"I took your uniform to be cleaned. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." B'Elanna said.

"It's quite all right. Thank you."

"I understand you came here by accident." Harry began.

"Yes. Lieutenant Kaplan and I were studying the planets upper ionosphere. Then the next thing I know were trying to keep from crashing."

"Helen told me that she saw your shuttle crash."

"Yes. I found her a few feet away from the site. She was leaning against a rock. I must say I was surprised to discover she was human."

"I can imagine. Speaking of Helen she's been delayed. I'm afraid that we'll have to look for your shuttle this afternoon."

"I understand."

"In the meantime, I could give you a tour of the colony."

"I would love that." She smiled.

"After you've eaten breakfast I'll take you to the motor shop." She nodded.

§4§

As Kathryn and Harry drew closer, she noticed that this was the same building Helen had taken her to last night. It was still noisy as ever. Entering, Harry began introducing her to the offspring of the Voyager crew, including his son Samuel. Looking at the strong handsome young man, he reminded her so much of his father. "You have a very handsome son Harry. I'm sure you're quite proud of him."

"Indeed I am." He smiled as he clapped Samuel on the back.

Over Samuel's shoulder, Kathryn saw a woman with long raven black hair tied back into a ponytail, stand up holding a crate that was forty pounds at least. Her arms and legs were well defined from years of hard work. It surprised her that she could carry the crate with such ease. "Excuse me." She said brushing past the two men.

Harry and Samuel's conversation stopped as they watched her walk away. "I'll see you later son." Samuel only nodded in wonder as his father followed his former captain. Catching up with her he touched her shoulder, she stopped. "Where are you going?"

"I think I just saw Vanessa. I have to talk to her."

"I don't think that's wise."

"B'Elanna already told me what happened." She tried to step around him until he grasped her arm lightly. "Which is all the more reason why you shouldn't see her. Helen told me how she tried to attack you. If she wasn't there you could have been seriously hurt."

"I appreciate your concern, but I can take care of myself."

"I know that, but she's a lot stronger than you and she's been trained to fight. I hate to say this, but if she attacked you again you wouldn't last five minutes. She hates you."

"Which is all the more reason why I should talk to her. If by seeing me is able to release some of the anger she's been carrying around all these years then I need to do that much for her."

Harry shook his head. He remembered how stubborn she could be. "All right, but I'll be watching from the door incase things get out of hand." When she nodded in agreement, he released her arm.

Taking a deep breath she walked outside and toward the truck Vanessa was working on. Hearing someone approach she said. "It's about time you got back. Hand me the socket wrench would you?" Without turning around she held out her hand, and a tool was placed into the palm. Looking at it she noticed it was a pair of needle nose pliers. Exasperated she turned around. "I'm not in the mood-" Cutting herself off she was stunned to see Kathryn Janeway standing before her. The pliers dropped from her hand.

For the first time Kathryn could see how distorted the right side of her face really was. The eye drooped, as did the corner of her mouth. "Hello Vanessa."

It was the words that snapped her out of the time loop. Raising her right hand, she backhanded Kathryn across the left cheek. Her head snapped to the side, making her stumble back. Harry ran toward them. Holding the stinging cheek she held up one hand while working her jaw back and forth. Harry stopped. "It's all right. I expected as much."

"You must be crazy or suicidal to come back here. Oh I forgot, you are suicidal." She said sarcastically.

Those words stung her more than that slap ever could. "You have every reason to be angry. What your mother did was wrong, and I have no intention of trying to justify her actions. The last thing I want is to hurt you, but if I can help you release some of the anger you've been carrying around all these years, then that's all I want."

Vanessa shook her head, unsure of what to do. On one hand, this woman embodied everything she's grown to hate. On the other, she loved her for the same reason. "Can you go back in time and prevent her suicide? I didn't think so. You can't change the past anymore than I can change the future. So don't insult me with your attempt at reconciliation. There's nothing you could possibly say that will appease me." Turning back around she leaned over the engine. For her this conversation was over.

"You're right, I can't change the past. But I can see that this is killing you." Cautiously she approached. "It's tearing you apart inside, and I know your father-"

Before Janeway realized what was happening Vanessa's hand gripped her by the arm and slung her around until her back slammed into the truck. Gripping her throat, Vanessa's face was only inches from her own. Her tone was intense, but never raised her voice. "What do you know about my father?" Harry tried to pull her away but was rudely pushed backward. "You know nothing. I don't want to hear his name cross your lips. For you to speak his name tarnishes his memory and I won't allow that. It's bad enough to have been spawned from you." Gripping her by the shirt she slung Janeway behind her. If Harry hadn't of been there, she would have hit the ground. "Get out of here. You disgust me." Not once did she turn around. Reaching into the tool box she pulled out the socket wrench and resumed working on the truck.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked softly.

"I'm fine." She replied.

As Harry escorted her away, Janeway stared back at Vanessa for as long as possible. Trying to figure out what was going on in her head. All that hostility couldn't have been just about her. No, there had to be more to it than that. She obviously hadn't gotten the whole picture. A very large piece of the puzzle was missing, and before she set foot off this planet, she was determined to uncover the missing link.

§5§

Sitting in the back of the car; Janeway, Helen, Harry, and B'Elanna headed for the downed shuttle. There were so many questions she wanted answers to, but now was not the time. Stopping the car, B'Elanna switched off the engine. "We're going to have to walk from here." Everyone got out. Harry walked around to the trunk to retrieve his tool kit.

"All right let's go. We don't have many hours of daylight left before we have to head back to the colony." Harry said. The short walk to the shuttle was punctuated by silence. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts; even on the ride here no one spoke unless they had to. Opening the tool kit, Harry pulled out a battered tricorder and began to scan the shuttle. "It looks like the Valur tried to gain access. The hull is showing traces of a corrosive compound mixed with saliva, but no substantial damage. I suggest we get started."

Janeway stepped forward and opened the hatch. Lieutenant Kaplan's body was still laying where she and Helen had left him. The stasis field which protected his body was still functional. "If we can work around him I would prefer it rather than moving him again." Janeway stated.

"I don't see any reason why not, he's not blocking a major systems." B'Elanna replied.

Without another word all four of them entered the shuttle. "It's been a long time since I've stepped foot inside the flyer." Giving a dry laugh Harry took a seat a the helm. "Truth be told, it's been a long time since I've come in contact with anything that didn't have an internal combustion engine."

"So this is the delta flyer. I've heard you and uncle Tom talk about it so much I feel as if I've been here." Helen said in awe of the vessel.

"The one and only. All though it seems a lot bigger than I remember." Harry replied accessing the controls. "I don't have any power."

"I'm on it." B'Elanna said moving back into the aft compartment.

"I'll go with you." Janeway added following.

Bending down in front of a large panel, B'Elanna removed it and began to access the controls. Janeway bent down next to her. "Harry said you talked to Vanessa today. You're lucky she didn't take your head off." She spoke in a tone that said ‘I told you so'.

"That seems to be a running theme. Tell me B'Elanna, is there anything else I should know about Vanessa that you failed to mention?"

She shrugged. "What are you getting at?"

"It seems to me that there's something else, a deeper reason for her anger. All that hostility can't just be about her mother."

"I think you're trying to read too much into it. Besides, she witnessed her mother commit suicide. There's not much that could be worse than that."

"You may be right."

There was a hum and the power came up. "We're back online." B'Elanna shouted out to Harry. Standing up, both women headed back into the main area.

Helen stood over her father's shoulder studying what he was doing with great interest. B'Elanna took the seat at ops, while Kathryn sat at tactical. "There's major damage to the nacelles. This shuttles not going anywhere until we can seal those fractures and infuse them with trititanium." Harry said.

