Title: Aurora Malfoy’s Diary: Roses May Weep
Rating: PG (This will contain unsuitable themes.)
Category: Angst
Author’s Note: The wizarding world belongs to J.K. Rowling, and I do not intend to make any infringement on it in any way, blah, blah, blah.
There are no parts available, so please don’t ask.
Aurora Malfoy’s Diary will be an ongoing series. Roses May Weep is the first. Everything in Roses May Weep will happen during the summer month of July.
This is written by Ariele Ella Ovaniko.
*
July, 2nd
Dear Diary,
I’ve finally decided to keep a diary, though I have held you hostage for at least 2 years. But I think that it is about time that I recorded my life, in one way or another.
I don’t have any close friends. Everyone in my house has close groups and unless you’re in one of them, you’re out for life. So that’s the way it goes.
I am 15 years old, my name is Aurora Anna Malfoy. I hate my hair, which is long, black and straight as a blade. I wish I had my father’s hair colour. It’s a wonderful blonde. But no, I get stuck with my mother’s stupid black hair. My eyes are a disgusting grey. I swear. Everything about me I hate. The only things I can comfort in are my hands. They are smallish, but my fingers are long. I don’t know why I’m even writing about my looks. But I suppose that if you were going to have to hear about all my remarks about them, you’d have to at least know what I look like. Though somewhat vaguely.
I don’t have much going for me. I don’t seem to belong anywhere. My whole family is still very much prejudicing over mud bloods. Sorry, I shouldn’t write that word, but I hear it all the time. It’s sort of stuck. Anyway, I have one sister who is very beautiful with gorgeous golden hair. She’s almost 16, and her name is Aquila. My brother, Altair is the oldest. He is in 7th year. Out of all of us, Altair and I share the closest relationship. Aquila is, however, mother’s more favoured one. Apparently, Aquila reminds mother of herself.
Why we are all named after stars, constellations and anything in the sky? I think it is because it is meant to symbolise that the Malfoy family is above all else. I hate my last name. I hate the perceptions of this stupid family. I’d rather be in someone else’s family. In fact, I’d rather be someone else…
Love Rory
*
July, 3rd
Dear Diary,
Yesterday I was a little harsh on my parents and siblings. But it’s true. We have galleons, clothes – everything. The one thing we don’t have is what matters. I never talk to mother. I utter a few words to father. Aquila and I have a mutual understanding of not talking to each other. The only one I ever talk to is Al. Quila, if we ever do talk, only gives me some cutting remark about my hair. There is no use in confiding to her.
I once told Al that I was going to run away after Hogwarts. He looked at me first with shock, and then sighed with a sense of some kind of deep knowledge or understanding. It was only today when I actually understood what he meant. Father came into my room today and said, “Rory, where ever you may go – I will always love you. Even if I have never showed it properly, I love you Aurora Anna Malfoy. Hold your head up proud.” Those were the best words he’d ever said. I understand now that everyone knew that I was different. And I wasn’t like them. They understood that I didn’t desire to be like them, and that I didn’t enjoy the status of being a Malfoy. Because the truth is I don’t.
Nothing else important really happened today. Just – well, nothing. Summer is boring. And while I don’t want school to start, because that’ll be as lonely as home, I also don’t want to be stuck here with nothing to do. At school, there are lessons to delve into. Homework to complete. This being my OWL year, I’m bound to be receiving much more homework than previous years.
So, with today out of the way, goodnight.
Love Rory
*
July, 4th
Dear Diary,
Today is Altair’s birthday. He’s invited every one in his year to come and celebrate. By everyone, I mean everyone. Almost everyone in Slytherin who was in his or her 5th year and up was invited. All of the seventh year Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor students were invited including their younger siblings. As you can imagine, it was an extremely large party.
I’m not sure what Al was hoping for by inviting everyone, and I’m surprised father and mother allowed him to do so. However, Al forced me to make an appearance at the party, so 30 galleons richer, I stayed the whole party.
