Beth was frustrated by the tension she felt from all around, and tried to push it back by staying busy. She planned a birthday party for John (somehow without him catching on.) George and Ringo all agreed to help and bring their respective wives, so all that was left to Beth was cooking and decorating, which she attacked with a fervor.
The night before the party, Beth stayed up 'til two baking food for the occasion, then rose at six AM to start decorating. All was ready by ten, when the guests were set to arrive, so she woke Paul up and they welcomed the others. All that was missing was John, and he was set to arrive at eleven--any time.
The delicious smell of food wafted to the door and met John's nose happily. Beth welcomed him in. "Hello, luv!" he said, hugging her. "Happy birthday!" Beth said. "Why, thank you," John smiled. "Give us a kiss." She pecked him on the mouth. "Come in here," she said. "I made lunch just for you." "Smells good," John smiled. "What's on the menu?" "A game of 'I just beat you at your own'," Beth laughed. They walked into the living room. "Happy Birthday!" everyone yelled.
"Well, it's no wonder you've been so secretive about things this week," John said. "I couldn't have dropped any hints; you would've picked them up right away," Beth said. "Heh heh, and this was a surprise well worth waiting for," John said. "Now all of you, kindly give me your money, jewelry, and any other valuables. Then you can go home."
"You'd put me out of my own house?" Paul asked. "Wrong person to ask," Ringo chuckled. "I thought this place was my present!" John laughed. "Well, I suppose whatever you give me will be acceptable." "What if we didn't get you anything?" Geo smirked. "Then I will have my bouncer, Bruno, escort you away from the premises," John said. "BRUNO! GET IN HERE!" "Okay, we surrender, we'll give you presents!" Beth said. "After all of you eat."
They went to the kitchen and quickly went at the food. However, Beth, instead of eating (as she rightly should have) flopped down in an armchair. "Eh, what's the matter?" John asked. "You look tired." "I am," she sighed. "I was up 'til two this morning cooking, and then got up at six to decorate, and the story continues..." "Now listen here," he said, coming behind her to rub her tense shoulders. "I'm going to help you to the kitchen, and then you're going to eat something. Then you will sit down and rest. Got it?" "John, really, I'm fine..." Beth trailed off. "No if's, and's, or but's about it," John said. "Come on." She did as he asked.
And later, after everyone's eaten, they sit down and do presents... "Alright, alright, quiet down," Beth said. "Jesus Christ, it's loud in here. Ah, well, my present to the birthday boy is a song. I thought I should do at least one parody of a song of mine, so please welcome my trumpet player, Dinkety O Donkety, as I play 'It's You'." She tinked out an intro and began the song.
How can they say you're done
When you're oh so young
They say you've been KO'd
But the bell has not yet rung
Who the hell do they think they're talkin' to?
It's You
Hell yeah
It's You
Yeah you get your kicks
By blowin' off the man
And now you're 26
And still doin the best you can
Sometimes I just don't have a clue
About you
Oh yeah
It's You
You're about as strong as an ox
Got a voice like no other man
(but maybe an animal?)
Your mind is like a steel trap
Rusty, and illegal in 47 States
But anyway...
Anyone who knows you
Could surely agree
That you, my friend, are the greatest
(As if you didn't see!)
No one else will ever do
Only you
hell yeah
It's you!
"Lovely!" John said, as he and everyone else applauded. "And thank you, Mr. Donkety. Where'd you come up with THAT, luv? God, you're a card." "Thanks," Beth said. "I just really got to thinking one day, and I wrote the song. I really do hope you like it, although it's not the most complex song...oh, oh dear...ah, I think my lunch is going to make an encore appearance, so excuse me for a moment..." She ran down the hallway to the bathroom and did a bit of porcelain bus driving. John jumped up out of his chair and went to check on her before anyone could say another word.
He knocked on the door. "Come in," was her reply. John saw her kneeling on the floor, bent over the toilet. "Hold my hair out of my face, will ya?" she asked. He quickly knelt beside her and did as she asked as she fully emptied her stomach. She spit a few times more, and he helped her to the sink to clean up. She splashed her face with water and rinsed out her mouth, and John wiped her face with a towel.
"Alright, you were right again...I'm working myself too hard," Beth sighed. She sunk to the floor, and John joined her. "Seems like more than that," he said. "How long have you felt sick?" "For the past month or so," she said, "but just lately I've actually started throwing up...I'm so HUNGRY, though." John paused and his face went blank. "Ah...Beth," he said, "have you gained any weight, by chance?" "A little," she said. "But sometimes I do." "Uh-huh," he said. "And if you don't mind the question...when was your last period?"