"That's going to be difficult." B'Elanna replied. "We still have some equipment we've managed to salvage off of Voyager but without power they won't work."

"If I remember correctly, there are at least four power cells in the equipment storage locker. It should be enough to power an excavator and a mineral processor." Janeway said.

Once the power cells were collected, they headed back to the colony. Over the next two weeks, Harry, B'Elanna, and Janeway worked on the flyer. It was hard work, and there were a couple of times when main power went out; making them wonder if they could get it reestablished.

Janeway did her best to stay away from Vanessa. It was clear that the feelings of anger and bitterness were just too deeply rooted. Besides, if the repairs continued to go smoothly she would be leaving tomorrow.

§6§

Vanessa took out the small meal box and opened it. Pulling out a sandwich she had made for herself that morning, she unwrapped the brown paper and began to eat. It wasn't bad, considering what kind of meat it was. A dry but palatable texture.

Leaning against a large shade tree, she closed her eyes. Enjoying the peace for as long as it would last. The light behind her eyelids began to darken. Then the sound of footsteps forced her to abandon the few moments of bliss. B'Elanna stood in front of her. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Not particularly no."

"Mind if I join you?" Vanessa only gestured for her to sit. Taking a seat next to her, she leaned back. "I suppose you've heard the news?"

"I hear a lot of things." She replied taking another bite.

"The shuttles systems have been repaired."

"So?"

B'Elanna took a breath trying to remind herself that the situation was painful for Vanessa. "So, it means tomorrow morning Janeway will be leaving."

Dropping the sandwich back into the meal box she pushed it away with disgust. "Well there went my appetite."

"I'm being serious Vanessa."

"So am I. Did you come here to tell me that I should make peace with her?"

"Something like that. You've been given a second chance to say all the things you've wanted to over the years. It would be smart of you to take it."

"I have nothing to say, especially not to her."

B'Elanna wasn't sure how to get Vanessa to see past her anger and bitterness, even if it was just for a moment. "It's a shame your father's not here in order to talk some sense into you."

Vanessa's mood changed dramatically. Instead of being annoyed she was angry. "Why is it every time I don't see your reasoning you drag my father up? Haven't you learned by now that it doesn't do anything except piss me off."

"Watch it little girl." B'Elanna's tone was dangerous. "Sometimes I think you forget who you're talking to. I knew your father for over twenty years, and I also know what he'd think of the situation. He wouldn't want to see you blowing this chance, because there will never be another. When Janeway steps onboard the shuttle tomorrow morning that's it. There will be no other opportunities. I'm not telling you to see her, just to think about it." Standing up, B'Elanna dusted off the back of her pants. "If you decide to do it, she'll be leaving at zero-nine-hundred." Without another word she walked away.

§7§

Tossing back and forth, Vanessa couldn't get to sleep. Picking up the pocket watch her father had given to her mother years before she was born, she checked the time. It was ten o'clock. Tossing the covers aside, she got out of bed and dressed.

Picking up a lamp, and the medicine bundle, she went outside. With only a small radius of light, it was hard to see past a few feet. That didn't matter, she could walk the trail to her father's grave blindfolded. Upon seeing the headstone, she sat the lamp next to her and sat.

For several moments she remained silent, unsure of what to say. She always came to speak to him when she was particularly troubled. Laying the bundle before her, she placed a hand on the device and concentrated on the stone, just how her father had taught her. "Ahh-koo-chi-moya. I am far from the sacred places of my ancestors, from the bones of my people. I must speak with my father, the one whom the wind called Chakotay."

Closing her eyes, she continued to concentrate. After several moments, her eyes opened. She was sitting by the creek where her father had taken her fishing. This was their special place.

"Vanessa, you're upset."

Turning her head, Chakotay was sitting next to her. "I am." She admitted knowing that she could never hide her feelings from him, alive or dead.

"Tell me what's gotten my Chi-tanna so conflicted."

Chi-tanna, she hadn't heard that name in years. No one but him had ever called her that. It meant ‘Little Beauty'. "Two weeks ago, a woman crashed into our planet from another reality. Her name is Kathryn Janeway."

Chakotay nodded knowingly. "Now I understand why you're troubled."

"B'Elanna came to me today and suggested I talk to her. How could I even consider it? Especially after what she did to us?"

"She hasn't done anything." Chakotay pointed out. "But I know what you meant. What your mother did, she did out of fear. It was never her intention to hurt us, and I know that. Fear can make people consider possibilities they never would have under other circumstances."

"I understand that, but what you're suggesting is that I forget everything's that's happened. I can't do that."

Chakotay put his arm around her, pulling her to his chest. God it had been so long since she felt this loved and safe. It was becoming harder to remember. "My sweet Chi-tanna, how incredibly brave you've been over the last few years. It seems only yesterday I first held you in my arms. Now you've become a beautiful young woman." Laughing to himself he continued. "You may have inherited the majority of your looks from me, but the temper is from your mother. She had to be one of the most stubborn women I've known, sometimes even more so than some Klingon's. If you don't let this hatred go, you'll always be stuck in this moment. I don't want you to continue this way. Please talk to her, if not for me, than for your own sake. Promise me you'll think about it."

After several moments she nodded reluctantly. Seconds later her eyes opened, he was gone. Gathering the medicine bundle, she picked up the lamp before heading back to the house.

§8§

Janeway stood in the hatchway to the delta flyer. Harry, Helen, and B'Elanna were there to send her off. Hugging each of them, she expressed her thanks before saying goodbye. Behind the small group, Janeway could see a dust trail approaching. Everyone turned around to see what she was staring at. It was a pick-up.

When it reached them, the person shut off the engine and stepped out, Janeway was surprised to see Vanessa. Slowly she approached. B'Elanna looked up to Harry and Helen. "Perhaps we should give them some privacy." The two nodded before heading back to the car. Janeway stood silently in the hatchway, waiting to find out what she wanted. "I feel as though I owe you an apology. What happened with my mother has nothing to do with you, I hope you can forgive me for what I've said."

"Of course. I understand why you reacted the way you did. Truthfully, I probably would have reacted the same if I had experienced what you did."

Vanessa nodded. "Have a safe journey. I hope you find your way home." Turning, she started for the pick-up.

"Please don't go yet." Janeway's words made Vanessa stop and face her again.

"Was there something else?"

"Yes actually, since my arrival two weeks ago, we've never gotten the chance to know each other. I would very much like to get to know you before I go."

"Don't you have to be going?"

"I've waited this long. What's a few more hours?" She replied smiling, which caused Vanessa to do the same. "Come, I'll give you a tour of the delta flyer."

After showing her the shuttle, each took a seat in the aft section. "This shuttle of yours is very impressive. If we had access to a craft like this there's no telling what we could accomplish."

Janeway laughed softly and smiled. "I can only imagine. I could see you spending every spare moment trying to learn how everything worked. You're a very skilled mechanic from what I've been told."

"I guess you could say that. I've always had a knack for fixing things." Vanessa replied taking on a pensive expression.

"Is something wrong?" Janeway asked concerned.

Vanessa wasn't sure how to respond. The terrible secret she's been carrying all these years was attempting to force it's way to the surface. A part of her wanted desperately to share it with someone, to get if off her chest. No longer did she want to carry this weight in her heart. "I want to tell you something that I've never told anyone, could never tell anyone. Since you're going to be leaving . . ."

"What is it?" Janeway asked seriously. It was the first time Vanessa wanted to open up to her, needed to. "No matter what it is, I'll understand."

Vanessa's eyes met her gaze, and she could tell that this woman was sincere. "You say that now, but you'll feel differently after you hear what I have to say."