At first, when Al had announced there would be a small quidditch game between the Slytherin and Gryffindor, I had to point out that the seeker for the Gryffindor team had left school already. What happened next? Well, my hand was suddenly holding a broom, the Gryffindor team huddled together and calling my name to come join them.
They agreed to keep the game small. Once we had a 50-point advantage over Slytherin, I was meant to catch the snitch. No one wanted to hear that I didn’t think I could do it. So, I reluctantly gave it my best shot.
To cut the story short, we won the game by 10 points. Slytherin caught the snitch, I wasn’t hated for playing on the wrong team and Gryffindor were, to some extent, pleased with my efforts.
Later on, Jack Mells, who is a chaser on the Gryffindor team decided to talk to me. He’s pretty cute, but I don’t think he would be interested in me. After all, in everyone else’s eyes I am a Malfoy. Even if I desperately don’t want to be.
Back to the party, it ended quite late when Al made me get up and sing something. I asked the house-elf to fetch my guitar while I racked my mind for a song to play. I chose to play a new muggle one called “Runaway with me” that I’d heard not long ago. Father put the sonorous charm on both my voice and guitar.
Here are the lyrics:
“Runaway with me/Out onto the night/Runaway with me/To another place/Take my hand/I’ll be your friend/Until the end/So runaway with me
You look sad tonight/Lift you head up/Smile beautiful/I love you/If I asked you/Would you come/Come with me/Won’t you
(Chorus)
(Verse) end.”
I think, for the first time people saw something about me apart from being a Malfoy. I think that just maybe I got away with something else.
Jack Mells was looking at me the whole time I sang. I still think he is cute. There’s only one thing standing in the way. I’m a Malfoy.
Love Rory
*
July, 5th
Dear Diary,
This is just a quick entry. I was reading a quiz in Witch Weekly (I usually don’t read that trash, but I was bored and Quila has nothing but Witch Weekly). It was titled “How Well Do You Know Viktor Krum?” I swear, things like this are so pointless. Anyway, I scored a three out of one hundred. It goes to show that I’m definitely not like my sister, who may dislike quidditch, but scored 100%.
Love Rory
*
July 7th
Dear Diary,
I’m going to be thoroughly honest with you. The past few entries have been, surface entries. I want to tell you the truth. I hate myself. I wish I were dead, or at least someone else. No one understands the way I feel. Nor does Altair. Aquila is Miss Popular, Miss Loved By Everyone wouldn’t come close to understanding.
So, here comes the truth. I cut myself. Just once in a while. I’m no addict, and no one ever knows because I always put some salve on it so that the skin shows no scars. It’s a strange feeling. It’s painful as the knife pricks my skin. But I need that pain. I need it to wash away the emotional pain inside of me. I need it to take it all away. It doesn’t always help. But it numbs everything else so that the only thing I feel is this pain that I give myself.
I think I started at the beginning of this year sometime after New Year’s. The girl I thought was my friend told me one night that I was a loser, an outcast and that she was never going to speak to me again. She told me that I must have had something wrong with me because my sister never talked to me. I wanted to die that night because the ugly truth had been spoken.
I hate myself with everything within me.
Love Rory
*
July 8th
Dear Diary,
Jack Mells, the Gryffindor chaser at Altair’s party, owled me today. It read:
“Dear Rory,
I had fun at your brother’s party. You weren’t too bad at quidditch too. Though, I must ask – If you’re such a good flier, how come you’re not on the Slytherin team?
Anyway, I also wanted to tell you how beautiful your voice was when you sang that song at the end of the party. I wanted to tell you then, but my friends wanted to talk to me about something absolutely ridiculous.
I’m going to be at Diagon Alley tomorrow. Please say you’ll meet me in Leaky Cauldron at 10. I miss you.
Jack.”
He misses me! I can’t believe it. He thinks my voice sounded beautiful. He wants to meet me in Leaky Cauldron. I will go. Father and mother don’t mind where I go. As long as I’m back by 11 every evening.
I have to find something to wear.
