III

Nagi wasn't there when he woke up. He hadn't really expected him to be. It was all good. It was better than good; it was a relief. The memory of his body, the smoothness of his skin, the feel of the young boy in arms was quickly gone and replaced by nagging dread: What to do, he pondered while restlessly tossing on the bed. What to do, how to deal, how to make it go away...because that was what he had to do...Ignore the whole affair, as if it had never happened. As if he'd never gotten to know his own feelings. That was the reasonable...the *only* option in this...He knew now, that he himself, was capable of feeling. He wasn't at all so sure about about Nagi. The boy was cold. Too serious. Too...passionate, yielding in his arms. Fucking with a edge, nothing but strong, smooth limbs and hot burning fire. Chocolate pudding and whipped cream, the feeling of Nagi Naoe when he was taken. Sweet and delicate and dark. Velvety and delicious... His body reacted to the thoughts...the memories of the previous night. - Before it had been ripped and burned to ashes by bitter taint and blood scented past. Before he'd looked himself in the mirror and seen a different side.

He cursed himself for not seeing it sooner. He'd been obsessed by the idea of having him...he should have known...should have figured...But then again, he didn't think much of his own heart. It was somewhat shrouded, buried deep - what was left of it. Always drowning in other people's noise. He'd worked so hard on shielding himself from other minds, other's emotions. It was hard to tell where his own heart began. Find the limits of his own mind...not to include his own, often rather painful, feelings in the process. Keep them out and away. He couldn't afford to feel much. The defenses he'd built were fragile... if one brick fell...

On the other hand it was a simple emotion. Easy to deal with. All rock hard and smooth. He was in love with Nagi Naoe. In love...so easy. So uncomplicated. Pure, that falling. No taste at all.

Almost white...almost, - not quite - for it was egg-shaped and had a kernel of pain in it's midst. The seed could never grow into something beautiful. Just something tangled and poisonous. There was nothing but darkness and hurt in there under the scale. Nothing alive and healthy could come of it...

Nagi was a child of pain. Schuldich was born a riot. Nagi was insensitive to other's hurt. Schuldich ate it like candy.

The boy was ice and mint. Schuldich was fire and cinnamon. Together they were part of Shcwartz. Together they were bloodied demons.
Freaks...killers...lunatics...nightmares. Schuldich wasn't stupid - he knew perfectly well what they were.

He didn't think Nagi capable of feeling - on the other hand he hadn't thought the boy capable of falling to pieces like he had last night either. Hadn't thought him capable of feeling so deeply. Display such chaotic infernos of confusion and pain. That the injustice and wrong done to him had marked him so severely. And the passion...Oh God! - The passion! He'd been taken aback by that as well...the complete letting go. The surrender of control...He'd meant to fuck him yes, but hadn't expected such a one-man show. He'd thought it'd be a fight for dominance, not the yielding youth beneath him. The pliant and willing body, rocking with him for release.

Schuldich body reacted again and he moved a bit uneasy on the mattress and studied the red teeth marks on his index finger. Evidence of Nagi's peak. His pleasure the night before.

It had broken something in the boy.

And cracked his own shields open. Let him get a glimpse of his own long forgotten, but obviously still living, heart.

Schuldich sighed. There was nothing to do with it though. No action that was either reasonable or right. He would have to let it go. Nagi would probably not stand in the way of such a solution either...

And no more chocolate pudding, he reminded himself while quickly jerking off. Stained the satin sheets with milky white droplets. Don't even go there, he thought with conviction. No more taste of Nagi's raspberry and mint, he continued while quickly approaching the edge. No more dreaming of those buttocks...He came with a deep moan, pictured plum colored nipples smeared with white. Shiny, blue eyes looked at him, shrouded by lust - in his mind.

**********************

He was good. He did very well, Schuldich thought proud when he finally meet Nagi again the following night. The boy had hidden well during the day, but Schuldich hadn't looked for him either. Actually he'd been careful not too look. Deliberately avoiding searching the corner of the rooms with his eyes when he entered them. Deliberately avoiding...searching out Nagi's shoes with his gaze in the hall, his mug in the sink. Tried not to notice the faint smell of cream and brown sugar that accompanied Nagi's morning coffee. Instead he'd went shopping. Spent hours with the energetic clerk in the wine store, tasting and picking the best of the rich, red, wines on the very-expensive shelf.