"Fair enough. We all have our secrets. Things we've kept hidden and buried so deeply that we try to forget, but no matter how hard we try it never seems to work does it?"

She nodded in agreement. "That's true." Taking a moment to prepare herself she said. "I need you to promise me that you won't repeat to anyone what I'm about to tell you." Her eyes were pleading, begging.

"I promise."

Breathing a sigh of relief she continued. "The night my father was killed, we had a fight. I wanted to visit my mother's grave, but he kept telling me we would go the next day. I had no idea what was about to happen, if I had known he would still be alive." She was sobbing by this point, her words became garbled.

Janeway put her arms around her, and surprisingly Vanessa didn't resist. In fact, she welcomed the feel of being in her mother's arms again, even if this woman was only her counterpart. It didn't matter, it felt as good as being six years old again. "Shh, it's all right." Janeway spoke softly, rocking her slightly.

Eventually the tears slowed, and she was able to continue. "After my father had gone to bed, I snuck out and went to the grave. It was as if I had to go, as if something were pulling at me. Then when I came home, he was up waiting for me. I was so surprised to see him that I had forgotten to secure the door. Then just as he was about to ask me what I was doing out so late, the door opened. I can remember him pushing me out of the way before fighting a Valur. It followed me home. I know it was my fault, but I blamed my mother for it. For so long I thought that if she hadn't of died I would have never snuck out in the first place. I wouldn't have forgotten to secure the door." Tears erupted once again, drowning out the words.

Janeway felt nothing but compassion for this young woman. "What a terrible burden she's been carrying around all these years." She thought. "Now I understand why you hated her so much."

"You must think I'm a horrible person."

"No Vanessa, you were only a child. How could you have known what was going to happen?"

"In my mind I've accepted it, but in my heart I feel responsible. Growing up without my father or mother has taken it's toll. Sometimes I wonder if my family wasn't destined for disaster."

Janeway nodded. "I can see how you might think so. You've endured so much over the years, more than anyone should have to."

"Perhaps." She replied pulling herself away from the comfort of Kathryn's arms. Wiping her eyes she stood up. "I've kept you long enough. It's time you headed back to Voyager."

"Wait a minute." Vanessa turned to face her. "There's something I'd like to do for you before I go."

"What is it?" Vanessa eyed her curiously.

"You'll see, but first I have to speak to Harry and B'Elanna." Standing up, she exited the shuttle and headed for the small group. "B'Elanna, do you still have the Doctor's mobile emitter?"

"Yes, why?"

"I was thinking that if we downloaded him into the flyers computer, it might be enough to get him online."

"That's true, but what good is it? You're going to be leaving."

"I know, but he's the only one who may be able to correct the damage to Vanessa's face and arm. Granted her injuries are several years old, but I would like to try."

B'Elanna smiled. "I'll be right back."

§9§

After almost three hours, B'Elanna and Harry were able to get the Doctor up and running. He was surprised to say the least when he found out how much time had passed. Not to mention how he reacted when his program would once again face oblivion. Nearly five hours had passed while the group waited outside for the Doctor to finish treating Vanessa. Everyone wanted to know if he had been able to restore her features. He had just about everything he needed to complete the treatment, and what he didn't have wasn't as important. He had been used to making do with what was available.

B'Elanna paced in front of Harry and Kathryn as they sat on the hood of the car. Helen was leaning back against a large rock. With her eyes closed, she appeared to be praying. "How much longer before we know anything? I hate being forced to wait." B'Elanna said annoyed.

"As long as it takes." Kathryn replied smiling, amused by the half-klingon's behavior. "These things take time. All we can do is hope for the best."

"I wish there were some way of taking a quick look." Harry said with a nervous grin.

When the Doctor stepped out, Kathryn was the first to notice. Sliding off the hood she approached him. Harry, B'Elanna, and Helen did the same. "Well?" Kathryn asked immediately.

He smiled. "I've been able to correct ninety-five percent of the damage. For the most part she's as good as new."

"Can we see her?" B'Elanna asked sounding impatient.

"I don't see any reason why not, but she will have to stay out of the sun for at least two weeks. The graphs to her arm and face need time to fully heal."

"I understand. Thank you Doctor." B'Elanna replied before heading inside the shuttle. The rest of the group followed. Sitting up on the emergency bio bed, Vanessa's back was to them while she studied her face in the hand held mirror. Lightly, she touched the cheek that had been nothing more than a mass of scared tissue until recently. "Vanessa? How's it look?" Helen asked curiously.

Slowly she lowered the mirror and turned to face the hopeful group. Upon seeing her restored features, B'Elanna's eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Without a word, she stepped forward and hugged her fiercely. "You look beautiful." Harry began. "Just as I remember."

"My god, I can hardly believe it!" Helen exclaimed. "It's almost like looking at a different person."

Vanessa pulled herself away from B'Elanna and got off the bed. Approaching Janeway she asked. "What do you think?"

"Beautiful." Kathryn was in awe. B'Elanna was right when she said Vanessa was beautiful. She had sometimes wondered in a moment of weakness, what a child between her and Chakotay might look like. Now she knew.

Vanessa smiled before hugging her. "I can't thank you enough. In some ways, I feel as though you've given me my life back. I just wish you didn't have to leave so soon."

"Me too." After several moments, Vanessa released her. "I'm going to miss all of you, but in a way I'll be seeing the two of you again." She said looking at Harry and B'Elanna.

"That's true." Harry replied.

"I better get going."

After saying their goodbye's, Janeway activated helm control and began to ascend, following the same flight plan that brought her here. Reaching the stratosphere, the shuttle rocked violently until it broke free from the planet. If she had made it back to her own time, Voyager should be waiting less than two light years away.

Opening a channel, she hailed them. "This is the delta flyer to Voyager, do you read?" Silence. Perhaps she didn't make it after all. Using the external sensors, she attempted to scan the surface when a voice erupted from the com.

"We hear you Captain." Chakotay responded. "Did you find any pollyfeninheight?"

Never had she been so relieved to hear his voice. "I'm afraid not. Perhaps we'll find some down the road." Then her voice became softer, god how she hated giving bad news. "It's my duty to inform you that Lieutenant Kaplan is dead."

"I understand." His voice sounded strained. No matter how many people they lost, it would never get easier to deal with.

"I need you to come pick me up. The flyer's sustained heavy damage, and I can't do more than impulse. I'm relaying my coordinates to you now."

Several seconds passed before hearing a reply. "We've got it. Just sit tight, we're on our way, Chakotay out."

§10§

Once the flyer had been safely docked in shuttle bay two. Janeway opened the hatch to see Chakotay, B'Elanna, the Doctor, and three engineer's. Approaching them, the three engineer's headed into the flyer to begin repairs. Passing B'Elanna, she gave her a smile that spoke volumes. She looked bewildered for a moment before resuming course toward the shuttle. B'Elanna wasn't the only one who noticed.

"You're in a good mood." The Doctor pointed out.

"You could say that." There was a slight glint in her eyes that both men noticed immediately.

"Well I better attend to Lieutenant Kaplan. Excuse me." The Doctor replied heading for the shuttle.

Suddenly she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Here she was smiling while Lieutenant Kaplan lay dead a few feet away. His wife died four years earlier while under her command. As if that wasn't bad enough, he was a young man who had his whole life to look forward to, while she had almost lived half of hers. How could this happen? Why had it always been some young person in the prime of their lives? Why not her? She had lived a full life, well partly. As much as she would have liked to settle down and start a family, it wasn't a reality.

