II


It had been a month since that night, when Omi finally got the brilliant idea and checked the phone book to see if Nagi was listed. He'd searched the internet, tried to track him down, but never before thought of the usual way. One that didn't involve hacking into data banks and messing with secret organizations.

He'd said the fate of the world wasn't his concern anymore. Had Omi somehow been reluctant to believe him? He didn't know...all he knew was that he'd awoken to a screamingly empty bed. Only the scent of Nagi had lingered in the sheets. The rest of him was gone. Not a trace, no evidence... nothing... scattered mirror and dying flowers aside... And Omi's heart... had gone with him. He had fallen head over heels in love with his enemy from the past. Had thrown all caution aside and would offer his heart on a plate... if only he could find the chosen creature... He just couldn't get him out of his head. He stood at his office window for hours at a time, just watching the city lights, wondering where he was... Why he'd disappeared like that? Everything had been peaceful and fine. No... better... it had been bliss. Been so good, so intimate... Omi sighed and smiled a secretive little smile. He had Nagi's number now... and his address. Which was more than the receptionist at the hotel could give him, since Nagi apparently hadn't stayed there after all. At least not under his real name... Which brought his thoughts back to secret organizations... But no, he wouldn't go there... Nagi was listed and led a normal life, as far as he could see. Since he'd admitted to not having sex since... early youth... the possibility of a wife and children wasn't very likely either. So Omi put on his best suit and went. Parked his car and pulled his sun-glasses down from his forehead. Crossed the distance to Nagi's building and with heart in throat, walked the stairs and rang the bell on the third floor. The one with Nagi's name under it. At least he would get some answers, he thought... if nothing else some answers would come of it...He hoped...

"Who is it?" Nagi's voice on the intercom. Blowing all his security away.

"Omi," he said slowly. Feared the other's reaction.

After a short moment, the door sprang open and crashed into the wall on the inside. No one was there, of course. Nagi didn't have to move to open a door. Still the violence of the act surprised him, startled him. Scared him.

He took his chances though. Entered the room with caution. Scanned the white and black interior with his eyes. There were flowers, he noticed. All white. And a white couch filled with black pillows. A black rug, a wooden table... And Nagi. Standing with his back to him. Pale arms clutching his chest. Black hair like a curtain in front of his face. He wore black jeans and top. Made him look young and strangely up to date. But Omi didn't have time to look for long. Suddenly Nagi spoke:

"You shouldn't have come here...Omi."

Omi removed his glasses and leaned slightly against the white wall. "Why not, Nagi? Why is that?" he asked. His words hurt, they stung. But he wasn't about to just give up. Turn his back on him and leave... He was in love with him.

"Why did you come?" Nagi asked back. Still clutching himself tightly, still not looking. Kept his face hidden from view.

"I should ask you... Why did you leave?" Omi's voice was soft, but some of the pain still seeped through.

"Was that wrong?" Nagi straightened his back. Let his arms fall down.

"Was it?" Omi asked back. Wondered what it would take to make Nagi at least look at him.

Nagi chuckled bitterly. "What did you want with me anyway?" he burst out. "Omi...you're just disturbing me. Go away!"

Omi took a moment, tried to think. "Do you think I was playing with you?" he said at last, surprise coloring his voice.

"Please, Omi..." Nagi's voice held no emotions. "You keep lube in your bathroom, I haven't seen a naked body besides my own since I was kid... Whatever reason you had to keep me there, it wasn't because I was so damned *good*..." The words sounded crude in the seemingly ageless man's mouth.

"Maybe it was."

"I don't believe you..." Nagi's voice sounded tired. His pale hand rose to brush strands of hair away from his forehead.

"Having a sexual life doesn't make me cold... Nagi." Omi was hurt. "It doesn't make me shallow either."

"No..." Nagi finally turned and faced him, beautiful as ever but with purple shadows under his eyes. "I'm the evil one... Remember?" He lifted his gaze slowly. Met Omi's for a moment, then abruptly looked away.

