River Tam did not like Serenity's latest cargo. To Mal, the six lead boxes appeared fairly innocent. Even lookin' inside them didn't reveal anything particularly terrifyin'. Just a bunch of green bars. Weren't like they were carryin' guns or bombs or nothin'. Wouldn't know that to see River carryin' on, though. Was enough to make a man doubt his own two eyes. Well, not Jayne, but Jayne thought River was plain crazy. Ain't no arguin' that, but Mal was fairly sure there was some eerie method to her madness, and she wasn't likin' the green bars. Made him nervous. He was gettin a bad feeling, like this job wasn't gonna go smooth.

It had sounded simple enough when Badger made his offer. Load the six boxes, fly to the planet Thor, the contact will arrive with a truck an hour after sundown, off-load the boxes, Serenity gets paid, done deal. The after-dark was the only indication that this wasn't a completely honest job, but Mal had never been picky about that. The boxes fit in the smuggling compartments, so even if the Alliance boarded them again, there shouldn't have been a problem. Leastwise, not with regard to the cargo.

But they'd barely left atmo when River started screechin' about death, destruction, and damnation. Mal could only follow about one sentence in five, but the gist was pretty clear. The green stuff was dangerous, possibly even deadly.

A check on the cortex revealed exactly three things about Thor. One, the political overseer was a man named Lionel Luthor. Two, Luthor apparently had his fingers in everything of significance on Thor - the government, the economy, the media, the ports, everything. And three, the Alliance stayed well away from Thor. Which was good for Mal, but somewhat creepifyin'.

A check on the cortex revealed exactly four things about Luthor. One, he was originally from the Core, came to Thor as a young adult, and swiftly exerted political and economic dominance over the backwater planet. Two, he was richer than God. Three, his only surviving family was a son named Alexander, age unspecified, but Mal got the impression he wasn't quite grown yet. And four, he wasn't afraid to play dirty- in fact, with the Alliance bribed off his planet and with him in sole power, Luthor didn't even pretend to play nice.

Chances were pretty good that the green bars were going to Luthor.

So when Serenity reached the outer limits of Thor's solar system, Mal decided he and Jayne would go in as the advance party and see what they could find out about either the cargo or any other problems that might pop up with the job. Wash and Zoe would bring Serenity into port a day later, unless told otherwise.

Shuttle two, carrying only Mal and Jayne, landed just before dark in a spaceport dominated by a tall glass skyscraper that appeared to have been accidently dropped amid the dusty, low-slung buildings that made up the rest of the settlement. Mal wasn't particularly surprised to see the large letters across its front that declared it the property of LUTHORCORP.

Rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at the follies of rich folk (Jayne making the not unexpected comment about overcompensation), the two men entered an establishment called The Black's Lady, which claimed to provide food, drink, and rooms. They secured a room for each of them, dropped off their bags, then went back down to the taproom. Though the sun had barely set, the place was already crowded and filled with smoke. Hookers, also, made their presence visible, and Jayne leered at a few of them before Mal could direct him onto a bar stool. "We're here for information," he reminded the mercenary in a low undertone. He expected he'd need to issue the warning a few more times that night before it became impossible to keep the large man from dragging some girl up to his room.

After an hour, they hadn't made much progress, unless one was counting the number of empty tankards they had produced. Jayne was unable to go even two minutes without leering or groping at someone. Mal was on the verge of calling it a wash when a young girl in fishnet stockings, heels, a black miniskirt, a lavender blouse, and a stuffed bra pushed her way between him and Jayne. She boldly snagged Mal's half-finished local brew and sat on Jayne's lap.

She gulped about half of what was left of his drink in one swallow (Mal briefly wondered why she had an adam's apple), kissed Jayne full on the mouth, then smiled at Mal. He noticed she had smeared her lipstick, and she'd gone heavy on the blush, eyeshadow, and mascara. Probably hoping to look older. He pegged her for fifteen, maybe sixteen. Jayne didn't seem to care, judging by how quickly his hands slipped under her shirt. Given the way she was acting and that, to his knowledge, there were no age restrictions on that sort of thing on Thor, Mal didn't feel it his responsiblity to break it up. Especially when she said, "I heard you were asking about Luthor."

"I mighta been. You got somethin' to tell?" Mal asked, a little warily, given how hostilely his previous questions about the planet overseer had been received. He doubted a baby prostitute would be the type to pull a sting operation for the old man, though.

A bitter smirk briefly crossed her expression, then her eyes widened in surprise as Jayne's hands reached her breasts. Jayne also looked surprised. Clearly, she wasn't very well developed yet. Turning to straddle the large mercenary, she caught his hands an directed them to dip beneath her skirt and cup her buttocks. Her own hands slid under Jayne's shirt.

