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Title: The Problem
Author(s): Narsus
Email: Narsus@juggler.net
Pairing: Jones/Smith/Brown
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Agent Smith is aware of a problem.
Series/sequel: N/A
Genre: Slash/Fluff
Warnings: none
Feedback: Comments welcome...
Author's Notes: Shameless strangeness but hey… three Agents in a bed, what more can I say?
Smith knew there was something wrong. In fact he’d known for a long time now. It wasn’t anything that could be noticed in the continuing performance of his team, nothing in what they said or did in the line of duty but it was there none the less. There was something different, something that implied a change in the manner of things… something he had no control over what so ever.
Walking along the corridor that lead to an interrogation room, Smith declined to contact Brown and Jones through the communication channels. Talking to them was… different now, ever since whatever had happened, had happened. There was something… Which brought Smith back to his original point. He knew about that something but he didn’t know what that something was or what he could possibly do about it. He had consulted the many pre-programmed subroutines as to procedure for such a situation and had always been asked exactly what the problem was. He didn’t have an answer so the diagnostics hadn’t been able to conclude anything, which returned to the original problem… finding out what the problem was.
It was there, right there in plain sight, looking at him but he didn’t know what it was so couldn’t detect it. It was most distressing.
Smith entered the room, taking in the scene. Human sat in a chair on the other side of the table; small, mincing office type… nothing new there then. Jones standing by the wall behind the human; looking… nothing out of the ordinary. Brown also standing by the far wall, observing the human… again nothing-
Brown shifted, turning slightly to glance at Jones and suddenly there it was. The Problem… Smith decided that it deserved a capital ‘P’ and the use of the definite article now.
Sitting down opposite the cringing human, Smith made a show of consulting the human’s file, in front of him. He turned pages carefully, actually glancing down at them every so often, while observing Jones and Brown discreetly. The Problem was looking right at him, almost daring him to acknowledge it. Almost, he almost had it. It was something-
The human coughed and Smith discovered that he’d come to the end of the file. He turned his attention back to the human in front of him with some irritation, it almost felt like the Problem was laughing at him for not finding it. The human fidgeted uneasily, he seemed about to speak and then thought better of it.
Smith looked down at the file again. “You have two choices…”
“Oh, yeah?” The human’s almost attempt at bravado.
Smith looked at the human, stared for a long time. He had better things to do than sit here with a mouthy human trying to be rational.
“Help us or die.” He said shutting the file with a bang.
“Wha- What! Die!”
“Yes.” Smith was aware of Jones and Brown giving him strange looks.
The human spluttered a bit more.
“Help us or die. It is a simple choice.” He reiterated in his most rational voice.
“But… but…”
“But?”
“You can’t-“
Smith stood up.
“You can’t just-“ the human continued to splutter.
He drew his gun and pointed it at the human. He really didn’t have the time for this.
“Alright! I’ll help!” the human yelled as he dived underneath the table just as Smith felt Jones grab him from behind and Brown remove the gun from his hand.
“We will be contacting you shortly.” Brown said to the human, as he pulled him out from under the desk and shoved him out of the room.
Jones forcibly sat Smith back down. Brown kept the gun. Smith looked at them, at the Problem. It was staring straight at him. Something about their interaction… something… It was lurking in Brown’s body language towards Jones, Smith decided. There was something almost provocative in Brown’s stance, but it didn’t seem to provoke a negative response in Jones. On the contrary Jones seemed to respond to it, somehow…
“What were you doing?” Brown asked him suddenly. Smith didn’t reply, watching Brown glance at Jones instead. He frowned. The Problem definitely had something to do with their interaction. Smith was aware of Brown talking again but he was too busy thinking about the Problem, he had a new query for the diagnostics.
He felt the touch of fingers against his skin as Jones bent down and tiled his head up so that they were looking directly at each other.
“Smith, what is wrong?”
Their faces were inches apart. Smith ran that fact through the diagnostics… Apparently Jones was invading his personal space, a fact that needed further verification. Smith tried to turn his face away but Jones wouldn’t let him. Interesting. The diagnostic program supplied several explanations for this behaviour, which generally fell into two categories: sexual or non-sexual.
Smith was peripherally aware that at some signal from Jones, Brown was moving to leave the room. Strangely that appeared to place Jones in command of the situation, which was odd, since Smith had never regarded Jones as predatory. Unfortunately the diagnostic program seemed ambivalent about the sexual or non-sexual nature of the situation, more data was required.
Smith managed to escape from Jones’ grasp and stand up again.
“Where are you going?” Jones asked mildly.
Smith didn’t reply and having decided that now was a good time to test the aggressiveness parameters of the situation, made an attempt at punching Jones. Understandably Jones blocked, though he didn’t strike back. Smith tried again. He did not like inconclusive data. After a few abortive strikes Jones seemed to loose patience and managed to manoeuvre round and slam Smith up against a wall.
Smith remained with his cheek resting against the wall and Jones pressed up behind him. He ran the last set of responses through the diagnostic program.
“What is wrong with you?” Jones demanded, now verging almost on anger. Smith could feel Jones’ warm breath against his neck, it felt rather ‘nice’… and the output from the diagnostic program jumped from 60% to 95% probability that the current situation was sexual.
There was a silence, broken by a sudden gasp as Jones pressed in closer, lightly using his teeth against soft skin. The diagnostic program gave a 99.99% readout. Smith closed his eyes; at least that was almost conclusive data.
Jones exhaled softly, “I can see what the problem is here.” And then he suddenly moved away. Smith turned, puzzled to find Jones heading towards the door.
“I do not understand.” He said quietly, not moving.
Jones turned back, hand on the door handle “Brown can not turn the security cameras off indefinitely.”
“Indefinitely?” Smith said walking over to Jones.
Jones shrugged “For a long while then.”
“How long is a while?”
“Hours…” Jones smirked slightly.
“That is inconclusive data, Jones.”
“Then you will have to investigate the situation further.” Jones replied, as they left the room.
Smith had slept. It was an unusual action for an Agent but not impossible. In fact all Agents were equipped to carry out human functions with the greatest accuracy… a fact that had been recently proven. Smith ran a few queries through the diagnostics program as he lay in bed wondering. The Problem did not, as he had first thought, have its roots in Agent interaction at all.
Smith shifted, tugging at the blanket, not that he was uncomfortable, not with Jones’ arm draped over him anyway. The blanket was pulled back in the other direction. He rolled over so that he was facing Jones. “Brown, if you do not stop that I will shoot you.” The blanket went slack and Smith was able to pull it back so that he was covered again.
“I believe that we now have semi-conclusive data regarding the Problem.” Smith announced, after a pause.
“The Problem?” Brown peered at him over Jones’ shoulder.
“The Problem. The reason that humans as a whole are generally miserable.”
“Yes?” Brown was genuinely interested.
“They are miserable because they do not engage in sexual interaction often enough.” Smith declared.
“It is not a problem that we have, as machines.”
“Yes.”
The silence stretched out… until Jones began to laugh.
“Agent Jones does not appear to be functioning within normal parameters.” Brown said, glancing at Smith.
“We do not have sufficient data to make that judgement yet, Brown.”
“Yet…” Brown trailed off as both he and Smith turned their attention to Jones… again.