"You never gave me a chance, Nagi..." Omi struggled to sort out his thoughts. Everything Nagi threw at him. "If I didn't want you, why do you think I kissed you in the first place? Why do you think I slept with you?"

"I don't know, Omi..." Nagi's gaze pierced him. "For the fun of it? To see the enemy shivering and on his knees?"

"You don't believe that!" Omi's voice was angry now. "Why did you come along?" he asked. "Because as I remember it, you were just as eager yourself."

Nagi didn't answer. Just stood there with his arms down his sides. Looking pained and confused. Made Omi want to touch him.

"Do you want to touch me?" Nagi read his mind. "I'm a freak you know... Does that thrill you?" he spat.

"You're not a freak...you're beautiful...And the most sensuous man I've ever known..." Omi finished, slightly embarrassed at the level of emotion, passion, the other man's accusations had brought him to. "Why do you think I'm here?" he asked. Challenged the other with his words.

Nagi didn't answer, he touched him. Was by him in an instant and slid his arms over his shoulders. Covered his lips with his own. Omi gasped for air and automatically encircled Nagi's waist with his arms. Drew him closer into his embrace. Kissed him back. Tenderly. Noticed how warm he was, almost feverish, where his forehead connected with Omi's.

"Is this why you're here?" Nagi whispered in Omi's ear. "You can touch me if you like..." He pressed his body to Omi's, ground his hips against the other's. "But then you must promise to never come back," he continued. "Never seek me out again..."

Omi broke off their kiss. "I can't promise you that;" he said through heavy breathing. "I'm not going to make this kind of bargain with you..." He felt uneasy, and slightly betrayed. "I don't want it... like that, Nagi..." He drew a deep breath, drew on all his strength and courage and jumped in it. "I want to see if you and I, maybe... we could work, you know... as a couple," he said without letting Nagi go. "I don't know. Maybe it's wrong, but I... just can't stop thinking about you and... the things I'd like to do... with you." Honest blue eyes met darker pained ones. Nagi seemed to shrink in his arms, tried to pull away. "You don't want that." Omi's voice was disappointed. "You just want me to leave you alone..." he trailed off and let go of the other. His arms felt cold and empty without him.

"It's not that easy, Omi." Nagi's arms crossed over his chest again. His hair hung down and shielded his eyes as he bent his head forward, looked down at his bare toes. Perfect feet, Omi thought. Perfect and elegant and soft... "I'm not...normal, Omi... No matter how much you want me to be, no matter how much you say it doesn't matter." He looked up at Omi with lips slightly parted. A serious piercing gaze focused on Omi, held his in place. "It does matter," he said seriously. "It's not just the powers Omi... it's me..." He sighed. "Believe me... It would never work..."

Omi leaned heavily against the wall, disappointment like a bitter fluid in the back of his throat. He lifted his hand halfway towards Nagi and let it fall again. He swallowed hard, didn't know what to say.

"I can't force you... to do anything, Nagi," he started. "But won't you at least try it... If you want it… that is... If you care..." He hadn't wanted to ask. Hadn't wanted to pry into the other's emotions, but his agony was so apparent. That he was somehow pained so clear... He couldn't just leave. Just buy the other man's words and go. This was the secret love of his youth. The one that had given him the most wonderful night he could remember. The prettiest one of them all... his Nagi...

Suddenly Nagi captured his hand in his, pressed it to his chest in a passionate gesture. His face was somber, his eyes held a warning. "Don't talk like that Omi, you don't know what you're talking about... this isn't about what *I want*... It isn't about wishes... It's about me, Omi! And trust me, there's nothing in here that you want!"

