This site is for me to:-
My Favorite Web Sites
Fire's New Age Forum
The Hurt Inside Web Forum
Emotional Abuse Links
Princess Kia's Fibro Page
All Around Health Chatters
My own MSN Group
FREE Online Guitar Lessons
Neopets
My Asexuality page
Quitnet - Stop Smoking Resource
What is Philosophy?
Debunking Pascal's Wager
Bible Atrocities
Evolve
The Witches Voice
My name is Jonathan. I am 29 years of age and am only now slowly beginning to find out who and what I am. About a week ago (16.06.2003) I began to see a counsellor as I have a lot of issues that I need to work through. Issues surrounding my asexuality; the emotional and psychological abuse I have lived through for many years now; issues of self-confidence; my fears; my almost constant need for external approval. But most of all, my reason for being here at all. I need to know where I fit into the general scheme of things.
What hasn't helped is the knowledge that there is no Divine Guidance out there in whom I can turn to for help and support. For the past 10 years I have questioned Religion and Spirituality and I am nowhere nearer figuring things out as I was a decade ago. I now have the persistent and nagging worry that I have just wasted a great deal of time in attempting to understand something that can never be fully understood, well not by us. My best efforts brought me here but where am I anyway?!?
I am glad in a way though that this period of my life is now over because of a lot of the people I have encountered in these areas. Where is God's love in people who are so fearful and blinkered that they can condemn entire sections of Life into Eternal Damnation and Hellfire? I was born with a condition called Klinefelter's Syndrome which means that although I am anatomically Male, I am genetically Female. This means that I run the gamut from feeling Male at one moment to Female the next. I wonder what these spiritual types would make of that? Not a great deal probably.
Yet, there are certain types of people who cannot and will not listen to reason. They are basically so insecure that they feel the need to browbeat anyone who views things differently. They are incapable of letting people believe in other ways or even disbelieve. These people are not Loving. They will talk plenty about God's Unconditional Love but don't be fooled even for a moment. They are fearful and full of contempt for anyone who disagrees with 'their' Truth. Avoid them at all costs.
I am also only just coming to terms with the fact that I have lived through Emotional/Psychological abuse for the majority of my life. I have recently set up a web forum (the link is above) to help myself and allow me an outlet for all of the emotions and feelings that are coming up. There are only a handful of members at present but we are assisting each other in accepting and moving on from our struggles. The person who abused me is my Mother and this has made accepting things very difficult. I was taught to honour my Mum and Dad and as such I didn't want to believe that these things happened but they did and it's now time to heal.
Throughout all of this though I have had wonderful friends, people who accept me for me. I have many friends but the people I am closest to I met in a chat room dedicated to issues surrounding Health. I also live with the conditions Tourette Syndrome, ADD and Fibromyalgia. These people (the All Around Health Chatters) mean the world to me. There is Jan, North, Fire_Opal, Manyhaha, Mlyn, Mrs2Bears, Pepipony, Kia, Pulltabs, Steve, Nannacrab and many more. I love them to bits.
I have 2 other friends who I feel must be mentioned here. They are my cats, Bramble and Klara. I rescued them last year and they were both badly abused. I cannot understand the type of person who would cause misery to little creatures, they really must be people with a great deal of pain inside to do that. Bramble is a 6 year old Cream Smoke Persian and Klara is a 5 year old Silver Tabby Longhair. They mean the whole world to me. They are my Fur Family. For those unable to own "real" pets, there is a link above to the Neopets website. Be warned though that owning a CyberPet takes up a lot of time and you need to be dedicated to keeping them happy and healthy. If however you do decide to go ahead and own one, then HAVE FUN!
I have many loves, such as playing online Pool at various games sites but my first love is the Blues. In my opinion there is no other music that comes as close to connecting with me on a heart level. I have just begun to learn guitar. I have placed a link above to a great website that provides FREE lessons, it's called Cyberfret and everything you will ever need to know is there.
Having dealt with issues surrounding religion and spirituality and realised that there is no Great Spirit/Divine Essence etc etc, I have grown in the knowledge that I am a Secular Humanist. There is a link above giving details as to what this is all about. I really cannot live my life by a code that not only do I seriously doubt but one that inhibits me as well, just so that there may be a faint chance that I gain the Promise of Eternal Life. I would rather go around once and live every day as if it's my last then believe in something that makes no sense and live forever.
I do however still wear a Pentacle. On a logical level I can find no basis for Belief but on another level if something sentient did create everything then I believe that it had to have both a Masculine and Feminine basis because the world is broken down into Male and Female and it is within these two aspects that Life is created. Therefore, as well as being of a Humanistic approach, I still refer to myself as Pagan and as such my eyes are now wide open!