He'd visited his tailor, and tried not to think of how lovely the deep red silk he was caressing with his palm would look against Nagi's pale skin and dark colors.

When he passed by a flower shop and instantly fell for some beautiful orange blossoms on the sidewalk, he had to stop the car once he'd turned the corner and laugh. He hadn't seriously been thinking of buying them for Nagi had he? How utterly...idiotic. How ridiculously stupid! It was as if the mere knowledge of how he felt had created some sort of rush. The feeling was acknowledged and so it refused to die...go away.

True, it was the first real, *new* feeling he'd had in years. The first one in ages to seep out from the noise and take shape as a independent emotion...But *this* was ridiculous. Next think he'd probably be buying heart shaped chocolates and roses...and *mean* it this time when he had them delivered. He was annoyed. Angry. Furious with Nagi for reasons he couldn't quite pin point but that was ok - because he didn't care why. He'd never been the one to bother with reason. The brat had caused all this - so he was angry with him.

He treated himself to a nice meal at an Italian restaurant. Drank far too much wine - toyed with the thought of picking up a boy on his way home but dismissed it. They were close to a mission and Crawford was always jumpy right before a new job. And there was the kid...of course. He'd always loathed self-denial, both in himself and others. He found people's need to hide and explain their thoughts and urges stupid and weak. So of course he thought of Nagi, and since this cruel weak spot was already developed and strong - there was no point in denying he was afraid that taking a lover home would somehow hurt the boy. Add to his seemingly bottomless self-loathing and pain. And truth be told he didn't feel like it either. His body was still sated; which was a shame though, since sex always had a good effect on him. Gave him peace of mind.

Damn that boy! Here he was in shreds and pieces over him...and the brat didn't even appreciate him like he should. Hadn't even taken time to conclude it was the best sex he'd ever had before drowning himself in that pitch black pit of pain and mental horror. If he was going to bail on him like that he shouldn't have started this in the first place...shouldn't have...offered himself like that. But he had! Completely without shame. Only thing missing had been a sign saying 'Fuck me' on his back. 'Eager boi this way' on his door. And if he hadn't started this in the first place, Schuldich would never have seen himself in the mirror...never been faced with this uncomfortable truth. Never been haunted by romantic urges...orange blossoms indeed, Schuldich spat. And now the kid sat back home, all mighty and in demand. Brooding over his misery, probably cursing Schuldich in his mind. Jumpy and nervous to see him again...either that or, ice cold and composed. Annoyingly calm and defensive...He hated the boy for creating this situation. Hated him for...still being a tempting treat. For making Schuldich want him. Hated him for...making him fantasize about red silk and flowers. Chocolate hearts...

This had to stop!

Schuldich drove home. He entered the mansion in a determined fury. The visible parts of it drained away and hidden. Nagi would get what Nagi wanted. And damn if he was going to sulk over him. No way was the boy to see what kind of havoc he'd caused in the mastermind's master mind, he fumed inwardly and was instantly struck by internal lightning when the black-haired boy looked up at him from the lap top screen with big, blue eyes, oozing with surprise and insecurity. Never had he looked so young. So damned fragile and unprotected.
Schuldich threw his bags on the spacious kitchen table and turned his back to the boy. Opened a bottle from one of the bags and poured himself a glass of wine. Bought himself time. Hid the surprise.

" Schuldich...?" At last. His voice was so soft.

" Yes," he snarled, he knew it. Couldn't help it. He suddenly got aware of the clattering sound from the cupboards. Glasses and plates were trembling on the shelves.
* Don't break anything...Crawford would get pissed.*

* I'm sorry...*

* For what?*

* The noise...*

Schuldich laughed. He'd been sure the boy would give him the regret-rant. He certainly seemed upset enough, not being able to keep his powers under control. He usually had a will of steel.

