AUTHOR: Drake of Dross
PAIRING: no pairing
SPOILERS: PoA and GoF just to be safe
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and associated characters and places are the property of JK Rowlings.
SUMMARY: Snape's personal research project finally reaches fruition.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is an entry in the Harry Potter Mpreg Fuh-Q-Fest (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/harrypottermpreg/)
Challenge: 28. A wizard invents the magical apparatus of male
pregnancy. Before revealing it to the world, he tests it -- on himself.
Show us his motives and tell us about the magical process through which
pregnancy is achieved. (Submitted by Selua)
AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Assumes 1991 was the year of Book One, and Severus was 34 years old that year.
Sev's Riting Jurnal
Today Father sayed that a Wizard can do anything.
I am spektical.
Severus's Writing Journal
One year of Hogwarts over. I begin to believe Father is right. A wizard can, perhaps, do anything.
Severus's Writing Journal
I turned fifteen today. Father gave me 'the talk'. I got him to admit
there was one thing a wizard cannot do. It took ten years, but I
finally found the exception. Even Father had to concede that a wizard
cannot carry a child.
Snape's Potions I Laboratory Notebook
Assignment: Polyjuice Potion
. . . the boomslang skin mixes with the lacewing flies, creating an
outward change of physical appearance (would using boomslang heart
muscle make an internal change? - research that) . . .
Snape's Potions II Laboratory Notebook
Assignment: Love Potion # 9
. . . (you'd think a college level course wouldn't stoop to love
potions just because of Valentine's Day, especially LP#9. Wouldn't,
say, fertility potions be a better use of our skills? Mixing human seed
with the crushed rabbit uterus in the fourth step would preclude even
needing to go through with the mess of normal fertilization.) . . .
Theoretical Potions HW 4
Severus S. Snape
. . . long believed by many to be utterly impossible, a potion to
create pregnancy in a male body. I propose that using a process similar
to polyjuice . . .
B- Your (very creative!) theory, while intuitive, is not supported by the literature cited.
. . . Father, you will be pleased to hear I have been successful in
becoming the youngest potions master in England. . . . I blame you for
my only grade ever less than an A. . . .
. . . (I was an idiot. Using the polyjuice base for male pregnancy
would either have no effect because the body would return to its normal
internal configuration after only an hour, or would create some kind of
horrible magical backlash when the zygote reabsorbed.) . . .
. . . elephant toenails to increase longevity (would that help polyjuice last longer? Empirical testing is necessary.) . . .
. . . the four batches of Polyjuice with various amounts of elephant
toe nails have completed. I must admit I put entirely too much
consideration into deciding whose hair to use . . .
Batch 1: Filch, control
As expected, the duration was one hour on the unmodified formula.
Batch 2: McGonagall, 1 toe nail, whole
The duration was not affected. Nor was the affect. Trevor Nott was
delightfully astonished when the Head of Gryffindor broke up a fight
between him and a pair of Gryffindors without dropping Slytherin's
point count. Gryffindor, of course, lost 40.
Batch 3: Dumbledore, 1 toe nail, powdered
The duration extended to 6 hours. However, while I grew a white beard,
and my skin became wrinkled, I looked more like Albus's Snape cousin
than Albus himself.
Batch 4: Trelawney, 1 toe nail, finely sliced
Success! 6 hr duration, minimal effect on functionality. If it weren't
for the horrible wafting perfume she wears, I probably would have
enjoyed those six hours. I was somewhat astonished to find she garners
the same looks of horror on students' faces as I do. She may have
stolen my title of least favourite teacher. After all, 1/4 of the
pupils like me.
The next four batches of polyjuice have finished.
Batch 1: Filch, control
Batch 2: McGonagall, 0.5 toe nail, finely sliced
Three hours. That is two hours too long to be stuck as a Gryffindor.
Batch 3: Dumbledore, 2 toe nails, finely sliced
Fifteen bloody hours. Missed class and refused to acknowledge knocks on my door. I will not test Batch 4 (3 toe nails) until summer break.
Batch 4: Trelawney, 3 toe nails, finely sliced
Over one whole day as the bat in the attic. Approximately 28 endless
hours. One can predict death only so many times before it become
Analysis of Elephant toe nails on Polyjuice longevity Regression
suggests a relation of 2x^2 + 3x + 1 where x is the number of toe nails
and the equation resolves to the number of hours. For nine months of
pregnancy, there are - simplifying the number weeks to 4 weeks per
month, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day - 672 hrs/month, use a factor of
safety of 10 months; 6720 hours for the gestation period. Solve for x,
rounding up: 58 toe nails.