Suddenly Omi realized that the other's hostility when he'd arrived hadn't had anything to do with Nagi doubting his intentions, or feelings for that matter. It didn't have anything to do with Weiss and Schwartz either... It was all about him, Nagi, and something disturbing that lay beneath. Flashes of knowledge about Nagi's past flashed though his mind. He knew, of course he knew - had always known how Nagi earned his living when he was an abandoned child on the street. Had even compared their destinies when he was younger, found a nasty comfort in that Nagi's fate had been worse... made his own pale in comparison... Still, he had never been able to really connect that knowledge with the calm, powerful creature that had been his enemy... the soft, yielding body that had graced his bed a month ago. Even if... even if Nagi had admitted that... Omi swallowed hard, felt uncertain, insecure in face of this new insight... Should have gotten the message before... but hadn't... It made him want to cry… made him want to beg the other to let him love him. Take this adventure and see where it led... Nagi had probably not been sleeping with anyone but Omi since those days. Days Omi didn't even want to try to imagine... And now... now... He swallowed his heart and tried to be brave, his face cracked open in a smile. He grabbed the other by his tense shoulder. Lifted his fingers to stroke his jaw:

"What do you want, Nagi? Be honest... Whatever you tell me to do, I'll do it." He tried to hold his voice calm. Steady his breath and his racing, aching heart...

Nagi's shoulders fell, his gaze lowered back to the floor. His voice was low when he spoke. Words uncertain. "I want you to stay... and then leave - and never come back."

"If that's what you want... I can do that..." Omi couldn't help some of the hurt and regret from breaking through his voice when he leaned in and recaptured Nagi's lips with a slight smile. Savored the sweetness, tried to drown the bitterness, the sudden void inside. His heart ached but it was impossible to let go, now...when he had him so close, like a sweet drug to his senses. He wouldn't think of it as a last time he decided. To him, it was just the beginning... Now he had Nagi there and the morning after could wait... until the morning after. Nagi's breath was a soft caress on his throat. His deep sighs told Omi how much he needed this. He refused to let his thoughts go where they shouldn't... to that place where he knew he wouldn't be allowed to give him this again, after this night...

He nuzzled his thick, black hair, brushed his back lightly with his palms. Felt Nagi's mouth connect with his skin. His fevered forehead moist against his neck. He lifted him slightly off the floor, felt his arms slide over his shoulders. Nagi kissed him deeply. Suddenly melted in his arms. How could the cold, bitter creature from just a moment ago be the same as this passionate, devoted lover in his arms? Omi wondered. How could it be that he would deny him when he obviously wanted him so badly...- needed him?

Nagi's fingers tangled in his thick blonde hair. A sweet sigh brushed his throat. Omi put him back down and continued to caress his backside, stroke his buttocks through the fabric of his black jeans. He heard his own breath become heavier. Louder, - as his own need increased. Became a powerful, pounding desire. Nagi was addictive, he decided... once touched you could never get enough, and nothing else would ever taste just as sweet...

"Nagi," he breathed. "Nagi, I want you so much..." A hint of desperation in his voice, desire for something else seeping through. Wanted him, yes, - but not just for this. Dark, serious eyes met his, glazed with desire. Fingers stroke down his cheek. Something in there, in those eyes, a light. Was it love, loss or regret? Omi couldn't decide...

Suddenly Nagi put his arms above his head and his top crept up over his skin. Revealed that creamy, softness and red nipples. It hid his face for a moment then it disappeared into the air, flew up and landed in a corner. Omi felt invisible hands tug at his coat and motioned his arms to let the fabric be peeled from his body. His coat landed in a heavy heap at his feet. His soft, blue shirt was opened with a force that sent buttons spinning, Nagi's eyes narrowed, gave him a hungry look. "He wants me," Omi thought and didn't mourn the thin fabric as it was ripped from his torso and fell in shreds to the floor. "Nagi," he whispered again. Intoxicated, dizzy - with the other's presence.

Nagi motioned his hands over his body, a few inches from his skin, mouthed something he couldn't hear. As a magician he made a gesture over Omi's crotch, did that nifty little trick of his that opened Omi's pants again, sent them sliding down his legs. Omi smiled and bent over, kicked off his shoes along with his the pants. Stood there naked and let himself be wrapped in Nagi's arms. Felt the other man's naked flesh against his own. Silken lips on his nipples. Fluttering eyelashes on his skin. Nagi sighed deeply and brushed Omi's arousal with his jeans clad hips. Made Omi startle in a not so very unpleasant way at the feel of the rough fabric. Nagi tilted his head upwards and parted his lips. Begged for kisses with his eyes closed. Omi gave them to him. Arms roamed his slender back - fingers snuck in under the jeans. They moved down on their own accord. Without breaking the kiss or opening his eyes, Nagi gracefully stepped out of them, kicked them away with his heel. Became all smooth, naked and needy against Omi's body.

