Lance: Umm yeah. That's kinda why I said…
JC: Lance, just shut the hell up!
Lance: Ok JC, (bites lip) I'm sorry. (starts crying)
Joey: (Puts arm around Lance) C'mon sweetheart, don't cry. (gives JC and angry look)
Chris: I think we need to get JC some midol… fast!
Justin: Do I look like I is carrying dat stuff?
Chris: How about Lance. Do you have any?
Lance: (sounding insulted) No!
Joey: Well sorry JC, we tried.
Lance: Can we sacrifice him to the penguins?
Justin: Dey wouldn't take em.
JC: Hey!
Lance: Well they wouldn't.
JC: (bares hamster teeth at Lance) grrr!
Lance: (girlishly) Eeek! (hides behind Joey)
Justin: Can we puhlease stop hangin 'roud hea? It be cold yo!
Joey: Where would we go?
Justin: Inside dat house. (points to a building in the distance)
JC: How long has that been there?!?
Justin: Eva since we landed ah think.
Chris: And you didn't tell us?
Justin: You be too busy arguing. It wus perdy funny.
JC: GRRR!!!
'N SYNC: AHHH! (start running away from JC)
JC: (running after them) Gee guys, I was just kidding! Really. Don't leave me!
(6 feet before they reach the house an earthquake starts up)
Joey: Oooooooh! Yeeeeeeeeesssssss!
(They fall through a crack that opens up in the ground)
All: Ahhhh!
(They hit the bottom a few hundred feet below. Lance lands on Chris)
Lance: (smiles) Hi Chris.
Chris: EWW! Get him off me! (they pull Lance off of him and look around) Wow this is a big ol' hole.
JC: Yuppers.
Justin: Hey dat's mah word!
JC: Oh be quiet. We let you have crunk so stop complaining.
Lance: Ick! This cold air is clogging my pores!
Chris: (rolls eyes) Hey, where's Busta? (they look around but don't see him)
'N SYNC: Busta! Busta!
Joey: Hey look I found his footprints!
JC: Those are our footprints dumbass.
Justin: I think they is monsta prints.
Chris: Where would you get an idea like that?
Justin: Jus look at dat sign foo'! (points to sign that says "Beware of Monsters")
JC: Justin can read?
Justin: Err umm well… I gots mah skillz.
Joey: Wow.
Chris: Do you think we should follow them?
Lance: Who the monsters?
Chris: No! The footprints you dork.
Joey: Well what else is there to do down here?
(They start following the tracks. Suddenly 5 penguins jump out.)
Penguin: WEECHA! (they start attacking 'N Sync)
Lance: Oww stop it! You are smudging my Mary Kay! I knew I should have worn Quick Stick Maybelline!
Chris: Cha Cha Chun! (does move like Busta Rhymes in the soda commercial and knocks 3 of the penguins down)
Penguin: (in freakishly high voice) Oww!
Joey: What the fu-
Lance: They can talk?
JC: Hey those aren't real penguins! (pulls costume heads off)
'N SYNC: The Backstreet Boys?
Brian: Umm hi.
Joey: You guys are following us aren't you?
Howie: Well actually, AJ gave the pilot a joint and he went insane and crashed our plane. (they look at AJ sitting in the corner shaking while he tries to light another stick of marijuana)
JC: Hey AJ… (leaves group and heads over to smoke with AJ)
Lance: JC, that's not good…
Joey: (cutting Lance off) Oh just let him. It will probably help him with his PMS and he will stop bitching at us.
Chris: Well what do we do now?
Nick: We've got to get home some how. Maybe we should work together.
Justin: Yo! I thank not. JC, getcha drugged up butt over hea an les get da hell away from dis… dis… dis group! ('N Sync walks away from BSB)
Joey: Ya know Jus, that wasn't very nice of you.
Justin: Damned if I care. Them Backstreet "boyz" iz bad news.
Lance: I don't know. Now I feel insecure cause I know they are still walking around here somewhere.
JC: His woman's intuition again?
Chris: Probably.
Lance: Hey! Why are you guys some mean to me all the time? It's because I'm from Mississippi isn't it!?!
JC: Lance, that's the least of your problems.
Justin: (starts singing softly) Poo Fu, Poo Fu where are you? Please come out and play.
Lance: You guys are SOOOOO mean! (runs away crying)
Chris: Oh c'mon Lance, we were just kidding! (no answer) Lance? (no answer)Lance!?! (no answer)
All: LANCE?!?! (he's not answering!)
Joey: Oh great you guys, now look what you've done.
JC: Well there goes our bass singer. Now what?
Chris: (shrugs) Let's get out of here.
(They walk on for awhile until they find a place where they can climb out of the hole. They climb up it and walk some more. Then there's some more walking. More walking. They're still walking. Well they haven't stopped….)
JC: Man, I am tired.
Joey: Can we please stop?
Chris: Guys, we have to find shelter. Then we can rest.
Justin: *Sigh* I want mah mommy.
JC: I wish Lance was here.
Joey: Yeah, then we could eat him.
Justin: Or Busta…
Chris: (looks up at Justin) You thinking about eating my dog boy?
Justin: Yeah actually I wuz old man. Wanna make sumthin' of it?