Meeting Vanessa, jump started those thoughts that laid dormant. Not to say she didn't think about it, but it had never hit her this deeply before. For the first time, she truly understood the ticking of her biological clock. In fact, it was becoming a down right church bell going off in her head. If she were anywhere else but in the delta quadrant things would be different. Hell she would still have Mark in her life, but that would mean never having known any of the Maquis. She couldn't imagine her life without Chakotay being apart of it. They had grown so close over the years.

She had feelings for him, some strong, some weak. If things were different, she might have considered moving their relationship beyond the realm of friendship. Oh how she wished she could. Their relationship had to stay professional. A romance with her first officer would impair her judgement, create tension between them. It was ok to fantasize about him, but that's as far as she would allow herself to go. Thinking about it even now was making her cheeks flush.

"Are you all right?" Chakotay asked concerned.

"I'm fine, just a little tired."

"Maybe you should head to your quarters and get some sleep."

She nodded. "Care to join me for a cup of coffee first?"

"Sure." Walking side by side, they headed for the turbo lift.

§11§

Chakotay sat on the sofa holding his coffee cup, while Kathryn sat in the chair across from him. Taking a sip of coffee she replied. "It was certainly an enlightening experience. How often does a person have the chance to peer into another reality?"

"Not often." Taking a sip from the mug he continued. "So Harry got married and had four children. I would have loved to see them."

"While I was there his youngest child Helen was the only one I got a chance to know. She's a lovely young lady. Tom and B'Elanna had two children, a boy and a girl. I wish I had met them."

Shifting his position slightly he asked. "Did my counterpart have any children?"

"Yes, a daughter. Her name was Vanessa."

"Who was her mother?" Kathryn looked down at the mug in her lap. She didn't want to say who. If she did, it might spark something she wasn't prepared for. "Judging your reaction, I'm guessing that woman was you." She nodded, but continued to stare at the cup in her hands. Shaking his head he laughed.

With a puzzled expression she asked. "What' so funny?"

"You're acting as if you told me my dog just died. Relax Kathryn, you don't have to worry about me putting pressure on you. You made it clear four years ago that you're not interested in a relationship. I accept and respect it."

She looked dumbfounded. "Sometimes your uncanny ability to know what I'm thinking scares the hell out of me."

He smiled. "Perhaps I know you a little to well."

"You'll get no argument from me." She replied finishing off the last of her coffee. "I think it's about time I headed for bed."

Chakotay downed the rest of his luke-warm coffee and sat the cup on the table before leaving. "Sleep well."

"Thanks." She replied as he exited her quarters.

§12§

During the next few days, Kathryn began to seriously consider moving her friendship with Chakotay to a romantic one. The idea alone didn't horrify her, in fact, she had dreamt about him on many occasions. The only problem she couldn't seem to get around, was if they could keep their personal and professional relationship separate. There was a good reason why Starfleet had rules about couples who served aboard the same ship, or outpost. In those instances, they had to work in separate departments. One spouse could not serve under the other, it could cause too many problems. Most couples can't handle taking orders from their partner, some even have a hard time working with them.

Love and work can be a deadly combination. Kathryn knew that very well. She had seen it ruin to many relationships. When she was with Mark it was easy. He wasn't in Starfleet, so the danger of them ever working together was infinitesimal. But out here among a sea of unknown stars and planets, with everything she's ever known thirty-five thousand light years away, it was difficult to not think about how distant everything truly is. How all the familiar people and places of the past only existed in her memory. They were still there of course, but the passing of time has a cruel effect. Just as water erodes a stone, time changes everything.

We as sentient beings are constantly changing, not only what's around us, but ourselves. Kathryn was not immune to those effects. She was definitely different from the woman who first stepped aboard this ship six years ago. A little wiser in some ways, patient, experienced. Because of the caretaker, she had grown closer to people than she ever thought possible.

It would be lying if she didn't admit how she felt about Chakotay. He was her friend, but there was more to it than just friendship. There was an exchange of electricity. He felt it, and she felt it. Sometimes it was overwhelming how thick the sexual tension was between them, but she couldn't give into those feelings, or could she? "That's ridiculous." She thought. Why Kathryn? Any things possible when you put your mind to it. You have needs, wants, desires, just like any other woman. How long can you go on denying yourself the chance for happiness? A husband, children? You're not getting any younger, and if by chance it does takes thirty-five years to get home, you will have missed an opportunity that exists right here, right now.

Yes you need to stay focused on your mission, but not at the expense of the present. Do you really want to look back on your life many years from now and say that you did nothing besides captain a starship? That you sacrificed your own happiness in order to get your crew home? The people under your command haven't put their lives on hold in spite of the circumstances, so why should you? Why do you believe you're so different?

It hasn't anything to do with being the captain. You're only using it as an excuse. Clinging to it like a lifeline. What are you so afraid of? Letting someone get past the wall you've built around yourself, and once that far, they might not like the person you truly are? "That's not it." She thought, dismissing the inner voice, but it didn't stay quiet. Instead, it continued to ask questions, becoming more persistent. Then what is it? What's the real reason you won't pursue a romantic relationship? Be honest Kathryn, you're far to old to be bullshitting yourself.

The truth was, she really didn't have a good reason. Even when she learned that Mark had moved on with his life, she continued to remain distant. Being afraid to move on was only part of it. Of course the news hurt her deeply, but she knew he would have moved on eventually. Even if he had known she wasn't dead, she was still far enough away that she may as well have been. He couldn't wait around for her forever, and she wouldn't of expected or asked him to. So why continue to hold back? There's no reason for it. "Say's you." She thought irritated. "Why in the hell am I arguing with myself? I must really be losing it, or I've been out in deep space too long." She mumbled to herself entering the mess hall.

Immediately Neelix noticed her entrance. Cheerfully he said. "Good morning Captain. Would you like some eggs to go along with your coffee?"

"No thank you." She replied approaching him.

Pouring a cup, he handed it to her. Being this early, the mess hall was empty except for a couple of crewmembers who were sharing a table at the far end next to the huge row of windows. "I see you have the early shift."

"No." She began before taking a sip from the steaming mug. "I just woke up."

He looked concerned. "Having trouble sleeping?"

"I went to bed early last night."

His worried expression dissipated. "I see." Continuing to stare, his features changed once again. "Forgive me for asking Captain, but is there something on your mind?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I've noticed over the last few years when you seem particularly troubled, the skin between your eyes bunches up. Is there something I can do to help?"

"Does it?" She wondered to herself. Sighing she replied. "It's sweet of you to offer, but I don't think you can help."

"Try me." He challenged setting down the spatula.

"I'd rather not. Besides it's extremely personal."

Nodding he continued. "If you ever need someone to talk to I'm always available."

"Thank you Neelix."

"You're welcome."

Turning, she headed for a table on the opposite side of the two crew members. Sitting down to face the window's, she stared out into space. Lost in thought, she didn't hear Chakotay address her. "Captain?" Finally she heard him. "Yes Commander?"

"Are you all right?"

"Fine."

"I addressed you several times before you heard me."

"I was just thinking." She explained giving him a weak smile.

Nodding he asked. "Mind if I join you?"

Gesturing to the seat across from her he sat. "So, what were you thinking about?"

"Nothing much." She answered.

"It didn't seem like nothing." Then it dawned on him. "I think I know. You were thinking about what happened on the planet."

"He's got you there Kathryn." She nodded. "The experience has gotten me wondering about the future. If we'll ever get out of this god forsaken quadrant."

Taking a bite of toast Chakotay wasn't sure how to respond. It was too early in the morning to be thinking about the future. At the moment, it was all he could do to get though the next five minutes. "I wish I knew for sure, but all I can do is hope that we will. Personally I'd like to get back so I can move on with my life. Every plan I have has been put on hold until then."

Crossing her arms on the table she leaned forward slightly. "What kind of plans?"