Mal grimaced and would have told them to get a room, but she turned her head back toward him as she rested it against Jayne's chest. "I got something to tell," she agreed.

"Yeah?" Mal challenged, "So tell."

"He's a bastard."

It wasn't exactly the revelation he was expecting or hoping for. "Got anything more useful than that?"

She was smiling happily as Jayne's hand roamed along her ass and back, but her blue eyes stayed focused on Mal. "You mean like, 'he's got a shipment of green kryptonite en route to Thor as we speak, and he's going to use its radiation in human experimentation, possibly even on his son'? That sort of useful, Captain Reynolds?"

Mal's eyes widened in alarm. She just jumped from 'sleezy informant' to 'unknown adversary' simply by saying his name. Nobody on Thor was supposed to know who he was. "Jayne, we're moving this up to your room," he said abruptly. If the mercenary was in top form, Jayne's room had Vera and enough firepower to supply a small army. The girl wrapped her legs around Jayne's waist and let herself be carried up the stairs, head resting comfortably on the big man's shoulder. She didn't appear to take the relocation to a private room as remotely threatening.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Mal had had gun in hand. "Put her on the bed and tie her."

The girl smirked, but didn't resist as first her wrists were secured to the headboard, then her ankles were tied together. "Oo, kinky. Bondage and a threesome. But there's something you two better know before you go any further."

"What?" Mal snapped, as he eyed Jayne's knots. They were a little looser than he would have made them, but they'd hold. Not that the whore appeared at all interested in escape.

"I'm not a 'her'."

Mal's eyes jerked back to the girl - the boy. Then he stole a look toward Jayne who was wearing an expression of revelation on his face. "Thought she felt wrong in a few spots," he confided to Mal. The boy rolled his eyes. Mal wanted to do the same, but even though Jayne was a dumb idiot, he was Mal's dumb idiot, and he needed to project at least the illusion of a united front.

"Okay, who are you?" Mal asked, opening the interrogation with a simple question.

She - he stretched as provocatively as his bindings would let him. "You can call me Lex." This statement was directed to Jayne, along with an inviting smile. Until that moment, Mal had figured Jayne for a 100% straight man, but the leer he sent back at the boy was as dirty as any he'd given the hookers downstairs. The boy's smirk turned smug and, apparently unconcerned by being trussed up like a pig, he rolled over to show off his backside to Jayne. He even wiggled a little.

Mal closed his eyes and counted to three before trying to exert control on the situation again. "How did you know my name, Lex?"

The boy smirked arrogantly at him. "How'd I know what cargo you've got? It's easy, I know everything, Mal."

Serenity's captain felt a cold chill slide down his spine that was not unlike the cold chill that slid down his spine every time River did something creepy. But where River seemed to know everything but couldn't express it in any way that mere mortals could understand, Lex appeared fully sane - or at least as sane as anyone could be who apparently liked the idea of Jayne having sex with them. He wouldn't put being a Reader past this boy.

"What do you want from us?"

The boy rolled back onto his back so he could look at Mal directly again. His make-up was now badly smeared and his short black hair, apparently a wig, was now askew, partially revealing a skull that appeared completely devoid of real hair. His skirt, already short to begin with, had ridden up, and his midriff was showing between the top of the skirt and the bottom of his shirt. Despite his ankles being tied together, he had his knees spread very indecently. "What do you think I want? You think I dress like this for fun? I'll be sixteen in two days and I'm still a virgin. I'm trying to get laid."

Mal blinked. That very teenaged response was the very last thing he'd been expecting from a Reader. "There were half a dozen prostitutes -"

"Please," Lex cut him off with another eye-roll. "That's what Dad expects me to do. Getting fucked by a man, on the other hand, will make him furious, which is always something to strive for. Plus, Jayne here is hired help from off-planet, and his only loyalty is to a gun, which just sweetens the deal."

Perhaps he ought to revise that 'sane' assessment, because he didn't see how being a mercenary from off-planet who would happily marry a firearm that he named Vera could possibly be counted as a point in favour. "Huh?"

Lex smirked at him, "I mean, he can't possibly be loyal to my father. Dad probably owns everybody else down in that bar."

A really bad feeling began to coalese in Mal's stomach. "You're Luthor's kid."

The boy lowered his lashes and bit his lower lip, but when he opened his eyes again, they sparkled with something too complex to really decipher. Mal might have called it 'mischief' on any other child, but not on this one. "Yeah, so?"

Mal swore in Mandarian.

"Yeah, that adequately describes my father. So are you gonna leave and let Jayne fuck me or not?"

