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Disclaimer

The characters and the universe belong to Paramount Sudious. I am making no profit from this story.

***Warning***

This story is rated NC-17 for adult situations and sexual violence.

Exordium Heather Henley

§1§

Prologue June 19, 2153

Sergeant Mariah Kennedy, along with twenty marines part of an elite unit of soldiers, stepped aboard the military transport Thunder Child. General Thomas Ismay escorted the small group to the last remaining stasis units. Stepping into a large circular room they were greeted by Doctor Michael Logan and eight assistants.

"Find a unit everyone." General Ismay ordered. Wasting no time each marine stepped into a stasis tube, once inside he began to brief them on the nature of their mission. "I'm sure you know by now that the Xon are sending a fleet a ships to Earth. Intelligence reports confirm that they will be making a stop at Kalaxis, which is the last planet near our borders to gather reinforcements before making a direct assault on Earth. Your mission is to infiltrate their military outpost and disable the communication array. Once you've completed your objective return to the drop site and wait for further instructions. Understood?"

A chorus of voices replied in unison. "Yes Sir!"

"Good luck." Ismay turned to Logan. "Seal them up Doctor."

"Yes General." Ismay nodded. "All right seal them up!" Logan ordered before following Ismay to Kennedy's stasis unit.

"Sergeant Kennedy," He began. "Once your unit has been dropped on Kalaxis you will report to General Preston Henley. He is in command of our forces on the planet. Any orders or last minute instructions will be given by him. You will follow his orders just as if they were mine. Understood?"

"Yes Sir."

"Good." Turning to Logan he ordered. "Seal her up."

"Yes General." He replied as the General exited the room. Touching the panel he looked up at Mariah and said. "Don't worry. You'll only be in stasis for a month."

"I am not worried." She replied emotionlessly.

He smiled and activated the door. Before the lid sealed, and sleep overcame her, she thought. "He says that every time. Has he forgotten that I no longer experience emotion?"

Making sure she had entered stasis successfully. He, along with his eight assistants, began rechecking the stasis units one final time. As his assistants filed out, he turned back and scanned the room with his eyes. "Sweet dreams." He said softly before turning the lights to grey mode and left.

§2§

"This is Eagle One to military transport Thunder Child, you're cleared for departure. Good luck."

"Thanks Eagle One, see you soon." Pilot Bruce Stoker turned to his co-pilot Joe Gibson and said. "Release docking clamps."

Reaching up he flipped the switch. "Docking clamps released." Taking the helm, Stoker began to slowly back away from dry dock. "Fifteen meters." Gibson announced. Stoker continued to back out slowly. "Ten meters."

"Almost there." Stoker said.

"Five meters." Gibson informed him. "We're clear."

"Bring the navigational computer online and plot a course for Kalaxis." Stoker ordered.

Gibson began keying commands into the computer, after a few moments he announced. "Course plotted."

"Bringing warp drive online, engaging engines." Stoker informed. There was a slight kick as the ship pushed forward.

"Engines are operating within acceptable parameters." Gibson said leaning back in his chair, then his voice took on a grim tone. "I'm glad we're only going to be gone for a couple of months."

Stoker smiled and replied teasingly. "What's the matter Joe? The thrill of flying into deep space becoming a little boring for you?"

"It's not that, it's the cargo we're carrying that makes me nervous."

"So their cargo now huh?" Stoker said laughing.

"What would you call them? Their certainly not human" Gibson replied unnerved.

Stoker became serious. "Despite what you might think, they are human. Just because they no longer have emotion doesn't change that biological fact."

"I don't think it would bother me as much if they didn't have psionic abilities."

"Relax Joe, their in stasis. Besides, they have to be conscious in order to use them. Just concentrate on Tracy and the kids, we'll be back before you know it."

The ship rocked suddenly. "What the hell was that?" Gibson asked leaning over his console again.

"I'm not picking up anything on the scanners."

"Switch to thermal." Stoker ordered.

Gibson swiveled his chair to face another console as the ship rocked again. "I'm not picking up anything on thermal. Switching to infrared." After a few seconds he said. "Still nothing. I don't understand it."

Stoker looked up to see a large portal open in space directly in their path, a wormhole. "God in heaven what is that?" He said softly. "Changing course." His attempt to avoid the phenomenon was unsuccessful. "We're being pulled in!" Turning to Gibson he ordered. "Send out a distress call!"

Gibson, forced out of his shock, activated the communicator. "This is the military transport Thunder Child to anyone within range!"

§3§

"We're being pulled toward an unknown phenomenon and cannot alter course! We require any and all assistance! Our coordinates are 18 by 612 by 26! I repeat! This is the military transport Thunder Child to anyone within range! We need assistance!"

"The message repeats." Voyager's Vulcan tactical officer Tuvok announced.

Captain Kathryn Janeway looked to Ensign Harry Kim, her chief of operations and asked. "How far away is the vessel?"

"Two light years."

"Mister Paris, set a course for that ship, warp six."

"Aye Captain." Tom Paris, Voyager's chief helmsman replied.

Janeway sat down in her chair and turned toward her first officer Chakotay. "Considering how long that message has been repeating itself that ship has been out here a long time."

"I'm surprised no one else has picked up the message, if they have, why hasn't it been deactivated?" He asked.

"I don't know, but we're about to find out."

"Captain," Harry Kim interrupted. "We're within range."

"Put it on screen." Janeway ordered turning back around.

Looking at the view screen, a small vessel appeared. The ship had scorch marks along the hull.

"The vessel is comprised of titanium and aluminum." Tuvok informed them from his station.

"What are those scorch marks along the hull? Weapon's fire?" Chakotay asked.

"No, they appear to have been caused by an electrical discharge." Tuvok answered.

"There seems to be some sort of writing on the port side." Janeway pointed out. "Computer magnify." The writing became clear. "U.S.S. Thunder Child." Janeway read aloud. "That ship was built by humans." She said amazed. "Are there any life signs?"

Harry began tapping commands into the console. "I'm detecting one life sign, but it's erratic."

"Lock onto to their coordinates and beam them directly to sickbay." Janeway ordered.

"I can't get a lock. There's an energy field scattering the pattern." Harry replied.

Janeway stood up. "Is it safe to transport an away team?"

"Yes Captain." Harry answered.

"All right. Tuvok, Harry, your with me." Tapping her com badge she said. "Janeway to Seven."

"Yes Captain." The former Borg drone replied.

"Report to transporter room one."

"Understood."

Turning to Chakotay she said. "Commander you have the Bridge."

"Aye Captain."

Turning, she entered the turbo lift with Tuvok and Harry right behind her.

§4§

When the transport was completed everyone turned on their wrist beacons and pulled out tricorders. Looking around they found themselves standing in a corridor. "Ensign Kim, I want you and Seven to head for engineering and see if you can get power reestablished. Tuvok and I will look for the survivor." Harry and Seven nodded and headed toward engineering.

Tuvok began scanning for any potential threats, while Janeway scanned for the life sign. "I'm picking up a bio reading fifteen meters ahead." Janeway announced and began heading toward the source. After a few meters Tuvok put out a hand, stopping Janeway from going any farther. "What's wrong?"

"I am not certain. There appears to be some sort of filament filling the corridor." Lowering his tricorder he shined his light down the once darkened corridor. What they saw appeared to be thin wires, like that of a spider web, stretched from one side of the corridor to the other. Pulling his phaser he, set it for wide beam dispersal and melted the wire. Taking a step closer, Tuvok began scanning the remainder of the substance. "Curious, this substance hasn't been used for this purpose in centuries."

"What is it?" Janeway asked intrigued by his discovery.

Turning toward her he answered. "Mono filament wire, used in this fashion, it would sever limbs upon contact. If I had not detected it, we would have been killed."

Janeway felt a chill run down her back at the thought of what might have happened and was thankful Tuvok was with her. Tapping her com badge she said. "Janeway to Kim."

"Kim here."

"Tuvok and I almost walked right into a mesh of mono filament wire. I want you and Seven to set your tricorder to scan for it."

"Understood. Kim out."

Shaking off the feeling of how close she had just come to death, they resumed walking. Stopping just in front of a large door Janeway scanned. "In there."

Tuvok touched the panel next to the frame and the door opened. Stepping inside a large circular room they both began scanning again. Stasis tubes lined the walls. Making their way to the tube which harbored the life sign, Janeway looked up at the occupants as she passed. All the bodies were at different stages of decomposition. Some were skeletons, while others had flesh clinging to their bones.

Reaching the tube containing the only living individual, she looked up at the occupant. It was a human female. She looked to be somewhere in her mid to late twenties. Her build was well defined with toned muscles, her long brown hair cascading across her shoulders. Stepping closer to the glass, Janeway noticed that she had scars covering her face neck and hands. After taking in a visual assessment she began scanning. "Her neural synapses are degrading. If she doesn't receive medical attention within the next fifteen minutes she'll be dead."

Tuvok tapped his com badge. "Tuvok to the Doctor. Prepare for an emergency transport."

"Understood." Came the holographic Doctor's reply.

Reaching up, he began to manipulate the controls to the unit. Seconds later, the door opened with a hiss as the air from the room filled the unit. When the door opened completely the woman fell forward. Tuvok and Janeway caught her and laid her gently on the floor. Just as Tuvok was about the give to order to transport the woman opened her eyes and grabbed Janeway's shoulder.

Janeway began to spasm violently, as if she were having a seizure. Tuvok grabbed the woman's arm and released her grip. Seconds later she was still. Touching her neck he searched for a pulse, finding none. Turning his attention back to his Captain he asked. "Are you all right?"

Pushing herself up she replied. "I'm fine. Just a little dizzy. How is she?"

"She's dead."

"Transport her to sickbay. Perhaps the Doctor can revive her."

"I suggest you go with her." She was too dizzy to argue, so she nodded her response. "Energize."

Seconds later all three appeared on the floor of sickbay. Janeway tried to stand up and passed out. Tuvok was on his feet in a flash and caught her before she could hit the floor. The Doctor rushed over to them. Quickly, the two of them placed Janeway's unconscious form on a bio bed. Taking out a medical tricorder, the Doctor began scanning. "She's suffered neural trauma. What happened over there?"

"Nothing that would give any indication as to the cause of Captain Janeway's condition."

The Doctor touched the controls on the bio bed and two black panels came up and closed around her.

"What is the condition of the female you rescued?"

"She's dead."

He nodded and continued to work. "Inform Commander Chakotay of the Captain's condition, and have him report to sickbay as soon as possible."

"Yes Doctor." Turning, he left sickbay.

§5§

Commander Chakotay stepped into sickbay and headed for the Doctor who was busy scanning Captain Janeway with a medical tricorder. "How is she?" He asked.

"Stable for the moment, but I'm going to have to perform surgery in order to repair the neurological damage." The Doctor replied as he set down the tricorder.

"Do you have any idea what caused it?"

"No, but the damage isn't very extensive. The Captain will be back on her feet in no time."

"That's good to hear." Chakotay replied relieved. "Where is the woman that was transported with them?"

"The morgue."

"I take it you weren't able to revive her."

"No, the damage to her brain was too severe. Even if Commander Tuvok and the Captain were able to get her here sooner she still would have died."

Chakotay nodded. "Inform me the moment the Captain regains consciousness."

"Yes Commander."

§6§

Captain Janeway opened her eyes and saw Commander Chakotay, Tuvok, and the Doctor standing over her. "How are you feeling Captain?" The Doctor asked.

"Dizzy." She replied, the room seemed to be spinning.

"Your dizziness is only temporary. It will pass."

"I'm glad to see you're going to be all right." Chakotay said giving her a friendly smile.

"Captain," Tuvok began. "Do you feel well enough to answer a few questions?"

"Yes."

"After the woman grasped your shoulder, do you remember what happened?"

"Vaguely. I felt as if I were experiencing a severe migraine. Then just as quickly it vanished."

"Your tricorder detected a distinct neural pattern coming from the woman for point two eight seconds, which can only mean one thing."

"What is that?" Chakotay asked.

"The woman possessed telepathic abilities."

"That's not possible." Janeway said rubbing her forehead. "Humans are not telepathic, in fact, there have been many studies dating back to the twentieth century that tried to prove the theory with no success."

"I am aware of that Captain." Tuvok agreed. "But the neural signature your tricorder detected implies otherwise. However, there is one way to find out."

"How?" Chakotay asked.

"Humans do posses the ability for telepathy, but those sections of the brain lay dormant. The Doctor could perform an intense neurological scan in order to determine whether those sections were stimulated."

"Can it be done?" Janeway asked the Doctor.

"Yes."

"Then get started." Janeway ordered.

"Yes Captain." The Doctor said before continuing. "In the mean time, I see no reason why you can't be released to your quarters, but I want you to rest for the next few days."

"Doctor-" Janeway began to protest.

"This is not a request. You need time to recover, or you could very well end back up in sickbay."

"All right." She replied letting out a heavy sigh.

"I'm going to give you a mild sedative. It will help you sleep." Picking up the hypospray he filled it with the sedative and placed it to her neck and injected the contents. "Commander Chakotay, would you escort the Captain to her quarters?"

"Yes Doctor."

Tuvok turned toward the Doctor and began to discuss the nature of the scan as Janeway got up and moved behind a privacy screen to put on her uniform. Once she was dressed, she began to exit sickbay with Chakotay right behind her.

§7§

Entering the turbo lift, and after instructing the computer to the desired deck, Janeway asked. "Commander, have you heard anything from Seven and Harry? Have they been able to gather any information on the ship?"

"Not yet. They ran into an area heavily saturated with the mono filament wire Commander Tuvok discovered earlier. They're having a hard time getting through it." Janeway nodded. "Don't worry, I'll let you know if they find anything." He said giving her a warm smile.

The turbo lift stopped and they stepped out. Reaching her quarters she tapped in her security code, the door opened and she began to head inside. "Thank you for escorting me to my quarters Commander."

"Your welcome. Now get some rest." He said before turning around and heading back toward the turbo lift.

Stepping inside she said. "Computer, lights." The room lit up. Walking into her bedroom she could already began to feel the effects of the sedative. Taking off her com badge and pips, she laid them on the night stand and began changing into her nightgown. By the time she finished changing she felt overwhelmed with sleep. Pulling down the covers she climbed inside and ordered the computer to turn out the lights. It seemed at the moment her head hit the pillow she was sound asleep, and began to dream.

Janeway found herself standing in the middle of a strange room. Looking around she studied her surroundings. The room she found herself in was ancient by modern standards. Immediately she noticed a toy chest, a tea set, and white lacy curtains on the windows. It was a child's room. Turning around she saw a young girl laying on a small twin size bed asleep, by her guess she was no more than six or seven years old. "I can't be dreaming. Everything seems so real, as if I were experiencing a memory." She thought.

The sounds of struggle were heard abruptly, and the young girl awoke with a start and sat up. She had an olive completion, with brown hair and eyes. Janeway guessed that she was at least partly Indian by her facial features. The young girl seemed frightened as she got off the bed and headed toward the source of the conflict. Janeway followed her out of the bedroom and into a hallway. To their left was an open door. When she passed, she saw a bathroom, and it too lacked the more modern accommodations.