"For starters, I'd like to settle down and get married, have a couple of children. The thrill of exploring space is losing it's appeal. I'm no longer the young man who wanted to join Starfleet. I've gotten my fill of it, especially over the last six years."

"Are you tired of being in space? Or just Starfleet?"

Taking a sip of coffee he replied. "A little of both. Some days I'm filled with excitement, others, I'm just going about my work waiting for the day to be over with. Other than the threat of aliens that either want to destroy us or take over the ship, I'm in a rut. I pretty much do the same things everyday. I need a change. What I really want is a companion, but so far I haven't been able to find someone." Jokingly he added. "If you know of anyone who might be interested in going out with me let me know. I could use all the help I can get." He smiled, then resumed eating.

Kathryn smiled back. "I'll be sure to do that." She replied trying to sound amused by his request, but her voice didn't reflect the tone she had intended.

"I can tell you've been thinking about it too. I don't have to tell you how lonely it is."

"No you don't."

Taking the last bite of toast, he finished the cup of coffee and stood up with his tray. "Duty calls. Perhaps I'll see you around later."

She nodded. "Perhaps."

Giving her a warm smile, he disposed of the tray before exiting the mess hall. After he left, she continued to sit at the table looking out at the stars. The coffee she held between her hands had long grown cold, but it didn't matter. She was too lost in thought to notice.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she nearly cried out. Seeing who it was, her heart began to slow. "I'm sorry I startled you Captain."

"It's all right Neelix. What can I do for you?"

"I just came over to see if you needed a refill."

Suddenly she remembered the cup in her hands. "No thanks, I've lost the taste of coffee for the moment."

Neelix feigned a heart attack in an attempt at humor. Kathryn smiled. "Red alert! You turning down a second cup of coffee is like the Doctor giving up opera." Looking into her cup he noticed it was nearly full. It wasn't like her to let coffee grow cold unless she had been called away. Concerned he asked. "Are you all right? You look as if you have a lot on your mind."

"Was it that obvious?" She wondered. "I do."

Taking a seat across form her, he sat down the coffee pot. "Captain I've never been one who tries to involve myself in other peoples problems, but you look like you need to talk."

Kathryn knew he was just concerned about her well-being. As self-proclaimed morale officer, a title she had been comfortable letting him procure, he felt it was his duty to help anyone in need. For the last six years, she only called upon his talents when needed, never his council or advice. Why hadn't she? He was certainly one of the only people aboard this ship who seemed to know about everything going on. With so many people coming and going through here, he was bound to know quite a bit. Giving him a lop sided grin she said. "I don't know if I feel comfortable discussing it."

"Captain, if you're worried that I might mention something to someone don't be." Six years ago this woman appeared on his view screen, changing the course of his life forever. In a way he felt he owed her everything. Loyalty, friendship, advice, expertise, and his life if necessary. In the course of his existence, she was one of the few people who never expected him to be more than what he was. She had given him so much, and wanted so little in return. By that, she didn't expect him to do more than what he was capable of. He had grown very attached to her, protective, but never possessive. Unlike Kes, who knew nothing of the universe before leaving Ocompa, she was no stranger to the terror and wonders of it. She was as intelligent and resourceful as she was beautiful.

Oh yes, he was attracted to her, but he knew nothing would ever come of it. He'd be lying if he didn't admit to himself how jealous he was of her relationship with Commander Chakotay. No one but a fool didn't notice how close they were. There have been times, in his day dreams, he wondered what a romantic relationship with her might be like. He would lavish her with attention, protect her fiercely, and love without abandon. Only in his day dreams of course, and there it would remain locked away for all eternity. He being the only one aware of those feelings for her. When he realized those feelings, he understood how Chakotay felt. Loving a person from a distance, never being allowed to tread closer.

During the last four years, Chakotay had accepted what life had dealt him. Beneath the surface of his cool exterior, there was a heart that beat only for the woman sitting across from him. Oh how he wished he could be him sometimes. Perhaps then, he would know the woman named Kathryn Janeway.

Scanning the room with her eyes, there were only two people, and both were out of earshot. If they had been any closer she wouldn't have dared say anything. "Ever since I've come back from the planet, I've been doing a lot of thinking."

"About what exactly?" He asked quietly.

"My future. In that reality my counterpart had a daughter, and it makes me wonder if I'll ever have the opportunity to settle down. To be given the choice of raising a family. We could be out here a long time, the rest of our lives in fact, I can't ignore that. I see the crew splitting off into pairs, going on with their lives. Am I wrong to expect more from myself? That all I am is the captain of a starship thirty-five thousand light years from home? Sometimes I wonder if that's all I'll ever be."

Neelix almost reached across the table to take her hand before realizing it. He had wanted to offer reassurance through that gesture, but knew how she would of reacted. Especially in such a public place with people around. It would have given them the wrong idea. Above everything he thought about her, he respected this woman, and would never want to ruin the trust she had for him. "I don't pretend to know if we'll get to the alpha quadrant any time soon, but we will get there. I have not doubt about it. And yes, you may be the captain, but beneath that, you're a woman just like any other. You deserve the right to be happy. To have a home, children, family. There's no reason why you can't. The only person who's preventing you from obtaining it is you, and only you can change that."

Nodding slowly she replied softly. "You're right. I just can't help but feel responsible for getting us stuck out here. After all, I did make the decision to destroy the caretaker's array."

"So does that mean you have to punish yourself for the rest of your life? I've had the privilege of speaking with a large number of the crew over the years; none of them blame you for what happened. You made the right decision. Now it's time to move past it."

"I appreciate your honesty. Not many people would have the nerve to tell me what you did. Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about."

"If you ever need to talk, I'll always be available, day or night." She nodded, giving him a warm smile. Standing up, she exited the mess hall.

§13§

Two weeks later, Neelix had decided to throw a party in order to boost morale; and from where he stood, the crew could us a little boosting. Not only was it a party, but a talent night. He figured it would be more distracting if there were some form of entertainment. Something to keep the crew from thinking about home. Not only did he do this for everyone, but more for Captain Janeway's benefit. Since her return from the parallel reality three weeks ago, she was still dwelling on the experience.

In the holodeck, a few of the crew were preparing to perform a play they had been rehearsing over the last couple of months, so this party couldn't have come at a better time. The senior staff, along with Seven, Neelix, Samantha and Naomi Wildman, and a large number of the crew, were waiting for the performance to begin.

As Janeway sat in the front row, Chakotay sat beside her. B'Elanna and Tom sat on the other side, while everyone else sat behind them. Each of them waiting for the play to begin. Just as Janeway was about to leave, it started. It was William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet".

A spotlight took center stage. Slowly a man walked into the light wearing attire appropriate for the period. Staring out at the audience intently, he speaks in a tone that communicates how desperately tragic the love between the two star-crossed lovers truly is.

"Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes a pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows do with their death bury their parents strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, and the continuance of their parents' rage, which but their children's end naught could remove, is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; the which, if you with patient ears attend, what here shall miss our toil shall strive to mend."

The lights fade in, continuing the play. Kathryn was thinking again. This time it was about the play itself. It was such a coincidence that they should perform a piece that had so much to do with the turmoil she was experiencing. Soon another scene was forcing her to contemplate, the speech of Romeo's mournful loss. How would she feel if Chakotay died? The same as Romeo felt about Juliet. No matter what kind of relationship she had with him, wasn't it better to take what little happiness life gives you instead of rejecting it?

"O my love! My wife! Death, that hath suck'd the honey of they breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty: Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks, and death's pale flag is not advanced there. - Tybalt, best thou there in they bloody sheet?

