Have you ever rewound your copy of The Matrix so much to see your favorite agent that smoke came out of your player? Do you often find yourself quoting Agent Smith in casual conversations? Does your heart hold a special place for that certain disapproving countenance of a certain human-hating agent? Do you sometimes wish Neo would fail to save humanity?
Be not afraid, you are not alone in your fascination. You, my friend, are one of many Smith-lovers out there.
Here at Illusions and Machines, we embrace those who melt when the camera catches a glint in those tinted sunglasses of his. (Mainly because if we didn’t, we’d be hypocrites.)
Smithism: n. The practiced worship of Agent Smith of the Matrix trilogy.
u been studying Smithism?”
But Smithism is not limited to just sneaking in a Smith quote into every discussion. It’s a feeling as well. In order to be a good practicing Smithite (n. Someone who practices Smithism), one must understand that there’s more to Smithism than wanting to jump on Smith in every scene he’s in.
Well…ok, maybe I’m wrong.
Smithism is limited to all these things. In fact, it’s really hard to try to feel like Smith without an undying hatred of all things human. But in any case, here are a few symptoms of Smithism.
-You find yourself staring at local businessmen heading off to work, wondering if one in the crowd is Smith.
-You can’t watch The Matrix without giggling madly whenever Smith comes on screen.
-You have a certain fetish for ties.
-You want Neo dead.
-In fact, you want Neo to fail so badly you’re considering going after the bugger yourself.
-You pet the movie posters at the cinema with Agent Smith on them.
-You’ve stolen said movie posters and now they’re on your ceiling in your room.
-You’ve tried to steal billboards with Smith on them but the cops saw you and now you’re doing community service for the next month.
-Hugo Weaving is god.
-You wonder how the other characters in the film can restrain themselves so well from leaping over each other in order to jump on to Smith.
-Your brother has been repeatedly forced to pry you away from the TV screen so he can watch the movie too.
-Your brother has to use a crow bar when doing this.
-You snigger to yourself whenever Smith is touching someone. (And it doesn’t matter if he’s fighting that person)
-You’re at this site right now wondering if you can build your own Smithism shrine. (And to answer your question, yes you can! Just send us all your money, plus your soul, and we’ll send you a shrine-building kit.**Instructions booklet not included, shipping and handling required**)
If you find yourself guilty of one or more of these, then you are practicing Smithism. Congratulations, you’re addicted to Agent Smith. Don’t be ashamed, welcome it! It’s a fun hobby, and a good topic for coffee talk.