Love Rory
*
July 9th
Dear Diary,
I am ecstatic. I met Jack yesterday at Leaky Cauldron. We had ice-cream and talked for ages. I told him about me. And how I was extremely unpopular in my house. I told him how my family and I never talk. He listened to me. He smiled and took my hand and said, “I think you’re wonderful.”
I’m so glad I went. He said he wants to see me again. He asked if I would go and see a new release of Macbeth with him at a muggle cinema in 3 days. Only 2 to go!
Jack also sent me a red rose. On the note that came with it, it read:
“Dear Aurora Malfoy. Roses may weep, but the evening stars will always shine. Love Jack”
I think I’m in love with him.
Love Rory
*
July 10th
Dear Diary,
One more day to go. I think the rest of the family is sensing my excitement, because they all looked at me curiously when I came down for breakfast cheerfully instead of having it in my room.
Altair was the first to crack though. He cornered me on my way to the kitchen and asked what mysterious thing had happened to me. I told him about Jack. He was pleased, but I could tell there was something wrong. I think it’s because Jack is a half blood. Or else it’s because Al and Jack don’t get along too well. I’m not going to let it stand in my way.
Jack owled me again. It was only to tell me where he’ll meet me and what time. But he said he couldn’t wait until he saw me again.
Love Rory
*
July 11th
Dear Diary,
I saw Jack yesterday. He looked foxy in his dark denim and black shirt. As for me? I bought red muggle top that was sleeveless. It went perfectly with my denim skirt.
Al escorted me to the meeting place and was civil to Jack – thank goodness!
Anyway, today Aquila broke up with her boyfriend because one of her “best” friends cheated with him behind her back. She was all teary, so I thought I’d make myself useful this time and comfort her.
I’d never have believed it, and if anyone had mentioned it earlier I would told them their mind was screwed, but Quila actually said that I was the only girl whom she’d know wouldn’t do this to her. She said that even though she had heaps of friends, she always felt lonely because none of them were real friends.
Reflecting on that, I guess popularity isn’t everything…
Love Rory
*
July 12th
Dear Diary,
Aquila is somewhat getting over her ex-boyfriend and Altair is the same as usual. Today was fairly boring and I didn’t do much except play my guitar.
I’m learning a new song called “Harder”. The lyrics are as follows:
“All time when I close my eyes/I see you/Only you/Wonder why/Because I thought that this was over/We’re getting older
But the truth is/Everyday/I long to hear you call my name/Everyday/
And it’s getting harder/To walk all alone/Harder/To live on without you/It’s getting harder/For everyday/I miss you even more/I love you/Don’t make it harder.”
I love this song. I know that Jack is my first boyfriend, and I haven’t really fallen in love with anyone else – but the music and simplicity of this song is just so wonderful.
The other thing I love apart from magic and Jack is music. It’s magic on its own. I can’t begin to tell you the way it makes me feel.
Love Rory
*
July 15th
Dear Diary,
Aquila and I are getting to know each other better. When I told her about Jack she gave me a half smile and said I was lucky. I asked her why and she said that even if Jack was a mudblood (I screwed up my nose in disgust when she said that, she ignored me) he was very loyal and protective. She also said that he wouldn’t dump me for another girl in a million years. With that knowledge in mind, I think my life is heading for the half of happiness I missed out on for the past five years.
The bad thing that happened today is that mother informed us that our grandparents from her side of the family, are coming over next week (17th till the 25th).
You may as well send me to hell, it’ll be no different. Pop and Nan hate me! Jack said he’d come and rescue me by finding somewhere to go during next week. I hated to do it, but I declined and said that I could live through it. I have every other year.
Love Rory
*
July 17th
Dear Diary,
I’m living in hell! Get me out of here! Nan is worse than she’s ever been any other year. When I’d gone up to my room after breakfast to write to Jack, she followed me up and kept checking in on me every five seconds. She checks every vase, under ever cushion and rug in this entire damned manor for “Suspicious signs” as she puts it.
I can’t believe she my mother’s mother. I can’t believe father lets her stay for as long as a week.