" Talk, Nagi..." he demanded. Better to get it over with. " Your thoughts are swarming like bees in here." And it was true. The unfocused energy from the youth made it hard to breathe, created an almost unbearable pressure in the room.

* Can't you just look inside?* The boy was serious.

* Why bother ? You can't even make sense of it yourself, it would give *me* a headache.*

" I - I was just thinking..." the boy didn't argue Schuldich point. " I was thinking that since we work together and all it probably would be best if...If we please could just forget that any of this happened," he said without breathing.

* You'd like that wouldn't you?* Schuldich was still fuming and didn't care to hide it anymore.

" Are you angry because I left?"

Schuldich didn't answer. Didn't trust himself to say anything in that moment. Didn't want to blow it. And he was too mad to be sure he wouldn't. How had he ended up the weak part in this? So utterly at a disadvantage.

He made a decision and flung his thoughts into Nagi's mind. Probed around in there... there had to be something besides shame, pain and regret. Some sort of lingering aftermath that wasn't entirely bad.

* ...Oh my god, I even said he was beautiful...how embarrassing...that was such a foolish thing to say...why did I say that...he must think me such a child...*

Schuldich leaned back on the bench, crossed his arms over his chest and laughed out loud.

" My god, Nagi. You're only sixteen after all aren't you!" He howled with laughter.

* What?!* Nagi's cheeks were stained with red and the clattering sound increased.

Schuldich probed inside again and this time it wasn't as pleasant:

* ...How could I do that? With him of all people...that arrogant worm...he'd crush me with delight...snickering...treacherous...bitch...enemy...Hate him..hate...hate...!* The first couple of high stemmed glasses fell down from the shelf and got crushed on the tiled floor.

" Are you *sure* about that?" Schuldich had lowered his voice. Swam in the thick, dark boiling heat of Nagi's anger. Didn't taste of raspberries and mint. Tasted bitter. Like dry poisonous herbs.

" Yes," Nagi hissed and looked at him with eyes so dark they almost didn't look blue at all. He'd lowered his lids and the visible parts of his eyes shone with an almost metallic glow.

* Forced me...seduced me...attacked me in my own bed...I said no...he tempted me...on top of me...worked me up...made me want it...do it...disgusting!* The big glass bowl on the bench behind him exploded with a loud crushing sound. Schuldich didn't flinch.

" You *seemed* to like at the time! And let me *again* remind you who started it." he snarled. The light bulbs started blinking frenetically above his head.

* ...his fault...!* Nagi's mind screamed in Schuldich's. Unable to shield he took it in: *...walking around in those skin tight pants...long fingers...caressing the stem of his glass...teasing eyes...long, long hair...skin like cream caramel...makes me want to touch him...breath him...feel him...pure sex...smells so good...* it came in a irrational tumble.* Touch the silken fall of his hair...auburn fire touches me...* Nagi thought in a angry mixture of lust and despair.

Schuldich grinned widely. Suddenly smug and confident by the bench. The light bulbs exploded and showered the floor with tiny pieces of glass. Schuldich was forced to move over to the table with unnatural speed to avoid the flying glass.

* Careful, sugar...you don't want me all scarred and ugly do you?* he uttered with his heart in his throat but still sipping at the wine.

* Then you'd be all mine!* Nagi's thoughts answered spontaneously and threw the boy into another fit of fury: * Hate him...stupid...evil...games...hate him...don't want him...I'm weak...weak...weak...* Schuldich marveled at him and brewed inwardly with astonished laughter. This was so not what he had expected. Coldness and hate, yes. But not this hungry fire...

* Want to go upstairs and fuck?* Schuldich couldn't help it.

* Yes!* The boy's mind screamed. "No!" He blurted out and reddened. The table started trembling and all of Crawford's best porcelain, the one he used to impress their employees fell down to the tiled floor in a rush of scrambling noises.

Schuldich threw his glass after it and rolled himself over table faster than the boy could think and landed in his lap, straddling the skinny thighs.

