OK, here is a little about me before I get to the main purpose for this page. I am 16, and a sophomore at Boerne High. My life is centered around music and friends. If you want to know more about me and see a pic of me you can check out my "YAHOO PROFILE"
What people don't know about me...
Most of my friends don't know that I write. Actually very few people know that I write. Why? For some reason I have this feeling that if someone reads my poetry, they will laugh and mock me, and I didn't want that. But now I just don't care what anyone else thinks. If they have a problem with what I write then they can just deal with it. So here it is...my publishing of my writing! There won't be an explanation for any of the poems, so don't ask for one. Well, here you go...
"The Past" "Best Friend" "Dreams" "You Don't Care" "Normal Love" "Dead" "I Don't Care" "Unsure" "You've Changed" "Puppy-Love" "Watching From Afar" "Untitled" "Thoughts of Suicide" "Beauty" Well, there you go. Those where just a selected few. I have more, but I chose not to put them on here yet.
Why must I live in the pain of the past?
Is it because the past is the present,
Or because you bring the past to me?
You bring it through the words you say,
And the words you leave behind.
You bring it through the people around,
New friends and old.
I long for a new start, but shall never win,
If you don't get the message I'm trying to send.
I want a new life,
No more dwelling on the past.
Because as I have learned, life goes so fast.
You asked me one day what you ment to me,
I answered clearly "Everything."
And without a warning you did the unthinkable.
As I stood there that day, looking down at your face,
I thought of how I could have let this happen.
My best friend in the whole wide world,
Gone forever more.
I should have seen the signs.
I should have helped her out.
I should have known what was going on.
I will never live it down.
It has been three years since that day,
And I will never forget my one true best-friend!
Standing at the edge of the sea,
I dream of when you were with me.
I can't stand it here,
Without you near,
To comfort and hold,
As the times unfold.
I listen to my heart
And almost fall apart,
When I hear a voice,
I know its you of course.
It seems you don't care
About the things I love
And how badly I wnat to fit in.
You tell me its because my age and all,
But it doesn't explain
Why they get to do the things I can't
But wish so dearly I could.
Or why their parents say yes
When mine say no.
It unfortunately explains something very sad to me,
Why I never feel part of the gang anymore,
Or why people look at me different.
You always say "Next year maybe you can stay out that late,
Or even chill with your friends.
But as for this year,
Consider yourself lucky if you stay out past ten."
Being in the same room,
As the man I truly love,
But know I'll never have,
Brings such strong tears,
To my already weeping eyes.
My love for him,
Is stronger than I've ever known before.
A love that can defeat,
Any and every war.
It is no normal love, though,
For if there was such a thing as a "normal" love,
It would be so rare,
That it couldn't be traced.
This love is not normal-by far,
For this is a love
Between a woman with a dream,
And a man-
Who would never consider that dream possible.
So I put all my hopes and dreams aside,
And wait for what I hope,
Is a new beginning.
Filled with new hopes and dreams,
And possibly even a new love,
And as I sit here,
In the room with the man I once loved
And long forgotten tears streaming down my face,
I realize-I never really loved him at all.
You never seemed that bad to me
Never did I think it would happen to me
Not by you - Not by anybody.
One day without a clue
You made me turn all black and blue
Not one I could trust to tell
"I ran into a door" or "I just fell."
It got to the point
I started fearing my life
But still I told no one
Fearing the next fight.
I tried to break it off
Without any success
You wouldn't stop
I think you were obsessed.
The day before graduation
You put me in intensive care
Finally I had the nerve
To day the final ending words.
Laying in the hospital bed
You knocked me upside the head
Knocking me out
You choked me to death.
And so I lay here
With my story to tell
To everyone who thinks
It won't happen to them.
I'm not saying it will
I'm not saying it won't
But if it is
You have to believe me - TELL!
Because you may end up just like me
Laying in a hospital bed...
DEAD!!!