Passing through another door at the end of the hall, they turned a corner and entered another bedroom, but the girl kept walking. Opening another door at the other side of the room, they entered into a small kitchen then turned left. Janeway found herself standing in what appeared to be a laundry room. There were clothes piled in several baskets, and two machines lined one wall. The girl opened the door at the rear and sunlight filtered into the room. She stepped outside and Janeway followed. Immediately the child started screaming. "Stop Daddy! Please stop!"

Turning her head she saw two men on the ground engaged in physical combat. An older man dressed in old fashioned military fatigues lay on top of a younger man choking him. She could hear him gasping for breath as he tried to pry the fingers from his throat. Immediately the young girl ran up to them and began pounding on the older man's back. He turned, rasing a hand he pushed her away and she fell to the ground hard. After a few seconds she got back on her feet and rushed him again, more determined. As he turned to push her away again the younger man managed to release the grip around his throat and pushed the other man off. He stood up coughing, clutching his throat, trying to get a deep breath.

The older man stood up and grabbed the young girl by her arm and jerked her up to her feet roughly. In a voice that resembled a volcano on the verge of eruption he said. "I thought I told you to go to bed? Well I'll teach you again what happens when you disobey." With one hand he pulled off his leather belt and folded it. As he was about to administer the first of many hits Janeway guessed that was to follow, the younger man ran toward him. Throwing himself at him he tackled the older man, knocking him to the ground. Jerking the belt out of his hand, he tossed it behind him. The older man let go of the young girl, and with the tips of his fingers he jabbed the younger man's chest. To Janeway it looked as if he merely tapped him, but the young man fell over clutching his chest, gasping for air. "I thought I'd taught you better than that Josh."

Janeway stood horrified by what she saw and wondered how any father could treat his children as punching bags. The older man then turned his attention back to the young girl. She sat on the ground staring up at him before she tried to stand and run. Rasing his hand again, he slapped her hard across the face making her crash back onto the ground. "Get up and got to bed." Sitting up again, her hand covered the stinging cheek. She stared up at him. Janeway could tell she was paralyzed by shock and fear. "Don't make me tell you again."

Snapping out of her shock she stood up and ran back into the house crying. The next thing Janeway knew she was standing in the young girls room. It was dark outside, and the young man named Josh sat down next to his sister on the bed. She guessed him to be no older than sixteen or seventeen. He had short black hair and brown eyes, a duffel bag lay at his feet. "I don't want you to go." The young girl said crying.

"Mariah, listen to me. I have to, I can't stay here anymore. I have to get out before he ends up killing me, and I want you to come with me."

She shook her head. "No, Daddy needs me."

"For what? A punching bag? Once I'm gone he's going to start in on you, and I don't want that to happen."

"I know he hurts us sometimes but he doesn't mean it."

"The hell he doesn't!" He replied, his voice becoming louder.

"Shh! He'll hear you." She was terrified.

"That's what I'm talking about. We can't even raise our voice without worrying if he'll get mad."

"Josh, our life could be worse. I know of other children who have it worse than we do."

"That may be true, but don't downplay the situation. It's bad, real bad, maybe not as bad as it could be, but bad none the less." His voice became softer, and he leaned in to speak, taking her by the shoulders. "I'm going to go, and I want you to come with me. Now, I need you to make a decision."

Mariah stared at him a few moments, tears in her eyes. Janeway seemed to feel her pain, and found tears welling up in her own.

"No." She replied shaking her head. "I love you, and I love Daddy too. He would be too hurt if we both left. I have to stay."

Josh hugged her fiercely, her head pressed against his chest. His voice cracked as he spoke. "I love you too Mariah, but your stupid for staying. One day you'll realize that." Kissing the top of her head he let her go. Bending down he picked up his duffel bag and exited the room quickly never looking back.

Janeway could feel how torn Mariah was. On one hand she loved her father dearly, and on the other she loathed him for the things he did. In a ridiculous way Mariah couldn't stand to be mad at her father if everyone around him was angry with him. She felt a sense of guilt for feeling anger toward him under those circumstances, and she felt driven to let him know how much she loved him. In Janeway's life she had never understood why someone would stay with a person who hurt them, beat them, made the person fight for every scrap of understanding. Until now.

Children seem to posses the ability to see the good in everyone. They love unconditionally, without the need to examine that love. Then as they grow up to become men or women, they lose that. The tunnel they once saw the world through, bright and wondrous, each day a new beginning to find treasures to both educate and inspire, is now jaded. Every person met is no longer accepted unconditionally. They now question every action, every word uttered. It's almost enough to depress a person once that plain, undeniable fact is realized.

Janeway awoke with a start and looked around the room not recgonizing what she saw at first. It was too dark to see anything. Reaching out, she fumbled for the light and knocked her com badge and pips to the floor. "Damn it!" She cursed, and sat up to reach down for them then stopped. Her voice sounded strange. "What the hell?" She thought, and stood up. Moving around the bed she headed into the bathroom. The room was dimly lit as she moved in front of the mirror. "What the . . .?" This face wasn't hers. "What's happening to me?" She asked herself, reaching up to touch her face.

She was on the verge of panic until she suddenly realized who she was, and what she had done. "It worked." She whispered, then started laughing joyfully. "It worked!" She cried in amazement. "Computer, lights!" The room lit up and she raised a hand to shield her eyes. When her eyes had adjusted to the light she looked at herself once again, studing her face in the mirror. "Well Mariah, it looks like you made it after all." She told her reflection. "God must be smiling on you today." She smiled at herself before turning around and heading back into the bedroom. "Computer, lights." When the lights came up she walked over and picked up the pips. "A Captain. She's a Captain.. Maybe your not quite so luckly." She thought.

As she reached down to pick up the com badge it went off. "Chakotay to Janeway."

She was started by the voice and almost dropped it before regaining her senses. "Now I'm in trouble." She worried. "Chakotay, Chakotay, why does that name sound familar?" She mused.

"Chakotay to Janeway, please respond." He was beginning to sound concerned.

Then it came to her. He was Janeway's first officer, on a starship called Voyager. They were stranded in the delta quardant. It was starting to come to her. Just as Janeway shared her memories, she was now sharing hers. "Janeway here." It was going to take some time to get used to the sound of this voice.

"Captain. Seven and Harry have managed to get power up on the ship. They're ready to attempt to access the main computer."

Mariah felt herself begin to panic. "If they access the computer, they'll know who and what I am." She worried. "What do I say that will make them stop without drawing suspision?" Her mind raced.

"Captain? Are you all right?" He asked.

"I'm fine Commander. I'm just a little groggy."

"It's probably the tranqualizer the Doctor gave you. Maybe you should get back to sleep. I'll let you know if we find anything."

"No!" She said harshly. Then made her voice softer. "I'm on my way. Don't do anything until I get there."

"All right." He said sounding somewhat taken back by how harsh her response had been. "Chakotay out."

"Mariah you'd better get a hold of yourself if you don't want to draw suspision." She scolded. Standing up she laid the com badge on the night stand and walked over to the closet to put on a uniform.

§8§

The uniform was uncomfortable. It was unlike the military fatigues she was used to wearing. She hoped that she looked every bit the part of Captain Janeway, as the doors to the turbo lift opened and she stepped out onto the bridge. Chakotay stood up and said. "We're ready when you are."

"I was thinking, we really don't know what other kinds of surprises lay in store for us. Whoever these people were they didn't want anyone wondering around their ship."

"What were you thinking?" He asked turning toward her.

"They could have set up the computer with a fail safe. If someone tries to access the computer without knowing the security overrides, the information could be damaged or deleted."

He studied her for a few moments, and she wondered if he could see through her, see who she really was. "Your right. I'll have them check it out before they do anything." She felt herself breathe a sigh of relief. He then turned to Ensign Rollins, who was taking over Harry's station for the time being. "Open a channel to the away team."

After a few seconds he replied. "Channel open."

"Chakotay to away team."

"This is Kim."

"I want you and Seven to check the computer for any security programs before you attempt to gain access. There's a possibility that you could inadvertently set off a defense program that could wipe out the system."

"Understood Commander. Kim out."

He turned back to Janeway. "This might take a few hours. Why don't you go back to bed and get some sleep."

"I may just do that in awhile, but right now I think I'm going to go and get something to eat first."

He smiled amused. "That's the first time I've ever heard you say you needed something to eat."

"You just blew it Mariah." She thought as panic began to creep up on her again. "Well now you have." She replied, trying to keep her voice light.

"I guess so." He replied smiling. "I'll let you know when their finished." She nodded and returned the smile before turning around and heading for the turbo lift.

Moments after Janeway had left the bridge, Chakotay's com badge went off. "Doctor to Commander Chakotay."

"Chakotay here. What can I do for you Doctor?"

"I have the results of the neural scan I performed on our would be guest."

"I'm on my way Chakotay out." Turning toward Ensign Rollins he said. "Ensign you have the bridge. I'll be in sickbay."

"Yes Sir."

§9§

When Chakotay entered sickbay he was greeted by Tuvok and the Doctor. "Commander, I'm pleased that you arrived so quickly."

"Where is the Captain? I thought you would have wanted her here for this."

"I decided not to wake her."

"She's already awake."

"I told her to get some rest." He replied becoming angry.

"I'm afraid it's my fault Doctor. I told her that I would contact her the moment the away team made it to engineering, and restored power to the ship." Chakotay explained.

"I see." The Doctor felt his anger dissipating.

"I believe she may still be in the mess hall. She wanted to get something to eat."

"If she eats Mister Neelix's cooking in her weakened state she may very well end back up in sickbay." He said making a joke before tapping his com badge. "Doctor to Captain Janeway."

There was a slight hesitation before she responded. "What is it Doctor?"

"Report to sickbay. I have the results to the scans you ordered."

"I'm on my way. Janeway out." She replied hurriedly.

§10§

Moments later Janeway entered and asked. "What did you find?" Once she joined the small group he began to speak. "I'm afraid Mister Tuvok was correct. The woman did posses telepathic abilities. My scans show that all the telepathic centers of her brain were stimulated."

"How?" Chakotay asked.

"I'm not certain, and I suspect I never will."

"What do you think she was trying to do to the Captain?"

"I can only guess that in her disoriented state, she had perceived the Captain as a threat." The Doctor answered.

"Do you foresee any long term neurological effects?" Tuvok questioned.

"No, whatever she was trying to do appears to have failed." He turned toward Janeway who was uncharacteristically silent, and he was not the only one who noticed. "Captain, if you begin to suspect that something may be wrong I want you to report it immediately."

"Of course Doctor." She answered trying to keep the smile on her face, but inside she was screaming. She could feel the real Captain Janeway beginning to awaken, and she knew her consciousness would be pushed aside for the time being. She didn't have much time. "If you will excuse me I'm going to go back to my quarters." She turned to go but was stopped by Chakotay's voice.

"I'll walk with you. It's about time I finally got some sleep myself." He said giving her a tired smile.

Mariah was torn. It had been so long since she had last experienced emotion that she was finding it difficult to maintain this charade. Her mind was beginning to send her strange impulses. Such as being able to crush Chakotay's windpipe, leaving him gasping on the floor writhing in agony. It took all her self control not to act on that impulse. Trying to keep her tone light she replied. "All right."

He stared at her for a moment in puzzlement before walking with her out the door and toward the turbo lift. "Deck two." He said. The lift began to move. After a second he turned to her. "Kathryn, what's wrong?" He asked concerned.

Mariah could feel her anger beginning to swell. "I don't know what you mean?" She replied, trying to keep the anger out of her voice.

"You seem different."

"I'm just tired."

"No it's more than that. You seem agitated."

She sighed and placed a hand on her forehead. "I'm sorry if I seem abrasive, but I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that's happened within the last eight hours."

"It has been one hell of a day."

"Agreed."

"You'll feel better once you've gotten some uninterrupted sleep." He said smiling again.

"Perhaps." She replied trying to return the smile.

The turbo lift stopped and the door opened. Both of them stepped out and headed toward their quarters. They reached Chakotay's first. "Goodnight Kathryn."

"Goodnight Commander." She muttered sleepily, and headed for her quarters. He stood watching until she opened the door to her quarters and disappeared inside.

Entering his quarters he turned on the light and headed for his bedroom. Opening the closet, he opened the top drawer and took out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Closing the drawer and closet he tossed them on the bed and reached up to take off his pips then stopped. "She said goodnight Commander, not Chakotay." He thought. "Your reading too much into it. She's tired." Pushing the thought aside he tapped his com badge. "Chakotay to bridge."

"This is Rollins. What can I do for you Commander?"

"When Harry and Seven have finished checking out the system. Report to me before you do anything."

"Understood. Would you like me to inform the Captain as well?"

"No, she'll be off duty for a few days."

"Yes Commander. Is there anything else?"

"That's all for now. Chakotay out."

Taking off his pips and com badge he laid them on the night stand. Taking off his uniform he put on the boxers and t-shirt and crawled into bed. Turning off the lights he lay there thinking before drifting off to sleep.

§11§

Mariah paced back and forth wondering what she was going to do. They knew she was telepathic but what they didn't know was that she succeeded in transferring her consciousness to Janeway. If she were pushed back into the background when Janeway awoke they would find out about her.

Before Janeway had gone to sleep and Mariah was pushed into the foreground, she was aware of what Janeway was doing, saying, and thinking, but she couldn't control anything. If she were going to stay in this body she had to find a way to assume control until she found a way to destroy Janeway's consciousness completely. If she could do that it wouldn't matter if they discovered who she was. Janeway would be gone, and there would be no way to get her back.

Due to the transference she was finding it difficult using her telepathic abilities. In time she would regain them full force, but how was she going to keep herself a secret until then? Her head hurt, she could feel Janeway awakening, trying to rise to the surface. She didn't have much time before Janeway would once again be in control.

Laying down on the bed, Mariah began to concentrate on Janeway's consciousness, trying to keep her in the background. The mental strain was making her head throb. Janeway's "telepathic mussels" so to speak, had never been used. She had to be careful not to burn them out. As she continued to fight, the pain in her head grew worse, to the point of excruciating agony. Eventually she passed out.

Janeway awoke with an intense headache. Sitting up she grabbed hr head as the pain intensified, and she lay back down. The light seemed blinding. "Computer lights off." She barked, and the sound of her voice seemed to vibrate through her skull sending waves of raw agony through her head. It felt as if her brain were on fire. It even hurt to think. Rolling on her side she reached for her com badge on the night stand. It wasn't there. "Oh hell." She thought. Then she noticed how her clothing felt. She wasn't wearing her night gown. "I could have sworn I put on my night gown before going to bed." She reached up and touched her chest. She was wearing her com badge. Tapping it she said. "Janeway to the Doctor." She said softly.

The Doctor seemed to be shouting when he replied. "Yes Captain."

"I need you to come to my quarters. I don't think I can make it to sickbay."

