One day, Joey drove to his doctor’s office for his regular check up. At the waiting room…
Joey: (sits down and immediately searches through magazine rack) Damn! I knew I shoulda brought my own.
Lady: (sits next to Joey reading a magazine)
Joey: Hey baby, how’s it going?
Lady: (ignores Joey)
Joey: (looks at magazine) Hey, that’s my favorite magazine, too.
Lady: (pissed) Family Life magazine?
Joey: Yeah, and you know we can make a family of our own, if ya know what I’m sayin’. *wink* (notices the lady’s totally ignoring him) So, uh..what’s your name?
Lady: Why would I want to tell you?
Joey: Because you know you want me.
Lady: Go away or I’ll give you my sore throat.
Joey: I believe you can do that by giving me some “tongue push-ups”. (closes eyes and puckers up. Feels slobber all over his face) Now why don’t we stop the kissing and get straight to the “fun stuff”, eh? (opens eyes and sees a big assth dog in front of his face) AHHHHH! HOLY MOTHER OF WHORES!
Lady: (petting dog) Good job, Princess.
Princess: (gets out of the lady’s grasp. Looks at Joey and jumps out of the window and dies)
Joey: Hey, if your mutt can kiss like that, I can just imagine how good you’ll be!
Lady: (Joey gets bitch slapped)
Joey: Hey! I resent that.
Fat Nurse: Uhh, Joseph FAT ONE?
Joey: It’s Fatone.
Fat Nurse: Whatever. C’mere fatty.
Joey: (sprays mint freshner in mouth and walks towards nurse) ROWR. I think I need a shot on my ass. It feels kinda queasy. I can take my pants down right now if you wish.
Nurse: Get on the scale. (Joey gets on the scale; scale says “TILT” & brakes)
Joey: I’m just too sexy for it to handle. I’m a growing boy, really. *sniff*
Nurse: Let me check your temperature. (puts thermometer under armpits and thermometer turns green and melts)
Joey: Oh yeah, I is just too hot, baby, too hot.
Nurse: (throws papers away) That’s it! Get inside the room and wait for the damn doctor.
Joey: Don’t need to fret my dear. I am just as exited as you to go inside that little room and be (Nurse goes away)…alone. (sadly goes in room by himself looking down & waits for doctor)
Doctor: (comes in) Hello, Joseph FAT…
Joey: It’s Fatone, dammit. Fatone! (looks @ doctor) HOLY MOTHER OF LANCTH! You’re…you’re…Boobi, JC’s ho! What are you doing here?
Dr. Kravitz: (whispering) Shut up! I’m here to show my little JC-poo that I can be as hardworking as he is! And by being a doctor, or eh-em, a nurse…I can be hardworking and be sexy at the same time.
Joey: Oh you are so right. I think I need a shot on my ass now. Butt cancer, ya know.
Dr. Kravitz: Dammit. Don’t you know I’m taken?
Joey: I’m taken too! By more whores than you but you don’t see me stoppin’ on a one night ride.
Dr. Kravitz: Hmm…you’re right. Maybe I should do a lil’ more check up on my male patients just to…you know (undoes one of Joey’s buttons on shirt) Just to…
Joey: You don’t need to tell me twice, baby! (undoes his shirt and throws it out the window revealing a Superman costume and his fatness)
Dr. Kravitz: Umm…err…I’ll be right back. (runs out of room)
Joey: Damn and I was in a really good position too. (sees Dr. Kravitz’s doctor outfit and gets impure thoughts) Hehehehheh…
At the Tourbus:
Justin: (listening to Ebonics tape) Ay yo, does any o ya fools know where da pimp be at?
JC: Nah. Who gives? *Sniffs weed*
Lance: JC! I told you to stop that already! It’s not healthy for you or your body. See, I bought you some Nicotine…
JC: Nah man, I dun need dat crap.
Justin: Yo, J. Now u be soundin’ like me. Uh-uh man. I is thee one and only thug around hea and u bettah get used to it, biotch. Lance, yo, give him some of dat Nicotine crap now before he tries to steal all my bitches.
Lance: Okay Justin, whatever you say, Justin. (opens the box quickly)
Justin: Yo, it be J-Dawg, foo’.
Lance: JC! Open wide…(JC opens wide) AHHH! NO, DAMMIT! NOT LIKE THAT!
At the clinic:
Speaker: Attention all staff and patients! There is a man on the loose without a condom. I repeat, a man on the loose without a condom! Beware all female patients and nurses!
(all female patients and nurses runs out the Exit as fast as they can)
Joey: No, baby! Come back! I wanna hit it hard and go boom like an 808, babay! I have a ride, yo! (sees all the women running away) Call me! (sadly goes home)
At the tourbus:
Chris: Ay, where’ve you been, Joe?
Joey: Places.
Justin: Ay, u been pimpin’ around town, again?
Joey: Yep.
Chris: AHAHAHA! He has no chicks to bring home to the tourbus this time. THANK GAWD.
Joey: What’s wrong with my whores?
Chris: Oh nothing.
Joey: No, really. Tell me you guys.
Lance: I’m not a part of this you guys. (goes away holding on to Poo-Fu costume)
Joey: Chris, buddy, tell me.
Chris: I ain’t your buddy, pal. Only in public I am, dammit. Remember that.
Joey: Oh yeah. I forgot. Can you tell me anyways?
Chris: Ah who cares. I’ll just fricken tell you. It’s no big deal. It’s just that we all get pissed at you for bringing in your hoes ‘cause Justin always does ‘em right after you.
Joey: Dammit! And I thought they only wanted me!
Justin: (laughing) Yeah, they only wanted you to get to me.
Joey: Damn, now I need to find some other place to hide ‘em.
Justin: Go ahead. They’ll always find a way to get to me. ‘Cause I am the hottest male under 25, baybeh.
Chris: Justin?
Justin: Yea?
Chris: Shut the hell up, man.
Justin: Sorry.
Joey: If Justin does ‘em, then how come I never find out?
Justin: Psh. Because you is stupid.
Chris: Nah, cause he does ‘em in a place you’ll never know.
Joey: Where?
Justin: In Lance’s Poo-Fu costume.
Lance: (comes out in Poo-Fu costume) Hey you guys? How come my costume is all…uh…unsanitary?
(everyone looks at one another)
Justin: Erm…ay JC! Where da bleach be at? (goes away)
Joey: I’m gonna go to the store to get me sumphin’ to read. (goes out)
JC: (high on crack) I’m gonna go to the zoo. (jumps out window)
Chris: I’m gonna go pick up Busta from Beef’s house. (goes out)
Lance: You guys? Hey! I can’t get out! I’m stuck! Chris? Joey? J-Dawg? JC? PISS! Answer me, dammit! I’m from Mississippi! Respect my damn authority! (it’s quiet) You guys? Damn.