Its gotten to the point
That I just don't care anymore.
It doesn't matter what happens to me
Good or bad
Its all the same.
Its gotten to the point
That I just don't care anymore.
You can take me from this world right now
And no one would notice.
I wouldn't notice...
They wouldn't notice...
No one really cares.
Its gotten to the point
That I just don't care anymore.
A lot of friends or none
I'm still the same loser I have always been.
A boyfriend or not
I will always be alone.
Its gotten to the point
That I just don't care anymore.
No one is there for me
Like I wish they were
I guess they're to the point
That they just don't care about me anymore.
Its gotten to the point
That I just don't care anymore.
I sit here on my bed
Looking at the scissors on my desk.
They don't care
So why should I?
I pick up the scissors
And start to cry. What am I doing?
Why am I doing this to myself?
Its gotten to the point
That I just don't care anymore.
I remind myself-
That no one really cares-
That I am a loser-
That I will always be alone.
Why not end the suffering now?
And with shaking hands
I take the scissors and drag them across my wrists.
With blood dripping onto the carpet
I lie down and go to sleep.
I don't know what to do anymore
You confuse me entirely to much
I know I love you
But what am I supposed to do
When my blood
And my love
Just don't get along.
I still can't shake this feeling
That somethings just not right.
You tell me you love me
And I really do believe it,
But it all happened a little to quick
For me to comprehend it.
You said it before-
That you loved me-that is,
But changed your mind over night.
I can't help to thinking
That it may just happen again.
When I ask people what I should do,
They tell me to just be careful.
That being hurt twice
By the same man
Is worse than being hurt by a hundred.
your face seems so angry to me
no smile will appear there
those bright blue eyes
now cold and gray
your words no longer sweet.
you don't express your feelings
in ways that i can understand
you don't tell me how you feel
except through the songs in your band.
i do have to admit its getting rather old
these fights we're always in
its a never ending story
nowhere to beginning.
hopefully in time
your smile will reappear
those bright blue eyes
so pure again
and your words sweet until the end
The sky as far as you can see.
The stars so bright for you and me.
The redness of every single rose.
The flash of a camera for every pose.
Love is only the perfict setting
Just the right music and candle light...
Its all just a show and bundle of tricks.
If only love wasso true and pure
If only there was such a cure
For what people now call such puppy love
So dainty and cute as a dove.
Its not everyday
I come across someone like you.
That seductive smile
And eyes so bright blue.
Its not everyday
I come across words so sweet.
Just the word "Hello"
Could make me do anything.
I look into those eyes of yours
And almost get lost in the beauty.
I take a stroll down memory lane
And can't help but smile.
Because everything about you
And everything you are...
Makes me wish I wasn't
Watching from afar.
There's no reason for this depression
So why is it here?
All it causes is pain and frustration
And so many more tears
For this tear stained face.
So many more scares
Scares form self inflicted wounds
Though people may think
No tears come from the scares
Only from frustration and depression.
No matter how hard I try
I just can't stop
More cuts- -more pain- -more blood
Once, twice, three times
A week, a day, a night.
you tell me you want me to be happy
you tell me not to cry.
but how can I do all this
if all I wan to do is die?
you tell me there isn't anything
that's really bad enough.
to make me want to kill myself
you tell me to just be tough.
you don't try to help me out
you just sit there and stare
you won't even talk to me
its like you just don't care.
and if I do reach out for help
I always get shot down.
that's why I can't find my mind
its nowhere to be found.
and so I end with this
what I tell you now.
if I don't get some help soon
the last sound I'll hear is *POW*.
I look into your eyes
And find words so sweet.
Then end up reading word
I can't believe are so deep.
There is no surface writing
Just words in secret script.
In which only certain someone's
Could possibly even reach.
I hate to see the hurt
And pain in your eyes.
Such beauty shouldn't be overwhelmed
With such gray skies.
If you have any questions or comments please contact me HERE!!!