His voice took on a worried tone. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I have one hell of a headache." Her voice cracked as tears sprang to her eyes.

"I'm on my way. Doctor out."

Once the conversation ended she lay there trying not to think until the Doctor arrived.

§12§

The sound of the door chime exploded in her head, making her fell as if she were going to vomit. "Come in." She said painfully. The door opened and she could hear someone enter her quarters and head for her bedroom. "Computer, lights dim." The room filled with dim light and Janeway closed her eyes. It was the Doctor. She could hear him opening a case, then approach her. A hypospray was placed to her neck, and within a few seconds she could feel the edge of her pain reduced dramatically. He pulled out a medical tricorder and began scanning.

After a few moments he said. "I don't understand this."

"What is it Doctor?" She asked sitting up.

"The telepathic centers of your brain have been stimulated." He replied confused.

"What?" She said in disbelief.

"Apparently whatever that woman was trying to accomplish, may have inadvertently caused this."

"Maybe that would explain why my head feels like it's about to explode." She replied.

"I'm surprised you didn't pass out from the pain. It's a wonder you're still conscious." He said in amazement.

"Is there any way to reverse it?"

"Not without knowing how it was done. I'm sure I could find out in time."

"Will this "condition", She said for lack of a better word, "cause any permanent damage?"

"I don't know. Except for the woman you found, you're the first human who's possessed telepathic abilities."

She rubbed her forehead. "Where do you suggest we go from here?"

"I'd like you to accompany me to sickbay so I can perform a more detailed scan. Do you feel well enough to walk?" She nodded. Helping her to her feet they exited her quarters.

§13§

Janeway laid on the bio bed as Tuvok entered. "Doctor." He said approaching him.

"I apologize for waking you at this hour, but since you posses telepathic abilities I believe you would be helpful."

"What is this about?"

The Doctor turned toward him. "It appears that whatever the woman was attempting, stimulated the telepathic centers of the Captain's brain."

"Have you been able to determine how this was achieved?"

"Not at this time. I'm running the projections right now."

"What is the Captain's condition?"

"Stable, but she did have a severe headache."

"I am not surprised. I suspect that you want me to help the Captain tame any abilities that may surface?"

"Yes. She's already show an ability for telekineses. Fifteen minutes ago she hurled a medical tricorder across the room."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "Is it possible to speak with her?"

He nodded. "Please keep it brief. She needs to rest."

"Very well." Tuvok replied and headed toward the bio bed. Looking down at her she appeared to be asleep. "Captain." She opened her eyes slowly. "The Doctor has informed me of the situation."

She nodded. "I wish there were some way to stop it."

"All thought it cannot be stopped at this time. It can be suppressed temporality."

"How?"

"I can perform a mind meld to show the progress."

"Do you think it will work?"

"I do not know."

"Doctor." She called out.

Stepping out of this office he approached them. "Yes Captain."

"Tuvok believes he could slow the progress of my newly acquired telepathic abilities with a mind meld. If he attempted to do so, would it cause any damage to Tuvok or myself?"

"I don't know, but it could in fact speed up the process."

She nodded. "What do you think Tuvok?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. "The Doctor may be correct. By attempting to suppress the abilities I could inadvertently increase the chance of expiating the rate at which your abilities are surfacing. Logic would suggest we wait until the Doctor has exhausted every medical attempt to reverse the process."

"Agreed." She said.

"I have all the scans I need for the time being. If you feel better you can go back to your quarters, but I would ask that you stay there until I can determine how to reverse the process." The Doctor said.

"After you have rested, I will attempt to help you control your abilities." Tuvok added.

"I want to thank the both of you for everything you've done. I appreciate your efforts." Tuvok nodded.

"Your welcome Captain. I only hope that I can find an answer." The Doctor replied.

§14§

After checking the computer system three times, Harry and Seven were satisfied. It had taken them five hours to determine that the computer system was clean. Tapping his com badge Harry said. "Away team to Voyager."

"We hear you Ensign." Rollins replied.

"We're ready to access the main computer."

"I'll inform the Commander. Stand by, Voyager out."

§15§

In about fifteen minutes, Chakotay stepped onto the bridge. "Report."

Rollins stood up. "The away team is ready to access the main computer."

"Good. Open a channel."

"Channel open."

"Chakotay to away team."

"Kim here."

"Download the information from the main computer then beam back to Voyager."

"Understood. Kim out."

Sitting down in the command chair, Chakotay accessed the console to his left. He began reading the data Voyager had picked up during the night. There wasn't anything new, so he leaned back in his chair waiting until the away team was ready to beam back to Voyager.

§16§

Four hours ago Janeway had finally managed to get back to sleep. It had been difficult with her head throbbing from the pain of her headache, but after an hour of tossing and turning, sleep finally found her.

Janeway once again found herself standing in the house she had visited previously, but this time she was standing in the living room. Turning around she saw the young girl Mariah. However, she wasn't a child of six or seven, but a young adolescent of thirteen. She was holding a controller to a game console and staring intently at a monitor. It was some type of fighting game.

When Janeway was a girl, these type of games were considered too violent. Instead she played tennis or velocity. Turning her head she saw a young man enter the room, and noticed that it was not the young man she saw previously named Josh. He took a seat next to Mariah on the sofa.

"You're pretty good at this game." He said.

"Yea." She replied absently, keeping her attention focused on the screen.

"Did you want to play the verses mode after this?"

"Sure, whatever." She replied annoyed. He was distracting her.

Taking his hand, he placed it on her knee and began sliding it upward. She dropped the controller and pushed his hand off. "What that hell is wrong with you?" She asked.

"Nothing. I just thought you might want to play with me." He replied with a sly smile.

She stood up and moved away. "You're sick." Reaching down she picked up the controller. As she stood up he grabbed her wrist. "Come now, is that any way to talk to your favorite cousin?"

She tried to pull her hand away but couldn't. "Let go Greg or you'll be sorry."

"Is that so?" He said laughing.

"I'm warning you. Let go!" She said forcefully.

"Or what?" His voice became serious.

Raising her free hand she curled it into a fist and punched him in the nose. He released her wrist and covered his now bleeding nose. Pulling her hand back, he could see the blood on his fingers. Looking up at her his face twisted in anger. Standing up he headed toward her.

Waiting until he was within striking range she knelt down doing a leg sweep. He fell on his back with a thump, knocking the wind out of him for a few seconds. Taking her foot she lifted it and started to stomp his head. At the last second he rolled to the side. Turning on her toes he performed a side kick, hitting him in the ribs. He cried out painfully, as the sound of two ribs snapped.

"You bitch! You broke my ribs!" He screamed.

"That's right. If you haven't noticed, I'm not such a little girl anymore. I've learned a lot since I saw you last. Now I want you to listen to me very carefully. From this moment on you will never touch me again. Do you understand me? Never again."

Janeway felt a deep respect for this young woman. She stood her ground and won. She was also strangely aware of her past up to this point, and wasn't sure how or why. She knew that this young man, who now lay on the floor, hand molested Mariah since she was seven-years-old. Today was the end of that dark chapter to her life, and it would be closed forever.

All though that part of her life was over, she had lost the one thing that made her a child. Her innocence. This young woman was forced to leave her childhood behind many years ago, and no matter how old she became, she would never again know that innocence. For that alone was enough to make Janeway feel sorrow for her.

§17§

Chakotay and Tuvok were in the science lab going over the data that was downloaded from the computer, and they had learned much more then expected. When Chakotay had first heard the name Thunder Child he didn't make the connection right away. In the battle at Wolf 359, was a ship by the same name. It was named after the ship they found.

History would say that this ship was lost over Uranus on it's way to Kalaxis. Technology at that time was still in it's primitive stages. The fastest ship could attain warp 1.5. He remembered that this was indeed a military transport designed to move a large number of troops, equipment, and supplies. According to the sensor data, the ship encountered a spacial anomaly. Which Tuvok and Chakotay discovered to be a worm hole.

History would claim that humans first discovery of a worm hole was in 2159, six years after this ship disappeared. If they ever made it back to the alpha quadrant history would be changed.

They discovered that the ship was carrying a compliment of two-hundred twelve. When Seven and Harry returned to Voyager they told Chakotay and Tuvok what they had seen. Several sections of the ship were blocked with the mono filament wire. When they had managed to break through, what they saw in some areas shocked and horrified them.

There were piles of bodies in different stages of decomposition. As they scanned them, they discovered traces of saliva. These people had resorted to cannibalism after the food ran out. Other sections that held stasis units, were pried open in order to get at the people inside. Several others had awaken from stasis but were not released. There were scratch marks on the inside where the person attempted to claw their way out in panic. Looking at their hands, the tips of their fingers were bloody stumps. Some had scratched out their eyes than see the horror surrounding them, while others committed suicide.

In the engineering section, Harry remembered seeing a man hanging from a support strut with a noose around his neck. Behind him was a cargo container that he had used to jump from. Seven saw a number of people with gun shot wounds to the head, that were self inflicted. At times like this he wished they had a counselor on board. Chakotay was glad that he didn't have to witness those disturbing images, but Seven and Harry would have to learn to live with them. After they had informed them of what they saw, and everyone had left. Chakotay saw Harry sitting at the table with his face in his hands. Chakotay sat next to him and tried to offer what little comfort he could, but what Harry said next send a chill down his back that he still found hard to shake.

"I can't help but wonder if that will be us someday." He said. "No matter how long it takes us to get back to Earth, something could happen that leaves us stranded in space. When the food runs out, or dementia sets in, we could just as easily resort to what those people did. Breaking off into factions, killing each other for food and supplies. Committing suicide when it all became too much to endure any longer."

He put a hand on the young man's shoulder and tried to keep his voice even. "Listen to me. That's not going to happen to us. Even if we did become stranded out here, our resources surpass anything that ship had. We would find a way to survive that doesn't resort to what those people did." His words made sense, but it would take them a lot longer to succumb to that level of survival, but it would happen.

Harry gave him a weak smile and replied. "You're right. We would find another way. I guess when you witness something like that, it gets you thinking of the worst."

"I understand. If I had seen what you saw, I might have thought the same thing. It's easy to imagine, given our circumstances, but we will find a way home before we ever have to find out."

It was easy to say, and even easier to believe. It made Chakotay take a look at his own life. He may be stuck here in the delta quadrant for a long time. He had been putting his life on hold, forcing his energy on trying to get home. After his conversation with Harry, he made a decision. He wasn't going to sit around any longer, waiting for a day that may never come. He wanted to have a wife, children. Something tangible, besides his hopes and dreams of the future.

He had hoped by now that Kathryn would have given him a chance to prove to her that he could be more than just her friend, or first officer. That they could still keep a professional, as well as a personal relationship. Instead she had chosen to cling to protocol. He understood her position perfectly. If they had decided to pursue a relationship and it didn't work out, their professional relationship would be strained as a result. On the other hand, if it did work out between them it would be hard if she had made a decision he didn't agree with. It's easy to say that a line could be drawn between the two, keeping it separate, but when emotions are involved it's nearly impossible.

When he had first saw her on the view screen of his ship six years ago, he had to admit that he found her captivating. After he joined her crew, and had gotten to know her a little better, he came to respect her. All though he found her beautiful outward as well as in, he kept himself distant. The last thing on his mind at that time was a relationship. He had too many other things to think about. Then the unthinkable happened. On an away mission, they were bit by an insect and contracted a fatal disease and were forced to live on a planet for three months with only each other for company. New Earth, was the name they had dubbed their new home.

He tried to give her the room she needed at first. To allow her to come to terms with their situation, but as time wore on she slipped deeper into denial. She was determined to find a cure, and he sat back and said nothing. He had accepted his fate, that he would never leave this place and decided to make it home. As each day passed she seemed resentful of his attitude. In her mind, she thought he had given up.

Eventually they clashed. He told her that he hadn't given up hope, but he had to face the truth. Despite what he wanted he knew that he was probably going to spend the rest of his life here. So he had to make a choice. Either accept the situation and try to make the best of it, or continue to fight against a situation he had no control over. Once he had made those options clear to her, she slowly began to see the fullness of their circumstances.

Over time, he had got to know the woman behind the uniform, and found himself falling in love with her. But instead of telling her how he felt he kept his distance, until the night of the back rub. When he had began to rub her shoulders he did it as a friend who was helping a friend. As the back rub continued he found her beginning to relax. When that happened, he could feel his love for her rising to the surface. Finally he had worked up the nerve to tell her how he felt, but was stopped when she realized how comfortable she had allowed herself to become, and broke their contact.

Later that night she entered the dining area where I was working on another project. Sitting down across from me she said that they needed to establish some parameters. I told her that I wasn't sure that I could, and then proceeded to tell her a story. In it, I was able to tell her how much I had come to love her, how she had brought me peace. She was touched by my words and took my hand. At that moment we had formed a bond that would not be broken.

I vowed to stay by her side no matter what happened, and I have kept that promise. I believe that in her mind, I had vowed to remain a friend. If we were ever rescued, her first officer, nothing more. There were times I thought she was considering on moving our friendship to another level. My eyes would begin to brighten at the prospect, and she would pull away again. Finally I just stopped waiting for her to come around. If friendship was all she could give, then I would accept that. Besides, I would rather have her as a friend as opposed to not having her at all.

"Commander Chakotay." Tuvok said placing a hand on his shoulder.

"What is it Tuvok?"

"I have spoken your name three time, but you did not answer."

"I'm sorry. I guess I was letting my mind wonder a bit."

"Perhaps you should take a break and get something to eat. I can analyze the data until you return."

"Maybe you're right. I'll be back in an hour." Setting down the data pad, he exited the science lab.

§17§

Janeway felt as if she had gone vertigo for a brief moment before her vision righted itself. She was standing outside, in the backyard of the house she seemed to keep visiting. Mariah, no longer a girl of thirteen, was now a young woman of eighteen. She and her father were working on a internal combustion motorcycle. If Tom Paris were here he would have loved watching them work on it.

"Mariah, hand me the socket wrench." The man said. Reaching into the tool box she pulled out the tool and handed it to him. Taking it he leaned over the bike again. "I can't reach it." He said standing up. "You've got small hands, you do it." He handed her the socket wrench. She hesitated a second before taking it from him. Leaning over the bike she reached inside and began to tighten the screw. All too suddenly she fell forward, and managed to pull her arm out before it was trapped under the weight of the bike, snapping it in half.

Janeway was stunned. "He pushed her." She thought. "She could have been seriously hurt."

Quickly she got on her feet, taking up a fighting stance. Still gripping the tool in her hand. "Not bad." He said chuckling. "Apparently you've been paying attention." At a glance, it looked as if he were taking up a causal stance, attempting to lure her into a false sense of security. To the trained eye, he was prepared to strike at any moment.

He had played this game with her many times. When she was fourteen he kicked her down the stairs, and onto a wooden coat rack. She had fractured her collar bone, and broke three ribs. She had learned quite a bit since then. "I might just make a marine out of you yet."

"I don't want to fight you." She said, but didn't drop her guard, she knew better.