"O, what more favor can I do to thee than with that hand that cut thy youth in to sunder his that was thine enemy? Forgive me, cousin! - Ah, dear Juliet, why are thou yet so fair? Shall I believe that unsubstantial death is amorous; and that the lean abhorred monster keeps thee here in dark to be his paramour?

"For fear of that I still will stay with thee, and never from this palace of dim night depart again: here, here will I remain with worms that are thy chambermaids; O, will I set up my everlasting rest; and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world - wearied flesh. - Eyes, look your last!

"Arms, take your last embrace! And, lips, O the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss a dateless bargain to engrossing death! - Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavory guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on the dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark! Here's to my love!" Opening the vile he drinks, then stumbles like a drunken man. "O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick - Thus with a kiss I die."

Janeway's eyes fill with tears as she watches Romeo, so like Chakotay, willing to die for the woman he loves.

Juliet: O comfortable friar! Where is my lord? - I do remember well where I should be, and there I am: - where is my Romeo?"

Fri: I hear some noise. - Lady, come from that nest of death, contagion, and unnatural sleep: A greater power than we can contradict hath thwarted our intents: - come, come away: Thy husband in thy bosom there lies dead; and Paris too: - come, I'll dispose of thee among a sisterhood of holy nuns: Stay not to question, for the watch is coming; Come, go, good Juliet - I dare no longer stay."

Juliet: Go, get thee hence, for I will not. What's here? A cup, clos'd in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end: - O churl! Drink all, and leave no friendly drop to help me after? - I will kiss thy lips; Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, to make me die with a restorative." She leans down and kisses him, and realizes he has not been dead long.

"Thy lips are warm! Yea, noise? - then I'll be brief. - O happy dagger!" Snatching the dagger from his belt, she holds it poised before her stomach. "This is thy sheath." Plunging the dagger into the soft flesh of her stomach, blood spills forth. "There rest, and let me die." Using the last of her strength, she falls across Romeo's lifeless body, joining him in the mysterious realm of death.

Tears tumble across her cheeks, freeing themselves from her eyes. Chakotay, hearing a soft cry escape her lips, he turns to her slightly and whispers. "Are you all right?"

She nods. "It's just the play." Sitting back he leaves her alone.

Prince: A glooming peace this morning the sun for sorrow will not show his head: Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things; Some shall be pardon'd and some punished: For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

The lights blackout. Then after several seconds, they are resorted to reveal the cast of players. At first no one moves, each are too stunned. Then suddenly Janeway rises to her feet and claps. The rest, being snapped out of the stunned silence, follow suit. Cheers, whistles, and bravos are heard among the applause. Janeway begin's to wipe her eyes between claps. She understands it's message, and had no doubt that it was time to confess to Chakotay how much she loved him.

All the reason's she had told herself not to get involved with him no longer mattered. She had to take a chance, claim some small measurement of happiness for herself. No matter what happened from this point on, she would no longer deny herself the same rights as everyone else. The woman she had kept locked away all these years would be set free.

§14§

Janeway stood in the mess hall drinking a glass of champagne. Several moments later the cast of players made their entrance- having changed out of their costumes -were immediately received with applause and words of praise.

Janeway joined in, but continued to feel the impact of the piece. Perhaps she was reading too much into the play, and the words that continued to fill her ears. She had, after all, been struggling with her feelings for Chakotay. Maybe she only interpreted what she truly wanted to believe? Then perhaps not.

Making her way through the crowd, she took a spoon and tapped the side of her glass. The sound of voices diminished. Facing the group of performers, she raised her glass. "I would like to express my praise to a group of people who have not only managed to surprise me with their acting ability, but who are exceptional members of this crew. It's rare that a performance can move me as it did tonight. All of you have an extraordinarily gift, and I personally can't wait to see what you come up with next. Kudos!"

"Here! Here!" Tom said in agreement, as others voiced their praise as well.

After the applause, and words of praise were uttered once again, the group dispersed into smaller ones. Janeway sat at a table with Seven, Tom, Harry, and B'Elanna, vaguely listening to their conversation. What she wanted to know was where Chakotay was. He was right behind her when she left the holodeck, but couldn't remember the exact moment she lost track of him. Perhaps it was just as well. Better she sleep on it first.

A crewman came by offering a refill on the champagne, which she accepted along with Harry, Tom, and B'Elanna. Forcing herself to join in the conversation, she needed to forget about Chakotay for the time being.

After another hour of small talk, and three more glasses of champagne, she called it a night. Tomorrow she would have to deal with the inevitable hangover, bur for now it felt as if she were floating on a cushion of air. Stepping out of the turbolift, she headed for her quarters, and the comfort of her bed.

Standing in front of the door, she raised a hand to input the code that would grant her access, but she couldn't remember it. "Damn it!" She thought. "How could I forget? I've only been punching it in for the last six years! What was it? Three, six, two, five, eight? Or was it five, seven?" She knew she had to look ridiculous standing here, trying to remember. "That's why you only drink two glasses of champagne. Anymore, and you forget your own name. What the hell was I thinking?" Obviously she wasn't. "Even if I ordered the computer to open the door I would still need to give a command code, which I can't remember!" She thought kicking the door hard enough to hurt her foot. Biting off the cry that attempted to force it's way past her lips, she limped back toward the turbo lift.

"Kathryn?" Stopping, she turned back around. "I heard a thump, was that you?" Chakotay asked stepping out of his quarters wearing a robe and slippers.

"Yes."

"What were you doing?" He asked bewildered, then noticed how she was favoring her right foot. "What happened to your foot?"

"What foot?" She countered, feigning ignorance. God this was embarrassing.

"That foot." He replied pointing to it.

She looked down, pretending to notice it just this minute. "Oh, you mean this foot?"

"Yes, what happened to it?" He asked taking a step forward, causing her to instinctively take a step back. "What the hell's wrong with her?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you limping?"

"Who's limping?"

Shaking his head, he asked confused. "What's going on? Why are you acting so bizarre?"

"I'm not, I just-" She stopped. "Just what? Face it Kathryn you've been busted." Holding up a hand she answered. "All right you caught me. I can't remember my pass code." He looked to be fighting back laughter. "Don't you dare laugh at me." She warned. All though he could tell she was serious, it was too late. Laughter had already escaped his lips. Her face turned red, part embarrassment, part angry. "You're having for too much fun at my expense."

"I'm sorry Kathryn, I can't help it. Now I know where the thump came from. You know kicking the door won't help, believe me I know."

"Are you saying you've forgotten your pass code?"

"Once. I was so tired after pulling two sixteen hour shifts back to back, that by the time I reached my quarters I had completely forgotten my pass code. I ended up at B'Elanna's, she was kind enough to help me break into my quarters."

She wondered if he were pulling her leg. "Is that true?"

"I'm afraid so. If you want, I can have her-"

"No thanks, I'd rather not let anyone else know about it. I can only imagine how fast the news will travel."

"Warp ten." He replied laughing softly. "Listen, you're welcome to wait in my quarters for awhile."

"I couldn't."

"What are you going to do? Walk around the ship all night? Besides, with that foot of yours I wouldn't recommend it. It already looks like it's starting to swell."

Nodding slowly, she limped toward him. Turning around, he opened the door watching her limp past him, which she lifted a warning finger. Smiling, he tried not to laugh. Taking a seat on the sofa, he headed for the replicator. "One cold compress." Seconds later it materialized. Taking it, he moved toward her and knelt down to remove her boot and sock. "You know, if I were anyone else, I might be tempted to use this as blackmail."

"Lucky for you you're not, or I'd have you shot at dawn." She cried out as the boot slid across her ankle.