"I, ah, well, sometime at the beginning of August," Beth said. "Yeah, that's right, it ended right before the tour started. But...why would that matter? You - you don't think maybe I - I'm..." "Pregnant?" he finished. "That's how Cyn was before we found out Julian would be coming. Oh, but honey, don't cry..." "It's true, isn't it?" Beth cried. "I'd been trying not to tell myself that. 'No, that's crazy, you've been so careful...' But I wasn't. And I know when it happened- I know, oh God, I know! But I didn't want to say it possible. 'It'll be alright,' I said, but it's not, nothing is..."
"But it is," John said. "Babies really aren't that bad once you've been around them awhile. And I bet you're going to be a wonderful mother." "That's not the problem," Beth said. "I'd love to have a baby, I always have wanted one, but this is a matter of it being the wrong time, and the wrong man...do you realize that I'm only 22? Maybe 23 would be a better year." She laughed bitterly. "But you know, it just feels wrong. Paul is going to be so pissed off. I wouldn't be surprised if he sent me packing. What it'll do to his career- and me. There's me to worry about. I can't handle this situation anymore. And with a baby...what am I going to do then? You know, sometimes I just don't know. One moment, Paul's this funny, romantic guy and he makes me so happy, and then the next, he's moody, doesn't want to talk, and he yells...God, I hate it when he yells. And what am I supposed to do about it? He's all I have."
"You always have me," John said quietly. "But I can't expect you to want me when I'm like THIS," Beth said. "Look at me! I'm a mess! And I've still got half my thoughts directed towards...ah...you know, what's his face. Hell, I'm carrying his child! C'mon, you can have anybody that you want." "But Beth, I love YOU," he said. "I'll do anything for you. And you know that if you really don't love Paul, I'll take care of you, and the baby. I...I don't know what to tell you. All I know is that you have to find your own way, and you only walk alone if you choose to. Do what YOU want, what's best for you. Don't let me or Paul or anyone else make up your mind for you when you're perfectly capable."
He pulled her to his chest as her weight became too much to bear. She cried quietly, weeping and shaking. God, I just have too much to think about. Might as well start from the top, eh? To begin, Paul. That just makes me cry even more...but I have to decide what I feel for him. I thought I loved him. But I'm not sure. It doesn't seem that HE loves ME anymore - the way he acts to me now isn't like before, not hardly. And I keep giving and giving, and not getting. But then there's John - that's an easy one, I love him. But exactly HOW is another question. As a friend? As a father figure? As the one I love, the one I'll always love, the one I should be with? I don't know. That's too heavy. But right now - what now?
A bout of vertigo took her, and she drew back, covering her mouth. "Beth? Hey luv, are you feeling sick again?" John's voice drew her out of the deep, dark pool of thought. "No," she said. "Not really. I'm just so confused that it makes me a bit ill. Why am I here? Why have I been in this place so long? I should have never let Paul talk me in to staying here full time, it was way too soon - and how am I gonna break this to him? *sigh* You think you could bring him in here?" "Sure," John said, patting her shoulder and standing up. "Want me to wait outside while you two talk?" "NO," she said quickly. "I mean - I need you here, in case he gets mad, or starts to yell." "Love, I hope he doesn't," John sighed. "But sit tight, okay?" He popped into the hallway and yelled, "MCCARTNEY! Get In Here!" Paul scurried in, and they all crowded the limited space.
He looked Beth over warily. "Have you been crying?" he asked. "And what's the matter...why did you have to chuck up all of a sudden? Are you sick?" "Yes, I was crying," she croaked. "And you know, I really can't control my food after it's gone down once. But what do you mean, 'are you sick'? Oh, I've forgotten, that's only what I've been trying to tell you for the past month, but did you ever listen?" "Hey, I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong," Paul said. "You don't have to go runnin' that mouth at me." "I'll do what I damn well please!" she said. "Not if you're gonna be a smartass about it," he said. "So, anyroad, what do you think you're sick with, the flu or something? And if so, am I gonna get it, too?"
Beth smiled grimly, and another tear slid down her cheek. "No, I don't think you're gonna get this," she said. "Cause you see, Paul, John and I were talking, and he noticed something - saw something familiar-" She paused, because she was afraid to tell him the rest. "What?" he said. "Are you allergic to my aftershave like Cyn was to John's? Although that is a bit extreme, I don't know - Cyn got a nasty ill..." "No, Paul!" she cried. "Dammit, I'm pregnant!"
