TITLE: How Can I ?
AUTHOR: Kathy
EMAIL ADDRESS: SADanaMldr@aol.com
ARCHIVE: Anywhere, please keep my name and address attached and let me know where.
SPOILER WARNING: Just be aware of Mythology plot line 
RATING: PG-13 Language
CLASSIFICATION: MSR
SUMMARY: THIS IS IN RESPONSE TO EX-PHILA'S FAN FIC CHALLENGE.  It is based on
the song "I Can't Make You Love Me" BY Bonnie Rait  ... I kinda just took the
theme from the song... didn't use too many of the actual words, so I wouldn't call it a 
song fic.
DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Samantha Mulder belong to CHRIS CARTER, 
TEN THIRTEEN PRODUCTIONS, and FOX TELEVISION... 
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you like it.


****************************************************************************
I Cant Make You Love Me
By Bonne Rait

Turn down the lights,
Turn down the bed,
Turn down these voices inside my head.

Lay Down with me,
Tell me no lies,
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Dont patronize me.

Cause I cant make you love me if you dont.
I cant make your heart feel something it wont.
Here in the dark, in these final hours,
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the powers.
But you wont, no you wont.
Cause I cant make you love me if you Dont.

I'll close my eyes, then I wont see
The love you dont feel when your holding me.
Morning will come, and I'll do whats right.
Just give me till then to give up this fight.
And I will give up this fight.

Cause I cant make you love me if you dont.
I cant make your heart feel something it wont.
Here in the dark, in these final hours.
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the powers.
But you wont, no you wont,
Cause I cant make you love me if you dont.
***************************************************************************


HOW CAN I?
By Kathy

Darkness, shadows in every corner, there was nothing to be seen 
but the shadow of a couch, the corner of a picture frame.  Silence, 
almost complete, there is a hum, very low, very soft... a 
refrigerator?  

Broken this silence by the harsh frustrating sound of a jiggling 
key in a lock.  Followed by an enormous thrust open of a door.  
Next came light, flicked on suddenly by tranquility's intruder...  
Dana Scully.

"Damn him!!"  The red headed tornado slammed down her briefcase and 
tore off her
coat tossing into an unknown corner.

Making her way into the bedroom, she ripped off her heels flinging 
them into the hallway.  Not bothering with the rest of her clothing, 
the normally controlled FBI agent collapsed onto her large comfortable 
bed in a very uncomfortable heap of bundled nerves.  

Shielding her head with a pillow, Scully bit her lip tightly trying 
keep the sob, she felt ready to burst, at bay.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying as best she could.  In quick 
desperation, she moved the pillow aside and turned onto her back.  
<Breathe in and out...IN and OUT... >  Inhaling and exhaling large 
gulps of air, it helped for only a moment.  

"Ah!"  the cry came loose.  And the sobs and tears soon followed.  
She covered her eyes with her hands, turning back onto her stomach.

"Why?  Why do you do this to me?"

She tried to calm her self down, but to no avail.  Lifting up from 
the bed, she slowly moved toward the bathroom.  Turning on the faucet, 
she tossed a hand full of water onto her face.  Then she stared into 
her reflection.  Red puffy eyes, shiny nose, <damn it even my ears are 
red... >  She turned away from the offending sight, pulling down the 
cover on the toilet seat, she sat, and she thought.  <Mulder... Mulder.
.. I fucking can't... I hate her... I hate her..
HATE HER HATEHATEHATE HATE HER!!>  

"Why Mulder?  Why her?! "  The sobs
returned.  "What makes her so special?...  I gave you my life,
my everything... why can't you just... why can't I just make you..."  
she trailed off, the angry screams halted by now choking sobs.  

After a few moments, she found the strength to remove herself from the 
confines of the bathroom.  Changing into a pair of sweat pants, she 
pulled out her favorite sweatshirt.  It was Mulder's of course.  
She brought her nose to the fabric, smoothing it over with her hand.  
It had lost its smell.  Mulder's smell had long since disappeared, 
aided by dozens of washings and days in the bottom or her drawer.

She felt a squeeze in her heart, holding that sweater.  Anger then 
boiled and threw his large soft comfortable Knicks sweat shirt across 
the room.  It landed in a small heap in front of her nightstand.  
But that wasn't good enough, she stormed over
and gave it a heart felt kick underneath the bed.

Dragging her feet back to the open drawer, she extracted a random 
t-shirt and pulled it over her head.  

She fell into bed, pulling the covers over her, in the already 
darkened sanctuary.  Exhausted sleep drained her waking thoughts.  
But, her subconscious ones were anything, but peaceful.

***********************************************************************************

12:04PM....earlier that day WISH UPON A STAR 
FBI HEADQUARTERS - BASEMENT OFFICE
***********************************

"Scully... I have a ... uh... a lunch meet..." Mulder cleared his 
throat tensely.  "A lunch meeting in a few minutes."

