it's another fight
Mood:  celebratory
i don't know what happened, but i can't find my previous blog. i guess it's just as well...for in two weeks, decision points must be faced. i'm leaving this office where i have worked for a grand total of...8 weeks. people here are very nice - i have no major complaints. maybe the problem is myself, for i want to be more useful and then get paid for that usefulness properly. and so i am moving on to bigger responsibilities in the private sector. i'm 90% done with clearing my files here, and basically i am ready to fly in 24 hours - except that i still have to comply with exit requirements. the timing of these things is not within my control, that's the sad part. from here, i will also work on the requirements of the company where i'll transfer. then i'll have to learn how to get to the pier area from my rented place. next problem would be to look for a place to rent that's near the pier. i'm tired just thinking about the things i have to do. it's as if my poverty here is not enough; i still have to worry about these things. come to think of it, i have been worrying about my survival in a strange place - all alone - for the past 10 months. i don't know how i am able to pull through each day. fact is, i am so tired already. if anybody will just tell me "stop worrying, i'll take care of you", then life would be perfect. but of course, nobody will say that to me, ever. they don't make men like dad anymore. friends say: you can do it; you've been through so much. yeah, right. and so i know that, as in the past - as in all the times of my adult life - i will have to find the courage again to fight one more fight. so here i am again at another crossroad: closing a chapter and opening a new one. i have the choice to turn left, turn right, or stay rooted at the spot. but again, i refuse to stay where i am, and so decisions have to be made, and they must be seen through. another crossroad, another fight. i will just do my best, and God will do the rest.