"Wh...where...?" Omi cleared his throat. Caught in a maelstrom of urge and desire.

"In here," Nagi led him across the floor. Walked backward across the room, paused only to press kisses to Omi's mouth. Omi noticed that his hands shook slightly. His feet were a bit unsteady, but realized his own body was in the same state. Shivering from the need, the passion. By having the man he loved in front of him.

Nagi led him into the bedroom. A neatly done single bed filled with white, crisp sheets. A blue lamp on the nightstand and another rug on the floor, that was all. Black curtains covering the windows. A sterile room, Omi thought. Naked and cold...but he'd fill it with warmth, he silently promised.

Nagi lay on the bed, pulling Omi down with him. Down on top of him to cover his body. Their erections connected, rubbed against each other. Milky white fluid mixed and spread in a thin layer over sensitive skin. Nagi made those mewing sounds again, Omi found it incredibly arousing, made him push down harder, his mouth searched his nipples and licked them one at the time. Brushed his hair deliberately over Nagi's chest. Heard the other gasp for breath in response to his teasing.

Enough was enough. "Please..." A hoarse whisper. "I have missed you so much..."

A deep sigh from Nagi. "Yes... Do it!"

"Do you have...?"

A bewildered look, fringing on panic:

"No..."

"Anything will do...I just don't want to hurt you."

"Yes..." Nagi freed himself partly from Omi's weight, reached out to the nightstand and opened the drawer. Omi caught sight of a white bottle next to a box of tissues. He smiled.

"Will this do?" Nagi rolled back under him. Holding the white bottle of hand lotion.

"You would know..." Omi gave him a knowing look. "If it doesn't hurt you, it won't hurt me," he continued.

A deep blush on Nagi's cheeks. "No... It doesn't..." he trailed off and held out the bottle for Omi to grab.

While flipping it open and squeezing out a fair amount into the palm of his hand, Omi's head filled delicious images: Nagi alone, pleasuring himself, writhing on the white sheets with his cock in hand.

"Wish I knew what you were thinking... What kind of fantasies you have... When you're doing it..." he said while smearing the white liquid over his arousal. His voice was heated, his smile wanton while he spoke.

"And if they aren't about you...?" Nagi's voice was blurred. His eyes almost closed.

Omi startled. "I didn't think they were..." he started, while his fingers busied themselves stroking Nagi's cock and preparing the tight ring of muscle behind it, teasing it open with gentle moves.

"No," Nagi smiled and interrupted him softly. "You probably didn't... you really are Weiss." He sighed and trailed off, his eyes fell shut and a shiver ran through his body. He spread his legs, arched his hips up against Omi. Let him grab them and gently sink himself in.

"Nice," Omi breathed when the hot tightness he'd longed so for closed around his strained member.

"Yes," Nagi replied and surprised him. He'd flung one of his arms across his closed eyes and the other was curled around Omi's neck. Nagi's legs crept around his back, made his whole body rock with Omi's movements as he slowly built up a rhythm, pounding into the lithe body under him. Sweat broke out on both their foreheads and the air quickly became heated. Moans mingled with deep sighs of pleasure. Omi steadied himself with his arms on each side of Nagi. They were trembling with the effort of keeping him in place while he loved Nagi with a tenderness that slipped and became rougher as the pleasure and need for completion increased. Nagi's hand had left his forehead and he stroked himself in time with Omi's thrusts. His upper lip glistened with salty sweat and his lower one caught between strong, white teeth.

"Gods, Nagi... I can't keep this up," Omi moaned.