His voice took on a harsh edge. "Do you think that when you're in the heat of combat an enemy will throw down their weapon because you don't want to fight?"

"Of course not, but you're not my enemy."

Lowering he head slightly, he looked at her with cold eyes. His lips curved in an humorless smile, as if he were mocking her. "Are you sure about that? An ally could choose to betray you when presented with the right circumstances. Even those you love and care about can turn on you like a rabid dog. If I teach you nothing else, know that."

Janeway couldn't believe what she was hearing. "How could a father say that to his child?" She thought. With a quick strike of his hand, he aimed at her solar plexus, intent on knocking the wind out of her. His hand moved so fast that Janeway could barely tell that he moved at all. Mariah brought up her hand just as quickly, and slapped it aside. He struck out with his other hand aiming for her throat, and she brought up an arm to block, knocking his hand to the side.

Their movements were so quick, Janeway's vision was becoming blurred. Her mind had difficulty keeping up. They fought this way for several minutes. Attacking, counter attacking. Losing ground, gaining ground, until the man was thrown to the ground. Mariah put a knee on the center of his back and took both wrists. Pushing his arms up toward his neck she said. "I want you to stop this before I end up hurting you."

"A marine doesn't know the meaning of the word surrender. We fight until our last breath." When he tried to move to his feet, Mariah pushed her arms up further and he stopped.

"For the last time. Stop or I'll break your arm."

"Then I suggest you break it while you still have the chance."

For some reason, unknown to Janeway, she could feel how torn Mariah was. She didn't want to hurt him, but if she didn't put a stop to it he would hurt her. That she knew for certain. She decided to give him what he wanted, a fight. It was the only way to satisfy him. Still holding on to both wrists, she snapped his right wrist with a precise jerk. Janeway heard the unmistakable sound of the bones in this wrist breaking. He let out a loud grunt and clenched his teeth in pain.

Mariah manipulative the broken bones, grinding them against each other until the pain was too much, and he passed out. After making sure he was unconscious, she got up. There were too many times he had feigned unconsciousness, so she made it a point of checking him. Walking into the house, Janeway was driven to follow by some unexplainable force of will. Picking up the phone, Mariah called for an ambulance.

When she hung up and turned back around, Janeway could see the tears brimming in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She felt compassion for this young woman. After watching her a few more minutes, she could feel herself rising, almost as if she had helium balloons tied to her limbs.

Her eyes opened, and she found herself laying on the bed. Siting up, she got out of bed and put on her robe. The pain in her head was still there, but it was tolerable. Walking over to the replicator she ordered a cup of coffee and took a seat on the sofa. Her mind was trying to come to terms with what she had witnessed, and found herself wondering how she was able to see these memories of someone whom she had never met until recently.

§18§

Chakotay entered the mess hall and headed for Neelix. The Talaxon looked up from his pot and said, "Come for something to eat?"

"Yes actually. What's today's special?"

"Nessle strips soaked in brine, and deviled wood frock."

"I'll take it." Those two dished were one of the few he kind of liked.

Putting the food on a plate he handed it to him. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Just water."

Filling the glass he handed it to him. Taking a good look, he could tell something was bothering him. "I can tell by the expression on your face, that you have something on your mind. Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing to worry about. I was just thinking of what Harry and Seven saw on the ship."

"What was it?" He was curious.

"It's pretty disturbing stuff. I really don't feel like talking about it."

Neelix nodded. "I understand. If you need somebody to talk to I'm always available."

"Thank you, I'll keep it in mind." He replied giving him a half hearted smile before moving over to a table.

At this time of day, most everyone had already had dinner, so he didn't have any trouble finding a seat. Sitting in the chair at the far corner of the room, he faced the glass so he could look out at the stars. Picking up his fork, he began to eat.

After several minutes, the door opened and he turned his head to see Lieutenant Savannah Stone enter and head toward Neelix. Taking the plate of food, she headed for a table facing the glass and began to eat. Chakotay remembered her from a survey they had performed a year ago. She had been a member of the away team. At the time, they were looking for a source of deuterium. The group of six that had beamed down to the planet was separated into pairs, and she was his partner.

Upon entering some caves, there was a rock slide. They had tried to use the com badge to let someone know they were trapped, but the electro-magnetic field the caves were emitting blocked the signal. At that point, they would have to wait until someone discovered they were missing. They would wait two hours before they were rescued.

During that time they got to know each other fairly well. All though she was a engineer, he discovered she had an interest in paleontology, and had participated in several expeditions back in the alpha quadrant. Chakotay couldn't deny how attractive she was. She had long red hair that she wore in a french braid. The one part of her appearance he found the most outstanding, were her ice blue eyes. He also remembered that she was only a few years younger, and single.

He already decided that he was no longer going to wait on Kathryn to change her mind. He had made a decision to move on with his life, and now he was going to take the first step. By this time, both had finished their meals and were staring out the window. Neelix had come by and taken their trays, and said that if they didn't need anything, he was going to close the kitchen. They both said no, and after ten minutes he closed the kitchen and left.

Chakotay noticed the depressed look on her face as he turned in his chair. "Feeling homesick?"

She turned to face him. "A little. Today is my nieces birthday, she just turned seven."

"I understand how you feel. It's not easy to be so far from the people you love, especially when it's an important event."

She nodded. "The last time I saw her was three days before I reported to Voyager. She just had her first birthday. I'm glad that I had the chance to celebrate at least one birthday with her."

As she talked, Chakotay stood up an moved over to her table. "Mind if I sit down, or would you rather be alone?"

"No, have a seat." She replied and he took the chair across from her. "I have to warn you that I'm not in the best mood for conversation."

"It's all right. If it's any comfort, I'm not in a good mood myself."

"Is there something wrong?"

"Not one specific thing."

"Did you want to talk about it?" She asked concerned.

"Not really, but I appreciate the offer." They sat in silence for a few moments before he spoke. "I was wondering if you would be interested in going out with me sometime." She looked shocked and a bit thrown by his offer. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have asked."

"No you didn't. I was just surprised that you asked me. I didn't think you were interested in dating anyone on the ship."

"I wasn't, but recently I decided to start dating again. It can get pretty lonely out here."

"I know what you mean. I'm flattered by your offer, I accept."

He smiled relieved. "Do you want to get together tomorrow night? Around twenty-one hundred? We could have dinner in my quarters, or if you would prefer we could eat in the mess hall."

"Your place is fine. I'll see you then."

"All right." He smiled.

"If you'll excuse me Commander I think I'll turn in. See you tomorrow." She returned his smile, then stood up and exited the mess hall.

Chakotay leaned back in his chair and let out a long breath, feeling a sense of relief. He had taken the first step in moving on with his life. Standing up he left the mess hall and headed back to the science lab.

§19§

When he entered, he saw Tuvok looking at something on one of the monitors. "Did you find anything?" He asked.

Tuvok turned his head and replied. "I have been able to unscramble a small portion of the logs from the ship. I believe you will want to take a look a the last four entries."

Moving over to him, Tuvok began to play the first log entry. The face of a man with brown hair appeared. Chakotay guessed him to be somewhere in his late thirties. "This is Lieutenant Commander Bruce Stoker of the U.S.S. Thunder Child. We just passed through some kind of portal our scanners couldn't identify, and sustained heavy damage to our warp drive. My co-pilot Lieutenant Joe Gibson was killed when the console in front of him overloaded." He looked saddened by his death. "I want the record to show that he was a fine officer and a good friend. He'll be deeply missed." He took a breath before continuing. "I have been able to determine that we are at least a hundred light years from where we were. I have yet been able to make a full damage report, and to check on the marines in stasis. When I know more I'll make another report. Stoker out."

Tuvok tapped the controls and another log entry begins. "So far I've only been able to make a partial damage report. The warp core sustained more damage than I thought. It's been destroyed. Life support has also been compromised, but it can be repaired. Some of the stasis units have been activated prematurely. For now, the marines are confined to that room. That's it for now. Stoker out."

Tuvok plays third entry. "I've managed to stabilize life support, but I have no idea how much of a reserve we have. The marines have broken out of the stasis chamber, and are now scattered throughout the ship. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't worry about it, but these are not your average marines. If anyone intercepts this message, know that these marines have telepathic abilities. Do not attempt to rescue them. They are hostile and extremely dangerous. Somehow they have managed to activate the distress beacon, and I can't override it. I'm going to attempt to make it to one of the drop shuttles. Hopefully they haven't blocked off the corridor. Stoker out."

Tuvok punched in the command for the final log entry. When Bruce Stoker appeared, he looked like he was in a fight. Parts of his body were covered in blood, and in one hand he held a revolver.

"I guess I wasn't fast enough. They've blocked off engineering and the shuttle bay with mono filament wire, and I didn't have the time to try an cut through it. I ran into two of them on my way back to the cock pit. I killed one, but the other got in a shot before I could get away." He held his thigh, trying to keep the blood from rushing out.

"Looks like I'm not going anywhere." He said with a wry laugh, and immediately started coughing. The sound of gun fire is head abruptly, and he turns his head. "You're not getting in here!" He shouted, then stood up and moved out of sight.

The sound of gun fire continues, and a few seconds later the sound of the door opening. "Stay back!" He shouts. Shortly, the sound of someone gurgling is heard and the gun fire ceases. A man wearing old fashioned military camouflage moves in front of the camera. He raises a revolver and shoots. The screen goes black.

"This is all I have been able to download from the crew logs." Tuvok stated.

"It's enough. Based on what Seven and Harry reported seeing aboard the ship, and from what we gathered from the crew logs. I'd say we just opened Pandora's box."

"Indeed." Tuvok replied.

"Question is, how do we close it?"

"Since we have downloaded all the information from the computer. My advice would be to salvage as much of the ship we can, and destroy the rest. It would not be logical to leave it considering the danger it represents."

"I have to agree with you." Chakotay replied nodding. "Tomorrow morning we'll begin the salvage operation." Tuvok nodded and left.

§20§

Janeway sat in her favorite chair reading, if you can call it that. She found herself becoming distracted. Her mind drifting to the woman she tried to rescue, and to the memories of her past. "What did she do to me? How am I able to experience these memories?" What seemed to be the most bewildering, was that she could feel her emotions.

Suddenly the door chime sounded making her jump. The book in her lap, and the cup of coffee flew across the room. The mug shattered when it made contact with the door. Coffee splashed across everything. Her book made a loud thump when it hit, before falling to the floor. She sat stunned for a second, then became frightened. "I moved them with my mind." She thought.

Tuvok's voice could be heard through the door. "Captain, are you all right?"

"Yes, come in."

The door opened and Tuvok stepped inside. Immediately he noticed the remnants of the shattered mug, and the book at his feet. Raising an eyebrow he asked. "Are you angry Captain?"

"No, I was startled by the door chime. The next thing I knew, my coffee and book flew toward the door."

"Curious. Have you attempted to use your new found abilities on your own?"

"No, and that's what frightens me. I feel so out of control."

"Indeed. In time, you will learn to control these abilities. For now, you are a turbulent ocean of emotion. With my guidance you will become the master over your emotions." She nodded. "Shall we begin?"

"Yes." They moved over and sat at Janeway's dining room table. "What do you want me to do?"

"Close your eyes, and see the white light that is your breath." He touched her forehead, temple, and cheek on both sides of her face and closed her eyes. "Notice how it flows within you. Can you see it?"

"Yes."

"As the light fills your being, try to remember a time when you were the most at peace."

Janeway thought back to a time when she was six years old. Her father was holding her in his lap, stroking her hair. At that time, nothing in the universe seemed to matter. Her father was there, keeping her safe.

"Good." Tuvok said. "Feel how at peace you were, and commit it to memory. It will act as your center."

She began to concentrate on how complete she felt, how easy it was to allow herself to drop every barrier. Then all too sudden she found herself being pulled away from the memory, and heading into another. It was the house she had visited in her dreams. The woman named Mariah was huddled in a corner scanning the darkness.

In the moonlight, Janeway could make out a bed, a chair with a desk, a nightstand. She could feel the fear and anxiety coming off the woman in waves. Without warning a gun shot shattered the silence. Mariah stood up and left the room. Janeway had no choice but to follow. They passed through the living room to a closed door. Carefully Mariah reached out and turned the knob. Slowly opening the door, a soft light filtered through the doorway.

Stepping inside, she stopped in fear and shock. On the bed lay her father, a pistol in his hand. Behind him, pieces of skull, blood, and brain matter stuck to the wall. A large exit wound adorned the back of his head. Janeway felt herself want to vomit. Mariah approached, and in his other hand was a folded piece of paper. Taking it, she opened it and began to read.

"Mariah, I realize now that my days of being a marine are over. It was when you beat me today that I knew I could be of no use to the country I swore to protect. In my heart I knew this day would come eventually. I'm too old to make a difference any longer, so I have decided to end my life with what dignity I have left. I have taught you everything I know, now it is up to you to use it." It was signed. Master Sergeant William Kennedy.

Mariah felt hollow, as if someone had taken a knife and cut out her heart. Suddenly her body was too heavy for her legs to support her, and fell to her knees. The blood stained note dropped out of her hand and fluttered to the floor. As her eyes continued to scan the room, her mind was having difficulty comprehending the grewsome display. She could here someone screaming, a terrible high pitched shrill, then she realized the sound was coming from her.

Janeway was screaming when she opened her eyes. Tuvok had to force himself to break the link or he might be trapped inside her mind. Taking her by the shoulders he spoke firmly. "Captain. Focus on my voice." She continued to scream. Shaking her a bit he said. "You are safe. Listen to my voice and you will know it to be the truth. That was not your memory. It belongs to the woman be brought aboard Voyager."

Finally his words sliced through her head, and she stopped screaming. Tears filled her eyes and she placed a shaky hand over her mouth. She was trying to calm herself as Tuvok spoke again. "Has this happened before?" She nodded. "How many times have you experienced this woman's memories?"

Taking a deep breath she let it out slowly and replied. "This is the third time, but this is the first time I've been awake."

"Did you inform the Doctor of the dreams?"

"No. I didn't think it was necessary. I just assumed that my imagination was running away with me."

"I believe it would be best if we payed a visit to sickbay and-" he stopped as she grabbed her head and began to rock back and forth. Tuvok tapped his com badge. "Tuvok to-"

"No!" She screamed and struck out her hand so fast that he didn't have time to react. Her fingers tapped his chest and he fell to the floor gasping for breath. "Captain, what are you doing?"

"I'm afraid your Captain is no longer present." She replied smiling over him.

"Who are you?" He asked regaining his breath.

"Mariah Kennedy. I wish I could say it was a pleasure meeting you, but it looks like our introductions will be cut short."

"What do you mean?"

"You know to much, I'm sorry. I know how Janeway feels about you, but I can't allow you to live knowing what you know."

Tuvok tried to get up until intense pain coursed through his head and body, forcing him to lay back down gripping his head. He tried to focus on his center in order to regain control, but he couldn't reach it. The pain was too intense. His mind began to shut down, and shortly he became unconscious.