Unfortunately for me, she likes me. She doesn’t like father and practically ignores him. I’d rather be ignored. Having Grandmother Agnes like you is practically a death sentence, or at least a permanent bed in St. Mungo’s. She will talk to you for hours and hours and unless you seem interested, she’ll poke you in the side with her long fingernails.
Grandfather Nicolas, however, is more – weird? I don’t know what word to put in here. He often pretends to fall asleep wherever he is during whatever he’s doing. Once when Altair asked him to pass the potatoes, he pretended to fall asleep and another time when I wanted to get something out of the study, he pretended to fall asleep on the sofa so father and I had to leave.
Anyway, off to bed. Hopefully Jack will owl me tomorrow.
Love Rory.
*
July 20th
Dear Diary,
I haven’t written in 3 days, but when we went to Scotland to visit Aunt Caitrina, mother’s sister, I forgot to pack my diary.
It’s no big problem though. We didn’t do much. Aquila, Altair and I just talked. All of us are getting closer and father I think is pleased with that. I can’t believe I’ve lived 15 years of my life and never really known my sister properly.
I knew her in who she set her identity to be, but like a fool I believed it. I didn’t quite realise the pain she felt everyday and what she had to live with. I never knew for 15 years. I swear, I will try to make it up with this one.
She told me the reason why she ignored me. “I knew that Al was popular on his own and had his own friends to contend with. When I started getting popular and feeling a little lonely, I became determined to make sure you didn’t have to feel the same. I guess that it was a bit stupid because everyone in your year wouldn’t talk to you, and soon enough you felt as lonely as I did.
I wish that if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t have done it like that. I’m sorry Rory. It was all my fault.” She broke down and cried. I put my arm around her and told her that I forgave her.
I’m getting happier now. The wounds are healing.
Love Rory
*
July 21st
Dear Diary,
Grandparents are still here, and I’m being driven further and further to the point of insanity. Quila and I managed to find an escape though. Mum gave us some money and sent us to Hogsmeade. We had lunch and butterbeer at Three Broomsticks and had a good long look in Honeydukes. I bought some new fudge that only just came on the market. It tasted great.
Lilac, one of Quila’s friends saw us and chatted with us for a little. Personally, I think Lilac is a little on the superficial side. When she saw Quila with an iced mouse and two chocolate frogs, she bought the exact same. I swear, I’m glad I don’t have to see her until school begins.
Have to cut this entry short – Grandmother Agnes is coming up the stairs. She probably wants to tell me another story. Again!
Love Rory
*
July 23rd
Dear Diary,
I saw Jack again today. He came over and hung out with me in the back garden while father, mother, grandfather and grandmother went out for lunch. Hopefully Pop won’t fall asleep in the restaurant.
Altair went to a friend’s house and Quila stayed in the house and tried to learn playing the guitar using my old beginner notes.
I had my first kiss. It tasted sweet. Does that mean Jack tastes sweet? I don’t know. I’ll ask Quila.
Love Rory
*
July 24th
Dear Diary,
Yes! Tomorrow the nightmare leaves! The Malfoy family can go back to it’s happy peace!
Anyway, I asked Quila about the sweet thing. She just laughed and said that I’ll learn soon. So the topic ended and I went back to teaching Quila the guitar. She’s not bad. Just a few more lessons and she’ll have gotten hold of her major chords.
On the note of music (That sounds so stupid! Ew, there I go again. Sound, note, music…) I started learning “Close My Eyes” which goes something like:
“Close my eyes/Feel my thoughts draining away/I begin to rise/With my heart open to the pain/I cry out/Can anyone hear my screams?/I want to die/Don’t have the will to survive
Water comes flooding over me/My heart starts beating/I think I want to fly/Away
I want to come back/To the life I’ve been leading/I know it’s not been right/But its time I started changing/Now I realise/Time can’t be taken slowly/It’s now or never/Don’t waste your opportunity /Or it will be gone…”
I’ve got the verses down to pat. But the chorus is complicated.
I asked father if Jack could come and have dinner sometime. Now that he and mother know, they seem unusually interested. I wonder why…
Love Rory
*