"Let it go..." Nagi breathed. "Fill me up!" He threw his head backwards and increased his own speed. The bed shook under their bodies and the lamp fell over and rolled off the bedstand. The curtains blew into the room and the door sprang open just to close again with a loud rattling sound. The rug left the floor and glued itself to the ceiling, The night stand itself started shaking and the drawer left the frame and flew across the room, crashed into the wall and left a trail of white paper tissues on it's way. Fluttering white ghosts that danced across the floor, caught in Nagi's storm.

"Nagi...!" Omi screamed with pleasure as the first wave hit his body and sticky, hot fluid started to pour out on Nagi's lower stomach.

"Omi."

He could hardly hear it, but the answer was there, as was the writhing body beneath him. The deep blue eyes. Wide open now, looking into his.

The lamp on the floor started blinking and one of the curtains left the window, blew across the room and fell dead to the floor when the heavy fabric hit the wall. Omi could feel the waves of pleasure pass through Nagi's body in time with his own as he filled his lover's body up. Hear those mewing moans that escaped Nagi's lips every time a new wave hit, until they were both empty and utterly spent. Then Omi fell apart on top of him. Felt sweat slick limbs slide down from his back, his forehead connect with the others. His lips found a pounding vein on his temple. Kissed it lovingly. Let his lips rest there, against the thundering blood. Just a thin surface separating him from Nagi's life stream.

He heard a thud when the rug fell to the floor. The wind had stilled. The room was peaceful. Just their heavy breathing filled the air. No unnatural wind or flying objects. Nagi's lips kissed Omi's neck. His shivering breath cooled heated skin. Omi held him close to feel Nagi's heart beats against his chest...

At last he rolled off him. It didn't really make much difference though, as the bed was anything but spacious. But Omi had no reason to complain as it left their limbs tangled and faces so close he could see every detail of lover's beautiful features. Nagi opened his eyes slowly and met Omi's. There was calm in them now. Peace...He willingly curled up in Omi's arms, slid his leg across the blonde's. Let the moist evidences of their spent passion glue them together, lock them in a intimate embrace. The smell of freshly shed perspiration filled their little space. A salty tinge in the air.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" Nagi suddenly asked . His smile was soft and almost tender when he looked at Omi.

"Should I be?" Omi asked back in a low voice. His fingers lazily traced Nagi's jaw.

"You have seen what I can do... and I... You just came wandering in here!" he burst out. "Unarmed... knowing very well who I am, *what* I am...what I have been..." He trailed off.

Omi paused before answering. "Maybe it's the time with Weiss," he said at last. "Maybe it has made me somewhat fearless..." he mused. "And maybe... maybe I thought you important enough to let down my guard... take whatever was to come..." Omi gave the other a quick, almost nervous glance.

Nagi's smile was a bit unnerving, almost vicious when he spoke. "And what if I'd rejected you... tried to hurt you?"

"You didn't..." Omi simply said but knew it was a lie. Nagi had apparently no idea of the power he held. That no invisible fingers could hurt him more than hearing the denial in Nagi's voice. To have his heart ripped out by being embraced and then thrown away from him... To know that this was the end of it.

"No..." Nagi's face softened. "I didn't," he murmured and pressed himself closer to Omi, nuzzled his face against his neck. Reminded Omi of their moment in the bathtub. The intimacy, the closeness... only this time there was a bleeding wound between them.

"You are the head of Weiss now, aren't you?" Nagi's voice sounded from the crook of Omi's neck.

Omi shifted uneasily. Didn't want this moment to shatter under the weight of the responsibilities that lay so heavy upon his shoulders.

"Yes," he said at last. "I guess I am... sort of... Technically; yes." No reason to deny it. Nagi was still Nagi and what he wanted to know he'd find out some way or the other.

A drowsy pair of eyes looked up from the comfortable warmth between their bodies. "Then how come you haven't tried to... recruit me? Don't you trust me? Is that why?" he asked.

