WARNING: This is a slash story, which means it contains male/male erotic content involving consenting adults. If you're not of legal age or are offended by such material, please go find something else to read.
Title: Context Is Everything
By: Adrienne
Email: ar895@ncf.ca
Rating: PG-13 for very mild slash
Category: Humor
Summary: answer to First Line challenge
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and no copyright
infrngement is intended.
"We need to have sex right now."
The statement was dropped into the conversation with all the grace and finesse of hurling a very large paving stone. All talking stopped and everyone at the table looked at Remus Lupin with various expressions, as befit the bearers of said expressions.
Minerva McGonagall thinned her lips and looked offended. Madam Hooch widened her golden eyes and licked her lips in a predatory fashion. Professor Flitwick, predictably, toppled over in his chair, with a mildly insane giggle. Sybill Trelawney blinked myopically at Lupin; obviously her Inner Voice hadn't mentioned this.
Headmaster Dumbledore went still with shock for a moment, then smiled benevolently at his DADA professor. Professor Binns looked confused, as if he had not heard of the concept.
Professor Snape was the only one who was not still looking at Lupin a few seconds after Lupin had made that extraordinary statement. He was looking down at his hands, long lashes veiling his eyes and a small flush starting to appear on his cheeks.
Lupin looked smugly satisfied.
"Now that I have your attention..." he said calmly. "There is one item of importance missing from the curriculum. Sex education. What I just said is pretty much what every boy above fourth year is thinking about ninety percent of the time. What sort of precautions are in place to prevent that thought from becoming reality?"
"None at the moment," Dumbledore said, with a sigh. "The Board of Directors can't agree on a policy."
"Why not? The subject is taught in Muggle schools and they don't have the problem of a spike in magical power that comes with teenage hormones," Lupin asked.
"There have been some concerns from parents. Some seem to believe that teaching sex education is going to give the students inappropriate ideas."
"Like what?" Snape snorted. "They have plenty of ideas of their own."
"I don't think it is our duty to teach such things," McGonagall said primly. "The parents are the ones who should be responsible for such information."
"That would work fine, Minerva, if the kids got to see their parents more than twice during the school year," Hooch put in. "It's our duty to give these children what they need to survive in the real world. I already give informal classes on sex ed anyway."
"As do I," Snape added, causing the assembled teachers to stare at him. "What? It seems every time a girl is twenty minutes late, she goes for a potion. I spend far more time than I care to explaining that a few kisses and a groping session will not cause pregnancy. And I'm not thrilled about having to explain that, contrary to what every Slytherin male seems to try to make the girls believe, blue balls are not fatal."
"They're not?" Lupin murmured, with a wicked look at Snape, who snarled at him.
"The point is, Lupin is right. We should be teaching sex ed."
"Are you volunteering, Severus?" Hooch asked sweetly.
"No, I am not. My appointment to the post would cause heart attacks."
"Especially for the kids. It would scare them off sex for life," Flitwick said, with a grin.
"You say that as if it were a bad thing," Snape retorted. "I can't say that preventing the gene pool from widening any further would displease me, but I don't think the board would really go for the class being taught by me. Madam Pomfrey would really be the best choice."
"I think so, too. She is the best qualified for it," Lupin added.
"What do you say, Poppy? Would you be willing to teach some general health classes?" Dumbledore asked.
"With a few unplanned lessons along the way?" Poppy asked, slyly.
"Exactly."
"I'd be happy to."
----------------
"Lupin, if I could have a word with you in private?" Snape said to Lupin as they left the staffroom.
"Of course." Lupin nodded and followed the Potions Master to his quarters. "Severus, why are we going to your quarters?"
"I think we need to discuss your rather extraordinary way of getting everyone's attention at the meeting."
"Oh. You mean saying that we need to have sex right now?"
"Yes."
"And that bothered you?"
"Yes."
"Why? It worked, didn't it?"
"Yes, it did."
"Then why are we having this conversation?"
"Because I do not appreciate being quoted out of context." Snape approached the Dark Arts professor, leaning close. Lupin laughed and wrapped his arms around his lover.