"I'm sorry." Sitting down on the sofa he held her foot up, and gestured for her to turn. Slowly she did. Setting the injured foot in his lap, he examined it carefully. "Yep, it's definitely twisted." He commented noticing the black bruise that was beginning to form. Carefully, he placed the cold compress on the obviously swollen appendage, which caused her to suck air rapidly through gritted teeth. "Maybe you should go to sickbay."

"And have the Doctor give me a complete physical? No thanks, I'll pass."

"You mean you haven't had it done this year?"

"It's nothing against him, I just don't like doctor's, never have."

"Oh? Why is that?" He asked curiously.

"When I was little, my mother took me to see a starfleet doctor in Los Angeles after contracting a rare strain of the Trillian flu. I can remember being poked and prodded for several days. It was probably one of the worst experiences I've ever had. After that, I avoided them. I'm sure you also remember the physical's at the academy? Especially before Zero-G training."

He nodded. "Horrendous. It's a wonder anyone passed. If you had the slightest thing wrong, they would keep you for observation." Changing the subject back to her he said. "You realize you can't hide this. People are going to notice you limping around the bridge."

"Not if I stay sitting or in my ready room."

"With this much swelling you'd have to keep it elevated. You're best bet is to bite the bullet and go to sickbay."

She sighed. "What are you my mother?"

"No, I'm just a concerned friend who would rather not see his best friend in unnecessary pain. You're going to have to go eventually, so why not just get it over with? Besides, this would be the best time to do it. Everyone is either asleep or at their posts."

"Let's not and say we did."

"Kathryn." He warned. "Either you decide to go of your own free will, or I'll carry you there."

"You wouldn't." She replied seriously.

"I would." He answered just as serious.

"Don't make me hurt you."

"Ha! You're the one with the swollen foot! That is incidently in my lap." Wrapping his hand loosely around it he continued. "I have ways of making you listen to reason."

"Don't you dare!" She looked frightened. The champagne coursing through her system was making her wonder if he actually would.

When he realized she was no longer playing, but genuinely scared, he let go. Concern overrode his expression. "I was only joking. Did you actually think I would hurt you on purpose?" She said nothing. "How long have we known each other? Going on seven years? In all that time, have I ever given you the impression that I would do anything to harm you?" She shook her head. "Then why would you think I'd do so now?"

"I don't."

"The look on your face is telling me otherwise. I thought you knew me better than that." Gently moving her foot aside, he stood up. "I'm going to bed. You're welcome to stay on the sofa if you want." He said heading into the bedroom closing the door behind him.

Kathryn was stunned. "What the hell's the matter with me? He was only trying to help, and you hurt his feelings." She thought. "I can't let him go to bed feeling that way." Standing up, she limped toward the bedroom and knocked on the door. "Chakotay? May I come in?" She heard him sigh before saying yes. Opening the door, he was sitting up staring at her. The light's were off, so she had trouble making out his expression. "I just want to apologize for the way I reacted. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope you can believe me when I say that I know you would never do anything to hurt me."

"I believe you. Good night." He replied flatly before laying down again.

He sounded just like Vanessa did before she slung her into the truck. Not only did she feel saddened by the memory, but angry. "Don't you dare blow me off!"

He sat up. "Why? Because you're the Captain?"

"No! Because I don't appreciate being ignored! Damn it Chakotay-" Stepping toward him, her foot folded underneath her.

Chakotay was confused for a moment. One second she was standing, the next, she had disappeared from view. Hearing her cry out, he jumped out of bed. "Computer lights, dim." On the floor, at the foot of his bed, lay Kathryn Janeway clutching her ankle. The sounds of anguish passed her lips. "Let me look at it." His voice was kinder, gentler. Reluctantly she released the throbbing ankle and placed both hands on the floor behind her.

Gently, he pressed down on the top where the bruise was the deepest shade of black. She cried out, and attempted to cradle the injuried limb. Chakotay grasped her wrist and held it back. "I'm sorry, but I had to make sure. I'm no doctor, but from the looks of it, you may have done more than just twist your ankle."

"It'll be fine. I just need to-"

"Go to sickbay." He intrrupted. "I'm not going to argue with you about it. Don't make me have to take you there by force, because I'll do it."

"Chakotay, I'll be all right, really."

"Oh?" He replied knowingly. "If you can stand up and put your full weight on it without gritting your teeth or crying out, I won't say another word." He challenged standing up.

"If that's want it takes."

Offering her his hand, she took it and allowed him to pull her to her feet. Before she was able to put any weight on it, he bent over and grabbed her by the waist. In one fluid movement, she was laying across his shoulder in a fireman's carry. "Chakotay! What the hell are you doing?! Put me down!"

"I will, once we reach sickbay." He replied heading out of the bedroom. "If you don't want to draw attention to yourself, I suggest you keep quiet once we're in the corridor. It makes no difference to me either way, but you're going."

At that moment she went limp in defeat. Of course he knew she wouldn't make a scene, not like this anyway. He smiled in triumph as he headed out the door and into the corridor.

Walking into the turbolift he said. "Deck five."

"All right! All right! I'll go, just put me down." She said in an attempt at diplomacy.

"Not a chance. If I let you down you'll try and take off the moment the door opened, possibly injuring yourself further.

"But I-"

"Save it Kathryn. I'm not putting you down unless it's on a bio bed."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she became silent. He was beyond reasoning. "How could you let this happen? You should have walked away when you had the chance. Now look at you, slung over your first officers shoulder like a sack of potatoes."

The door opened and he stepped out, nearly running into Harry. "Commander?" He questioned, a confused look on his young face.

"Ensign." He replied professionally, continuing forward.

Kathryn looked up, her hair obscuring her features from view. Harry stood inside the turbolift with a belwildered expression. "God I'm never going to live this down. On the other hand, it was Harry. He wouldn't dare say anything, would he? Then again . . ."

The door hissed open, and the Doctor looked up form his desktop monitor. Standing, he headed toward them. Truly perplexed he remarked. "Well this is something you don't see everyday." Chakotay carefully sat Kathryn down on the bio bed. Her cheeks red in embarrassment, or was it anger? "What appears to be the problem?" The Doctor asked picking up a medical tridorcer.

"The Captain twisted her ankle pretty bad." He explained while the Doctor began scanning. "How did it happen?" She was so mad she couldn't see straight. "It was my fault actually." Chakotay began. "I was escorting her to her quarters when I tripped. Apparently her foot got in the way."

"Are you all right Commander?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Turning to her he continued. "I'm so sorry Captain."

Her anger disipated, staring at him in disbelief she replied. "It's all right Commander. Accidents do happen."

"How bad is it?" Chakotay asked.

"Other than a hair line fracture to the second cuneiform in the tarsus posterior region, and minor damage to the posterior tibiolalor mussle, she'll be fine. All I have to do is recalaborate the ossicital colouglator to mend the fracture, then use a subderminal regenator to repair the damage to her mussles and she'll be good as new." He answered filling a hypospray. "I'm going to administer a mild tranqulizer inorder to deaden the pain." Tilting her head to the side, he injected the contents before walking away to recalibrate the device.

Once the Doctor was out of earshot she asked in a hushed tone. "Why did you lie to him about what happened?"

"So you wouldn't have to be embarrassed any more than you already are. Besides, what are friends for?" He replied smiling.

"Thank you." A smile spreading across her lips.

The Doctor returned with all the equipment he needed. "Just lay back Captain and I'll get started."

§15§

Inside his quarters, he headed into the bedroom while Kathryn took a seat on the sofa. Emerging from the room, he held a t-shirt. "Here." He said offering it to her. "I thought you might be a little more comfortable sleeping in this instead of your uniform."

"Thank you." She replied taking it from him.

"You take my bed for the night. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"Chakotay, after everything that's happened, I'm not going to take your bed from you."