" Nagi..." he purred close to the boy's ear. Leaned in with his hands on the boy's shoulders.
* You can't fight me, you know that...* he claimed his lips without waiting for a reply. Plundered his mouth with the tip of his tongue. Nagi gave a startled sigh, then he yielded and became all soft again, kissed him hungry and warm. His eagerness and the sensations he created with that little mouth of his flooded through Schuldich like a rush of sugar. Made him cup the boy's head, make the kiss deeper, more insistent. He pushed his groin into closer contact with Nagi's lithe body. The boy's eyes fell partly shut. Low moans escaped his throat as he struggled to keep up with Schuldich's fire. Pale fingers tangled in tresses of silken red.

* My god - that hair* he sighed inwardly.

* My god, that passion!* Schuldich chuckled in reply, and made a mistake. He should have realized it was one, but he was too thrilled and overwhelmed by the sweet sensations. The surprising turn of the afternoon.

" No! Not passion! " Nagi screamed and threw him off. Schuldich flew over the table and across the room and hit the stove with his back. His head hit in a awkward angle and dammit, it hurt like hell!

" Nagi!" He growled furious just to see whatever was left on the shelves come down in one big shower of glass and ceramics. The drawers flew open and forks, spoons and knives scattered across the tiles while the broken light bulbs buzzed and the napkins in their holder flew like scared ghosts through the air above him. The chairs by the table spun on one leg or crossed the floor like cars with mighty drunk drivers crashing into the walls. One of them almost hit his leg.
* What the fuck is wrong with you?! If I am mad you're beyond insane!* Schuldich bitched from the floor. Not afraid, not quite. He'd seen worse. Much worse...But he was annoyed, and insulted! And angry!

A cool, dry voice from the door made it all stop:

" We have all seen your powers, Nagi. You won't impress anyone here. Please stop." Buzzing thoughts. Crisp like winter's snow: * I swear; if I have to raise another 'gifted' teenager I'll go fucking insane!*

" Schuldich stop teasing the boy," -* he is going through a phase, you know that.* - "Nagi- you'll be paying for this..." Crawford motioned to the floor with his palm, then he turned on his heels and left. Farfarello's amber eye stared at them from the open doorway.

"Angry...Nagi?" He smirked before chasing after Crawford, probably wanting something sharp and shiny.

Nagi stood panting on the floor. His hands curled into fists by his sides. Schuldich could swear he saw trickles of clear moisture on the boy's cheeks and quickly killed the seeds of compassion. He rose with what dignity he could measure and his thoughts brewed red.

* Silly, stupid little boy! I should've known better than to waste my time on a child...* He brushed pieces of glass and dust from his clothes. * You're right, you know. You are nothing but a worthless...useless...available...whore. * He gritted his teeth and shot the boy an icy glare: * But don't worry...* he added. * I don't fuck mess ups like you - no matter how available they are or how convenient...Sleep tight, Nagi Naoe,* he fired over his shoulder while heading for the door. * *I* wont be coming after your skinny body again...not if you fucking paid me - and you're too much of a ugly freak to make anyone else do the deed!*

He didn't wait to feel how the words stung. Knew they would. Nagi was sixteen and he'd just confirmed all his worst fears. He just headed for the stairs, the adult space of his own room. His own refreshing shower and the blessed solitude of his own bed - and his heart fucking bled. It bled...and he didn't know why! He hadn't been rejected...not personally. Nagi was practically drooling on the soil he walked on. But he felt very badly treated. Here he'd been holding him through a difficult night, offered him sex, maybe even his love and all the boy could think of was some twisted sense of pride. Being ridden by old, insignificant nightmares...

Nobody treated Schuldich like that! If the brat wanted indifference and ignorance...if he wanted to feel lonely and unloved. Worthless; a piece of shit, well that, by everything unholy, was exactly what the brat would get from him...

Throw him across the room, - how dared he?! -- And cursing some sort of non-existent weakness...fearing his own flesh: How pathetic! Schuldich fumed while turning the shower on
What he deserved, he supposed, by engaging with a teenager...He should get himself a man. A grown up sexy man with a healthy appetite, he decided...And Nagi Naoe was definitely banned from his bed.


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