Tapping her com badge she tried to sound panicked. "Janeway to the Doctor!"

"Yes Captain." He said sounding concerned.

"Mister Tuvok has been rendered unconscious. Prepare for an emergency transport."

"Understood, Doctor out."

"Computer, lock onto Commander Tuvok's com badge and beam him directly to sickbay." Seconds later he shimmered out of view. Walking into the bedroom, she put on a uniform and headed for sickbay.

§21§

Heading for the Doctor she asked. "How is he?"

The Doctor turned to her with a grim expression. "He's in a coma."

She pretended to be upset. "What caused it?"

"From what I can gather, it looks as if he suffered a telepathic attack."

"Then it was my fault." She said with as much guilt and remorse that she could muster.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You can't blame yourself for this. Your mental abilities are unstable at the moment, and I know you could never do anything like this on purpose. For the moment his condition is stable, and I promise you Captain that I will do everything I can to help him." He smiled, trying to reassure her.

"That's what I'm worried about." She thought. Returning the smile she replied. "Thank you Doctor."

"In the mean time, I suggest you go back to your quarters and get some sleep."

"I will." She said nodding, then turned and left sickbay.

§22§

Chakotay lay awake thinking about what Seven and Harry reported seeing on the ship. No matter how hard he tried to push the thoughts aside, he could see the images displayed in his mind's eye. Turning on his side, the door chime sounded. "Who could that be?" He thought standing up and putting on his robe as he headed toward the door. "Enter."

When the door slid open, he saw Kathryn standing in the doorway. "May I come in?" She asked.

"Yes, of course." She stepped inside. "Computer lights, fifty percent illumination." The computer complied.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't. So what can I do for you?" He asked.

She moved to sit on the sofa, and he sat down in the chair caddy corner from her. Mariah knew that she needed to make friends with him if she were going to get through his. She also knew how he felt about Janeway, and how she felt about him. "During the last twenty-four hours I've been doing a lot of thinking."

"About what?"

"Us."

"Us?" He asked looking at her confused. "What about us?"

She took a deep breath before answering. "This isn't easy for me to say, and I'm not sure how you'll react."

"Then don't say anything until you're ready." He smiled. "Besides, I'm not going anywhere." Taking a serious tone he continued. "We've been friends for a long time, and no matter what happens I'm satisfied with that."

As he talked, she crossed the room and sat down in his lap, putting her arms around his neck. Before he could ask what she was doing, she kissed him. Pouring all her passion into it. It was almost overwhelming enough for the both of them.

He could feel himself becoming aroused, and he was sure she could feel it too. His mind was a swirl of mixed emotions, desire, joy, sadness, regret, love, hate, then he pushed her away abruptly as he regained his senses. He studied her face, trying to determine if what she was doing was what she really wanted.

"You don't want me?" She asked sounding rejected.

Holding her by the arms he replied firmly. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to." She said becoming emotional. "I guess I was wrong. You don't feel that way toward me anymore." She seemed embarrassed.

"I didn't say that either." He replied forcefully.

"Then what are you saying?!" She was frustrated.

"I don't know what to say. Everything is just happening so fast. Not too long ago, all you wanted to be was friends. The next, you're kissing me. It's just a lot to take at once."

"Do you still feel the same?" She stared at him waiting for a response. The longer it seemed to be taking, the more panicked she became.

"That's not an easy question to answer. Before I say anything. I want you to know what I want." She nodded eagerly. "If I do this, it has to be all the way. No backing out. To be honest, I want to get married, have children, and spend the rest of my life with someone who is content to be with me. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and tell me you made an error in judgement."

"I understand." She said with so much passion that Chakotay thought he would choke on the breath caught in his throat.

At this point, it became more than just trying to get him on her side. She could feel the way Janeway felt about him, and at this moment it filled every molecule of her being a hundred times over. She wanted to touch him in the most intimate way, and she wanted him to touch her. It had been four years since she felt any emotion, and now it threatened to overwhelm her.

"For now I think you should sleep on it. If you still feel the same tomorrow, we'll take it from there. All right?"

"No it's not all right!" She erupted in sudden anger. "I came here to tell you that I had thought about it, and I want to be with you. If you ask me, you're the one who's having doubts!"

"You're right. For five years you've kept me at arms length, never letting me get close to you. Now after the encounter you had with the telepath, you've suddenly came about one-hundred eighty degrees."

"I've been changed by the experience, and it opened my eyes for the first time in years. I realized that I deserved to be happy. When I got us stuck out here, I believed that I had to stay focused, but that wasn't the entire truth. I felt guilty, and I have been punishing myself ever since. I don't want to be alone anymore. It's taken me five years to say what I'm about to say, I love you. I've loved you since we were stranded on New Earth.

"Do you remember the night you gave me that back rub?" He nodded. "I allowed myself to feel happy, to feel like an ordinary woman. When it hit me that I had allowed myself to forget about my guilt I pulled away. At that time it didn't feel right that I should be happy, to just reach out and take what I wanted. It took me five years to realize how wrong I was, and if it hadn't been for that woman I may never have realized it until it was too late. I have no intention of letting this opportunity slip away."

"Maybe you have thought about this." He replied softly.

"Believe me I have. If you still want to be with me I need to know."

"I want to, but I'm not sure if you'll wake up sometime in the near future and decide this was a mistake. I don't know if I could take it if that happened." He looked down continuing. "I've tried very hard to suppress my feeling for you, and after five years I've managed to keep those feelings to myself. It's been hard at times to suppress them, but they're always there, just below the surface."

"I know, and that was my fault. I kept pushing you away, never allowing you to become too familiar. I was wrong." He had loosened the grip on her arms, and she raised her hand slowly to caress his cheek. Letting her thumb brush over his lips before she leaned in, kissing him softly.

After a few seconds of hesitance, he kissed her back with all the passion he had kept hidden away for years. Then he let his mouth trail down her chin, to her jawline, then finally to her neck. She took his head in both hands and tossed her head back moaning. Finding her voice she whispered. "Make love to me."

He pulled back in shock. "What?"

She stared into his eyes. "I want you Chakotay."

"Kathryn-"

She placed a finger to his lips. "Please tell me you want me as much as I want you at this moment."

"I do." He gasped.

"Then make love to me." She whispered before his lips were crushed under hers.

He wanted her, god how he craved this woman. When they had first left New Earth, he used to go to sleep every night dreaming about making love to her. As time passed, those dreams became more infrequent. Now he would rarely dream about her at all. She had become his friend, and he believed that was all they would ever be.

They way she was acting at this moment was so unlike her, in fact it was nothing like her. If she had decided she wanted an intimate relationship with him she wouldn't be throwing herself at him like this. She would want to discuss it, find out how he felt about it. Then they would go out on a date, get to know what the other wanted in a relationship. If things continued to go well between them, only then would she consider having sex. This whole situation was wrong, and when he realized it, he pushed her back. "I don't know what's come over you, but I think we should stop before we do something we might regret. Let's just take this one step at a time."

She climbed off his lap in so much anger it was almost debilitating. She was hot with passion, and the mix of the two was not a good combination. "What are you afraid of?! That you can't get it up?!"

"What the hell's wrong with you?" He asked confused.

"Nothing, but I would say some things wrong with you! I offer myself to you and you reject me!" She stormed toward the door. Before she left she said. "Maybe all these years without touching a woman you've forgotten how. What the hell was I thinking?"

The door opened, and she left. He sat in the chair completely stunned by what she said, and how she was acting. After a few moments he tapped his com badge. "Chakotay to Janeway." No response. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway."

"Captain Janeway is on level two section ten."

"I can still catch her. Try to find out what's going on her in head." He thought exiting his quarters.

When he reached section ten she was no where to be seen. As he was about to keep going he noticed a com badge laying next to the wall. Leaning down he picked it up. After studying it for a moment, he realized it was Kathryn's. Going back to his quarters he changed into a uniform then went back to look for her.

§23§

In the turbo lift, Mariah paced back and forth. She had to calm down or she could very well lose everything. She hadn't blown it yet, but she would if she let her new found emotions get the better of her. It was proving to be more difficult to control herself than she thought. "No wonder they had to purge our emotions."

The one thing she wanted more than anything at the moment was to get laid. To feel the weight of a man on top of her, thrusting himself into her. Her body was quivering with desire, and she was going to find someone who would grant that request. She thought it might have been Chakotay since she knew how he felt about Janeway, but he had proven to be a disappointment. He wanted a relationship, and all she wanted was a good fuck. So much for that.

The turbo lift stopped and the door opened. Harry Kim stepped inside. "Good morning Captain."

"Good morning." She replied. "Now here is a fine specimen of manhood, and he is young to boot. I bet he has tons of energy." She thought. "Couldn't sleep?"

He turned and gave her a tired smile. "No, I thought I might go to the holodeck and play a game of velocity against the computer."

"Care for some company? I can't seem to get any sleep either." She said with a laugh.

He looked somewhat taken back for a moment. "Sure."

"Just let me go change and I'll meet you in the holodeck in ten minutes." She said.

"All right."

The lift stopped on deck six and he stepped out. She ordered the lift to take her back to deck two.

§24§

With two minutes to spare, Mariah stepped into the holodeck. Harry turned when he heard the door open. His jaw dropped when he saw how the Captain was dressed. She was wearing a tight tank top and shorts that were just a little too short. "So are you ready to play?" She asked giving him a lop sided grin.

He nodded as he stood staring at her just a little too long before he said. "Computer, begin round one." He was a man after all, and when you see an attractive woman wearing what the Captain was wearing, you couldn't help but stare.

The disk appeared and began moving around the room. Mariah was first, as the disk came toward her she dodged to the right and spun, firing she hit the disk. It changed to red and came at Harry. He rolled forward then came up and stood. Turning, he hit the disk changing the color back to blue and once again it headed for Mariah.

This would go on for over an hour. Each scoring against the other. At the score of nineteen to nineteen, only one of them needed one more point to win. Harry crashed into the wall and almost dropped his phaser as he dodged the disk. Pushing himself away, he turned and hit the disk.

Mariah did a roll to avoid the disk and when she stood up, the disk hit her in the back. She tackled Harry trying to avoid it with no success. As she laid on top of him, the passion resurfaced. His body was touching hers. Dropping the phaser she kissed him hard. She began touching him, caressing his arms, head, and chest.

Harry was stunned by what was happening, and couldn't move at first. Then he took her by both arms and pushed her away. "What are you doing?" He asked confused.

"What does it look like?" She answered and tried to kiss him again, but he held her away.

"I can't do this."

"Of course you can. You're just as lonely as I am, but it doesn't have to be that way. We can comfort each other, and right now I could use some comforting."

He pushed her off and got up, moving as far away from her as he could. "This isn't right. You're my Captain."

"What the hell is wrong with all the men on this ship? A woman offers herself to a man and they push her away?!" She said angrily standing up.

"Captain-" He began.

"You've made your feelings clear, so you needn't bother saying anything more." No longer making eye contact she left.

Harry tapped his com badge. "Kim to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"Some things wrong with the Captain. I think you should have a talk with her."

"What happened?"

He was embarrassed at having to tell him. "She kissed me."

"She what?"

"She kissed me, and indicated that she wanted more if you know what I mean."

"I do. Where is she?"

"She just left the holodeck. She may be on her way back to her quarters."

"Understood. Chakotay out."

§25§

Janeway found herself in the realm of Mariah's memories. As much as she wanted to wake up she couldn't, but she also knew she wasn't dreaming. This time the location was different, she was no longer in the house. Instead she found herself standing in a military barracks. It was a long room with many bunk beds. Mariah was laying on the bottom bunk asleep. As Janeway turned her head she noticed others sleeping in the bunks surrounding her. It was night and soft moon beams filtered in through the windows.

Janeway could hear the sounds of movement, looking she saw Mariah stand up and head toward a door a the far end. She was wearing a military issue green t-shirt and shorts. Following, they entered the latrine. On the way, Janeway noticed that men were asleep in the bunks, this was a coed unit.

Mariah entered the first stall and closed the door. Seconds later the door to the entrance opened and five men stepped inside. They were putting fingers up to their lips, informing each other to be quiet. For some reason unknown to Janeway, she didn't like the look of it. They surrounded the outside of the stall waiting for Mariah to come out. One of them held a strip of cloth, and another held a metal baton.

The toilet flushed, but she didn't come out. They exchanged looks, wondering what she was doing. One of the men saw something above him. He looked up to see Mariah descend upon him, a foot coming rapidly toward his face. It happened so fast he didn't have time to react. He fell straight back and landed hard on the concrete floor. There was a crack as his head hit, blood began to pool under his head. His eyes open, but unmoving, he was dead.

Landing on her feet, she turned to face the others. One man charged at her. Moving to the side she grabbed his shirt as he passed and rammed his head into the wall. He cried out and fell back holding his head. The next man was a little more cautious. He approached slowly in a fighting stance, waiting for her to make a move.

Several moments passed and she did nothing. Finally, he decided to take a shot. His fist struck out. She grabbed it and began to twist. He did a back flip and used her momentum to flip her over, and onto her back. Her eyes went in and out of focus as she tried to regain her senses. She could feel hands grip her arms and legs, restraining her.

"So you think you're a bad ass?" The man standing over her said. "You think you're better than us? Always making us look bad. Well were going to take you down a notch or two." He held up a towel with a bar of soap inside and began hitting her, but she wouldn't cry out.

Janeway couldn't understand why anyone would beat her like this, and how Mariah was able to keep from crying out. After hitting her several times, the man became frustrated because she didn't make any type of response, or acted as if anything he did affected her. Angry, he pulled down his shorts and positioned himself on top of her. Now she began to struggle.

"So this was all it took to break that cool exterior of yours." He said with a triumphant smile, then forced himself into her. She cried out then, and a strip of fabric was placed into her mouth, muffling her cries.

Janeway wanted to turn away, but found that she couldn't. Something was making her watch this horrid and disgusting act. Janeway broke down in tears as she watched each man take his turn with her. Blood coursed down the inside of her thighs and form a pool on the floor.

After the third man took his turn, she stopped fighting, knowing it was no longer any use. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend that she were somewhere else, anywhere else, except for where she was at this moment.

Once they were finished, each man straightened himself up and walked out, leaving her on the floor with the man she had killed not so long ago. She didn't move, perhaps it didn't occur to her just yet that she could. So she lay there until morning, broken, degraded, knowing that she would never be the person she once was.

Hours later the trumpet played it's revere, announcing that it was morning. Noise could be heard outside as people crawled out of their bunks and grabbed their toiletries. The door opened and a woman screamed. Others ran into the room to find out what was going on. A man came into view and knelt over her. His mouth moved but she couldn't hear him. Her eyes stared upward, unblinking.

People knelt around her asking questions, but she couldn't hear them. It was as if the experience had in some way rendered her deaf. She drifted in and out of consciousness. The next time her eyes opened she was laying in a hospital bed. People walked in and out of the room, a woman approached and sat in the chair next to her bed. She began asking questions, but Mariah didn't speak. In a ridiculous way she thought that if she did speak, she would be admitting what happened. No, it was best to stay silent. This silence would continue for the next two weeks.