"No." Omi almost laughed. "I can think of at least a dozen uses for you in the organization, but this..." he motioned to their naked bodies. "This between us, is between us... It has nothing to do with... politics." He sighed lightly. Tried to force his limbs back to the relaxed state of the aftermath.

"There is no us..." Nagi said without emotion. "So that's not why then," he continued. His voice sounded distant, as if he was speaking to himself.

"Why I sleep with you?" Nagi might be bright, but so was Omi. " Nagi..." The feeling of confusion rose in Omi's chest again. "Have you ever seen yourself in a mirror?" he asked in a voice that reached a peak and broke down into nothing.

Nagi chuckled. Omi couldn't believe it at first, had to rise his head from the pillow to have a look, but it was actually true; a low chuckle rose from Nagi's chest and a slight flush colored his cheeks.

"God, you look beautiful like that!" Omi burst out. "I wish you would do it more often..." Of course the remark made the delightful sounds stop immediately. Omi sighed and pulled him closer. Pain and confusion battling the pure bliss it was to have him there, so close.

"Those things," Nagi said after a while and pulled up a blanket from the floor, covered them both in soft, whiteness. "Those things you wanted to do with me, you said... What kind of things were they?"

Omi smiled slightly, recalled the delightful dreams that had been haunting him the last month. Naive dreams, he thought now. As if anything had ever proved to be simple in his life...

He gave an embarrassed, almost shy laugh. "Oh... just the usual." He smiled and clutched Nagi closer. "Take you out, go to the movies... Curl up in front of the TV and bring you morning coffee." He could feel that Nagi smiled against his chest. Wondered for a brief second if the other was making fun of him. Wondered exactly why he admitted all this to someone who'd just told him to stay away from him after this night had ended. But then he felt Nagi's tenseness, caught a glimpse of his big, dreamy eyes and realized that the other was waiting for him to continue. He was like a child listening to a fairytale; Omi thought... He held the same expression of wondrous awe. And to Nagi it probably was, he figured. He continued carefully, not wanting to break the delicate illusion. The fine web of dreams spoken aloud. "I'd love to take you to business dinners," he said with a smile. Saw it all so vividly and clearly in his mind. "God, I'd be proud to show up with someone like you," he said. "And I'd like to wake up with you next to me, feel your warmth... smell your scent every morning when I get up... I'd like to make you dinner, anything you'd like... share a bottle of wine and then just... be with you." He smiled again, lost in his own fantasies.

Nagi suddenly sighed and stretched out beside him. "Too bad it can never be..." he said in a soft voice. There was sadness in it. Omi felt sure he could sense pain in that voice. He wondered why Nagi so stubbornly refused him. Why he gave up even before they'd tried. The thought of the bottle of lotion and Nagi's cryptic words hit him like a fist and his insides crumbled with pain as the thought struck and the acid feel of its possible implications spread in his mind. He felt numb and cold when he turned to the other. That and slightly humiliated. Too wrapped up in his own idle dreams and fantasies to see the obvious:

"So," Omi touched Nagi's cheek gently with cold fingers. "Who is it?"

"Who is what?" Nagi's blue eyes looked at him questionably.

"Who is it that you dream of? When you... you know?" Omi still smiled, didn't know why he asked. Didn't really want to know who's name and spirit that filled the air when Omi wasn't there. "Is it Tott?" he asked, wondered for a brief second where the girl was in all of this. What had come of her if she wasn't with Nagi?

"No." Nagi's smile was sad. "Tott and I... we... both of us so broken..." He sighed. "We never... you know... and I found out I liked boys, even if..." he trailed off.

"If?" Omi encouraged him.

"If they, the men... didn't do anything good for me in the past," Nagi hurried through the words. "But that's not important," he said quickly and brushed through Omi's hair with his fingers. Looking like a pale, black haired angel, lying there with his gaze fixed at the ceiling. All thoughtful and divine in Omi's mind. "Tott needed me," he said at last. "You never..." It sounded like an accusation to Omi's ears. And a stab to his already badly wounded heart.

"Do you punish me for being strong?" he asked the other. "Is that why you can't love me? Because I can take care of myself?"