"A lunch meeting?  With who?"  Scully asked distractedly, still 
pounding away at her keyboard.

"With... uh... it's no one really,"  Mulder said cowardly, standing 
up from his chair.

At that, Scully turned from her computer and spun her chair around to 
face him.

"What do you mean it's no one?"  she queried with the raise of an 
eyebrow.  By then Mulder had reached already coat rack near the doorway.

"Just a, uh, friend."  He said hurriedly, heading out the office before
she could reply.

****************************************

12:47PM

********

Scully decided to take a nice long walk during her lunch hour.  
Somehow she found her self near the reflecting pool.  Slowly, she 
made her way up the incline.  She sighed at the sentiment she felt 
welling in her chest as she felt herself coming closer to *their* 
bench.  Their refuge when they were forced apart.  A place they could 
call their own... a
mutual sanctuary.

As the desired resting spot slowly came into sight, she noticed that 
it was occupied.   <It would be... >  She stopped for a moment.  
<That looks like... >  She inched a little closer.  <It can't be...  
It couldn't... it's not... >   She moved that much closer.   Inhaling 
sharply, her eyes widened at the sight before her.  <Mulder! Mulder 
with that... that... there's no better phrase for it... that 
LYING TWO-FACED BITCH!! >

"I can't believe... " she said aloud to no one but herself... 
finishing the vicious thoughts that sprang to her mind in silence.

She was frozen in awe of the situation, and simply continued to stare.
<I can't believe this...I can't fucking believe him.  Diana fucking
I'm so smart, I'm so wise, I can make all you problems disappear Fox, 
Fowley...I hate her!  Damn him! >

Mulder was slouched over, elbows on his knees looking out into the 
water.  While, the 'elusive' Agent Fowley was looking down at him with 
what Dana could only explain as mock concern.   Then she inched her 
claws closer to him, laying her hand on his back.  She rubbed slow 
compassionate *yeah right* circles below his left shoulder blade.

Just as Scully was going to turn away, he looked up at Diana.  
In one quick motion, he erected his body into a sitting position
and turned completely around... He'd spotted his partner.

"Shit!"  he exclaimed.

"What's wrong, Fox?"  Diana asked, not yet noticing the object of 
Mulder's alarm.  

"Scully!"  He was out of his seat and by her side within seconds.

Diana's eyes narrowed in an icy glare aimed at flamed haired agent, but
she remained in place.  Continuing to occupy the spot, Scully thought
was all her own.  At least when Mulder was on the opposite side
of it.

"This isn't what it looks like."

"And what would it look like, Agent Mulder?"

"I mean, I wasn't...I didn't..."

"Spit it out, Mulder."

"I wasn't trying to keep you out of anything... it's just that
Diana has some very interesting information."

<I want to ask him how he can trust her after everything that has 
happened.  I wanna say she a lying manipulative bitch that can't be 
trusted.  I wanna ask him how he could be so blind.  But, the one 
thing I need to know... the one thing I have to ask... >

"Why?"

"Why what?" he said in that annoyingly patronizing way that made her 
skin crawl.  Well, more so today than any other, with Miss Queen Bee 
sitting not twenty feet away.

"Why here?  Mulder,  I thought... never mind..."  Her anger had
gone, she just felt... sad.  She looked away as she felt the tears 
sting the corners of her eyes.

Mulder's eyes widened as the realization hit him.  "Scully..."
He placed an appeasing hand on her shoulder, gentle, tender.

"I'm sorry Mulder... I overreacted... it's okay."

He looked her over for a moment before speaking.  "You sure?"  

Blinking the wetness from her eyes before she looked up, she took
a deep breath... a breath of sadness.  For at that moment
she realized that she really was just a partner to him.
She thought, their bond was special, that he needed her
on a different level... not just a working one.  He didn't
realize how much this place meant to her.  He didn't have 
a clue.  

<I thought you loved me, Mulder.  I guess I was wrong. >
She plastered on a fake smile, and looked up at him.
"It's fine really... I think I'll head back to the office.
See you in a few minutes?"  She asked, stepping away from him.

"Actually, I have some stuff to check out, so I probably
won't be back for another couple of hours."

"Oh..."  <Remember that bitch is watching your every move, 
stay controlled. >

"Okay, well then I'll see you when you get back."

She walked briskly away from the two causing her heartbeat to triple
in disparity.

********************************************

5:35PM
BASEMENT

*********

"Fuck this!"  Dana Scully whispered harshly at her computer screen.
Switching it off, and powering down, she decided she'd had enough.

Mulder hadn't shown back up all day.  And, she'd be damned if she was going 
to wait around for him any longer.

She grabbed her purse, closed up her briefcase, and headed for the door.

