One day a Siberian dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven.
There he meets the Lord himself.
The Lord says to the Siberian, "You lived a good life."
" If there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable,
please let Me know."
The Siberian thinks for a moment and says,
" Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family
and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the Siberian and says, "Say no more,"
and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later six cats are killed in a tragic house fire and go to Heaven.
Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The cats answer, "All of our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from dogs every time we turn around.
Running, running, running; we're tired of running."
" Do you think we could have roller skates?"
" That way we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more,"
and then fits each cat with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the Siberian.
He finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes him and asks,
" How are things since you arrived?"
The Siberian does that ol' Husky stretch, fore and aft,
yawns and replies, "It's wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected."
Especially those 'Meals on Wheels' you've been sending by....
they are THEEEEEEEE BEST!!!"
Husky that Plays Chess
A man dropped by his friend's house to pay him a visit and was amazed to see him playing a game of chess with his Siberian. After a few minutes he burst out with, "That's the most incredible dog I've ever seen!"
" Oh he isn't so smart," was the answer. "I've beaten him three games out of four.
How to Photograph Your Puppy
Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's month and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod, check flash and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand while fending off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say- "No, no
outside!" Call spouse to help clean up the mess.
Fix a drink.
Sit back in chair, put your feet up,
sip your drink and resolve to
teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
Jesus is watching you
Late one night a burglar broke into a house.
As he was snooping around looking for valuables, he heard a voice say,
" Jesus is watching you."
This startled him quite a bit, and then he decided it was just his imagination and resumed looking through the house.
" Jesus is watching you." he heard again.
Well this time he flipped a light on and was relieved to see a parrot in a cage in the corner.
" Jesus is watching you." the parrot said.
" Stupid bird.. what's your name?" the burglar asked.
" My name is Polly." replied the parrot.
The burglar laughed, "What kind of dork names a parrot POLLY, that's so old and cliche!"
" The same person who named the rottweiler 'Jesus'." answered Polly.
Somewhere in the Alpes
One afternoon in the Alpes, a father siberian husky and his son siberian husky were sitting in the snow.
The son siberian husky turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I 100% siberian husky?"
The father siberian husky replied, "Of course, son, you're 100% siberian husky."
A few minutes pass, and the son siberian husky turns to his father again and says, "Dad, tell me the truth.
I can take it. Am I 100% siberian husky? No whippet or german shepherd or hunting dog?"
The father siberian husky replies, "Son, I'm 100% siberian husky, your mother is 100% siberian husky, so you are
definitely 100% siberian husky."
A few more minutes pass, and the son siberian husky AGAIN turns to his father and says, "Dad, don't
think you're sparing my feelings if it's not true. I gotta know -- am I 100% siberian husky?"
The father siberian husky was distressed by this continued questioning and asked his son, "Why do you keep asking
if you're 100% siberian husky?"
" Because I'm freezing!"
