Judge: Okay Mrs.G, anything else?
Mrs.G: No, your honor, we rest our case
Judge:The defense
Ham: I'd like to call Mr.Benji H. Whitman to the stand
Benji(don't ask me, I dunno what she's doing): Hey, Ham do we have band practice tomorrow?
Ham: Yep, anyway, Mr. Benji you got all A's on your constitution tests, true?
Benji: Yes, ma'am
Ham: Would you please read the court the First Ammendment?
Benji: Sure, (pulls out a history book) "Congress shall take no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free excersise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech..."
Ham: That's all we needed, um Benji, how would you describe the First Amendment? In your own words, please
Benji: The right to say what you feel, the right to tell others your, belief, ideas, opinions...
Ham: Opinions?
Benji: Yes, your opinions
Ham: Mr. Benji, please read the reply of Miss Tina's letter
Benji: Okay (Reads it)
Ham: Do you think that is an opinion?
Benji: Yes, on a person
Ham: So if I said I liked the Judges perfume, that would be an opinion?
Benji: Yes
Ham: What if I said You aren't very smart?
Benji: Yes, an opinion is your idea. What may be ugly to you might be cute to someone else
Ham: One more question Benji, does it say anywhere in the connstituion that we are not allowed to say to one our opinion about them?
Benji: No
Ham: Thank you, you may step down, Your honnor, I'd like to call an old friend of mine, a history professor, Dr.James Wheeller
Prof.Wheeler: Hello Mrs. Ham
Ham: Hi. Professor, how did the first ammendment get started?
Prof.: Why the John Peter Zenger case of 1735.
Ham: Can you give us more information?
Profesor: Of course, It began when Zenger used his newspaper to critize Govorner Cosby.
Ham: So the First Amendment began when one person gave his opinion on another person.
Prof.: Yes
Ham: Thank you, professor, Your honor one more witness please (Another fake ass smile) My boyfriend, Steven
Judge: Fine, just make it quick, before I fall asleep
Steven: Hey baby
Ham: Hi (making stupid googoo eyes at each other) First question, can I sit on your lap?
Steven: Ok
(Ham sits on Steven's lap)
Ham: Steven, is your stepsister a teeny?
Steven: Yep
Ham: Could you tell the court what a teeny is?
Mrs.G: Objection!!!!
Judge: zzzzzz...What...Oh...um...overruled...zzzzzzzz *snore*
Steven: A TEENY IS A PERSON WHO OBBSESSES OVER A CELEBERITY.
Ham: Do these pics of Tina's room look like a teeny's?
Steven: Yep, Aaaaaahhhhh, don't make me look at Lance any more! He scares me!
Ham: SORRY,baby thanks
Steve: Bye, babe
Ham: Tina, please come up to the stand
Ham: Tina, AAAAAAKKKKKKK, BLAH BLAH BLAH
Jeremy: Ham's finally snapped! It's the stress I tell ya
Judge: Miss Ham, please, order
Ham: bebebebebebeeeepppppp beepity beep beep
Tina: SHUT THE HELL UP YOU LIKE RETARD!!!
Ham: Miss Tina, is that your...opinion of me?
Tina: YES, YOUR LIKE A STUPID PIECE OF BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!That's what I think of you! Your a slut, a whore, a BEEEEEEEEEEP!
Ham: Your honor I rest MY case!