He'd known this job wasn't gonna go smooth.

Okay. He had, tied to a bed, the son of the most powerful man on the planet. Mal could work with this. "Got two - no, three - questions first."

The boy shrugged indifferently. "Sure. Shoot."

He gave the first question the due consideration it deserved. He already had the other two figured out because, son of the most powerful man on the planet or not, there were two questions he really needed to ask. "When I leave this room, should I be callin' my boat and tellin' them to dump the rocks and get ready leave this sector for all time?"

Lex seemed to think about it, then nodded, "I suggest a black hole for the dumping. Alliance and Blue Sun would love to get their hands on the kryptonite, too. Dad's plans probably mirror exactly what they would do with it, only on a much smaller scale. You'll get paid what was promised for the bars, plus twenty percent. Land as scheduled, but I'll have six lead decoy boxes brought aboard. Dad's man will pay you and take those. I'll get you the balance of what I owe, and you take care of the dumping. I don't want to ever hear about anyone finding this stash."

Right. Of course, the Alliance would be looking for the cargo. Mal always seemed to wind up with what the Alliance wanted to get their hands on, and while he certainly enjoyed foiling their secret plots, it did make his life a little too interestin'. But this time it looked like they wouldn't even know it was Serenity, and the extra money would come in handy. A black hole it would be. River could probably even tell him how to survive the encounter. At least, she could probably do it herself. Explaining was never her strong suit.

Now the important questions. "You're a Reader?"

That seemed to take the kid by surprise. "No. There's a lot of reasons the Alliance would like to get their hands on me, but that's not one of them." Then his confusion abruptly cleared and he quirked a smirk. "Oh, the I-know-everything bullshit. I'm a snoop, I just read Dad's confidential papers, not people's minds. Some middleman called Badger had a lot of stuff on your people."

That made sense, and Mal felt better about the whole thing now. He wasn't real happy about Badger selling him out, but it was a familiar enough concept and he was comfortable with that. One Reader in his life was more than enough. Last question, and this one was the one that, if he could ask only one, would be the one he asked. "Jayne, you're gay?" That was pure unexpected, and Mal hadn't quite gotten over the shock yet. He was pretty damn proud of himself for not askin' until this very minute.

Jayne just leered at the kid, "Can be tonight, Mal. He's all done up real pretty."

Luthor's son just batted his mascara-darkened lashes at him and struck a provocative pose. "I'm rich, too, and my dad owns the planet," Lex egged him on, "it'll be like screwing royalty." Badger definitely had Jayne's number and Lex was playing it for all it was worth. Lust glazed over Jayne's eyes and he touched himself through his pants. Mal had seen more than enough already, and the mercenary wasn't going to last much longer before he started tearing clothes off. Retreat was definitely in order now. Besides, he had to contact Zoe and tell her the change in plans.

Back in his own room, however, it became quickly obvious that first, Mal should have gotten a room farther away from Jayne's, and second, the walls in this place were paper thin and did nothing to dampen sound. This was made disturbingly clear after he had locked his own door, and Lex's voice still followed him. "You're gonna have to untie my ankles to get those off."

He'd gotten as far as activating a cortex link when moaning started.

Just after he connected to Serenity, there was a loud pained hiss.

Zoe had just appeared on-screen when "Stop! Stop! You've got to slick it with something!" came clearly through the wall. She arched a dark eyebrow at him in eloquent question.

Mal just shook his head. "You don't wanna know. Anyways, we're doin' something a little different tomorrow."

"Yeeesss! Much better! God, do that again! Holy Fucking Jesus! Shit! Oh, yeah!"

Zoe tilted her head, listening to increasing incoherance. Then she smirked at Mal. "Real upscale hotel you got there, sir."

That was when Jayne started talking, "So tight, pretty little prince, gonna fuck you so hard," then broke down into harsh grunting. It was enough though. Zoe had frozen.

"That wasn't who I thought that was, was it, sir?"

"I told you, you didn't want to know." He had to put his hand down over the coins he'd already taken from his pockets and put on the desk beside the cortex screen to keep them from rattling and jangling in time with the wall's shaking.

If nothing else, Jayne was doing an excellent job of providing cover noise for his own conversation with Zoe. The two reached their crescendo, then fell silent just after he'd finished explaining the new plan. Into the sudden quiet, Zoe looked like she was about to say something, but then Lex's quieter, but still clear, voice cut her off. "I think you can untie me now."

"Nah," Jayne's voice said, thick with promise, "Not yet."

Zoe gave Mal a wry look of sympathy and said ironically, just before cutting the connection, "Sleep well, sir."

He didn't.