§26§

When Chakotay reached the turbo lift it opened before he activated the door. Inside was Kathryn Janeway. She stared at him angrily and attempted to close the door, but Chakotay slipped in before it closed.

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. You said everything that needs to be said."

"What the hells gotten into you? Harry just told me you kissed him, and offered sex."

"That's none of your business. Besides, you had your chance and blew it."

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you. And for the record I do want you, but I know you better than that. The Kathryn Janeway I know would never do what you just did."

"People change."

"Yes they do, but not overnight."

"Look, if you don't like the person I'm becoming then as far as I can tell you have two choices: learn to live with it, or don't, there's no in between. Now I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I don't need your approval."

"I'm not suggesting that you do. I'm just concerned about you. I feel as if I don't know you anymore."

"Don't be. I have no use for your concern. After five years I've finally opened my eyes, and now I plan on grasping life with both hands. If you can't handle that, then I have no need of you." Opening the door she began to step out. Chakotay grabbed her arm turning her toward him.

"So what are you saying? You no longer want to have anything to do with me?"

She started at him intently, there was no mistaking the hurt and anger in her eyes. "You're the one who made that decision. I came to you with an open heart, and you rejected it. So as far as I'm concerned, I don't need you."

"I didn't reject you. I just wanted you to take some time to think about it, that's all."

"Then prove it." She challenged.

"How?" He asked tentatively.

"Take me to your quarters and show me how much I mean to you." He stared at her in disbelief. "I didn't think so." She said removing his hand from her arm then headed out the door.

Chakotay stood frozen, he didn't know what to do. His desire for her was making him want to give her exactly what she wanted, but his logical side was telling him to let her go. Before he could make a decision, his com badge sounded. "Doctor to Commander Chakotay."

"What is it Doctor?"

"Please report to sickbay. I have some startling news regarding Commander Tuvok's condition."

"I'm on my way."

§27§

"All right Doctor. What is this information?" Chakotay asked a little to harshly as he headed toward him.

"My, aren't we in a cheerful mood." The Doctor replied dryly before continuing. "I've run several scans of Mister Tuvok's brain just to be sure."

"What did you find?" He asked following the Doctor into his office.

"The telepathic attack he sustained was no accident. It appears that the Captain attempted to kill him. Lucky for him she failed."

Chakotay looked confused. "That's not possible. They've been friends for years, Kathryn would never hurt him on purpose."

"That's true, and that lead me to start rechecking the previous scans I performed on her brain." He tapped the desktop monitor and turned it toward them. On the screen appeared to be brain waves as far as Chakotay could tell. "This is the scan I performed when the Captain was transported to sickbay." He pointed at the monitor, tracing the brain waves with his finger. "In this scan her brain waves appear to be normal except for a slight imbalance which I thought was caused by the woman they found." Tapping the monitor again another set of scans appeared. "Now, in this scan that was taken several hours later, I found this."

Chakotay wasn't quite sure what he was seeing. "That almost looks like another brain wave."

"That's precisely what it is."

"But how?"

"When a person dies there are some residual traces of neural activity, which fade after time. I scanned the woman moments after death before I would attempt to revive her. It's standard procedure. After I discovered that the attack on Tuvok was no accident I did a little research. After filtering out the Captain's brain waves, I compared the second set with the scan I took of the woman. They are the same."

"So what you're saying is this woman somehow transferred her consciousness into Captain?"

"Yes. She knew she was dying, and the only way to prevent it was to force her consciousness into another person. The Captain just happened to be a little to close. From what I can gather, she couldn't accomplish it without physical contact, based on the weakened condition she was in at the time."

"That would explain why she's behaving so strangely."

"What has she done?" Chakotay didn't want to answer. "Commander, I'm not asking for explicit details, but I do need to know what's going on."

"Earlier, she came to my quarters and told me that she wanted to change the nature of our relationship."

"I see." The Doctor said understanding his meaning.

"But what you just said has got me thinking."

"About what?" He asked eyeing him curiously.

"She knew specific details about her. Knew about situations that happened long before she entered the Captain's mind."

"Apparently she has access to her memories."

"It was more that. She acted as if she were her. I could see it in her eyes."

"If she has access to her memories, she would know how the Captain feels about every person in her life, how she treated all those people, even the most repressed feelings toward them."

"You're right. Obviously by your scans the Captain's still in there. Which leaves one question. How do we get this woman out?"

"I don't know yet, but the best thing to do at the moment is to play along. I believe when Mister Tuvok performed a mind meld he discovered the truth, and that is why she tried to kill him. As long as we don't let on that we know anything, we should be safe long enough for me to discover a way to remove her from the Captain's mind."

"How is Tuvok?"

"He's still in a coma, but the Vulcan mind is a bizarre and wondrous thing. If it were anyone else on this ship they would be dead."

"What did she do to him exactly?"

"She tried to cause a brain hemorrhage, but Tuvok protected himself by inducing a coma."

"I didn't know Vulcan's could do that."

"There are many things about Vulcan's that are mysterious, consider this one of them."

Chakotay nodded. "Let me know if you find anything, and when Tuvok wakes up I want to talk to him."

"Of course."

Before leaving. Chakotay contacted each of the senior staff, including Neelix and Seven. Telling them to meet him in the briefing room in twenty minutes. At least now he felt a little more at ease knowing what was wrong with Kathryn.

§28§

Janeway felt herself being strung from one memory to the next. Each piece giving her an insight to the mosaic that was Mariah Kennedy. She found herself standing in a room along with four-hundred other men and woman dressed in military fatigues, but his time it was different. She wasn't watching Mariah from a distance as she had before. This time she was her, looking at the world through her eyes. It was disorienting. Pacing in front of her was a man dressed in a General's uniform. She focused on him as he started to speak.

"I am General Thomas Ismay, and the reason why you're here is because you are the best of the best. Over the next four months we're going to attempt to eradicate every emotion you now possess. I know this was already explained to you when you volunteered, but what you weren't told was that you're not the first group to enter this program.

"Unfortunately the first group still possessed emotion when they moved to stage two. Regrettably, they all developed serious physiological defects and the project was terminated. Since then we have corrected this mistake and discovered that a complete purge of all emotion was necessary.

"I must add that only a few of you will survive this process. Perhaps fifty, maybe less. In a few moments, Doctor Michael Logan will be breaking you up into groups for a complete physiological and physical examination. If you have any questions, I suggest you hold them until that time." Turning toward Logan he said. "Doctor."

"All right" He said turning to his assistants after the general had left the room. "Break them up into groups of twenty and start lining them up."

Kathryn was in the first group. She followed Logan into a examination room. When he closed the door, he turned toward her and grabbed her around the waist, then kissed her with so much passion she felt consumed by it. For some reason it felt right. After what seemed an eternity he pulled back. "What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"Nothing."

"I know you Mariah. Some things bothering you, and I want to know what it is." He said leading her over to the examination bed. She sat down.

"It's just not what I expected." Kathryn said. She could feel herself becoming this person, and was helpless to stop it. In a way this all still felt like a dream with Mariah's memories at the backdrop to this strange drama. It was as if she were in the holodeck running a holonovel, and Mariah Kennedy was the central character.

"I can get you out of this. In fact, I don't want you to go through with it." He was nearly begging.

"I want to do this. It's the only way." She held fast to her plans.

He took a step back. "Are you doing this because of what those savages did to you?!" She said nothing. Silence was her admission. He took her by the arms. "They have been sent to prison for what they did to you, and will remain there until they rot. I've already seen to it. Please don't throw away everything we have because of that."

She stared at him coldly. "My mind's made up. There's nothing you can do about it."

"The hell I can't! I can say you're unfit, that you have serious physiological problems!"

She shrugged him off and pushed him back. Standing up, she took a step toward him. "If you do that, I'll tell everyone about us. An officer who's fucking an enlisted won't look very good on your record. Especially one who you claim to have serious physiological problems."

He looked shocked. "You wouldn't."

"Oh believe me honey I would. You have no idea how much damage I could do to your career."

"Damn it Mariah I don't want to lose you! If you go through with his one of two things will happen. You'll end up a babbling idiot, or you'll lose every emotion you have. If you feel anything for me you won't go through with it."

"There you go again, thinking about yourself. It's always about what you want. Well let me tell you something. All my life my emotions have made me feel pain beyond your comprehension, and if going through with this will give me the peace I've been searching for then I'm going to do it. I'm no good to anyone as I am now. Not to you, not my friends, not my country, and espically not myself. I've been given a chance to wake from this nightmare of a life, and I'm going to grasp it with both hands, no matter the outcome. So let me ask the same of you. If you feel anything for me you won't try to stop me."

He felt that he should say something. That if he tried hard enought, fought long enough, he could change her mind. But the words wouldn't come. Of couse he was being selfish, but so was she. How could she honestly think he would let her go without a fight? But at the same time he knew the more he fought, the more she would resist. "You win. I'm tired of fighting you on this. I know that if this opportunity hadn't come along you would get yourself killed someday. At least this way you'll be alive no matter the outcome."

"How magnamous of you." She replied scarastically.

"There's no reason to get nasty. You're getting what you want. Besides, who am I to stand in your way? I'm only in love with you." He said bitterly.

"Who's being nasty now?" She countered.

Walking over to his desk he took out a pen and signed the paper. Picking it up he held it out to her. "Give this to your trainer."

Stepping forward she took it. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I only did it because you left me no choice." He replied in controled anger.

"So I guess this is goodbye."

"I guess it is."

Before leaving, she took one last look at him. She wanted to remember him with all the feelings she had for him before they were purged from her.

§29§

Once everyone was seated Chakotay said. "Computer, seal the door and erect a dampening field around this room."

Everyone eyed him curiously as the computer replied. "Door sealed. Dampening field has been activated."

"Chakotay," B'Elanna began. "What is that about? It's zero-five-hundred."

"I know but this couldn't wait." He said taking a seat. "Some of you many have already heard what happened to Tuvok a few hours ago. For those who haven't, he's in a coma."

"What happened?" Tom asked.

"It's a long story so I'll give you the abridged version. The Captain is not who she appears. The Doctor discovered that Tuvok was attacked telepathically. Somehow, the woman from the ship we found transferred her consciousness into the Captain. We know now that the woman was telepathic, and is now in complete control of the Captain's body." Harry gave a relieved look, and Chakotay knew why. "During a mind meld, the Doctor believes that Tuvok made the discovery. She attempted to cause a brain hemorrhage using her telepathic abilities."

"That doesn't made sense. The Captain's not telepathic, so how could she do it?" Tom questioned.

"Since the woman's telepathic centers were artificiality stimulated, she apparently found a way to stimulate the Captain's. The Doctor is trying to find a way to remove her consciousness, and we can help him by trying to discover any weaknesses she may have."

"Is the Captain still there? Or is she gone?" Neelix asked.

"As far as the Doctor can tell she is, but for how much longer we don't know. The best way to deal with her for the time being is to play along. React naturally, this woman knows everything she does, and will know if we start acting unusual. Lean as much about her as you can, and report anything unusual to me or the Doctor. Understood?"

"Yes." Everyone replied.

"Good. One more thing. Don't discuss this with anyone, not even each other. Right now her only ability is telekinesis, but who knows what others may rise to the surface. The less she and everyone else on the ship knows, the safer they'll be. Are there any questions?"

"During my time as a drone the Borg assimilated several races with telepathic abilities. Perhaps I could assist the Doctor in his research. I may even be able to help devise a way to remove the alien consciousness from the Captain's mind." Seven offered.

"Good idea. Anyone else?"

"I could go over the data we downloaded from the ship's computer core. Perhaps there may be something there we could use." Harry said.

"Get on it. Dismissed." Everyone got up and left.

§30§

No matter what Mariah did to try and make the overpowering desire for sex subside, it continued to grow into a blinding white hot light. She was crazy with need. Heading back toward the Holodeck she activated Tom's program of Sadrines. Walking inside she headed for the bar and ordered a shot of Jack Daniels. Taking a seat on the stool the bartender sat the shot before her, and without hesitation she downed the hot liquid.

As she expected, the holographic gigolo approached her with his sleazy accent. "What is a beautiful woman like you doing in a place like this." He began.

It was such a pathetic cliche' but she expected nothing less. "Looking for a some company."

He took a seat next to her. "I see you are a woman who doesn't beat around the bush. So how can I be of service?"

Turning toward him she grabbed his crotch and said. "You can take me to your boat and fuck my brains out."

He looked somewhat taken back, then gently removed her hand from his groin. "Follow me." He said offering his hand, and she took it.

"Now I'm finally getting somewhere. Too bad he wasn't much more than a glorified dildo." She thought.

Three hours later she emerged from the holodeck with a renewed sense of purpose. She was impressed at how many times she had orgasmed, seven to be exact. Her hair was mussed, and her clothes faired no better. There wasn't much crew out, it was still too early, but those that had been out had given her strange looks as she passed. She smiled happily as she returned to her quarters.

Laying down on the bed, she fell asleep almost immediately. Her body was sore, but she was content. Her sexual cravings appeased for the moment, but a holographic man would never take the place of a real one. She drifted off to sleep feeling the most at peace upon entering this body, and vowed that she wasn't about to blow the second chance she had been given. This time she was going to live, and embrace life in a way she had never done before. With both hands.

§31§

Kathryn was sitting in a metal chair. Her arms and legs were strapped down. Electrodes were stuck to several areas of her head. The room was dark until a large screen before her came to life. A nurse approached with an old fashioned syringe and injected the contents into her arm.

After a few moments she felt light enough to float away. Her mind was beginning to shut down all rational thought. Before her, the screen began displaying visual images of death in every imaginable way. Acts of violence and suffering so disturbing, that some of the marines couldn't bare to watch it any longer. Those that didn't have the brains to quit went insane. The others that did quit before insanity took over, were just inches away from losing it themselves.

Three months had passed, and the group of four-hundred was scaled down to seventy-seven. The shots they were given on a daily basis were designed to numb the emotional centers of the brain. During the first month they received eight, second month six, third month four, and those that would make it to the fourth month two.

After the first stage was complete, they would attempt to stimulate the telepathic centers of their brains. But that didn't mean they would be out of the woods so to speak. If they were successful in bringing those telepathic abilities to the foreground, there was still the task of learning how to use them without burning them out.

Six more months would be spent developing those abilities, and granted some abilities would be stronger than others. Mariah's most powerful ability would be telekinesis, the second empathy, and lastly telepathic sending and receiving. She would learn that telekinesis was a rare commodity, and to posses it at the level she did was practically unheard of. By the time she graduated the program, she was one of twenty-six to survive the ordeal. Four-hundred widdled down to twenty-six. It was indeed an accomplishment.

Experiencing the ordeal from Mariah's perspective was overwhelming at first for Kathryn, but as time progressed she would confuse herself with being Mariah. After experiencing her life as her she began to believe she was Mariah Kennedy, until she forgot Kathryn Janeway almost completely. She found herself accepting this new role, perhaps it was due to the fact that she had been living Mariah's life for so long.