Nagi looked at him with a curious expression on his face. "You never said anything about love," he said at last. "And it's you," he said quickly before Omi had time to reply. Sounding almost angry, bitter. "It's always been you..."

"Me?" Omi's heart took another u-turn, raced back to hope.

"Inside me." Nagi looked away. "Being the blond angel that I couldn't forget... You were all I had wanted to be... before Schwartz... Lucky... to end up where you did. While I..- picked up and restored to fill the only purpose I could. The only potential I had in me...To develop my pain, mold it into bitterness and anger. Destruction... that was all I was... And you. " A bitter smile formed on Nagi's lips. "You were Weiss, the avenger... protector of the innocent. You were so strong... so full of yourself... your teammates so loyal - and your honest blue eyes... you drove me crazy..." He laughed a little. "Looking so gorgeous as well... I hated you for making me want you so badly.. .when I found Tott, it was like I'd found a purpose... someone who needed me... someone like you - would never need someone like me... Tott was... special..." He trailed off.

"Yes, she was," Omi replied absently. He tried to sort out his mind. Calm his own, racing heart. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked at last. Compassion sneaking up on him at last, this was obviously not easy for the man to admit.

"Because you have doubtlessly already figured out why I was there, at the hotel that night... If there's one thing I've learned after our past... dealings... it's to never, ever, underestimate you - Omi." His name sounded so sweet said in Nagi's voice. "But I want you to know," Nagi continued, "that even if I was there to see you, I never expected you to see me, or recognize me... talk to me or... least of all, kiss me!" he burst out, oblivious to Omi's surprise.

"I didn't know that's why you were there," Omi admitted. "I knew you didn't stay there... but... not that it was because of me," he smiled. Couldn't help new hope from rising, caged happiness from escaping and breathing freely.

"Well it was," Nagi said seriously. "And it was a mistake," he added.

Omi shook his head in confusion. "But now that you know," he said. "That I want you... always have. Doesn't that make a difference?" He pierced Nagi with his eyes.

Nagi sighed. "I think it's because of our shared past," he said. "It's rare to find someone that knows, everything that we know. Don't t you think that's the reason for this... attraction?" he asked Omi.

Omi finally started to get annoyed. "You are so very good at making up excuses and explaining everything I feel away," he said. "Don't you think it could be because I'm in love with you? That I want to be with you? Not because of anything but who you are, the way I feel about you? "

Nagi suddenly sat up in the bed. Looked down at Omi with dark, pained eyes. "Omi, please," his voice was strangled. "Omi... for everything you've been through... you of all people should know about these demons... We all have them... I can't... It can never be! Can't you just accept that?" he begged the other. "This was never supposed to happen, but I am weak... I am... I am not what you want me to be... Please just leave it there..."

Omi felt like crying, but swallowed it. They were back where they'd started and as long as Nagi didn't tell him why, he was powerless in the face of this seemingly meaningless determination not to take it any further. As painful and pointless as it was he had no choice but to accept Nagi's decision... and for a brief second he wished he could've fallen in love with another, simpler man.. .But then his eyes fell on Nagi's white form and he didn't wish that after all. Even if this was brief, just a moment in a lifetime, it was theirs, his... and nothing could take that away. At least he could look back when his time came and say that he'd had a lover once, that he had *loved*. Have him for his own, on the other hand, he did not.

"I would think we would be perfect to help each other get rid of the demons of our past," he said. "But if you don't feel the same way... I wish you'd never told me how you feel about me!" he burst out. "It makes it all so much harder..."

"And I," Nagi smiled lovingly. "Wish you had never told *me*."

"Come." Omi spread his arms, tempted Nagi back down, back in to his arms. Closer, sweeter and even more bitter than before, the taste of it, when their lips connected and they shared their bodies with each other. Held on to the other and pressed their erections together, rubbed and struggled and urged each other on while firmly holding their lover in place until finally Nagi threw his head back and cried, Omi following him shortly after. Stumbling over the edge once more, drowning his gaze in dark blue passion.



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