Another year begins. Potter's son started this year. Merlin, I feel
old. Today's topic: youth potions. Particularly apt, as Albus gave me
Flamel's notes to look over on the Philosopher's Stone; the man is
positively genius. I think Father was right all along. . .
Wolfsbane Potion: I am modifying the original recipe to include some of
my theories. Included are the use of lacewing flies and boomslang heart
muscle to create a flux in the body's internal organ structure and
allow the change to occur more painlessly . . . Since the change occurs
in less than an hour, elephant toe nails are not required. . .
Lupin reported a decrease in pain, though he says it is still unpleasant. I will tweak with the formula . . .
With the return of Voldemort, my research returns to stronger pain reducers. . .
Potion Grade Ledger
Miss Granger displays continued ability to apply course material in
other classes and her experience to her potions essays. A particularly
astute observation is the affect of a person's wand core on their
magical center and how the dist-
Severus dropped the quill. "Sweet Merlin. I can do it." Muttering under
his breath about magical centers and binding magic to the body, he
gathered ingredients. More mutters, as he set up the cauldron. "Should
have got a bloody A on that assignment . . . Show her."
Based on the Polyjuice Potion, it took just as long for the Male
Pregnacy potion to brew, giving him time to create the fertilization
potion in the mean time.
It was just after finals when they both were finished. Accustomed to
testing his own potions on himself, especially lately what with the
pain relief potions he'd been working on, he barely thought about it
before imbibing them both.
It was with clinical detachment that he observed and recorded his bodily changes.
The addition of a small piece of my wand core feather was successful in
grafting the magically created womb into my physical system, just below
rectum to allow the grown fetus to exit the body using a process very
like female labour. The experiment fully confirmed all my theories.
Letter to Snape Manor
You were right the first time. You may be pleased to know that a wizard can indeed do anything.
It was a very pale and ill-looking wizard who knocked on Albus's office
door late that June. The Headmaster invited him in, worriedly asking
the first assumption that came to him, "Did Voldemort summon again you
But Severus only shook his head, then turned frightened black eyes
toward the older wizard. Albus's stomach flopped. Anything that managed
to shake Severus was bad. "No. Albus. I'm . . ." if anything, the young
man turned even whiter than before, "pregnant." The word was whispered
so quietly, Albus almost missed it.
The Headmaster blinked. "Speak up, Severus, I misheard you. My ears
must be going." He could have sworn the boy said he was pregnant.
His potions master glared, but, through his fear, it lacked its usual strength. "You heard right."
"No, I don't think I did."
The young man's eyes flared in true irritation, shadowing out the young
man's terror. "I. Am. Pregnant." He repeated, this time the enunciation
was impossible to mistake. To clarify issues that needed no
clarification, he added, "With child, up the duff, knocked up, whatever
slang you wish to use to convey that in eight and one half months I
will be giving childbirth."
Albus had experienced a lot in his long life. But even he had never heard of a wizard becoming pregnant. "Are you certain?"
Severus glowered. "Yes, assuming my potion works correctly." To suggest
otherwise was tantamount to suicide. Even Albus knew better than to
question Severus about a potion he made.
"You made yourself pregnant?" he asked carefully, as that was what the
conversation's latest twist implied, but Severus seemed far from happy
"Yes!" By his tone, one would think Albus had asked about something remarkably obvious.
"And you are upset because . . ." the headmaster trailed off, hoping the young man would pick up his slack.
"Because I'm not parent material! I hate kids! I certainly don't want to actually create one!"
Albus was quiet, utterly stumped on why Severus would make himself pregnant against his own will.
"This is all Father's fault."
Albus blinked. If he remembered correctly, Septimus Snape had disowned his son years ago.
Then Severus did a remarkable thing. Well, less remarkable than
becoming pregnant, but still remarkable. He smirked proudly. "Even he
said it couldn't be done, but I can do it."
"What can you do, Severus?"
"Anything," the potions master declared with vicious triumph.
With that attitude, Albus decided, the boy would make an excellent father. Er, mother.