never argue with a child

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though itwas a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

about last night...

As I lay on my bed,
thinking about you,
I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you,
because I can't forget last night.
You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night,
and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.
You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly,
without any reservations,
you laid on my naked body without any guilt or humiliation,
and you drove me crazy ...

Since you were satisfied and calm,
finally I fell asleep.

Today when I woke up,
you were gone,
I searched for you everywhere but to no avail.
Only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.
My body still shows your marks,
making it harder to forget you! .

Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you.
As soon as you appear I will quickly grab you and will never let you go.
I will catch you with all my strength so you won't disappear.
I won't rest until I squeeze you to death and destroy you.

F*CKING MOSQUITO !!!!!!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning", said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.

You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist
. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinking ?? :P:P:P hehehehhehehe...

9 things i hate about everyone :P

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Darn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their a**!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is "new and improved". Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, duma**?

[p.s. this is just for fun hehhehee...didn't mean to post some profanity here :S]

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing to the man on his right.

The first man replied "A thought. It pops into your head. There's no forewarning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. And now you sir, he asked the >second man.

"Hmm....let me see, A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular clich?for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant." Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said.

Turning to the fourth man, a Newfoundlander, he posed the question.

"After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea" said the Newfie.

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said Newfie. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I shit myself!"