Boarding a transport, she would be sent on her first mission. Her mission was to gain information about the Xon, find out everything she could about the location of their military installations, how many troops they had, the size of their fleet, and she was to do this by any means necessary.

Once on Kalaxis, she avoided enemy troops for five days. Sleeping in trenches, eating incests, drinking water so grotesque other marines would gag at the thought, but she wasn't just any marine. On the sixth day she came across a small encampment. All were wearing Xon uniforms, and were covered from head to toe.

They were a mystery since no human had seen what a Xon looked like and lived to tell about it. She had spent two months learning their language, not to say it was easy, but she did have help. Thanks to a micro chip inserted into the base of her skull, all they had to do was upload information. It was kind of a crude device compared to what the Borg used. It had to be done a little at a time. No more than one third of a meg a day. More than that would overload the brain and cause a hemorrhage. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

She watched them for three days, and eventually learned everything she needed to know. There were only ten troops guarding the encampment, which over time she learned was a supply depot. Taking her time, she used her silenced sniper rifle with laser site, and began picking them off, and only leaving one of them alive. By the stature she guessed the soldier to be male.

Carefully she aimed at this leg and fired. He went down almost immediately. He began firing his weapon out of reflex as he grabbed the injured leg. Stealthily she made her way to him. Taking the butt of her rifle she hit him on the head until he fell still, then dragged him into the building.

Stripping him of his uniform she discovered him to be no more than fourteen for fifteen by human standards. They also looked remarkably human except for the ears, which were small and placed two inches lower than her own.

After strapping him down to one of the metal tables, she began looking through their food and water supplies. Finding several packets of ration bars she read the package making sure it was safe to eat. Once she determined it was she began to eat. Grabbing one of the metal containers of water, she took a seat on a stool and waited for him to wake up.

Seven hours later he awoke, and was alarmed to find himself strapped down. It was dark except for a few emergency lamps placed around the room. Looking, the light cast frightening shadows throughout, and out of the corner of his eye he could see a figure. Turning he head, he saw a person who's face was covered by a thick blanket of darkness. "Who are you? What do you want?" He asked trying to keep the rising terror out of his voice.

"Why don't you let me ask the questions." Kathryn replied.

"Whoever she was, she speaks Xon." He thought.

Stepping into the light he saw a woman with long brown hair and eyes. She wasn't much older than himself, but she looked odd. Then he realized it was the ears. "Human." He said softly.

"That's right." Lifting her hand she held a metal rod, at the end was a small hook. Casually she approached him. "How many troops do you have on the planet?"

"How do you know my language?" He asked.

"How many troops do you have on the planet?" She asked again ignoring his question.

He stared back at her, finding his resolve once again. "I'm not going to tell you anything."

"I beg to differ. After I'm through with you, you'll tell me anything I want to know as long as I'll stop hurting you."

"You're going to kill me anyway so I fail to see the point."

"I'm not going to kill you. I've learned that it solves nothing. If you die, the information you posses will be lost. No, I'll kill your family instead."

"That's a lie." He said amused. "You don't know who my family are."

"Your mother Tela lives in Kethlar with your two brothers Loughea and Zeothrm. She works as a nurse. Your brothers are builders who construct armor and weapons for the soldiers. Your father Ankro died four months ago while fighting my people on Morker. So I'm going to ask you again. How many troops do you have on the planet?"

"I demand you tell me how you know that!" He screamed, his earlier amusement evaporated.

Taking the hook she jabbed it into the wound on his leg and twisted. He cried out. "This can all be over if you answer my questions."

Lifting his head he spit at her. "Never! I will not betray my people!" She twisted the hook again and his head fell back against the table, gritting his teeth while his body arched upward. When the pain subsided he spoke. "By the time my people finish with you. Your race will no longer exist. Humans will become nothing more than a memory, and even then we will make sure you are forgotten."

Pulling out the hook she jabbed it into his other leg and pulled down, ripping open the flesh. He cried out again as tears fell from his eyes. "We will continue this conversation later. Perhaps you will be more cooperative at that time." There was no emotion in her voice when she spoke, no anger, no pleasure from the pain she'd caused him, and that scared him more than anything. Leaving the hook protruding from his leg she walked away.

§32§

Chakotay stepped onto the bridge. Looking around, Kathryn was no where to be seen. Approaching Lieutenant Stormare, who was taking over tactical in Tuvok's absence he asked. "Has the Captain reported to the bridge?"

"Yes, she's in her ready room."

"Thank you Lieutenant." He said before heading for the ready room. Ringing the chime he waited for the door to open. After a few seconds he was given entrance. He saw her sitting behind the desk looking at the desktop monitor. If he didn't know better, one could mistake her for Kathryn.

Looking up she said. "Commander, I'm glad you're here." She gestured for him to sit, he did. Standing up she joined him on the sofa. "I want to apologize for my behavior last night. I don't know what came over me. Maybe whatever that woman tried to do affected me more than I thought."

"Maybe so."

"Perhaps what I said about us possibly having a relationship was a bad idea. You need someone who can give you all the things you deserve. I know now that I can't do that."

"Perhaps. I know I can't compete with your desire to get this ship home."

"True." She extended her hand. "Friends?"

He took it. "Friends." He agreed giving her a smile in an attempt to reassure her, and she smiled back.

Seconds later his com badge sounded. "Neelix to Commander Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"I've finished my inventory on the food stuffs. I thought you might want to look."

"I'll be right there, Chakotay out." Looking back at her he stood up and said. "Duty calls."

"That it does."

"I'll see you later." Turning, he left.

She knew something was going on, but didn't know what. Whatever it was, she would find out sooner or later. She always found out.

§33§

Harry was in science lab working on the files they downloaded from the Thunder Child's computer. Neelix was to contact Chakotay the moment Harry found something. Entering, Harry turned to see Chakotay heading toward him. "Computer, seal the door and erect a dampening field around this room." Harry instructed. The computer beeped letting him know it was completed.

"What did you find?"

"Quite a bit actually, more than I thought. The woman who possessed the Captain is Mariah Kennedy."

"At least we now know who she is."

"She is a telepath, and from what I was able to learn, a powerful one at that. Her speciality was telekinesis. She, along with twenty telepaths, were being sent to Kalaxis."

"Wasn't the race that inhabited that planet called the Xon?"

"Yes, they've been extinct for a little over two-hundred years. It was one of the worst wars we fought since World War III. It also sustained the largest loss of life."

"Thanks for the history lesson, but what does that have to do with the current situation?"

"These telepaths were created to fight them, but here's the scary part. They were purged of all emotion."

"Why?"

"It was discovered that a human who possessed telepathy and had emotion would eventually develop physiological defects. Somehow emotion conflicted with the telepathic centers the brain causing a sensory overload. It was just too much stimuli for the mind to process."

"Which means that if we don't find a way to shut down the telepathic centers she'll go insane."

"Exactly."

"Is there any information on how this was done?"

"Not that I've been able to find, but I'll keep looking." Harry said.

"I'm going to sickbay and see if Seven and the Doctor have made any progress."

§34§

The minutes turned to hours, hours into days. Kathryn hadn't been abl to learn much about the Xon, or any meaningful information. The boy who would be man, was still laid out on the table. She had tortured him over the last five days, and she knew he wouldn't live much longer.

There were large gashes on his arms, legs, torso, and face. Some of his internal organs were exposed, and he became delirious with fever shortly after infection set in. Leaning over him she said. "This can all be over if you just tell me what I want to know."

He laughed. A high pitched sound that a person would make on the edge of insanity, and she knew he was walking that fragile line. Soon he would lose his balance and plunge head first into the abyss. She had tried for days to pull the information form this mind telepathically, but his mind was too alien. Now in his delirious state, it was impossible. She would have to rely on pain to be the catalyst.

Picking up a metal shard, she jammed it under his fingernail, but instead of screaming he looked at her and laughed. She tried it again, only to invoke the same response. Pulling out the shard she moved closer to him and strapped down his head. Raising the shard she jammed it into his eye. This time he screamed. "How many ships do you have in your fleet?"

He continued to scram as she pulled out the shard taking his eye along with it. Leaving an empty socket with torn muscles and severed nerves in it's place. She slapped him until he stopped screaming. He looked at her with his only eye and said. "I've got something even better."

"What is it?"

"You've got fifteen seconds to live." Then he began to laugh in the high pitch howl again. She looked at him, and just before she was about to look away she saw a flashing red light inside his eye socket. The flashing was getting faster.

Quickly she grabbed her rifle and back pack and took off running out the door. She was ten feet outside when the building exploded behind her. The concussive force sent her flying forward and into a trench filled with the grotesque water she had been drinking days before. Bits of metal sliced her arms, torso, face, and neck, mingling her blood with his.

Forcing the air back into her lungs she sat up in the water, which was now starting to turn red. A hunk of metal had embedded itself into her shoulder, and another between her ribs. Taking hold of the metal in her arm she yanked it out. She grunted, as pain flooded her body in nauseating waves.

After taking a short rest, she pulled out the metal shard in her ribs. Her body screamed in agony as she fell backward into the shallow water unconscious.

§35§

Chakotay entered sickbay just in time to discover Seven laying on the floor face down. He knelt down to touch her neck searching for a pulse, and bowed his head in relief. She was alive. Looking around he couldn't see the Doctor. "Doctor?"

"The Doctor has been deactivated."

Turning his head he saw Janeway standing behind him, a phaser trained on him. "Kathryn what are you doing?"

"You don't have to pretend with me. You already know who I am."

"Mariah Kennedy." He stated standing up slowly. "I don't think we've been properly introduced."

"Very good Commander." She replied with a smug smile.

"Why did you do it?" He asked.

"Why did I attack Tuvok? Or why did I take control of your Captain?"

"Both, but what interests me more is why you chose her instead of someone younger. Someone we may not have suspected right away."

"She was at the right place at the right time, and I decided to keep her because I like this body. Don't you Chakotay? You don't mind if I call you Chakotay?" She asked not really caring what his answer was. "I know how you feel about her, but what I don't understand is why you still feel that way considering how she's kept you at arms length for so many years. I would think you'd be happy to see her go. She was so damned serious. Vowing to get her crew home." She said mockingly. "She was too blind to see beyond that. Always taking for granted what she'd been given, and never taking the time to truly appreciate it. What a waste."

"Well Mariah, can I call you Mariah?" He replied adopting her tone. "It's not up to you how she lives her life."

"Oh but is. This body is mind now, and there's not one damn thing you can do about it. I don't have to be your enemy Chakotay. I can give you what you've always wanted from her, but you have to be the one to take it. I could touch you in ways that up to this point you've only dreamt about." She took a step toward him. "I know how you've fantasized about caressing her body, kissing her mouth, neck, breasts. Making love to her so painfully slow that your body aches every time you think about it."

Chakotay was becoming unnerved at how she knew his deepest, darkest fantasies. He was a private man, and to hear his thoughts being told to him in Kathryn's voice was almost too much to bare. Seeing Kathryn's beautiful body walking toward him, the passion in her eyes. He backed away. "Stop it." He pleaded.

"You imagine what her face might look like as she reaches her climax." She continues to step forward, using all her concentration on pulling the images from this mind. "Her lips swollen with your kisses."

"Stop it!" He shouted bumping into the bio bed behind him.

"The sound of her voice as she screams your name." She closed her eyes as if she were living it instead of seeing it. Dropping the phaser her hands grabbed her breasts as she tossed her head back and cried out his name. "CHAKOTAY!"

He fell across the bio bed, his hands over his ears. "STOP IT!" He screamed at her.

Suddenly she stopped, but he couldn't look up. He felt embarrassed at what just happened. "Commander." Came a voice. "Commander." The voice called again, and he felt someone touch his shoulder. He leapt up and back only to see Tuvok standing in front of him. "Commander, are you all right?"

He stood trying to catch his breath. "I'm fine. How about Seven?"

"I am undamaged." She said sitting up.

"Computer, activate emergency medical holographic program. Authorization Tuvok theta 2164."

The Doctor shimmered into existence. "What happened?" He asked. Looking down he saw Janeway's unconscious form on the floor. Tuvok stood a few feet away, still dressed in the surgical gown. Seven was moving to her feet, and Chakotay looked as if he were in shock. "Commander are you all right?"

"I'm fine Doctor." He replied pushing himself away from the wall. "I think you should focus your attention n the Captain."

Picking up a medical tricorder he began scanning. "Both brain waves are starting to degrade. If we don't try something soon we'll lose them both."

§36§

When Kathryn finally awoke, she could hear the sound of water. Her body seemed to be immersed in it, as if she were floating in the womb. It was the most peaceful she had felt in ages. Opening her eyes, the sky was black. Alien starts shimmered into existence, they were calling to her. She reached out for them, as if she could grasp the shining objects and hold them in her hand.

"Captain!" Someone called, but the voice was far away. It didn't matter, all that mattered were the stars. She sat up, pain coursed throughout her body making her almost pass out. Her side and shoulder hurt. Pulling her shirt up, she saw the deep gouge in her ribs. It started bleeding again.

Looking around she noticed her back pack laying on the shore. Climbing, she gritted her teeth as her hands fumbled for the pack. Her fingers found the strap and pulled it down. "Captain!" The voice called again. Whoever it was, they were closer now. Sloshing through the water she found her rifle and slung it over her undamaged shoulder.

Moving back to her back pack, she leaned back against the dirt wall and opened it. Taking out a syringe she took off the protective lid and braced herself as he jammed it into her leg. Gritting her teeth, she threw her head back and grunted as the burning sensation passed up her leg, then spread to the rest of her body. After a few seconds it stopped, and her body felt light.

Standing up her vision seemed a little blurred, but she was no longer in pain. Unslinging her rifle, she gripped it with on hand and tossed the pack over her shoulder. Slowly she began to make her way along the trench.

"Captain!" The voice called out, and it seemed to be coming toward her. Stopping, she hid in a patch of darkness and waited for the figure to emerge. She could hear the person sloshing through the water. "Captain!" Then she could see him.

Lifting her rifle she fired. The figure jumped into the shadows. "Do not fire Captain Janeway! It is me, Commander Tuvok!"

"Who was this man, and why was he calling her Captain Janeway?" She thought.

"I am here to help you! Do not fire!" He shouted.

"It's a Xon trick." She thought. "Do they actually think I'm stupid enough to fall for this?" She could hear him moving toward her again, but couldn't see him. Her vision was still blurred.

Cautiously he approached. He could see she was injured. She was blinking her eyes and shaking her head as if something were in them. Slowly he raised him hand and snatched the rifle from her grasp, tossing it behind him.

Kathryn struck out at him blindly as she pulled the survival knife from her belt. Tuvok saw the glint of metal and grabbed her wrist. She tried to pull her hand away but he held it tight. "Do you not know who I am? I am Tuvok, your friend. I only wish to help you."

"Why are you calling me that? I am Sergeant Mariah Kennedy."

