Suicidal, Not a Story...Just the Way it Happened...
I guess like all stories, I have to start at the beginning...My parents are divorced. They have been since I was only 1 years old or 1 week old. I'm told many things. I live with my mom during the skool year, and Christmas, Easter, and Summers... I go back with my dad to california, where I was origanly born. I'm sorry I can't spell. I've been doing this all my life, and I'm 14 now as of 2 weeks ago I think. I don't remember...Anyways, this year, I've been a little 'out of it'. Ex: Not wanting to do anything, and failing school...miserably, and also losing my friends...which hurt the most. Finally, my mom took me to the doctors, and it turns out, that my dad was verbally abusing me...for 14 years, and they finally got me to confess...Afterwards labeling me 'Depressed..'. That made my mom cry, I hate it when she crys...Expessally if I did it...They put me in a clinic, every wensday after school...With all of these kids who have tried to commit suicide.Well, i guess after 2 months of hearing their problems, I thought it was a good idea. Boy, am I full of (exuse me) shit. On, April 12, 2003, I was still failing skool, my teachers still hated me, and my friends, and coachs in field hockey were pissed off, because I had to miss alot of games and practices...But that day, my coach, made me cry so hard, I considered killing myself. I dont'know why, I just thought it was a good idea. I had decided to slit my wrists, not painful, and would kill me quickly...But, I stopped and thought of my mom crying when they said I was depressed...I could'nt do that to her, not like this...Quickly, I dialed her cell number, and I told her what I had about tempted. She said she'll call my grandparents to pick me up. She didn't want me home alone, so I grabbed a sweat shirt and layed on the couch crying. Thinking of what a mistake that would have been, and my mom's shaky voice on the phone...Finally, my grandma picked me up and took me to their house. I layed on the couch staring at the ceiling, eating a ginger snap, she gave me. Soon, my mom, came, in crying, and red eyed. My, mommy, just mine then. I didn't have to share her, selfish, no...I just wanted to hug my mommy. And that's a rare occasion, because I miss her alot when I'm at my dad's. Seeing all my friends hug their mom's, I want mine too......And coming back to the future, I finally, got away from that class, but my dad, sadly, still verbally abuses me. And there's not much I can do about that. And to make matters worse, I just lost a best friend last night, we got into a stupid fight. And she said she didn't want to be my friend anymore, I told her if that's what she wants...But it isn't what I want, I liked having her as a friend. She just doesn't understand, I can't really 'trust' people anymore. They surprise me in bad ways, meaning, I think their sweet, they kill someone. Around those lines...got it? Ok. Now, She should be reading this, because I sent her the link. But, I can't talk to her, or see her until Christmas, because She's in Big Bear with her mommy...and they come home the day I leave. To go back to my mommy....I know its a baby word, but I love her. I love my mom so much, I just can't even think of words to explain it....
Well, I should go now, I left a long impressioning message,
And I just want to make one final point.
If you think you're friend is suicidal,
Hug them and tell them you love them...
It'll make them feel better...
And please don't gossip it around, it'll only make them hate you. Because sometimes, a secret like that is meant to be between the friends, and the parents...
-Ana
