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Author: Dazzling

Disclaimers: Oh, please.

Summary: Fourth in the ‘Stop Making Me’ series. Written in the style of ‘Stop Making Me Love You.’ Harm and Mac’s thoughts after the events in the first three.

Timeline: The same night as in the end of ‘Stop Making Me Question What I Know’.

Rating: PG13 for a couple of naughty words.

Distribution: If you ask nicely, go ahead. I like seeing my name in print!

Reviews and Feedback: Please? Only one more to go after this!

STOP MAKING ME MISS YOU LIKE THIS – HARM’S

Stop moping, Rabb. Remove yourself from the couch, put some shoes on your feet, walk aimlessly around the neighbourhood, do anything – just stop thinking about her. Quit dreaming about the way she lights up a room just by walking in. Stop killing yourself over what happened back there. Cease all imaginings of what life could be like with her by your side.

Oh, Mac…Sarah. Why’d you do it? Why couldn’t you just break up with the bastard? Why did you ruin what could have been the only shot at happiness that I’ve had in a long, long time? Why do you still seem so damn beautiful to me, no matter what? And why have I been reduced to talking to myself?

God, Rabb, get a hold of yourself. Look at the picture of you and Renee. Smile at the picture of you and Renee. Recollect all the good times you had with the Video Princess. Renee is still there. You didn’t break up with her either, remember? Renee will still be there, waiting for you tomorrow. Mac won’t. Mac’s gone. Why is that fact rapidly becoming the hardest thing you’ve ever had to accept?

Princess. Sarah means ‘princess’. And she is. She’s your princess. Was, Rabb. Past tense. Was. She’s not yours anymore. Mic Brumby and her lies and your damn stupid foolish pride took care of that faster than anyone could have anticipated. Repeat that. She’s not yours. Remember it. She’s not yours. Deal with it. She’s not yours. Move on.

I can’t move on. I can’t, or I won’t? Which one is it? Did she hurt me so badly that I’m incapable of another relationship? Or do I still love her so much that I won’t get into another one in case she comes back? God, Sarah, stop it. Stop holding the key to my heart and not using it. Stop entering my thoughts no matter what I try to think of. Stop making me miss you like this.

Pick up the phone. Call her. That would be the smart thing to do. Dial her number, and pour your feelings down the line to her. Tell her that that you need her, that you love her. Don’t let her hang up until she knows that she truly is your princess. Do it, or spend the rest of your life waiting for her, not knowing if she’ll ever be there again. As Nike says, just do it.

STOP MAKING ME MISS YOU LIKE THIS – MAC’S

Come on, Marine. Go to sleep. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and drift away to a place where, hopefully, his face won’t haunt you. Forget the way his beautiful eyes sparkle when he gets excited. Stop thinking about the way said eyes flashed with hurt when you fought with him this afternoon. Rid your brain of all dreams of a future life – one with him by your side.

God, Harm…how did we get to this place? And why? Why couldn’t we both have admitted what we felt way before this point, and perhaps saved ourselves this mess? Why did your pride have to get involved? Why couldn’t you just have trusted me? Why do I still melt every time I think about you? And why am I having this discussion with myself?

Ok. Get a grip on reality. Look around your apartment, at all the reminders of the fun you had with Mic. Mic doesn’t know anything about this, or Harm. Mic is the guy who will still be there next week, wanting to marry you. Harm won’t. Harm will never be there again. Why am I suddenly finding that revelation to be the worst thing I’ll ever have to deal with?

Harm. In all the time I’ve known him, I never thought to ask what his name meant. Knowing my luck, it’ll be translated as ‘the one man you should spend your life with, but can’t because you were both too stupid to realize that fact before it was too late’. And we were, and now it is. It’s too late. He’s not yours anymore. Get over it. Go back to Mic, and pretend.

Pretend. Pretend you love him, and that your thoughts aren’t occupied with another guy at night. I can’t do that. Can’t, or won’t? Do I have enough human decency to realize that doing that to Mic would be utterly horrible, or do I love Harm so much that the thought of marrying another man, even one I don’t love, is totally incomprehensible? God, Harm, stop it. Stop playing with my head and my heart, and getting them both confused. Stop making me fall for you no matter what you do. Stop making me miss you like this.

Ring him. Just take the phone off the hook, press the numbers, and wait until he picks up. Give your heart back to him willingly, and tell him that you’re so in love with him that you can’t think straight, and that you really don’t want to. Don’t let him get off the line until he knows that your heart belongs to him and him alone. Do it, or live regretting the knowledge that you could have made things right, but didn’t. As Nike says, just do it.

FIN