Jessica's Journey

When I was 17wks pregnant with my 5th child, I learned that she
had a condition incompatible with life. She had Anencephaly ( the
major portion of her brain and the top part of her skull failed to
develop). We left the doctor's office devastated and in shock. What
should we do? Our daughter was going to die! Should we terminate?
We went home and after much prayer and against the Doctor's
recommendation, we decided to continue our pregnancy*. She was,
afterall, still, our precious little baby even though she had a "broken
head". Many people didn't agree with our decision and couldn't
understand our need to hold our baby even if only for a moment. To
them she was imperfect, but to me, ah well, a mother's heart can
see what the eyes cannot! When I was 8 mths pregnant, I found
a new Doctor who was compassionate and understanding of
our need to hold our precious little baby. For the first time since we
found out, I felt like an expectant mom again. It was a long 6 mths,
as we planned our daughter's birth and death, but I am glad
that we had prior knowledge. Every kick, every movement reminded
me that she was still with me. Even her brothers and sisters were
able to enjoy her while inside me. They sang her songs, they read to
her, talked to her and even gave her hugs. They even painted my
tummy like a pumpkin at Halloween so that she could celebrate too.


I didn't even mind when I had too much amniotic fluid
and had to sleep sitting up for the last 6wks. I enjoyed our time
together as much as was possible. Our little girl was due
Dec. 17th, but we hoped she would wait until after Christmas.



On Dec. 28th, after 41 1/2 wks, we went to the hospital for an
induction. I had hoped and prayed, that my daughter would be born
alive. I so wanted to see her breathe just once...to have her squeeze
my finger just once...to look into her eyes full of life just once,
but that was not to be. She stopped moving after they broke my
water. I knew in my heart that she was gone. She was my littlest
baby and my hardest to deliver...I think a part of me didn't want to let
her go. When she was born, my Doctor placed her on my tummy. I
looked at her perfectly formed feet, her perfect little legs, her
tummy, her arms,her kissable lips, and sweet little face.
She was BEAUTIFUL!


Yes, she had anencephaly, but she was beautiful! I hugged her to my
chest; she felt so good in my arms. I kept her with me for 15 hours.
I held her, rocked her, sang her our song, and gave her all the love
I could. And though my arms are now empty, she will live forever
in my heart.She will always be our Special Angel. Many people
have asked us,"Why, why did this happen?" Of course haven't we all?
I know God loves us and has a purpose for all of us. It doesn't
matter what race or creed...boy or girl...normal, handicapted, or with
broken heads, He loves us all. What was my Jessica's purpose?
Before I became pregnant, I had been praying for God to help
me become a better person, a better mom. She certainly has done just
that. I appreciate everything so much more. I've also reached out to
other Moms who are facing the same journey. I think maybe Jessica
was the answer to my prayers. Of course, I would rather have her
with me now, but I know God didn't just make her for this world.
He made her for eternity.My husband and I feel that she is possible
the luckiest of all of our children. She will never experience
pain, either physical or emotional. She will never have to go
through the trials of life. She will only know LOVE; pure unselfish
Love! She will be in our Lord's kingdom and she will be whole.
We look forward to that day, when we can all be together again.
(\o/)
/_\

*(We understand what a difficult decision this is and do not judge or )
(condemn those that choose to interrupt their pregnancies.)
(We are All parents and We All love our little angels.)

^i^ Our Family ^i^

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Favorite Web Sites

Jessica's Journey-Our other site and main page. Please stop by.

My Favorite Links for Support/ Beautiful Memorial Links

Anencephaly Awareness-
Everything you ever wanted to know
about anencephaly, but couldn't find.

Heavenly Inspirations-
Inspirational stories, scripture, pictures.

Email: tammy_jessicasmom@yahoo.com

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