<Damn it! > She thought, almost to the elevator.  <I left my coat...
I hate it that he does this to me. >

***********************************************

5:51PM
Scully's car

************
  
Scully tried to push down the emotions she felt rising within her.
But, she couldn't... She could hear voices <not literally, but her
own subconscious mind was speaking to her...> 

<He doesn't love you... He doesn't need you... not like you wan't him
to...  Why doesn't he love me?  Why not?   I wish I could make him
love me... But, how can I? I need him so bad sometimes I can't see 
straight.  But I can't, not if he won't.  I can't make him love me, not 
the way I want.   I want him to hold me make me feel safe.  I want love
him, and chase all his darkness away.  I want him to love me,
but I know he won't. >

*************************************************************************************
11:52PM
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT- BEDROOM

***********************************

Dana had awoken some twenty minutes before, thinking, worrying, aching.

In a moment of sudden desperation, she began reaching underneath her 
bed.  Searching frantically in the darkness for a piece of her heart.

She couldn't reach it.  "Damn!"  She slid off of the bed and on to the
floor, practically for the object of want...  She found it and clutched
in her hand.  Extracting herself from beneath the bed, she stood for a 
moment, holding the priceless article to her face.  She hugged it
tightly, wishing that he could be there, inside of the shirt, holding
onto her.  

At that moment she made a decision.  She had to see him.  Irrational
as it seemed to her normally, collected psyche, she didn't care.  She 
needed him. Just to look at him. Maybe only to say goodbye.  Goodbye, 
before she had to face him day after day, knowing he'd never truly 
belong to her.

***************************************************************************************
12:35AM
FOX MULDER'S APARTMENT

***********************

Scully stood outside of Mulder's doorway shuffling her feet.  She
swallowed hard.  "God, what the hell am I doing here?!"  she whispered
harshly.  <No, I have to see him...  What if he's asleep... >  She stalled 
a few more seconds, wringing her hands anxiously.  "My keys..."  

She dug through her handbag, <I have to clean this thing out... >.
A few things to the side, check... <Why do I have all these papers in...
YES!  Found 'em!  Okay, Dana it's now or never... >

She turned the key, and within a few short seconds she was in the warm and
dimly lit dwelling place of Fox Mulder.  She crept toward the couch,
expecting to find him there, eyes closed curled up on his side.

She was wrong.  Then an unexpected fear surfaced. <What if he's awake?
He never sleeps... Why didn't I think of that before? >  She inched toward
his bed room ever so carefully.  Her heart was in her throat, her mouth
suddenly became dry, her breath came in short quick pants of anxiety.

The door was cracked.  Not seeing any light coming from beneath, she pushed 
the door open with the slightest of nudges.  A slight creek escaped, she winced.
<He is asleep... oo a bed...well well well what do we have here? A water
bed?! >

She made her way over to him, careful not to trip over anything.  *Mulder was
a notorious slob. *  She saw his face, peaceful, unaffected, so unlike the
waking Mulder she knew so well.  She stepped a little closer.  <He's so
beautiful. >  The sadness she felt shook her to the core.  <I can never
get him to love me... I can't make him feel all the things I feel for him...
Oh, but I wish he would... >  Kneeling down beside him, she held her
hand slightly above his stubbled cheek.

"Goodbye, my love," she whispered, the softest of whispers, and rested her 
hand, with only the briefest of intentions, upon his cheek.  

She heard him groan... <Oh, my God! >  She removed her hand quickly, but
her actions were thwarted.  Mulder reached out and grabbed her hand.
He brought it to his nose, seeming to breath in its scent.  Then he brought
to rest *beneath* his cheek.  "Mmmm..."  <God, he still asleep. >

Dana tried to concoct a way out of her seemingly dyer situation.  

Mulder simply nuzzled his rough cheek into her soft skin.
"Mmm...Baby, you're here... I knew it... mmm..." he mumbled several
incoherencies, before quieting with a contended smile on his face.

<I can't *fucking* believe this...  He's having some dream about some
other woman... Diana no doubt... >

"Dah..a..."  <I knew it... he's dreaming about Diana...  Oh, I can't take this... >

She ripped her hand out from underneath his face.  <Half hoping he'd wake up, at
least he's stop dreaming about that simpering fool! >

Her hopes were rewarded...

"Dana?" Mulder gasped out into the dark, still confusing dream for reality.
Suddenly, he thrust into awareness.  He felt a presence in the room and he 
automatically reached for his weapon.  Scully knew the jig was up, she'd
been caught red handed, so to speak.  So, she cleared her throat softly.

Mulder's head whipped in her direction... <he recognized her instantly, 
just from that tiny sound. >  "Scully?"  He replaced his gun on top the 
night stand, and flipped on the neighboring lamp.

She stood frozen, unable to speak.

"Scully, what are you doing in my bedroom in the middle of the
night?...  Is there something wrong?  Scully?"

