"Not Meant For Me" by Wayne Static (Static-X)

She'd had enough of lying around and taking the pain. It was always her way to get up and move on. Whether it be simply to get up and get dressed or conquering a nation, she was not one to let anything keep her down for too long. Something had to be done. Pain was the order of the day when she was awake and when she slept terrible images plagued her dreams.

A hot bath helped a little, but still the pain remained. Little was understood about her condition because it wasn't like this before. The best she could articulate was that her journey into the sun had disrupted her system somehow. Now the result was a wait and see game.

The dream images were of the death of someone close to her. There was still much mystery surrounding it as she couldn't see everything. The dream played out as dreams often do, in bits and pieces, but never showing the whole story. She had sent Lucius to track down Ulfric and help him. There was no way she was going to interact with Ulfric presently. He would know... he would know something was different.

So her only recourse was to find someone else to help. The first person she thought of within her clan was Zeke. He was a Buddhist monk in life and still followed the Buddhist ways. A gentle soul that tried to help everyone he came in contact with. When she entered his chamber he was in the center of the room, in the lotus position, surrounded by so much incense that it would have choked a human.

Before him she lay her troubles and concerns. He understood and had promised after three days time of cleansing rituals he would seek this man out. She gave him a description -- dirty blonde hair, a few scars, a bad attitude and his name was Chris Quinn. It was important that Zeke not interact with him, but that she only wished to know where he was and if he was alright.

Again, another man she could not see right now because he also would know something was different. She would have to stay away from everyone and she couldn't think of a safer place then here in Rome with her brethren. Then again if she wanted a break from her kin she could always check into the Excelsior hotel.

It didn't seem to matter where she was. She would be miserable wherever she wandered to. Maybe if she found something to keep her mind off things it would help. So she went into the vast library housed in the Nephilim lair. It was filled with scrolls in cuneiform and they all contained accounts of humanities history as well as the Nephilim's. There were even scrolls on her in the library.

She found it funny how all her worst exploits were kept careful track of, but what of her good works? It seems it is true that only the bad is remembered. Kaliah entered the room as Atayla poured through all of the history they had collected on her over the centuries. Then after a moment or two Atayla looked up from the scrolls and spoke to Kaliah.

"I've really fucked things up this time, haven't I"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean my present state."

"You mean that human, Rick. He doesn't matter, in a few years he won't be around anymore so why worry about it?"

Atayla narrowed her eyes.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that? You want to be this silent witness to everything that happens, never getting involved. You instruct the others to be guardians... acting like the proverbial angel hand that pushes a person and causes them to stumble and fall so they escape harm at the last second. What are you afraid of?"

"You should know. You should understand out of everyone. The one who just tried to end her immortality by flying into the sun like Icarius."

Atayla sunk in the chair and cast her eyes downward.

"I see. You are afraid of getting close, of caring or loving them because in the end you know they will die. You can't bear to outlast them."

"Yes. I think you dislike it also. It is why you tried to end your existence. You realize the hopelessness of it all."

"It wasn't that really."

"Oh? Then what?"

Atayla rolled up the scroll before her and set it aside.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Kaliah moved across the room and stood before the table facing Atayla.

"Then what did you mean by you fucked things up this time?"

Atayla stood from her seat and walked around the library staring at all the scrolls and books occasionally running her fingers across them.

"I mean getting myself into this predicament. I could lose everything."

"How do you mean?"

Atayla leaned against a large bookshelf and wrapped her arms around herself.

"There are so many questions surrounding this... this child. I could lose Rick either way."

"Whether he is the father or not?"

"Yes. I mean if it is not his he may look at me differently. If it is... what if he doesn't want another child and hates me for it?"

Kaliah sat down now and looked at Atayla.

"You're not exactly a typical woman either. You're not supposed to be able to have children with humans. You can't be blamed for it. Anyway, your body is fighting it like a disease. It shouldn't be much longer and it won't be a problem."

"No. This is different. It is not like anything I have experienced before. Maybe the damage from the sun has something to do with it, but I can't shake the feeling that there is more to it than that."

"You're not yourself right now and certainly not thinking clearly. Give it some time and everything will be as it should be."

Atayla shook her head.

"No. I have to leave."

"What are you going to do? Where will you go?"

Atayla walked to the door and glanced over her shoulder at Kaliah.

"What I do best. Wander."

Kaliah stood.

"I don't think that is wise. You are not well."

"What could happen to me? Whatever happens... I will survive."

Kaliah grinned.

"Yes, I suppose you will."