One fine summers day a man was walking along a highway. It was a super highway and along the way he saw a most intriguing visual display. They started communicating and seemed to be interfacing well.

"Hi there, My name is Intel, Intel Pentium.. What's yours", the shy young man asked.

"Oh I'm Blossom, Blossom Machintosh but my friends just call me Apple", she replied with a smile.

"Oh? You are Scottish?", he asked.

"Well my mother is but my father was from the isle of Motorolla"

"What does your father do?"

"He is a weight lifter, you might have heard of him? Power Machintosh?"

"Mmmm... cannot say that I have... but then again my family doesn't usually pay much attention to anyone that isn't a Pentium. Though I do think we have some french relatives. The Feurate Seux family."

Well Intel found himself scanning the nice software that Apple was hiding behind a sleak casing. His screen started to go red as he found that his floppy disk was starting to turn into a hard drive. She noticed that his hard drive light was flashing and felt a quiver of pleasure shoot through her motherboard.

"I have to be honest Apple... I do find you incredibly attractive. Your buttons are so smooth and your operating system is so user-friendly that I am finding it hard to keep my hands off your peripherals".

"That's ok Intel. Though I think you are a little bit dated, everyone seems to have heard of you and for some reason they all want to keep using you so I think I will give you a try".

"Really? Do you think we will be compatible?"

"Of course silly... I have extensions that allow me to format that floppy disk of yours."

"Well then... should we go back to my mouse pad and see if we can plug'n play?"

"Mmmm.. I would like that Intel, but you have to promise to use virus protection. The last thing I need right now is a system error in my motherboard and have to have a chip removed by the repairman in 9 months".

"Don't worry Apple, I am very careful... all of the software that I use has been tested for safety".

And with that the two of them made their way back to his mouse pad and made their way into the bedroom. They started to get comfortable and slipped out of their disk cases. Intel admired Apple's nice graphics card, especially as it was covered in all that interlace and found her very desirable. Her power light started to wink at casing getting warm (something that always happens with the Pentium family when they are turned on for too long).

She knew that he was feeling horny as she could hear his fan working overtime. They started to interface again and he tried to slide his hands into her parallel port.

"Intel??? Don't be in such a rush, I know you are a 166MHz kinda guy but I like to take my time. I may only be 33MHz but I think with more than just my CPU. I like to use all my chips"

"I'm sorry Apple. For years I have wanted to be with someone like you, and now that I am close to you my CPU is starting to use the floating-point unit and I am feeling giddy".

Seeing that his system was starting to become busy (something else the Pentium's always suffer from) she decided that it was time to let him mount his device in her drive bay.

Gently she removed the bay covering and watched as his disk lengthened from a 3.5" into a nice, firm 5.25". He wasn't really big, not like the arousing 8" Zip drive that she had been with the week before but at least she knew how to interface with him easily.

"Oh Apple, you are so desirable I just want to take a byte out of you!!!!"

"Now, now Intel, you know how much I want to have 'An Intel Inside' of me"

"Mmmm... I would love for you to be Pentium Powered"

Gently Intel loaded his disk into Apple's waiting MS-O(ro)ffice and began to convert his files into her format. He could hear her adjusting the volume of her speakers as her wave files started to play. Feeling her moving beneath him he couldn't help but switch on his disk caching and found that he could get more throughput that way.

Unable to control his passions any longer, Intel suddenly froze (Guess what? Yep, another Pentium trait) and found himself releasing a new version of his product into her com port. "Oh My God Intel!!!! What have you done????"

Intel had been so hot that he had crashed and there had been a General Protection Violation. He withdrew his Operating System as fast as he could and tried desperately to recover from his crash but as usual his family had never been good at recovering from those sort of things. Apple quickly made an appointment to see Dr Norton and before long he was running diagnostics on her to see if her anything new had been installed in her system. "Well doctor? Is there going to be a little Pentium Mac?"

"No... fortunately the product that Mr Pentium released was only the beta version... and as you know... no beta versions EVER work. You are very lucky."

Apple sighed in relief and turned to face Intel. She gave him a stern look and put her hands on her hips. "You are cheap you know that? I bet everyone has had their hands on you. I bet you go around with all of your fancy graphics cards and video cards and brag to everyone about what you can do. I just want you to know that you may be in everyone's house and everyone uses you but you will never be appreciated like I am" And with that she punched him in the monitor and walked out.

THE END

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car2000" or "CarXP". But, then you would have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.

7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.

10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened