III


Omi woke up to sensual bliss. Slender fingers stroking his firm hardness to a state of weeping need. There were fingers behind him as well, trailing the crack of his buttocks, gently probing, slick and warm. Hair brushed his shoulders and lips were playing at the back of his neck, licking him gently made shivers run down his spine. Smooth, slender legs slid over him and the other's heavy breathing tickled in his ear.

"Nagi..." Omi smiled with delight. Remembered where he was, who he was with.

"You're awake," the other murmured hotly and pushed his own erection in contact with Omi's rear.

"So...you want to fuck *me* now?" Omi grinned lazily.

"Do you mind? Doing it like this?" Nagi's voice sounded low and earnest.

"Not at all." Omi stretched his body free from sleep and curled it back up again. Went limp and drowsy and prepared to just enjoy Nagi's ministration. "It's been a while... that's all... so be careful, will you?!"

"Of course..." Nagi sounded amused.

Omi heard the cap of the lotion bottle snap open and shivered with slightly. Felt the cool fingers separating his flesh slowly become warmer as they circled his opening, carefully moved inside, pushed their way through muscles and flesh to stroke his insides. Omi knew how to relax, forced his body to be still and accept the intrusion. Gave small whimpers of delight every time Nagi changed angle or inserted more fingers, all the time while stroking Omi's arousal from base to tip, forcing more salty tears to seep out, trickle down the shaft and spread over Nagi's fingers.

"I'm sore..." Omi smiled and twitched. "Be careful." He laughed.

He felt Nagi smile behind him as well while gently continue preparing him.

"Oh," Omi startled and moaned deeply when Nagi's fingertip finally brushed that delightful spot, the secret nub of pleasure.

"Was that good?" Nagi asked in his ear.

"Yes..."Omi breathed. "Please, get on with it will you?" His voice was eager now, his body less willing to lie still. His breathing increased and small moans and whimpers escaped his lips.

"Turn over," Nagi whispered breathlessly and Omi did as he was told, presenting his slick channel to the other man in an utterly shameless gesture. Hips lifted off the sheets to give Nagi's fingers access to the throbbing member underneath. He gave a delightful little scream of pleasure when Nagi's erection pressed against his tight opening and pushed a couple of inches in. Nagi paused for a while, then obviously made a decision and continued the slow intrusion inch by inch until he was fully sheathed inside, then he stopped and breathed heavy for a while before just as slowly redrawing. "Are you ok?" he asked Omi.

"Yes!" Omi burst out, cheeks flushed with anticipation. "Just... don't stop," he breathed.

Nagi gave that sweet little chuckle of his again and continued moving. Sinking slowly in and out of his lover's body. Omi moaned with pleasure, arched himself up to meet every thrust downward, urging him on with his body, thrusting himself in Nagi's hand.

"Please," he begged half-conscious. "Please... my Nagi, do that again... Feels so good," he moaned. He felt Nagi's teeth gently bite and nip at his shoulder and heard small sighs escape the other as he increased the pace.

"Am I yours?" the dark haired man spoke through heavy breathing.

"Yes..." Omi sighed deeply.

"And you're mine?" Nagi continued.

"I am yours," Omi answered and threw his head back, gave strangled cry. Closed his eyes and bit his lips while pressing his rear to the thrusting hips behind him. "I love you, " he sighed and felt his eyes fill with tears. Spilling them all and his essence simultaneously. Covering Nagi's hand in creamy white, his pillow in bitter salt.

Nagi collapsed on top of him. Panting loudly in his ear. He could feel warm liquid pour out of his body when his lover withdrew. Withdrew to snuggle up beside him. All tiny and warm against the wall. Curled around his limbs like a cat, urging him to turn and face him. Hold him in his arms. They lay there for a while, basking in the sweet aftermath. Small licks and kisses were placed on the other's face and neck. Lips locked and stayed there for endless moments.

At last Omi spoke. His voice was pained. His eyes held sorrow. "Are you sure this must be the end of it? - Of us?" he asked the other.

Nagi didn't answer, he just nodded slightly. And then he said no more. Just watched silently as Omi clenched his jaw and slowly freed himself from Nagi's limbs. Rose from the bed and padded over the floor to the bathroom.

Omi closed the door behind him, leaned against it and let out his breath, brushed away his tears with the back of his hand. He took in the white interior. The sink, the small tub. The shattered mirror on the wall. All the pieces were still in place but a spider web pattern crisscrossed the silvery surface. Made it useless for its purpose. The rest was neat. White towels, toothpaste. A blue toothbrush on the spotless sink. That was all. No heaps of clothes or bottles of cologne. Just smooth and white and cold, cold, cold. Omi picked up the toothbrush, just to hold it in his hand. Found a strange satisfaction in knowing that the next time Nagi used it, he would cover Omi's fingerprints with his own. He put it back on the sink. Did his business and washed with Nagi's lavender scented, white soap bar. Dried his hands on a soft, clean towel. The faint smell of roses and black tea clung to it. Could not be completely washed off, no matter how much soap and fabric softener Nagi used. It smelled of him. Of Nagi Naoe, and nobody else but him.... and now, maybe a little bit of Omi... He wondered if Nagi would notice. If he would search for his scent in the fabric, look for hair strands in his bed, or if he would simply peel them off, the stained bed sheets, and wash them the same day, or throw them away... Or if he would keep them as a treasure for as long as possible. As long as one could possibly keep dirty laundry without the maid getting suspicious... like he had done.

He opened the door and entered the bedroom. Nagi's naked form captured his gaze, made it hard to look away. Nagi's eyes stared empty out in the room. Didn't look at Omi at all. He looked lost... lost and defeated, like a lonely child.... Omi swallowed hard and crossed the floor again, paused for a while in the door leading out to the living room, looked back at him. The silent, white figure with the dark, unreadable eyes. Frozen like a statue. Motionless... calm...

He entered the living room with new tears burning in his eyes. There had been a time when he always cried. When his heart was pure and his feelings closer to the surface. Now, it was a most unusual thing... He picked up his clothes and put them on. Let his shredded shirt lie there on the floor, but picked up one of the buttons to keep as a sentimental memorabilia. He put on his coat over his naked torso and buttoned it. Fastened the scarf around his neck. Then he paused by the door, not able to let go just yet, like this, without a goodbye. He turned and crossed the floor again. Pulled a piece of light blue cardboard out of his pocket and placed the card on the table. It was a feeling, more than anything else that told him the other man was there. Standing in the doorframe to the bedroom with only a pair of white, soft pants hanging from his narrow hips. His arms crossed in front of him. Expression serious and calm. Eyes, dark and pained.

Omi swallowed hard. "If you ever... find that you want me in your life," he spoke and motioned to the card with his fingers. He dropped his gaze, unable to keep looking at him... The sight of his beautiful face pained him now that he knew that it was lost to him.

He turned his back on the still figure and walked slowly towards the door. When he reached for the handle, something floated before his sight. Something white that drifted in the air before suddenly stopping, falling down before his feet. It was a flower, with creamy white petals. A magnolia from the vase on the table. Its stem still wet, two petals missing from its flight through the air... Omi bent over and picked it up. Then he turned to look at Nagi, but he was gone. Nowhere to be seen... and his card was missing from the table. With a bittersweet smile and the airborn flower tightly clutched in his hand, Omi opened the door and left.

********************************

Days, weeks and months flew by. Omi was still thinking of Nagi. He would stand by his office window and look into the night, picture him in his mind. Caress the button he carried in his pocket like a good luck charm. Sometimes he would pass his building at night, look at the soft blue light from his bedroom window, wonder if he was there... if he was thinking of him.

Eventually though, as time passed and nothing happened, his heart still ached and still in vain, he was forced to accept the possibility of never seeing Nagi again. Still he grieved, knew in his heart he would never meet someone who would touch him in that way again...

He started dating a young lawyer who worked for the organization. He was funny and charming. Looked good as well. Still he could never bring himself to take him to bed. Their dates ended there, in front of the hotel that seemed to have become Omi's permanent home. A soft kiss and he called it a night. He knew it was just a matter of time though, before he would have to end it all or make the relationship more serious. Still... to sleep with someone else felt like erasing the memory of Nagi from his body and was something he dreaded doing. As if it would make the memories less vivid, close the door and separate them even further. Time would heal him somewhat he knew, but in this case it took a lot of it.

*********************************

Omi woke with a start, aware of it being late at night. His room was dark, the familiar feel and warmth of his bed unchanged. Still there was something that just wasn't right. His hand searched under his pillow for the dart arrows he kept there. Found one and hid it in his palm, ready to be thrown or used as a piercing weapon.

"Don't," the familiar voice sounded through the darkness.

"Nagi?" Omi's heart started racing, he reached for the light on his bed stand.

"Don't!" Nagi said again. "Don't turn it on... I just wanted to be here, to see you... that's all."

"Why?" Omi tried to clear his mind.

"Why? Are you angry? Shouldn't I have come? Were you expecting someone?"

"At this hour? No. And I never... expect... anymore." A feeling of joy struggled to battle down those of bitterness and betrayal, sorrow and grief inside.

"Aren't you happy that I'm here?" Nagi's sweet voice sounded in the darkness. Omi's eyes had adjusted somewhat now, could make out his still form by the window.

"You hurt me," he simply said. Grateful for the darkness now, as seeing him would have been too much.

"Do you think of me? Ever?" The question sounded from the other side of the room.

"I think of you far too much!" Omi's voice betrayed him. Let out his frustration and despair.

"I am sorry." The calm, clear voice reached his ears.

Omi was about to ask how he had gotten inside, but realized that doors hardly was any challenge for a man with Nagi's gifts. Instead he asked the most obvious question;

"What do you want, Nagi?"

The still form by the window moved. Approached Omi's bed and settled on the wooden frame. Omi felt the mattress move under him when Nagi sat down. Confirmed the other's presence... His closeness was electrifying. Sent pangs of fire through Omi's body.

"Do you want me to sleep with you?" Nagi's hand brushed his hair and traveled down his cheek, smooth and warm.

"Not if you're going to leave," Omi's voice held bitterness.

Instead of withdrawing, Nagi climbed up in the bed. Curled himself up on top of the blankets, close enough for Omi to touch.

"I am so tired," Nagi said. "Would you let me rest here, Omi?" he asked.

"Of course." Omi reached out a hand and laid it gently on top of Nagi's head. Shivered slightly when he felt the silken softness of his hair against his palm.

"Thank you," Nagi whispered, a deep sigh of contentment slipped his lips and he moved a little bit closer to Omi.

Omi just lay there for a while. Afraid to speak, afraid to move. Afraid to make any action that would drive the other man away. Still he wasn't sure if his presence there was a good thing or not. It could very well mean pain for Omi when the night was over. Still the feel of him, his fingers tangled in that raven black hair... The body heat radiating from him, it was bliss. Omi still loved him, oh yes, he did. There was no denying....

"Come. Let me hold you," his voice was low and uncertain. The power of the longing, the need to hold him close so strong...

Nagi's lithe form rose to his knees on the bed. His fingers searched for and found the entrance to Omi's warm cave under the blankets. Omi helped him, lifted the fabrics and invited him in. Nagi quickly slipped in under the covers to be enveloped by Omi's arms. He held the shivering figure, pulled him closer. Prayed he wouldn't notice the effect his presence had on him. Knew this was a time for holding, nothing more... Nagi felt cold, his skin was damp with perspiration. He wore only a short-sleeved shirt over his pants. The smell of black tea and roses caught in Omi's nostrils, spoke to his brain like a powerful aphrodisiac. He heard himself moan slightly.

"Nagi..." No other words needed to be spoken. That one word held it all. All his love and his longing...He felt the other's hands slip over his shoulders, lace at the back of his neck. His body fit so well in Omi's arms. The feel of him so close made him wish... No! He wouldn't go there again... No more idle dreams and fantasies... No more wishing this could be a permanent arrangement. No more hoping that Nagi would stay. Yet... the dream was intriguing... to wake up with him, go to sleep, -with this beautiful creature in his arms...

"Omi." It was just a whisper. A small utterance of contentment as Nagi settled in his arms. His body relaxed and fell into his. "Are you still my lover, Omi?" he asked in a low voice.

Startled, Omi smiled. "I will always be your lover, Nagi," he answered. The weight of the words, the truth in them, saddened him though. He suddenly wished it wasn't so... that he was free...

"I'm sorry." Nagi read his mind. Omi gave a little smile in the darkness.

Suddenly, he felt something warm and liquid on his throat. He guessed it was tears. Nagi crying without a sound. Lips followed the moist trail, caressed his skin with silken brushes. Erased the salty evidence of sorrow, drank the bitterness back in...

"Can I kiss you?" Omi asked him.

"Yes..." Nagi breathed and found his lips. Pressed his own moist, soft ones to Omi's. Slipped his tongue inside. Something scrambled on a shelf and fell to the floor, a low sound, an explosion.

"Hush..." Omi soothed him. "Let's just sleep, Nagi...Relax, my love...you're safe here with me."



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