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Title: Magic and Mayhem
Author: Drake of Dross
Pairing: none so far
Rating: PG for now, but that'll change
Warnings: not yet
SV Spoilers: Toys with the SV episodes, especially season 1, but assume all through Reunion (season 6)
HP Spoilers: Assume all seven books
Summary: Oh, well, you knew that Lex was a wizard, right? Well, yeah. He was born the same year Harry was and went to Hogwarts, too.
Notes: Inspired by sv_renaissance's AU Friday, which was Harry Potter at one point. This is expanded from the snippets written for that.


Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7


"Miss Palmer is coming with your tea, sir," a Scottish accent announced, cool and proper as a butler should speak. Except his most recent butler was Asian. Lex looked up from the spreadsheets he was using to document his new potion company's inventory and expenses. The elderly man who had spoken was translucent and hovered several inches over the floor. Lex's brows rose in surprise. This was first time any of the mansion's previous inhabitants had spoken politely toward him.

Before Lex could address the dead man, Amy Palmer arrived with the foretold tea. "Thank you," he told girl and she hurried away. When she was out of sight and he couldn't hear her footsteps anymore, he looked at the ghostly man again. He was still standing beside the door, dressed in clothes that had been in style several hundred years ago. "May I ask your name?" Lex asked him.

"Robert, sir." No surname seemed forthcoming. He might predate surnames in the lower classes.

"Thank you, Robert. Have you been with the house long?" It was as polite a way as Lex knew to ask a ghost how long he'd been dead.

"Quite long, sir," Robert told him, a dry tone entering his voice. "I must say I am glad to have it all assembled again." Lex had gathered the trip had been unpleasant from how riled they had all still been over it, ten years after it had already been moved. But then, ten years was nothing to a ghost. He was surprised, though, when the ghost went on, "But may I be so bold as to add I am just as glad to have a wizard in residence again. I hope you will permit me to resume my services."

Lex's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "What does that entail?"

"I announce guests, keep you abreast of what is going on in your lands, and otherwise do what I can to keep the household running smoothly. I have noticed you employ muggles. I've also kept the poltergeists away from them so far."

"Poltergeists?" Lex repeated, alarmed by the plural. Peeves had been bad enough in Hogwarts, and there had only been one of him.

"There are two. One is quite harmless; he is a scholar and only tends to move books in the library about. Bitty Bet is more rambunctious than intentionally troublesome. She's the one who shrieks all night. She was five when she fell down the stairs and broke her neck, dying instantly."

"Ah," Lex said. His sleep had suffered from the high pitched shouts, though he hadn't quiet dared to go investigate the sounds late at night when all the ghosts in the place had seemed so unfriendly.

Seeming to read his mind, Robert promised, "I'll keep her quiet while you rest from now on, sir."

"Thank you, Robert." He took a sip of the tea Amy had brought in while he tried to think of something else the ghost might be able to answer or assist him with.

Before he could, Robert volunteered, "The others will come around as I have. Well, perhaps not Duncan. He was a wastrel and a drunk in life and is no less belligerent now. He needs no reason to dislike someone. The others just got accustomed to having the castle abandoned, but I will talk to them and remind them that having the living around does provide several advantages for us. Most of us have had only each other for company for almost two hundred years. I, for one, was bored to figurative tears for most of that time. The only ones you might have trouble with are Joe and Becca."

"Joe and Becca?" Lex prompted. The nicknames didn't sound Scottish or English. Or Roman, or Viking, or any other nationality likely to have died in a Scottish Castle. They sounded American.

"They are new," Robert confirmed, his voice carrying a curt tone of mild disapproval. "Becca died in a meteor storm nearby, shortly before the castle was relocated here. Once it was finished, she came over to visit and never left. Joe fell off some scaffolding while he helped reconstruct the place. They are not familiar with wizards." Fortunately, the Anti-Muggle Act did not apply to dead muggles and there was little chance they'd be able to tell anyone living about Lex. He wasn't concerned about them finding out about him. He just wasn't looking forward to the questions relatively 'young' ghosts might have of the one man in Smallville able to see and hear them.

"Right," Lex acknowledged the information. "So, the newest is, what, ten years dead? I'm not going to have to explain about being a ghost, right?"

"No, no," Robert assured. "They picked that up quickly enough. You'll just be their first wizard encounter, so I don't know how they will take finding out that a living person can respond to them."

Lex nodded. "Thank you, Robert. Is there anything else I should know about the other Scottish ghosts?"

"Only that we lost a few who were bound to the castle grounds instead of the castle itself. Also, if you find yourself in need of a potions assistant for your laboratory, Edward - the poltergeist scholar in the library that I mentioned earlier - has been known to be a steady hand at stirring. He also enjoys a good academic debate and will be glad to discuss nearly any subject if you find yourself in need of a companion who understands magical theory."

Lex made a mental note to seek out this Edward later. He sounded like one of the most interesting of the castles' deceased inhabitants.

"The rest you may meet for yourself. There are seventeen of us all told, including the poltergeists and the two new Americans. Some keep to particular areas of the castle, others wander about and can even go out on the grounds here, though I believe myself and Becca are the only ones who can venture as far as the muggle town nearby. Sir Liam might be able to as well, though he usually keeps his excursions to the surrounding forest."

"You have been most helpful, Robert. I'm glad to have you."

"Sir." Robert bowed, and nodded toward Lex's laptop. "I'll leave you to your finish your tea and return to your muggle gadgetry."


Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7