"Listen to me. You have been trapped inside your own mind. The woman Mariah Kennedy transferred her consciousness into you. For the last few hours you have been reliving her memories. I have performed a mind meld in order to guide you to the surface before your neural pattern is lost. Please come with me Captain."

"No!" She shouted trying to kick out at him. "You are trying to deceive me, but it won't work. I am Mariah Kennedy." She said forcefully.

"If that is true. Then who is that?" He said turning her around.

The trench she was in moments before was gone. Now she stood in the stasis chamber aboard the military transport Thunder Child. She could see herself laying on the floor, and a woman leaning over her holding a device. She was wearing a red and black uniform, and on her collar was the rank of Captain. "I think I know her." She said softy.

"Yes," Tuvok agreed. "That woman is you."

"No, it can't be."

"I assure you Captain it is. I was here with you. Try to remember."

She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate, but her mind was jumbled. "I can't!"

"I know this is difficult, but try to think back to the moment we came aboard this vessel. We were almost killed by-"

"Mono filament wire." She intrupted.

"Correct. You detected a life sign emminating from this chamber."

"The woman." She said taking a step forward studying the two women before her. It was starting to come to her. "She grabbed my shoulder."

"Yes." A voice came from behind them. Both of them turned to see Mariah Kennedy walking toward them. "I had hoped you would have made this easier on yourself by assuming my identy."

"Why did you this to me?" Kathryn asked.

"Isn't it obvious? I wanted to live, and you just happened to be at the right place at the wrong time."

"We may have been able to help you."

"No you couldn't. My neural patterns were badly damaged, I would have been dead in minutes. That stasis chamber was the only thing keeping me alive, if you want to call that living. When you came along I saw an opportunity and I took it. It's unfortunate that I'll have to kill both of you."

Kathryn knew that if she were going to get through this she would have to try and appeal to her humanity. "I know what kind of life you've had, and no one besides me would understand it in the same way you do. I've been living your life up to this point, and I know what you've lost. I also know you would do anything to have another chance, but this isn't the way. You know my memories, and you also know that my life hasn't been the kind of life I would like to have." As she talked she walked slowly toward her in an attempt to distract her from Tuvok. He could still get out, and she hoped that he would use this chance to escape.

"Who's fault is that?" Mariah said angrily. "You've had every opportunity to make your life better, and you've squandered it! For instance, there's a man out there who loves you despite every attempt you've made to crush those feelings!"

"I've never tried to do that." Kathryn replied firmly.

"Yes you have. Every time you've made it clear that all you'll ever be is friends it kills a part of him, and don't try to deny it because I know how you really feel. You're afraid to let him get too close. That one day you may lose him, just like Mark, just like Justin." Kathryn's eyes grew wide at the mention of Justin's name. "Yes I know about him. All these years you've tried to forget him because it was too painful to think about him without thinking about your father. Now who's fooling who? I know you Kathryn, better than you know yourself. How can you stand there pretending to understand what I've lost when you can't even admit your own losses? It's been twenty years since Justin's death and you refuse to deal with it. Logically you've come to terms with it admitting that it wasn't your fault, and that no matter what you do you can't bring them back. It sounds good, but it doesn't heal the hurt you've been carrying around with you all these years."

Kathryn felt hot tears threatening to spill over and took a deep breath before speaking. "Your right, about everything. But I can't change who I am."

"You can, your just too scared to try! You're a pathetic excuse for a human being!" She said as if the words left a bad taste in her mouth. How can you possibly want to cling to this miserable excuse of a life? I might have been moved for your plea to live but your not really living, your existing. You wake up, put on your uniform, and step onto the bridge with the soul purpose of getting your crew home. What kind of life is that? How can you even call it a life? I have to admit that this little chat has been educational, but I'm tired of it. I'm not going to surrender this body, and there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. Say goodbye Kathryn, your time is up." She began stepping toward her and stopped, her face twisting in undescribable agony.

Turning around she saw Tuvok standing behind her and tried to grab him, but he stepped back. When she turned around Kathryn saw a knife sticking out of the base of her neck. She crumpled to the floor unable to move. Laying on her side, blood trickled from her mouth, and down her neck. Her eyes open wide, trying to cling to life. Kathryn felt the tears finally spill over as she knelt down beside her and took her hand.

"I don't want to die this way, not alone." She said fighting to speak.

"You're not alone. I'm here." Kathryn said as she brushed the hair away from her face.

"This was supposed to be my exordium." Her voice was softer now.

"Your beginning." Kathryn said.

"Yes. My beginning." She looked directly into her eyes. "Promise me you won't make the same mistake I did. Don't run away from life."

"I promise." Kathryn said softly.

They sat in silence. Each time Mariah exhaled Kathryn was sure it would be her last. Until she let out a long breath, and Kathryn could hear the faint rattle in her chest. A death rattle. Then it was over. Mariah Kennedy was gone. As long as she lived Kathryn would never forget the memories of this woman's life. It would always be apart of her.

Tuvok and Kathryn opened their eyes and they were in sickbay. Chakotay stood over her not sure who she would be. When she smiled in that lop sided grin he knew who it was, and smiled back relieved. "Welcome back." He said.

"It's good to be back." She replied.

§37§

For the last two weeks Kathryn had been relieved of duty. In a way she was glad to have some time to herself, and reflect on what had happened. Everyday she thought about the promise she had made to Mariah before she died, and didn't know if she could keep it. She didn't know if possessed the courage to go through with it. Some things were just too painful to painful to think about. Three days after the incident she took the first step in dealing with the loss of Justin. She cried for hours thinking about how he died, wondering if he died quickly or if he was conscious and aware of everything around him.

She cried herself to sleep for five days thinking about him and her father. Then on the sixth night she had a dream. In it, he told her how much he loved her, and how much it hurt him knowing how many years she had carried this with her. "I know you feel guilty for surviving the crash Kathryn." He said. "And I can't take the pain away, only you can do that. I've been watching you over the years, and I know you're not happy. You pretend to be, but I know you too well. You're alive, and I want you to be happy. I want you fall in love, get married, have children. I want your life filled with bliss not greif."

"I do want to let you go." She said as tears began to fall freely from her eyes. He took her in his arms and pressed her to him. It had been so long since he last held her that she had forgotton how good it felt. "I'm not asking you to forget about me. I just asking you to embrace the happiness you've denyed yourself. I'll always be with you Kathryn, no one can change that." Lifting her chin with his finger he stared into her eyes. "I love you. Nothing can change that, but try to carve a little piece of happiness for yourself. Try, for me." She nodded. Leaning in he kissed her gently on the lips. A whisper of a kiss.

Opening her eyes she could still feel his kiss. Raising her hand she touched her lips in rememberance. Looking over at the nightstand she checked the time. It was just after zero-one-hundred. She didn't feel like sleeping anymore. Getting up she walked into the living room and replicated a cup of coffee. Taking a seat on the sofa she began to think about what Justin said. Even though it was only a dream, she knew it was more than that. It felt as if he had been trying to get through to her for years, and only now had she been listening.

She felt this overwelming urge to talk to Chakotay, as if someone were whispering in her ear, convincing her that she needed to tell him how she really felt. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters" The computer replied.

Standing up she headed into the bedroom and changed into causal attaire and headed for his quarters before she lost her nerve.

§38§

Kathryn rang the door chime and took a deep breath waiting for him to answer, willing herself not to run. "Who is it?" He asked.

"It's Kathryn. I need to speak with you."

There was a long moment before the door slid open. Kathryn walked inside and was about to speak when she noticed that Chakotay was not alone. "I'm sorry I didn't realize you had company." She felt embarrassed. "I'll talk to you later."

"It's all right Captain. I was just leaving." Lieutenant Savannah Stone said standing up. Turning to Chakotay she smiled and said. "I had a lovely evening."

"So did I." He replied smiling back.

"Goodnight." She said with a sly grin and left. Chakotay couldn't help but grin back at her.

When she had left and the door closed he said. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"How could I possibly tell him how I feel about him when he has obviously moved on with his life. That's it Kathryn, you've waited too long. It wouldn't be fair to him if you told him how you felt." She thought.

He eyed her curiously for a moment. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I-" The words wouldn't come. She couldn't think of anything to say.

He walked over and took her by the shoulders. "I can tell you've got something on your mind. We've been friends for a long time, you can tell me. Let's have a seat and you tell me what's bothering you." He lead her to the sofa and they sat down. She wanted to leave, excuse herself in some way, but her body had decided the moment she entered his quarters and saw Lieutenant Stone sitting on his sofa not to work. "Now what's on your mind?"

"What makes you think I have something on my mind?" She replied.

He smiled and laughed softly. "Well for one thing you came here saying that you wanted to talk to me about something."

"I did?"

"Yes you did." He studied her face with a serious expression. "Kathryn what is it? I'm your friend and I care about you. You can tell me."

She heart was pounding so hard that if felt as if it were about to burst from her chest. Her breathing began to quicken, and she could feel her eyes welling up with tears again. She turned her head and began to stand up. Chakotay could tell she was on the verge of tears and took her by the shoulders, keeping her from leaving. "Now you're scaring me. What happened? Did somebody say something to you? Hurt you? What?!" His voice was rising, and he was on the verge of panic. She shook her head. "Then tell me what's wrong!" He demanded.

"I can't tell you. It wouldn't be fair." She choked out.

"What wouldn't be fair?" He asked, his grip tightening.

"That I-"

"That you what?" He was on the edge of panic now.

"That I love you." She said and pulled herself from his grasp, heading for the door.

"Computer, seal the door to this room. No exit without my authorization." He said hurriedly.

"Door sealed." The computer replied.

She banged her fists on the door. "Let me out!"

"No." He said moving behind her.

"I'm ordering you to open this door!" She demanded.

Taking her by the shoulders again he spun her around and pushed her gently but forcefully against the door. "Oh no Kathryn. You can't tell me that and then walk out."

"I didn't want to say it. I knew it wasn't fair to you now that you've found someone else."

"You mean Savannah?" He began to laugh so hard that he was gasping for breath.

She could feel herself becoming angry. "What's so funny?"

After a moment he began to regain control. "We went out on one date and realized that we'd be better off as friends. Granted, we have a lot in common, but that's were it ends."

Now she looked confused. "But I saw the way you were looking at each other. The look she gave you just before she left."

"Just before you showed up we were talking about Tom and B'Elanna. On our way back from the holodeck we passed by B'Elanna quarters. She and Tom were obviously sharing an extremely intimate moment if you get my meaning." He said before bursting into a fresh wave of laughter.

Kathryn could feel herself starting to laugh, and before she knew it, she was laughing so hard she was leaning against the wall for support. Chakotay could see her sliding down the wall in a fit of laughter and took her by the arm to keep her from falling to the floor. Eventually the laughter faded and they found themselves a little more at ease.

Guiding her to the sofa they sat down. "Now was my hearing playing tricks on me or did you say that you loved me."

She smiled. "Must have been your hearing. Because you know I would never say anything like that."

"Uh huh." He replied smiling. "That must be it."

Gently he cupped her face and kissed her so tenderly she felt her body tingling. Wrapping her arms around him she pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. His hands roamed over her back and into her hair, as were hers. They kissed until their lungs cried out for oxygen. Laying against his chest she tried to catch her breath as he wrapped his arms around her and did the same.

They sat there in silence, just enjoying the closeness of the other. Finally Chakotay broke the silence. "Yep, must have been my hearing." Kathryn burst out laughing and slapped his chest. He laughed and said. "You're just full of surprises Kathryn Janeway."

Looking up at him she replied in a husky tone. "Maybe one day you may just find out how surprising I really am."

"Is that a challenge?" He joked.

"No, that's a promise." She replied before capturing his lips with hers.

Six Months Later . . .

Kathryn entered her quarters quietly and headed for the bedroom. It was still early and she didn't want to wake Chakotay. Taking off her uniform she picked up her nightgown and was attempting to pull it over her head when she felt a pair of hands grip hers. The nightgown was blocking her vision, but she knew who it was. "Where have you been?" Chakotay asked.

"Could I at least put my nightgown on before I tell you?"

He laughed softly and pulled the nightgown down, then turned her around and slipped both hands around her waist. Smiling, she wrapped her arms around his neck. "So where did you go this early in the morning?"

"Can't stand it can you? Now that we're together, you can't bare to have me out of your sight." She said giving him a lop sided grin.

"Well a man's got to protect his territory. I don't want someone else cutting in on my action." He replied kissing her neck.

She tried pushing him back with no success. "Oh no let's not start this again. That's what got me into trouble in the first place."

"You didn't say that last night?" He said before resuming to kiss her neck.

She let out a sigh as her head fell back, and her arms dropped to her sides. "Is that all you think about is sex?"

He pulled back and looked at her with a sly smile. "No, but I'm trying to make up for the last six years when I wasn't getting any."

She laughed and put both hands on his chest to keep him from kissing her again. "Do you mind if I go back to bed now?"

"You may after you tell me where you were this morning?"

She pretended to sound exasperated. "If you must know I was in sickbay."

"Is something wrong?" He asked suddenly concerned.

"No, in fact I'm in perfect health." She answered pulling away from him and laid down on the bed.

He stood there for a moment looking at her as she turned on her side away from him and threw the covers over her head. "Wait a minute." He said sitting down the bed next to her and pulled down the covers. "You're not-" She started laughing and buried her face in the pillow. Taking her arm he rolled her onto her back. She stared up at him trying to stop her laughter. "You're pregnant?" He said more as a statement of fact than a question.

"Yes Daddy." She replied amused by his reaction.

He looked stunned for a moment. "But how-"

"Well, when two people engage in sexual intercourse-"

He smiled amused and held her by the waist. "I know smart ass!"

"Somebody forgot to take their shot last month."

"Ohh." He said.

"Ohh is right." She said mimicking him.

"I'm sorry honey. I didn't do it on purpose."

"I know. If you had, I probably would have put you in the brig." She joked.

"So what is it? A boy or girl?"

"I didn't ask, and I don't want to know. Some things are better left a surprise, don't you think?"

"Whatever you say Captain."

She smacked him on the arm. "You call me Captain again while were in bed you'll be sleeping on the sofa."

"Yes Ma'am." He replied kissing her gently on the lips. "Get some sleep." He said standing up.

"You're not going to join me?" She said.

"You're a big girl now Kathryn. It's time you learned to sleep by yourself." He replied in a voice one might use when talking to a small child.

"Chakotay!" She warned.

He held up his hands defensively. "I'm just practicing."

"Well you can practice your speeches for the next eight months. Right now I want you to get into this bed."

"Yes Mommie." He joked sliding in next to her. He lay there with her head on his chest, listening to her breathing until he knew she had fallen asleep. For the first time since Kathryn became apart of his life, his heart had found true peace. Pulling her closer, he closed his eyes content. Finally he was getting everything he wanted. A wife and a family. At this moment, Chakotay felt that his dreams for the future were no longer dreams. He had something tangible, and she was sleeping in his arms, carrying his child. Finally he had found his exordium, his beginning.

The End

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