"I didn't ask you if you wanted to take it."

Feeling exhausted, she wasn't in a arguing mood. "You win."

Helping her to her feet, she limped into the bedroom and closed the door. Stripping off everything except for her panties, she put on the t-shirt. Heading into the bathroom, she picked up his bottle of aseptic. Removing the cap, she poured a small amount into a paper cup then used it to rinse out her mouth since she couldn't brush her teeth. That done, she turned off the light and limped back into the bedroom where Chakotay was retrieving a blanket form the closet.

Hearing her reenter, he turned toward her holding the blanket. "I must say that that t-shirt looks better on you than it does on me."

"That's a matter of opinion." She responded automatically. He smiled. "Why did you say that?" She scolded herself, as she grabbed the sheet off the bed, holding it in front of her.

"Good night Kathryn. Sleep well."

"You too."

Sensing how uncomfortable she was, he left, closing the door behind him. Letting out a sigh, she remade the bed before climbing inside. All the while thinking how delicious he looked in only a t-shirt and shorts. Climbing into the bed, she closed her eyes, her mind wondering how he might look naked. His wide shoulders, hard chest, flat stomach. "Stop it Kathryn! Just stop it! It may have been awhile since you felt the weight of a man on top of you, but this is hardly the time. Go to sleep, let the effects of the champagne ware off before you do anything."

Turning on her side, she tried to push the thought of him out of her mind, but still continued to feel its effects. Damn it was difficult not thinking about him when you're laying in his bed. Smelling his scent in the fabric of the sheets, especially his pillow. Rolling onto her back she kicked off the sheets in frustration. "Damn it I can't do this!" She shouted even though she hadn't intended it.

Seconds later Chakotay knocked on the door. "Are you all right?" His voice reflected his concern.

"No! All I can think about is fucking your brains out!" But said. "I'm fine."

"Can I come in?"

"Yes." She answered pulling the blanket over her. It was his bedroom after all. What could she say? No?

Opening the door, he saw her arm draped across her eyes. Walking forward he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. "Some things wrong, is it your foot?"

"No." She spat out harshly. "Just go away. I can't handle you being this close to me right now."

"Don't lie to me, something is wrong."

"I told you I'm fine."

Pulling the arm away from her eyes he replied. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's bothering you." He was leaning over her, studying her face, trying to determine exactly what was on her mind.

His breath caressed her face, making the tingling in her stomach spread throughout her body. "Please go away. Why won't you go away?"

Her mouth opened as if she were about to speak, but no words would pass. "What is it Kathryn, tell me what's wrong." His tone was sweet, caring, loving. The eyes, reflecting that voice.

Chakotay was stunned when she suddenly gripped the back of his head, pulling him toward her. Her lips, sweet and soft, crushed his own. She pulled him onto the bed and flipped him on his back. She was straddling him. Her hands reached up, grabbing the collar of his t-shirt. She had a crazed look in her eyes as she ripped it open, then proceeded to lick his chest. He moaned, all rational thought shut down as his hands gripped her head.

She continued to explore his chest with her tongue, relishing the taste of him. Taking his nipple into her mouth, she sucked hard. Feeling his erection against her groin, she abandoned the nipple and continued downward. He gasped when she reached the center of his desire. Roughly, she pulled down his shorts and took him into her mouth. His mind exploded at the feel of her hot mouth engulfing him. Soon she established a rhythm that left him gasping, moaning her name. He instinively matched her rythem, gaining speed, but she didn't want him to come just yet. No, she wanted to feel him inside her.

He groaned when her mouth left him. Opening his eyes he saw her discarding her panties before taking him into her hand. Quickly, she slipped him inside. A loud moan escaped her lips as she began rocking her hips. With every thrust she grunted, sounding more like a wild animal than a human being.

Gripping her waist, he rolled her onto her back. Lifting the shirt, he took her breast in his hand and captured the nipple in his mouth, suckling. His tongue fluttered across the sensitive peak. Moaning her approval, she lifted her left leg. His hand gripped her just below the bend of the knee and pulled it toward him. Draping it over his shoulder, he slipped deeper into her. Her hips began rocking once again. The orgasm she was desperately trying to attain began to build, making her crazy with need. The size of him was earthshattering, filling her, stretching her.

Releasing the nipple he looked up, needing to see her face, and that was nearly his undoing. Quickly, he buried his face into her neck. Licking, kissing, and sucking the tender region. All though he didn't know it yet, it was one of her erogenous zones. Gripping his back, he could feel her fingernails digging into the soft flesh, a cry forcing it's way past her lips. He almost came right then.

The orgasm she had been working toward finally surfaced, sending waves of ecstasy throughout her entire being. The vaginal muscles contracted, gripping him, holding him. "God you feel good." He breathed into her ear.

"Please don't stop." She managed at last, trying to hold onto the exquisite sensation.

He could barely contain himself, but was determined to hold out for as long as possible, wanting her to enjoy the breath stealing orgasm until it passed.

Just as she was beginning to come down from the mind shattering experience, he came. "Oh Kathryn." He choked out, surrendering himself to the flood of familiar pleasure he hadn't experienced with another person in years. When the sensation passed, he fell limp on top of her, trying to reclaim his breath. When his breathing finally attained an even rhythm, and pulled back to gaze upon her beautifully flushed face. Raising his right hand, he stroked her cheek with his thumb. She smiled up at him wearily and said. "I love you Chakotay."

"I know. I've always known. I just never imagined the day you would say it, much less express it." He replied returning the smile.

"I hope you're not disappointed."

"With you? Never."

She kissed him gently. Expressing her feelings rather than attempting to put it into words. Moments after the kiss was broken, her body demanded sleep. "I hate to kill the mood, but I'm exhausted."

He laughed. "All right, I'll let you get some sleep." Getting off of her, he got off the bed and put his shorts on before heading toward the living room.

"I didn't mean for you to go. Stay with me." Smiling, he walked back to the bed and climbed inside. Moving closer to him, he lifted his arm so she could lay her head on his chest. Giving her a loving squeeze, he kissed her hair and closed his eyes, mirroring her contentment.

§16§

"And that was how it happened." Kathryn told the beautiful young woman sitting in front of her. "Now I suggest you finish getting ready." She said standing up.

"Mother?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Thank you for sharing that with me." Vanessa said smiling, tears in her eyes.

She looked so much like her father. Long raven black hair, albaster skin, huge blue eyes, full red lips. "You're welcome." Standing up, Vanessa hugged her. "We'll always be here for you." Kathryn whispered. Tears were beginning to fill her eyes as well. After a few moments, Vanessa released her. "If you and Bruce are going to catch that transport to Risa, I suggest you get going." She nodded and retrieved her suit case. "Have a wonderful honeymoon."

"I will." Giving her a kiss on the cheek, she exited quickly before the tears could resurface.

Stepping back into the living room, Chakotay was giving Vanessa a hug before watching her pick up the suitcase and finally exit her home of fifteen years. Approaching him, he wrapped his arms around her waist. "What were you two talking about for so long?" He asked.

"Mother-daughter stuff." She replied with a lop sided grin.

He nodded. "The house is going to seem so empty now that she's gone."

"I know. Do you have any regrets?"

"With you? Never." He answered kissing her softly. Even after all these years he still made her feel like the sexiest woman alive. "Race you to the bed." He challenged.

Laughing, she saw the mischievous look in his eyes. "You're on."

Her life had turned out so much better than she would have expected. She had a loving husband, a beautiful daughter, and a son-in-law. She was looking forward to grandchildren and growing old with her husband of twenty years. Yes, life had been good to her, and if it wasn't for that accidental trip to a parallel reality, it might not have turned out that way.

The End

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