Chris: (lunges at Justin and starts punching him) Die wannabe, DIE!
JC: Chris… (realizes if Justin's gone, he'll be the most popular member) Nevermind, go ahead!
Joey: (shakes head) Knock it off you two! (pulls Chris off Justin)
Justin: (tries to jump Chris but misses) Come hea ya little muthafucka! Ya wanna piece of me? Ya wanna piece of me?
Chris: (tries to wring Justin's neck but Joey holds him back) Let go of me!
Joey: (still holding Chris as Justin repeatedly charges at him) JC, help me!
JC: Oh alright (punches Justin who falls to the ground unconscious)
Joey: JC! You know that's not what I meant!
JC: Heh, ooops. My bad.
Joey: (looks down at Justin) It sure was. Now what?
Chris: Don't look at me. He started it.
Joey: Yep we're doomed…
(Suddenly Lance pulls up in a horse pulled sleigh with Busta in his arm)
Lance: Need a ride?
Chris: I thought you were mad at us.
Lance: Nah I got over it. Now get on.
(They pull Justin's limp body up onto the sleigh and drive away)
JC: Where did you get this thing Lance?
Lance: I dunno man. I just sorta found it.
Joey: Found it?
Lance: Yeah. I was walking along and then all of the sudden I heard Busta barking. Then I found him sitting on this thing.
Busta: Bark! (walks over to Justin and starts licking his face)
Justin: Huh eh wha? (opens eyes and sees clouds) Wow! I died and now I is in heaven! (looks over and sees Joey) Ahh no! Dis mus be da other place! Oh mah head hurts again. (sits up and puts hands on head)
Chris: Hey Justin, heh heh. Want some ice? Ha ha ha! (falls over laughing at his corny joke) Oh, oh my arthritis! Oww! Need… pain... killers!
JC: Guys, look. It's getting dark. I think we should find some place to spend the night.
Lance: Like where?
Joey: How about that building we saw when we first got here?
JC: If we can find it.
Justin: Mah head still hurts!
Joey: Oh shut up Justin! It's your fault we're stuck here in the first place!
Justin: How do you figure?
Chris: You must have done something to the pilot when you went up to see him.
Justin: Man dat's whack. Da guy was already corrupt!
JC: Hey look there it is!
Lance: Huh? Oh the building.
Joey: How lucky is that?
(They pull up to the building, which appears to a small cabin)
Lance: I wonder who put this here.
Joey: (knocks on door) Hello? Is anyone home? (no answer)
JC: Check to see if it's open.
Joey: (Turns the doorknob. The door opens.)
Chris: Isn't that like breaking and entering?
JC: Who cares? What, do you think the Antarctic police are going to arrest us?
Lance: Good point.
(They push open the door and go inside. There they find 5 pairs of boots and 5 backpacks)
Chris: (remembers a skit JC did when he was on the MMC) Quick JC, go see if there's any werewolf chow in the cupboard!
Lance: (remembers Joey's old job at Universal Studios) Yeah cause if there is you can feed it to Joey!
JC and Joey: Ha ha.
Justin: I wonder who lives hea.
JC: I don't care. I'm tired. Let's get some sleep.
(The next morning 'N Sync wakes up and realizes they aren't in the cabin anymore)
JC: What the hell?
Joey: (sits up) Where are we?
Voice: Welcome 'N Sync.
Justin: Now I is hearing thangs. Why'd ya have ta go an hit me JC?
JC: Are we dead?
Voice: (clears throat) Excuse me. Now what was I saying before I was so rudely interrupted? Oh yes. Welcome 'N Sync. Welcome to the sacred ice cavern of the penguin god AKA AKA.
Chris: AKA AKA? That sounds familiar…
'N SYNC: Herbie!
Justin: I thought chu couldn't speak english.
Herbie: Well neither can you, but you're friends can still understand you can't they?
JC: Hardly.
Joey: Well whatever. Why are we here?
Herbie: I brought you here because you are the only ones who can help AKA AKA.
Justin: An dem Backstreet idiots is here why?
Herbie: It was a fluke. We're working on it ok?
JC: And Ice Cube?
Herbie: He lives here, duh. Enough of these foolish questions. Come, I must tell you of your mission. (The voice of Herbie leads 'N Sync down a long ice corridor into a room with a big screen TV)
Joey: Cool. Do we get the playboy channel?
Herbie: No Joey. Now please all of you, take a seat. This is very serious. ('N Sync sits down and a video starts playing.)
Guy on Video: Hello travelers. I am Prince AKA AKA II. I need your help. My father, The Great AKA AKA was kidnapped by the one called the Colossal Lump. Some know him as the boy band guru Louis J Pearlman. (picture of Louis J Pearlman pops up on screen)
'N SYNC: Ewww!
JC: That's just disgusting.
AKA AKA II: You must go into the lair of the Lump and save my father. If you don't all of penguin kind will be doomed.
Joey: Let me get this straight. You want us to go to Lou Pearlman's house and rescue some old penguin king?
AKA AKA II: God.
Joey: Whatever.
AKA AKA II: Yes. But you are too weak. You must go through special training before you can save him.
JC: And what if we don't want to help him?
AKA AKA II: Then we will throw you in the Antarctic Ocean.
--TO BE CONTINUED--