His face went blank. "I'm pregnant," she said again. "Do you remember Detroit, Paul? That night on the tour... It was the first night we ever spent together. But just that night, Paul, just that night was all it took. God, I've been so näive. I thought I was safe, but I wasn't. And now, my thoughts have been confirmed."
"Wait, wait, so you're sure you're pregnant?"
"What the hell else could it be? I should have seen it coming: I haven't had a period since the start of August, I've got morning sickness, and the mood swings - just look at me now!"
"Okay, so you are. What a mess. So, who's the father?"
Beth was NOT amused. "Tell me who you think it is," she retorted coldly. "Of course, YOU. Who else? Who the hell else? How could you for even a moment think that?" "I had to ask," Paul shrugged. "God, what to do, what to do..." Suppose I should do the right thing. No time like the present, eh? And this is bound to come out sometime, so we might as well be married when the kid comes. He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and kneeled beside her. Her eyes went wide. What? Oh God, is that what I think it is? "You know, I bought this in LA," Paul said. "But I thought, 'keep waiting, it's too soon...' But now, what else can I do? So what I mean to say is this: Beth, honey pie, love of my life, please, say you'll marry me."
He popped open the box and tool out the ring. She tentatively fingered the band and looked it over. "I hope you like it," he said. "It's extravagant, fabulous, all those good things. So, what do you say?
More like tacky... "I - but wait. First, I have to know this: what do you think of me having a baby?"
"We should call him James."
She gave him a funny look. "You're happy about this?"
"Your heart seems pretty set on keeping it, and I've always wanted a family...I guess you could be the mother, and I the father, right? So we should get married and do the family thing. What do you say?"
Her eyes stared at the ring, not really seeing it. I think I know now...I DO know now that I can't marry him. At least, I can't say yes right away. I still feel that little twinge when I look in his eyes, and my heart still warms a little when I think of him. But then there's John - it's taken all my reserve not to look at him, to feel something inside, shake off the growing cold. I want to kiss him...no, I can't, I'm not thinking clearly. It's too strangling, the air is killing me. I need to buy some time. How can I get away from this, if just for a while, to think it over? Her eyes filled with tears as she procured an answer.
"I - Paul, I - my head hurts. I'm tired, I'm sick, and I need a vacation. Do you think you could give me some time to think about this? I can't tell you yes or no right now because I'm not sure, I'm not sure about anything. But I need to go away for a while to think."
"Alright then, luv, tomorrow we'll go away somewhere and have a nice time," Paul said. "You said you wanted to go to Ireland one time, right?" "That would be a nice place to go, yes, but Paul...I think I should go somewhere else. Someplace with sun. And I should do it alone." "Well if that's the way you put a refusal," he said, snatching the ring back. "Hey, now wait here!" Beth cried. "I didn't say that, did I? Please, don't be sour, Paul..." "What am I supposed to do, then?!" he yelled. "Don't yell," she said quietly. "Just don't yell. Now listen, I'm going to go away for a week, maybe two, and it'll clear my mind. I'll think things over, and then come back and tell you what I've decided."
"Where in the world would you want to go?" Paul asked. "I...I have no idea, really," she lied. If I told you, you'd follow me. "But I'll find somewhere to relax and think." She pretended to stare off into the distance, and caught John's eyes for just a second, just enough for him to know it wasn't an act of chance. She stood up and continued. "So, ah, I'm going to go upstairs and get a few things. Then I'll go." She bent down and kissed Paul softly, so lightly he almost thought he was dreaming. Then she went to John, who was sitting on the closed toilet, and hugged him, pecking his cheek with a quiet reserve. "Happy birthday, baby," she whispered. "And don't forget to practice your Spanish - you may need it someday."
She broke away, blew them both kisses, and left. Paul looked up and eyed John suspiciously. The latter shrugged, and stood up. "Well, thanks for the party," John said, "but I think I'll go home now. I'm not feeling so hot myself." "Alright," Paul said. John left, and shut the door behind him. Paul looked over the golden ring bedecked with diamonds and imagined Beth...his lovely Beth...wearing it, and smiling as it sparkled. The ring fell from his hands and landed with a ping. A tear dripped from his eye. He sobbed, all alone, on the bathroom floor.
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