Finding her voice at last, she replied, "No... no... nothing's wrong...
I..."

Pulling back the covers, Mulder rose to his feet.  "Scully, I know you...
you never just come here in the middle of the night..."

Her head fell foward in defeat, she closed her eyes <Maybe if I keep 'em 
closed I won't be able to see how much he will never love me. Why does it have 
to hurt so much> Mulder watched her closely afraid to touch her, but 
wanting to, so badly.  The silence dragged on for what seemed like 
forever to Mulder, when he saw it... a tear fell from her cheek.  He 
could take it no more... "God, Scully..." He pulled her tightly into 
his arms.  In that late hour, still groggy from sleep, Mulder found 
his clarity.  He was too tired to fight his emotions, tired of this 
game of denial they liked to play.  All he wanted to do was hold her...
hold her to him and never let go.

"Shh... shh... please don't cry..."  The sound of him comforting
her so sweetly, only caused her to break out into even heavier
sobs.  

He pulled her down next to him on the bed, and held her tenderly.
Wanting her much closer than she was, he lifted her onto his
lap.  Much to his surprise, Scully did not protest, she only clung
to his shirt.  And, eventually the sobs ceased and her tears dried.
Mulder continued the soothing motions along her back, he'd
begun a few moments before.  <I don't need his pity... He's not
holding me the way I want him to...then why should he do it at
all... >

"I'm sorry Mulder... I have to go..."  She tried to break free of
his grasp, but he only held her tighter.

"Not, until you tell me what is going on."

"No, Mulder."

"Scully, I'm not letting go until you do."

"Wouldn't you rather get back to your little dream about Diana?"

Mulder turned bright red.  He knew what he'd been dreaming, but it
sure as hell didn't involve Diana Fowley.  

"What makes you think I was dreaming about her?"

"You mumbled her name in your sleep *and* you called her baby."
She spat out in disgust.  "Now let me go, Mulder!"

"Tell me why you came over."

"I can't... it doesn't matter anymore anyway."

"If it's bothering you, Scully, yes it does matter.  And for
the record I was *not* dreaming about Agent Fowely."

"Oh yeah, then who were you dreaming about?  ME?!" she let out
a snort of laughter.

At that, Mulder released her from his arms.  "Mulder?"

She stood up slowly, and looked down at him.  She saw the change
in his face.  He looked almost embarrassed.  "I'm sorry..." 
Mulder looked up into her eyes, his hazel orbs brimming
with tears.  Her breath caught at the sight.  "Mulder..."

"You."

"What?"

"I was dreaming of you, I could smell you, you felt so close.
You really were here, Scully."

"Mulder, I don't know... I guess what I mean to say is... that...
the reason I came over here was partially because of what happened
earlier today."

"I never should have met her there, Scully.  I wasn't thinking.
It's our place.  I know that now, I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to be, Mulder.  And I want you to know that I love
you..."  Scully raised a hand to quiet interruption. "Do not under
any circumstances feel that you have to say it back.  I can't
make you feel, what you don't.  How can I?  I just want you to know
how I feel, we don't have to talk about it... I mean, we can just..."

"Scully, will you just shut up for five seconds..."  She looked at
him wide eyed.  He gently cupped her cheeks, feeling there
softness beneath his rough hands.  He caressed he face ever so gently.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered lovingly.  He kissed her nose, sweetly,
then starting off achingly slow he searched for her lips with his own.
<Remember that damn bee... speed it up man! >  He crushed her lips to his.

They let a groan of pleasure escape in unison.  He dipped his tongue into
her mouth, addicted to her already.  He was grunting and devouring her,
like there was no tomorrow.  *Who knows? Maybe there isn't*  He did not
intend on wasting anymore time with his beautiful, sweet, sexy partner.

They broke free of each other.  "Mulder, that was..."  He touched
his forehead to hers.  

"I love you,"  he whispered emotionally.  Delivering the smallest of kisses 
to her mouth, he confessed, "I told you, you were the one 
I was dreaming of.  I dream of you all the time, Scully, almost
everyday.  And yes you do make me love you.  I don't have a choice,
all you have to do is walk into a room and I'm a goner.  You make me
love you every minute of everyday.  I need you, Scully... so bad."

"Really, Mulder?  You really do?" she said, tears threatening to resurface 
at any moment.

"MmHm," he nodded.  "How could I not?  You're my angel."
He smiled at her so warmly and so full of adoration, she thought
she would burst with happiness.

Hugging him tightly, she wrapped her arms around his neck.  "Oh, Mulder
I love you so much."

Burying his nose in her neck breathing in deeply, he sighed,  "Me too, baby, me too."
 
And she made him love her, all over again.

THE END
********************************************************
HOPE THAT WAS A GOOD ENOUGH ENDING...I AM WIPED!!  Another one nighter...

LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK: SADanaMldr@aol.com

CIAO